


Disremembered (FourTris) Divergent

by FourTrisHEA



Category: Divergent (Movies), Divergent Series - Veronica Roth
Genre: Angst and Romance, Complete, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-19
Updated: 2017-07-30
Packaged: 2018-11-16 00:26:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 51
Words: 140,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11242464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FourTrisHEA/pseuds/FourTrisHEA
Summary: What happens when one lover forgets, while the other is desperate for them to remember.  True love lasts forever.  But what if it doesn't?  Tris survives the shooting in Allegiant - only to return and learn that the Tobias she knows and loves - did not.With his memories gone - will Tobias go back to her, or continue to move on with someone else?  How much will Tris be willing to take before moving on herself.dis•re•mem•ber (ˌdɪs rɪˈmɛm bər)v.t.to forget.************************************************************************************************************************************************************An alternative ending to Veronica Roth's Allegiant.Disclaimer~ I don't own the characters Veronica Roth doesDISCLAIMER:  This story contains implied adult-intimate-situations, minor foul language, and mild violence.





	1. Chapter 1: Starting over

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/139588146@N02/38815894215/in/dateposted-public/)

*Christina POV*

The car ride back to the Bureau was a quiet one. I am actually relieved that I took a cab to former Abnegation housing sector, therefore able to ride back with Four.

Matthew had quickly gone through the Bureau's records of Chicago in order to look up the exact house number for the Eaton family. He was so frantic when he chased me down, he told me that he understood how Four felt, and that he wanted to help him in any way he could. I don't know what he meant by that, maybe he had once loved and lost. Like Four. Like me.

Four and I return to the Bureau in the truck he borrowed, the memory serum vial in my pocket, so that I can return it to Matthew and put this behind us.

"Four...? Um, how are you?" Matthews says nervously. I guess that Matthew is wondering if I was able to stop Four. Four sighs momentarily, "Matthew. Thank you for reaching out to Christina. I owe you." Four reaches out his hand, which is something he does not do often, initiate contact. Matthew shakes it, while letting out a sigh of relief.

While they were talking, I notice how miserable Four looks, I wonder if I looked that way when I lost Will. And then I consider a key difference, we were in the middle of a terrible war when I had to grieve. It did not allow me the time to dwell, and maybe there was even a part of me that saw the danger and chaos around me – I was able to tell myself that Will was spared from having to deal with loss, after loss. I look around now, this prospect of utopia we now sit in. Our plan worked. The war brewing in Chicago has ended, largely diffused by Four himself. Mainly in part at his success in convincing the leader of the Factionless (his own mother, Evelyn Johnson) to step down, and end the brewing war. We had all been through so much, and to finally succeed at the end – and then to lose Tris that same day. Was not fair, and such a bitter blow. Yes, that is a difference. Four must look around now, and see the promise of a brighter future, knowing that they were both so close. So close to having it all. I feel my throat tightening, I miss her too.

Later that evening I organize a dinner with our group of friends that are still at the Bureau, the tone is somber as just days ago Uriah's machines were turned off. Zeke and his mother have collected his ashes and are planning a ceremony in a couple days at the chasm back in Chicago, Zeke goes over the details, stressing he would like us all to be there. His voice catches, Four's eyes immediately lower.

Four quietly leans closer to me, "Christina, aside from you and Matthew – does anyone else know about what happened earlier today, with me...the serum?" I quickly nod my head no. He nods his head in thanks, looking relieved.

Four later asks Zeke if they can have a word in private, that there is something he needs to explain to him. I imagine that Four will tell him everything. I realize now that he knows that if he had taken the coward path, he would not have been there to support Zeke. I smile to myself, I miss Tris every day. I know she would have been so happy that I was able to help Four choose the best decision for him. She loved him completely. I discreetly mouth "Be brave" as Four walks off, he nods his head and walks briskly while Zeke trails behind him.


	2. Chapter 2: Memories

** 1 week later**

*Four POV*

I have this recurring dream that haunts me, of course I would have it again tonight – my last night here. The dream is always the same, I enter the new apartment I have secured in Chicago, and Tris is there. She looks at me and smiles, brushing stray strands of hair behind ear. Her eyes so bright, so happy to see me. I feel my pulse quicken – that excitement I feel when I think there is the possibility that a kiss may be in my immediate future. Or even just her smile. And then the next moment she is just gone. I run through the small apartment calling for her – but there is only silence. Silence and the dread I feel in my chest. I always wake before I open the last door in the apartment, to the bathroom of all places.

Shivering from the dream, I quickly breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth. As I use the breathing technique to calm myself, I look around the dormitory, my eyes finally fix on the empty cot next to me. The cot where had Tris slept. I painfully recall a night in the dormitory, we had even pushed our cots just a little close closer, and I can remember looking at her beautiful eyes and holding her hand as I fell asleep.

I look at my hands now, as I try so hard to remember what she felt like when our fingers were entwined. What I would give to just be able to do something as simple as moving two cots closer together in order to be able to feel her just one more time. It is too soon for me, but I want to believe that someday I can think of that moment and smile. Verses the sick and empty feeling I have now.

I try to concentrate on tomorrow. Tomorrow I leave the Bureau. I hate this place. I literally hate this place. Aside from the obvious point that Tris died here, I have to be honest with myself, there were so many personal obstacles between us during our time here. Most of which I know were my fault. To torture myself, I remember moments where I chose to turn away from her, to shut her out...I replay them in my mind. Again and again.

Although I am so very tired, I toss and turn for what feels like hours, and then I finally know what I must do. I need to just feel the pain, to face it, and I know that this must happen tonight – or it will never happen. I find myself quietly slipping on my shoes and then walking out of the dormitory. I do not want to wake my friends. I still have the habit of sleeping fully dressed. I find myself in the hallway, I walk quickly in the direction that would take me to the spot in the hallway we stood our last night.

I close my eyes and go over her words, "It's what you deserve to hear. That you're whole, that you're worth loving, that you're the best person I have ever known." I think of her hand on mine, but what I most remember was looking into her eyes that were filling with tears.

In that moment I knew that she loved me more than anyone ever had or ever would love me. I wanted to devour her, I could barely control myself from crashing my lips to her mouth until she finished her sentence. For all I know, she may have had a couple more things left to say to me in that moment. I close my eyes, remembering how urgently she returned my kiss, and her hand on my shirt pulling me closer to her.

I sigh as I walk more slowly now, down the hallway and I stop outside that same door. I never did ask her how she even knew this empty room that conveniently had a couch, existed. The insignificant things that cross our minds in the middle of significant moments. But now I stand there, quietly closing the door behind me – realizing that I will never have that answer. Tris is gone. I steady my breathing again, as I walk painfully towards the couch. That night, I felt it instantly – I knew she was ready to with me. I would have waited for her until the end of time. She was the only one I have ever wanted. To be close to her, in any way was not only enough for me - it was everything to me.

I felt her falter for a moment, but I knew it was not fear of us giving one another to each other fully, I could almost read her mind as she looked my body over, the insecurities she often felt, which I never understood – but always respected and tried to reassure her. I knew it was what she had needed from me. I was actually nervous myself. I decided in that moment, to put it all on the line, exactly how I felt about her, body, mind and soul. I willed her to see me, to really see how I felt. Pulling her towards me at the waist, kissing her exposed stomach while telling her how beautiful she is. And I meant it, she was so beautiful. And she was mine. And I was hers. The next moment she told me she loved me, I had to show her. I had to show her that we were real. I had joking responded with a quirky "I know," as I decided it was time to move us to the couch. She laughed, and I knew she felt safe, it was me. It was us. I had never felt so happy to approach a couch in my life.

I look around the room again as I walk to the couch. It both satisfies the need for proof that our love making was real and devastates me at the same. The pillows on the couch are exactly as we had left them that last morning. I close my eyes tightly, pushing away the tears, trying to ignore the lump forming in my throat. I remind myself that I will never be in this room again. So this one time, I will honor Tris, and as painful as it is, and remember that last night together.

To calm myself, I tell myself that I will be brave – and then I will put this memory away. Never to think about it again. I literally feel my chest burning. I lay down on the couch, now the tears are spilling but I manage to keep my sobs at bay. Instead I close my eyes and remember that moment.

Her hands caressing my sides. The way that any touch she shared with me would send a bolt of energy throughout my entire body. A pleasure I never dreamed that I could experience, one I didn't know existed. That night was so much more than I had ever imagined. Being in Dauntless, sex was something that was so casual for many – but also sought.

Squeezing my eyes shut, I remember holding her tightly the first time she experienced the euphoria, and it was the happiest moment of my life – to know that she was experiencing something extraordinary not only with me, but because of me. I felt the way her confidence flourished that night, with each time we made love her smiles becoming broader and her responsiveness more spirited. She was as hungry for me as I was for her. I needed her. I still do.

I lay on the couch, hugging the pillows. It is the saddest I have felt in days, which says a lot. Tomorrow, I will put this all behind me. And then sleep consumes me.


	3. Chapter 3: No Goodbye

*Christina POV*

I wake up to the stream of sunlight in the room. Cara is still sleeping a few cots over, I quietly twist my head to look around the room. It is then that I see that Four is not in his bed. I instantly remember that this is the day he has picked to leave the Bureau, hoping he will never have to come back. I will miss him because he reminds me so much of Tris, who I miss dearly.

Lost in my own thoughts, I do understand his decision. Returning to the Dauntless sector for Uriah's service, was so surreal for me. It felt like a lifetime has passed since I was last there. Last there with Will. I caught myself counting the minutes until it would be time to leave. I still carry both Will and Tris in my heart, but being there was too upsetting. I was there to offer support for Zeke and his mother, I even made it a point to help him organize most of it.

Half an hour later Cara and I enter the cafeteria and spot some of our friends at a table already eating. Matthew, Amar and Zeke are discussing how things are changing for the better around the Bureau. So far so good in regards to avoiding a war, while also having squashed the ideology of genetic superiority.

"Hey Christina! Where is Four?" Zeke asks me.

I imagine Zeke is anxious to spend some time with him before he leaves for Chicago. The rest of us do not intend to stay at the Bureau forever, but for the time being we want to stay close in order to make sure all of our efforts for peace work. We chuckle at our plans for each of us to get a personal hotel room, Cara and I had decided to stay in the dormitory until Four's last night here. He was adamant he would stay there until the very end, and then leave and never look back.

"Since you are asking, I assume you have not seen him either then? Four was not in the dormitory when we woke up today..." I say, my voice monotone. The others also confirm they have not seen him since dinner last night. He was adamant that he would see them all this morning, before he hit the road.

We all just sit in silence. Zeke finally speaks up, "You know, I think he just needed to leave. Maybe goodbyes would have been too much. I am sure he is already going through so much. I just hope he can find some peace when he returns to Chicago, to a new place with no bad memories." We all nod in agreement.


	4. Chapter 4: Answers and Even More Questions

Chapter 4: Answers and Even More Questions

** 2 weeks have passed **

*Christina POV *

As I open the door to the temporary housing apartment that Cara and I are sharing I find her sitting quietly on the couch waiting for me.

"I am so glad you made it back in time, we both got an invitation to attend a mandatory meeting in the main offices of the Bureau. I already spoke with Zeke, Caleb and Matthew - they also got the same invitation..." Cara looks nervous, yet also analytical as she proceeds to ponder all the possibilities as to why their group, secretly the rebels that caused the mass memory loss in order to avoid a war.

"Do you think...could they know what we did?!" Cara mutters under her breath.

I steady my breath before responding. "No." I pause to assure myself first, "It is over, it has to be over. I don't know what this is about - but I can't wait to find out. Let's face this, Dauntless style." - I put on a confident smile and lead the way to the cafeteria, we needed to grab a bite to eat before the big meeting.

"I was never Dauntless..." Cara mumbles under breath, and then we both burst out laughing.

The meeting will be in a conference room in the highest level of the compound. I listen to Cara rambling about the many possibilities, but my mind starts to wonder - without Tris, and now without Four, what does it really matter what the meeting is about. But then again, I don't have a desire to end up in the Bureau Jail anytime soon, so there is that.

An hour later our group has met in the lobby and we proceed to go up the stairs to the conference room. I look at Matthew, since he and I worked together to save Four from himself, we have been getting along really we. I notice that he rushes to hold doors open for myself and Cara, always a gentleman. I make sure to give him a big smile.

I am immediately shocked to see Four's mother, Evelyn Johnson, seated at the table. Her eyes are red, as though she had been crying. I feel the blood drain from my face, immediately fearing the worst. I guess that is what happens when to a person, when you lose important person after important person in your life. We all silently file in and take a seat, no one saying a word. I feel the tension and fear radiating off of Zeke as he notices Evelyn in the room. I am sure his mind is racing as well. Caleb and Cara look nervous as well. I can't help but watch Caleb - I still have not fully come to peace with him. I know one day I will, just not yet. I wish it had been him, and not Tris. I can admit that.

A women enters the room, I recognize her as one of the new appointed leaders of the Bureau. She looks calm and collected. Which puts me at ease for a moment. I also want to believe my pending jail time is not moments away.

"Hello, my name is Laura Grey - I am acting director of the Bureau, replacing David who affected by the memory serum accident that happened almost a month ago. Thank you for joining us today, we have an important matter to discuss with you." She pauses for effect. "The five of you have been identified as close friends of Tobias Eaton, behind his mother who is his next of kin. There is no easy way to say this, but Tobias was found roaming the hallways two weeks ago, in the haze that many people here experienced over a month ago. I should, he has requested to go by Tobias Johnson now."

I sit in shock. My first thought is relief, Four is alive. His is not gone, like Will. Like Tris. I am trying to listen to Ms. Grey explain that this is of great interest to the Bureau, they have assumed that he was exposed at the time of the initial release. He is of great interest to them. Ms. Grey continues on, "We must find out if there was something in his genetic make-up that delayed the effects of the memory serum. We would like to interview all of you separately to get a clear timeline of what Mr. Johnson's weeks looked like. This is vital to our research as we strive to protect our citizens..."

I zone out, realizing that they really believe that he was part of the initial gas, but somehow had a delayed response. But I know differently.

I feel the shock in me slowly being replaced by anger. Four lied to me. He lied to us all. He did it to himself. After everything we all did to convince him being brave would be the hardest, yet the most honorable way to honor Tris.

When did he decide to toss it all away? Was is the day we left Abnegation? Was it before or after he had his talk with Zeke, committing to him - to be there.

After Four and Zeke had their big talk - it had been Zeke that circled back with me - at first just to thank for me for stopping Four. Zeke also shared that they had gotten it all out, and they were really going to move forward. And that he had his best friend back.

I start to feel sick, and then I let out a small chuckle. I probably sound deranged. The room instantly quiets as everyone stops to stare at me. Cara calmly reaches over to give my hand a squeeze, I imagine she is worried I am about to lose it on them. I give her a quick squeeze back as reassurance, but then drop her hand.

"Sorry," I mumble, "But I am just sitting here realizing the irony that the last two weeks I was worried about Four, and how it was going for him - starting his life over again in Chicago. Sad he hadn't said bye to us, but also understanding. When all along he has been here? In some room recuperating!"

I feel the blood rushing to my face, not from embarrassment, but anger. "Ms. Grey, when you say he is of interest...what you mean is that you have been performing tests on him correct?!" I spit out the last sentence.

Ms. Grey purses her lips, and then calmly addresses my accusation. "Actually Christina, you are partly correct - we actually prefer to use the term rehabilitate. On a positive note, as we have already helped the large part of the population that went through this memory loss - we are able to make the best therapy choices....."

I actually zone Ms. Grey out. I hear her speaking, but not really listen to the words. I know now why Evelyn looked like she had been crying. Being his mother, it dawns on me that they must have told her first. Who knows - maybe she was told right away. I feel the tears well in my eyes, of course I will miss Four - - I think of initiation, how much has happened between then and now.

Then there is the selfish part of me. I feel self-seeking. I know I will miss the man that loved Tris. The person that knew and loved Tris completely, and shared the grief I still feel for her. And my bitterness is still brewing, angry with him for taking the coward's way out. I truly feel alone now. At least more than I did an hour ago.

Suddenly my thoughts are interrupted and there is a knock at the door. Ms. Grey motioning for a group to enter.

I notice Nita first, seeing her in the wheelchair, along with a small group of people filing in behind her. The group looks serious, but also calm and collected.

"This is the team that has been working with Mr. Johnson directly, we have found that consistency and structure has best helped those who have been altered by the memory serum. All teams working in this new division ultimately report to me, but it has been Nita that leads this team. Of course Mr. Johnson is not their only patient...he is one of many." Ms. Grey speaks out slowly, I can hear the frustration in her voice.

I notice the way that Evelyn gives Nita a tight smile, Nita just nods. I then notice that Evelyn is looking at all the team members, one by one. I see the recognition pass between them all. Now I am sure that Evelyn was brought in before this point. Being his mom, next of kin - I understand. I slowly release the air I had been holding - I cringe imagining if it had been Marcus that was called in. For the first time ever, I am actually relieved to see Evelyn.

"Hello everyone. As Ms. Grey just mentioned - I am the head of this team. Unfortunately - Tobias is having a very strong reaction to the serum. We do feel confident that we will be able to get him stable enough to live a full and complete life. Eventually. Aside from his rehabilitation - he has also agreed to be part of the study we are conducting. We are specifically looking at his abilities in regards to retention - in the areas of relationships with others, family and friends, in the area of skills, for example his abilities in combat and also technical skills." Nita pauses, "At this time, for his well-being, his visitors will be limited to 1 to 2 people at a time, and only one set of visitors a day." She looks at me first, and then the rest of us. "Who would like to go first? Evelyn has already had her visit for the day, and she is now willing to allow additional visitors."

"Me." Both Zeke and I say at the same time. I look over to Zeke, he nods his head in agreement. I am relieved it will be Zeke that goes with me.

I notice that Caleb and Cara exchange glances, I see the look they share. I add it to my other mental notes where I have seen them making googly eyes, or laughs over something educational. I guess this is how nerds flirt. I do smile to myself, Will. It always goes back to Will. I can genuinely say, I would love to see his sister be happy.

We get up and start our walk to the infirmary section - where Four has been kept for the last two weeks. I remember Peter...and I wonder if it will be the same for Four. Blissful ignorance.


	5. Chapter 5: Waiting

Chapter5: Waiting

** Tobias POV **

 

I guess today is supposed to be a big day for me. Nita and Ben went over a list of people today, explaining they were my friends. I tried to listen, and learn. But really – I felt nothing at all. I feel like I have been in a daze for...well, basically forever, since I don't actually recall ever not being in this daze. I stand up and stretch, I can feel my arms pulling up and my stomach tightening. I also practice my breathing, Nita taught me that. The way that breathing in through your nose and then out through your mouth slowly actually works to calm the body. And thus the mind.

I look at the clock – they are meeting with my group of friends right now. Along with Evelyn...I guess I should call her mom. One day. Evelyn was very honest with me – I was a little shocked when she spit it all out. Her marriage, Marcus, the abuse and leaving me. I still remember the way her eyes watered when she admitted she had left me. Left me with him. I really didn't know what to say, so I said nothing.

I am learning that works best, I am better off keeping my mouth shut. There are times when I speak out – I see the instant pain that I can cause. To someone I don't even know, but I also recognize they are so emotional about this situation. While I am not invested, not even a little.

I go over the list of people that Ben and Nita, and the rest of the team, will be meeting with today. I was given a very short overview.

1\. Zeke: my best friend from Dauntless, which was a faction in Chicago. Hisbrother Uriah, who I had also known from Chicago, died at the Bureau. I was supposed to be watching over him, permy best friend's request.

2\. Christina: My initiate from Dauntless, and friend.

3\. Cara: a friend, she was also the sister of Will – who had died back in Chicago

4\. Caleb: another friend, I knew him in Chicago as well

5\. Matthew: He is from The Bureau, but had also become a friend to us all

6\. Amar: was my instructor at Dauntless, he is currently out on a mission so I won't meet him for a while

I wonder what they are like. Nita and Ben said they didn't know them very well. So no further details were given, well aside from a physical description. I hope I can recognize or feel something when I meet them. Anything at all. I didn't with Evelyn. But maybe with them.

And then I hear the knock at the door. Breathe in, and then out. "Let's do this." I say to myself quietly.

"Please, come in." I say as I stand and open the door.


	6. Chapter 6: Meeting the New Tobias

*Christina POV*

"You ok?" Zeke asks me. I can hear the nervousness in his voice. We are following an older man named Ben, as he leads us through the twists and turns of the bureau. Ben is working on some type of tablet while walking. I keep waiting for him to bump into something, or someone. But he doesn't. I could have used a simple distraction right about now.

"Me? I should be asking you that question. Four was your best friend." – I feel the way my tone gets bitter when I spit out the word WAS. How could Four do this? To us. To himself.

I am candor for goodness sakes!!! Why did I not pick up on his deception? I should have known if Four had been showing us what we wanted to see – a man that was committed to healing, and moving forward, instead of the man that was secretly planning to go forward with his initial plan. To erase us all. To erase her.

Zeke doesn't respond to my point. I can imagine how hard this is for him too. Suddenly I am jolted away from the racing thoughts in my head when I realize Ben is now knocking on a door.

"Please, come in." Four says as he slowly opens the door. He quickly looks back and forth between Zeke and me. I can feel him studying us. He nods to Ben, smiling for the first time at him. He then motions for us to enter his room.

"Tobias, he we are. Let me introduce you officially to Zeke and Christina. They were the first two volunteers to get to spend some time with you today." Ben says looking directly at Four. "Since this is the first visit, I hope you don't mind that I stick around today. I will make myself scarce." Four nods eagerly and then turns his gaze back to us.

"Um, well hello. It is nice to meet you. Please call me Tobias." He says awkwardly. The moment the name Tobias leaves his lips, I feel my heart begin to race. At the same moment I feel Zeke lean in closer to me. I hate this. I literally hate this situation. I steady my breath to keep control. Thankfully Zeke recovers more quickly.

"Tobias huh? Well that will be a change for basically everyone that knew you. Did they tell you that you have been using the name Four?" Zeke says, with a forced smile that does not quite reach his eyes.

"Yes, Nita had mentioned that. But I decided that I wanted to revert back to my real name. Um, that is not going to be a problem is it?" Four stumbled. I can see how very uncomfortable he is. He looks between Zeke and me, waiting. I am guessing the scowl on my face is not helping the situation. Four then fixes his gaze on Zeke alone, now ignoring me. Jerk.

Zeke lets out a slow breath... "Hey – of course it is not a problem. I will just be an adjustment for me. For all of us. I just wanted to make sure that you knew...I mean, with your memory loss...I wasn't sure if you knew about the name Four...and what it had meant to you." Four just nods, but I note he doesn't really have much emotion on his face. Hello instructor-Four, it's been a while I think.

At that moment Ben's phone buzzes, he answers and after a few exchanges he hangs up and has to excuse himself. There is an issue with another one of the patients that his team is managing.

I look past them, examining Four's hospital room. It is small – but enough. I would say more of an efficiency. A small kitchen, bed and couch all in one open space, and a door I can only assume leads to a bathroom. I then see the desk, with a computer and some programming books sitting beside it.

Extremely neat, I smile to myself remember a conversation Tris and I had about how being organized and neat was a must in Abnegation. And then sadness fills me, oh how Tris would hate this.

"Christina?" Zeke says, nudging me with his shoulder. "Do you want to have a seat on the couch with me?" I then notice that Four pulled a chair over to face the couch. I nod my head and take a seat. I must have zoned them out. The conversation between Zeke and Four continues, but it is strained and awkward. I turn my attention to Four...maybe I should call him Tobias now, I roll my eyes at the thought. "Christina?" Zeke says. He looks worried.

"What?" I snap.

"Well you just rolled your eyes, are you ok?" Zeke asks, I can see the concern in his face.

"Actually, I am not. I am sitting here, trying to accept that Four is gone, and now he wants to be called Tobias." I can feel my cool slipping and quickly. I find myself directing my aggravations right at Four. He looks surprised.

"What the hell happened Four! Why did you do this? Why!" I spit out at him. His eyes widen, and he sucks in a breath. Which only encourages me to continue. "You took the coward's way out. You promised me. You promised Zeke. That you would not take the serum, no matter how much pain you were in." I see how his eyebrows burrow together, like he is trying to work out the meaning in my words. And then I see how frustrated he looks, eyes blazing.

"What the hell are you talking about? Why would I take the memory serum by choice? Aren't you aware that almost everyone in this place has been impacted! What is your problem!" he stands up, backing away from us. I see the irritation in his eyes. He then walks to the door and opens it, while looking at us. I know he wants us to leave.

"Well let me spell it out for you. You, this..." I wave my hands in his general direction, "this shell of a man with no memories...this was a choice that you made. You just couldn't deal with the pain of losing her. Even though you told us you would. I guess that was a lie." I spit out at him. Getting up, I am so ready to leave the room.

"Christina! Enough, please. Acting this way with him is not going to change what has been done." Zeke says, trying to calm me. I can see the way his eyes dart back and forth between Four and I. Four tenses up, and looks at me – waiting to see what I will do next.

I take a deep breath, and I try to explain to Four what I am feeling - "Four...Tobias... I am sorry. I am trying. I really am." I look to Zeke, he gives me a tight smile. "Just try to see it from my view – you committed to moving forward to a life without her. We all miss her, miss Uriah..." Four's eyes immediately dart towards Zeke, his face suddenly crestfallen and a mixture of guilt. I pause for a moment, regretting throwing Uriah in his face – it was not what I meant. Especially not in front of Zeke. But I have to continue.

I take a step towards him, holding his guarded gaze – noting he is still holding his apartment door open for my pending exit, "You were working through the pain, you were going to return to Chicago and start over. We know, that your pain over losing Tris was devastating, but-"and then I am interrupted.

Four moves his head to side and with nothing but curiosity asks "Who is Tris?"


	7. Chapter 7: Interesting Friends I Had

*Tobias POV*

"Did you just say WHO IS TRIS?!?! Is that seriously what you just said to me!" Christina says in a shrill-like voice. My eyes widen, I was not expecting such a strong reaction to a simple question. What the hell is the matter with this girl...I wonder if we ever dated? God, I hope not. She has a loud mouth, I am not even seeing how she is someone I would want to be friends with.

"Are you now mute too TOBIAS!?" she hisses at me. I may have just lost my memory – but I can recognize the added sarcasm when she calls me Tobias. What a witch. I notice that Zeke is firmly holding her by the wrist.

I quickly decide I have had enough of her crap for one day. "I asked you a simple question – why not answer it? Or Christina, feel free to leave. I don't actually care which at this point."

I almost don't recognize how cold my voice sounds. The last two weeks have been a blur, but I see now that I have been treated with kindness and patience, which is a strong contrast to how this girl is acting. And I don't like it. And I sure as hell don't need it.

I then look over at Zeke, he genuinely looks so sad. I feel a pang of guilt, not because I care about him personally, but I see that my lack of recognition is hurting him. I slowly allow the air I have been holding in to slip out through my nose.

I open the door wider for Zeke and Christina to leave...as Zeke is physically dragging Christina out of my room, he turns to me one last time, "Tobias, I will be back – I promise. Be brave." I nod at Zeke, I do want to talk with him again, but alone next time.

Well that was intense. But at the same time, leaves me with so many questions. I think over the rehabilitation therapy I have been receiving, I've been given high level details of my life – but I don't recall hearing about anyone named Tris. I need more answers – and I know just who to ask.

I need to see Nita as soon as possible. I don't know if it is her age, or let's face it – her amazing looks – but I feel safe with her, comfortable. She has been a constant in my life these last two weeks. The one thing that hangs between us, I have asked her on numerous occasions about her wheelchair, but she always dismisses my questions. I find myself wanting to know more about her.

An hour passes and then I hear the familiar knock. I smile and ask Nita to come in, I open the door wide enough for her wheel chair to easily fit through the door frame. She smiles at me confidently as she wheels past me to make herself comfortable at my small kitchen table. I smile back at her, thankful she is part of my rehabilitation team.

"Tobias." She says with a small smirk.

"Nita, thank you for coming right over." I say genuinely, happy to see my friend.


	8. Chapter 8: My New Normal

** a month passes **

I walk through the halls of the bureau, flipping my new work badge between my fingers. It has been almost two months since I was impacted by the memory serum. I have been allowed to stay at the bureau and I recently accepted a position on the security team, they feel my aptitude for computers will be an asset to the department. I started training last week, they seemed pleased with me. As the lowest one on the totem pole, I have gotten the night shift of camera surveillance, but there is a lot of room for advancement. Whatever, it is a job. A job that pays me well enough to afford an actual apartment of my own here as I start my new normal.

Over the last few weeks I have slowly been getting to know people from my past that still have their memories. Working on relationships – as rehabilitation teaches us, learning about our past, BUT then moving forward with our new future.

Well, everyone except Christina. What a ball buster she is. Thankfully we have reached a truce that works for me. She will be civil, cordial even...sometimes, depending on her mood, when we are in a group setting.

She came to see me one time alone, not that long after our initial disastrous meeting. By that point, I had learned about "Tris" from Zeke.

I think about the two photos of Tris I have tucked away now. Remembering how Christina's hands trembled slightly as she handed them to me before she slipped out. I let her talk, I listened. At some level I understood what she was saying – it was hard for me to hear about this whole other life, feelings, love...and the grief.

She did tell me about stopping me the first time I wanted to take the memory serum, and then what the following two weeks were like. What could I say to her? At the end, she told me she was disappointed that I was not the person she thought I was. And she reminded me how much Tris would have hated this. I just nodded my head, not knowing what else to say or even to feel. I also didn't want to provoke Christina's wrath. She gave me an actual headache the last time she got mouthy with me.

Do I owe people an apology for something I did, before I was the man I am today? Maybe I do? Beatrice/Tris Prior, I hear that name a lot now as I meet with friends from my past. I have gotten really good at making a sad, yet thoughtful facial expression. I know I should feel something about her, but I don't. I guess that was my end goal. Mission accomplished.

I am entering my new apartment by this point, rushing to get lunch set up in time. I am not fully unpacked – but it is getting there. As I am clearing books off my kitchen table the one holding the photos with Tris falls to the floor. I pick up the two images – one is a picture of Tris and me in an embrace, the second of her alone. I can tell by the quality of the photo and the background scenery that they were pictures in the bureau taken from the surveillance cameras.

She was pretty, anyone could see that

She was pretty, anyone could see that. But I felt nothing more than that. A couple of times I've looked at the picture of us embracing in the atrium – I try to imagine what I was feeling in that moment. Every time I have tried, I would think of something different. Because the reality is – I have absolutely no idea what I felt.

As I am about to put the pictures back in the book, the oven timer goes off, my enchiladas are ready! Nita better appreciate my efforts

As I am about to put the pictures back in the book, the oven timer goes off, my enchiladas are ready! Nita better appreciate my efforts. I smile when I think about her. She has become a good friend. She likes to remind me she was assigned to me, and is therefore obligated to be kind to me – but I know she is just teasing.

Right as I am pulling the baking dish from the oven I hear her familiar knock – "One sec Nita!" I holler while rushing over to let her in. I wait until her chair has cleared the door way before making a mad dash into my kitchen, hoping I have not burned my counters with the hot dish I had quickly set down.

"Wow. Where did you get these pictures of Tris from?" Nita calls out to me from the dining area. I instantly realize I didn't put the photos away before running into the kitchen. I turn the corner and look at her, she is looking intently at both pictures and then she looks up at me and raises her eye brows curiously.

"Yeah, when Christina came over to give me the our-friendship-is-over talk she gave them to me. I mean – I know it is part of my past but I just don't know..." I feel myself unable to articulate what I am trying to say to Nita.

I hate this feeling, not understanding myself, it makes me feel anxious in my own skin. I slowly breathe in through my nose, and then slowly out through my mouth.

"Tobias. I know I am here for a lunch as a friend, but I can see this is upsetting you. You have our team – we want to help you succeed here. All of you that were impacted by the serum-"I interrupt her, feeling the blood rush to my face.

My voice raises slightly, but I can't stop it "That is the point Nita! I am not some victim of a serum release error. I have to believe that I, well the old me, CHOOSE this for myself. I mean – what does that even feel like...to be so in love with someone that I would rather throw 18 years of life experience away, then to deal of a life without her?! Shit – I didn't even know myself – but I am even disappointed with me! It's pathetic."

Nita drops the pictures on the table I notice in the corner of my eye that they actually end up on the floor. She rolls her chair closer to me and grabs my hand firmly. "I wish I had answers for you. But I don't, the team doesn't, no one ever will Tobias. I think you need to concentrate on moving forward and enjoy the life you have ahead of you right now." I smile at her, knowing she is right.

She smiles warmly, I can see excitement in her eyes, "I have some exciting news I've been wanting to share with you as well..." She gently rubs her thumb along my hand. I smile and encourage her to continue.

"Aside from all of my time I spend with the Memory Rehabilitation projects, I have been part of a different study, as a participant. I haven't told ANYONE yet, because – well, I just wanted sure if it could work for me." She looks embarrassed.

"Nita? The suspense is killing me, spill!" I joke.

She explains the experimental study that may be able to help to walk again. And it will be a long road, but after some recent breakthroughs – she is starting to believe it could work for her. I watch her face and she talks animatedly, she really is so pretty. Her black eyes drilling into mine, and she doesn't even know it. The color reminding me of the beautiful darkness of a raven.

As Nita finishes, I smile at her and give her hand one last squeeze before dropping it. I remind her that my masterpiece of a meal is getting cold, so time to eat! As we enjoy our meal, and talk about the next phase of testing I have signed up for – as I have also agreed to continue to work with the bureau science division in order to monitor the long term effects of the serum – and examine what traits from my past have remained.

I am also doing it as a personal favor for Nita, it is a small way for me to thank her for all she has done. And I have to admit – I like the prospect of knowing I will still get to see her regularly.


	9. Chapter 9: Revelations

*Tobias POV*

There have been a few times where I have walked up to the gang, and upon my arrival they immediately change the topic of conversation. I am beginning to feel paranoid, they tell me that they want me to be a part of their lives. All of them have even taken temporary roles at the bureau to be liaisons with Chicago – were we are all from. I sometimes wonder if they are either waiting for me to want to return to Chicago...or they just want to make sure I am really settled and safe at the bureau before they leave.

So when it happened again today – I finally had enough. "Don't let me interrupt the obviously private conversation you have going, I am just going to eat at another table. Carry on." I turn to walk away.

"No Four! I mean Tobias..." Zeke sighs while looking around the table at Christina, Cara and Caleb. "That is it guys – we have to bring him in. He is as much a part of this as anyone of us." I hear Christina scoff, in her *charming* way.

"Tonight – we lay it all out." Zeke proceeds to tell me that we will meet up again at 1am in part of the bureau that is not in use, I know from my job in surveillance that we don't even monitor that area. For the first time ever, I am anxious to get answers about my past. Something I hadn't felt until this point.

What feels like an eternity later, I arrive to a dark hallway and Zeke is there to greet me. I wonder if he is meeting me first, to make sure I am alone. I can't help but wonder what the hell this is about. As I follow Zeke into an old conference room I look around to see who is present. I was expecting the gang from lunch – Zeke of course, Christina, Caleb and Cara...and then my eyes land on Matthew and Nita. My mouth drops open at the sight of Nita. She gives me a small reassuring smile.

Over the next hour I sit at the table an attempt to absorb all that they, correction – all that WE have done. Everything. The first explosion, I note how Nita's usually confident tone waivers for a moment – she is so sorry for what happened. I also notice that Zeke won't even look at her. His brother is gone, and never coming back. At first I am horrified, my brain wants to tune them out and pretend this conversation never happened. But I also see their side – it was noble what they did. It had to be done. I also notice how Caleb keeps watching me, he looks so uncomfortable.

As the meeting starts winding down, Caleb clears his throat and speaks directly to me, "Tobias. I have to say this. It is about Tris..."

It is Cara who speaks up, asking the group to give Caleb and me privacy to have this conversation. Everyone agrees and quickly exit the room.

I brace myself for what is coming next. Part of me wants to interrupt and remind him – I don't feel anything when it comes to Tris. Is it sad? I guess? But what does it really matter, she is gone.

Caleb finds his voice, he explains to me what happened between him and his sister – his betrayal of her. I feel myself looking at him with different eyes. Disgust even. How could he do that to his own sister, his parents as well? He admits that our relationship has never been strong, not surprising from what he is confessing to me.

And then he explains what happened that last day. How happy Tris and I were. And there was a plan we all agreed to. A plan that did not involve her getting killed. I am shocked to hear how she sacrificed herself, not only for everyone – but specifically for Caleb. Her brother that had previously betrayed her.

I just listen – and he explains he needs to redeliver her last message to me.

"Tris told me that if she didn't survive, I needed to tell you..." and he grimaces but then finishes "That she didn't want to leave you." I look at Caleb and for a moment but remain silent. The only thought going through my mind is that she could have stayed with me. But she didn't choose me. What am I supposed to do with that? Absolutely nothing. I finally nod my head, having nothing to say to him. I then glance at the clock on the wall, checking the time.

Caleb bites his lip. "Wow - I really see it now. The old you...is completely gone." The hair on the back of my neck bristles. Is he kidding me right now?

"Gee, I am sorry Caleb. Has my reaction disappointed you? What the hell do you want from me? Should I break your nose, maybe even a throat punch?" – his eyes immediately widen with fear. It takes a lot of effort on my part to not do a Christina-Style-Demeaning eye roll.

"Look, it has been a long night with a lot of information thrown at me. But yes – you are right! I don't remember HER. It is what it is. I can't pretend to be sad for all of you, Christina and now you too? I don't have it in me."

"I am sorry – I was not trying to attack you, I was just verbalizing my observation. I delivered this exact message to you once before – and the pain you were in is something that will forever be embedded in my mind. So today – your reaction was just different...non-existent even..." Caleb's voice trails off.

"That is because I am different. The sooner you all accept it, the better. Good night Caleb." I turn and storm out. I am so aggravated.

And I get up to head back to my apartment, to wait for the knock on my door that I know will come.

///////////////

And it does, I knew Nita would come and see me.

"I was not sure if you would want to see me. I know it is late, I can come back tomorrow if that is better..." Nita says while waiting in the hall. I step back and motion for her to enter. I want to get this over with, and I want answers. I pull a chair from my kitchen table and sit directly across from her wheelchair. I am ready to hear what she has to say, and I want to look her right in the eyes as she explains. The answers to the questions I have been asking her for months.

"I am sorry, I know you must feel betrayed. When the team I managed was assigned to you – it was a complete shock. No one even understood WHY this had happened to you. We did think that it could be related to your DNA...verses you having purposely used the memory serum later. At that point I didn't know then, that you and I..." Nita pauses. "That you would become such an important friend to me. And once you were – I felt so ashamed to tell you about our history, the deceit on my part. I hope you can forgive me. The group has. That is why they inoculated me, and I joined their cause before the gas was released." Nita looks at me and waits.

So many thoughts running through my mind. This girl, had caused some serious damage. It doesn't sound like I cared much for her as a person when I did have my memories intact. And then the term My New Normal crosses my mind and I finally smile at her.

"Nita, it is OK. We all have a past. I accept you for who you are today, and I value your friendship. I don't want this to come between us." I give her a warm smile and I mean it. I am willing to forget this, I even find myself thinking that I am so relieved that she was inoculated or else the Nita I know would not be here today.

Then without any warning, I feel Nita's lips gently pressing to mine, I can feel my heart beat quicken. Although a soft kiss, it is also startling. It dawns on me, this is basically my first kiss. I don't remember anything differently. I try to control myself from tensing up, but I am literally in shock.

Nita smiles at me as she slowly pulls away. "Good night Tobias." And she is able to open my front door and roll out. Leaving me with my thoughts.


	10. Chapter 10: Experienced?

** A few days have gone by since last chapter**

*Tobias POV*

 

When I took this job, I didn't think I would enjoy it as much as I do. Especially since my only option to start in the department forced me to take the night shift. I have adjusted to the odd hours, and love the flexibility of not working during the day. I have actually made some friends at work, most of whom have been impacted by the memory serum.

I glance over at Josh, he is a nice guy, late 40s, married and suddenly put into a position where he and his wife – are trying to get to know each other again because they both lost all of their memories. I can't even imagine that, but at least in his case – they are both really trying.

I have my own desk with multiple monitors, everyone's specific login determines what cameras/zones we have access to and are expected to survey. The director is impressed with my technical skills. Between the hands on experience I get at work, and the testing Nita's team is performing to fully document what knowledge I had retained from before the serum – I love the feeling of finally being in control and really good at something.

Another reason I like this job, we are often asked to monitor the city of Chicago. During my off hours they have allowed me to bring Zeke in and we can spend hours looking at the city of Chicago, the people, some key interiors and exteriors of buildings, we jokingly call it our bromance time.

I have learned a lot about my past, at least what Zeke is able to tell me. Early on he asked me if I wanted the subject of Tris to be covered, we agreed I could ask questions about her but the moment I decided I didn't want to hear more – he would drop it.

Being almost 19 years old, I casually asked Zeke about what he knew about my dating history, specifically about my experience with women. Once the jerk was done laughing at me, he gave me rundown on my life. Starting with Abnegation, nothing was going on there.

Then his version of our double dates when I was first at Dauntless – which I firmly believe he is exaggerating, I sounded like an idiot.

And then he paused...I obviously knew she would be part of the story. He told me that I was very private when it came to my relationship with Tris. Zeke looked at me and raised his eyebrows...I knew it was time to hear about her, I urged him to continue.

The general details of our relationship were very intertwined with the events – her initiation, the attack on Abnegation, and then the war – and finally our time at the bureau. When I pushed him for information about my experience, he sighed heavily, but continued. "So you and Tris, took it slow. I mean – she was literally the only girl you have ever even looked at. She was it for you and worth the wait." Zeke took a sip of his beer. "And she needed to wait, and you gave that to her – because you loved her and you always put her first."

"Oh my God, am I a virgin!?" I spit out. Almost afraid to hear the answer either way. Zeke chokes on his drink, and then laughs at me again. I scowl at him, but encourage him to talk. Now I need to know.

He looked at me and continued "Look, when I first came to the bureau and it was a hurricane...between my brother and then Tris as well... Things were just so bad in general, not to mention the chaos here. Even between us because of Uriah, I logically knew it was an accidental involvement on your part – that lying little b i t---"

I quickly interrupt him, I have heard him call Nita that choice word a few times at this point - "Zeke! Stop. Don't call Nita such ugly words. Please, do it for me. She is really important to me...I need you to respect that." I look at him pleadingly.

He slowly nods and I can see him concede, "Let's stay on subject then – your deflowering!" he laughs, the tension between us immediately dissipating. He is such an ass, but I do value his friendship. A lot.

"So as Christina has told you, or actually shouted at you, you tried to take the serum – but she stopped you. That same day you and I had it out. We made peace with what happened to Uriah and your involvement. I had never seen you so broken. We ended up talking for many hours about everything that you had been through during your time at the bureau, with Tris. And then you...well you told me that you and Tris had made love...the night before she died." Zeke won't even look at me when he gets the last part out.

My mind is reeling... That is tragic. Seriously, the night before. I need to know... Clearing my throat, I ask him if he knows anything else, any specifics. He looks at me sadly, I imagine he is remembering our actual conversation.

"Tobias... You loved her. I mean, you REALLY loved her. If I had ever doubted how much before, that night we spoke, watching you grieve her... I think you just needed to tell me, tell someone – about your night with her. To remind yourself it was real - - and how important and special it was to you both. It was hard for me to even listen to you, I felt how deep your loss was. She was your future, the one you needed and wanted." Zeke looks sad as his voice trails off.

I bite my lip, for the first time seeing a glimpse of this Tris. And who she was to me. Damn it – I hate this. And for a moment I wonder if letting my past go was in fact worth it.

I then quickly tell Zeke – that is enough. I don't ever want to talk about that night again.

\---FLASHBACK---

(The day after Tobias learned he was part of the rebels group)

I am hitting the gym, it calms me to run. And I have so many thoughts going through my mind. Nita kissing me was a shock, I just wasn't really sure that she was thinking about me romantically. And to be honest – I am unable to pin point how I feel about it. I care for her...but the kiss just didn't feel right. I chuckle to myself. As if my memory-wiped-state would have any idea what I am supposed to feel when kissed.

A new part of my ongoing rehabilitation was to watch old surveillance footage from Chicago. Some videos going as far back as when I was 10 years old, walking through the city wearing the plain grey clothes of the Abnegation faction. Looking at these tapes are like watching a movie for the first time. Nothing too specific, but it was still strange to watch. The most disturbing video presented to me was when I was being controlled by Jeanine – and my physical fight with Tris. I could not even stomach the entire video. I had to turn it off.

My conversation with Caleb from the night before was also on my mind. For the first time ever, I had a dream Tris last night. We were in an apartment and she was there one moment and then she was gone. I was frantically searching for her in my dream. I woke up feeling panicked.

After my run, I went by the clinic and asked Ben from my rehabilitation team to pull bureau video of me and Tris, whatever he could find. As Nita had kissed me the night before, I decided best not to ask her.

Ben was able to provide a few tapes immediately that had already been pulled, I did note that Nita has initialed their release as team lead – the overall impression I got was a pretty unhappy couple.

No audio – but I could tell by the body language, frustrations, a lot of stomping off on both of our parts. When I saw them with my own eyes, I made the decision to put Tris in the past. I didn't want to think about her any more.

\---FLASHBACK END---

And then another thought crosses my mind, this epic love story is in contrast to what the Rehabilitation team had presented to me. Things are not adding up.

 

+++o+ Chapter End +o+++


	11. Chapter 11: Tris?

Chapter 11: Tris

*Tobias POV*

I pour myself a second cup of coffee during my shift. Sunday nights are my longest stretch, but then I have Monday and Tuesday night off. I am almost done. My current assignment is reviewing live cameras for the outside sector and prison floors, which is not a fun thing to do. And anytime there is a crime in question we alternate who drops what they are doing and begins a specific investigation. Also dependent on personal clearance level, there have been a couple of times where a time sensitive project needed immediate attention but I was firmly reminded I did not have the proper clearance.

Literally 10 minutes before I am ready to clock out my coworker Josh who still has one hour left in his shift, vomits violently into the trash can at his desk. He had been complaining of not feeling well the entire night – I guess he is coming down with something. I roll my eyes, probably something contagious as I have been sitting in the same room for the last 6 hours.

He looks at me pleadingly, mentioning the words "both ends" – seriously?! He has one hour left and he had just been assigned two screens that he could not leave unattended. And being the night shift and a Sunday we were alone. It was breaking the rules – but I trust him and he trusts me. Not to mention, we have the same level of clearance so what harm could it do?

As soon as my shift ended, I took over his station so he could go home. He set up the screens, the special monitors our department uses that only allow the intended watcher to view the screen while wearing specific goggles. At least when clearance sensitive. I made sure to use disinfectant wipes on his goggles before slipping them on and then as he RAN out screaming he owed me BIG time I continued wiping down the rest of his desk, and even the handles on his chair. I deserve a medal for this.

When I finally get situated I notice the hallways John was assigned look like a medical ward, I see a nurses station and medical equipment in the hall ways. Being so late at night/early morning, as expected it looks very quiet. This is also not the main infirmary I have personally visited or have watched on my screens before tonight. It then catches my attention that is medical wing is highly guarded. With security team members situated at main doors, and even performing scheduled walks through the hall. Not to mention the technology, I notice a badge is needed even to travel within the main hallway.

And that is when I see her. A young women in a robe, gently being escorted down a hallway, by what looks like one of the guards. It is just a glimpse, but she looked up and directly into the camera – her eyes, as if she were looking right into my eyes. I felt my blood run cold. What the hell.

Tris? Could it be Tris?! I frantically try to rewind the tape – but it turns out this feed will only allow live streaming. Her hair was blond, and looked a little longer then what I recall from the pictures I have. But it was her eyes. They were so fierce, strong and a unique grey color.

I need to find out. I need to be sure. Quickly formulating my plan, I was able to restart Josh's unused desktop and hack my way into the Bureau's systems undetected. I was on a mission –

Step 1: find out exactly where that hallway was, and the room I saw the young woman being ushered into.

Step 2: create the credentials I need to gain access.

Step 3: create a program that will disable numerous camera points on the same circuit to crash at the exact time I need it to for the next night.

My gut is telling me, if that is Tris...there is something very wrong here. Someone is hiding her, and letting the world believe she is dead. But why?

Before Josh's shift is over, I have successfully executed the first phase of my plan. I will rest during the day, and then make my move late the next night. I have to find out what is going on. I pack up my things and head out. Badging out as Josh (another broken rule).

As I turn the corner to my apartment hallway I almost run smack into Nita's wheelchair. "Oh Nita!" I cringe at how startled and high pitched my voice sounds. I intuitively know to not say a word about my plan. I don't really know who I can trust. Maybe no one.

She tells me she was just about to head to breakfast and she knew my shift was ending, she also commented that she thought she would have run into me sooner. I thank her for the offer, but I am feeling under the weather – lots of illness floating around my office. Thus why I had to work a little past my shift. She nods her head in understanding, her smile not quite reaching her eyes.

I remind myself that Nita and I have not said one word about our kiss. I am really not sure what I would say, maybe that is making her sad? I still see her all the time – but there does seem to be an elephant in the room now.

I excuse myself and walk into my apartment alone, locking the door behind me. I know this is something I have to do on my own.

As I close my eyes and fall to sleep, I keep alternating between wanting it to be Tris...and not.

~~~~~~~~~~ End of PART 1 ~~~~~~~~~~~


	12. Chapter 12: No Concept of Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part Two: What Happened To Tris?  
> The story Disremembered began immediately after Chapter 56 of the Allegiant, written by Author Veronica Roth. In this alternative universe – the Epilogue at the end of Allegiant does not happen. All characters belong to Veronica Roth.
> 
> Part One: What Happened To Four -
> 
> Walked us through what happened to Four/Tobias over the last three months while at the bureau. He has taken the memory serum and has begun to build a new life for himself. A new job, new friends, new apartment. And he is also trying to build new relationships with some of his old friends from his part. Along with his mother, although she had kept her commitment to start a new life away from Chicago and the Bureau as part of her commitment to avoid a war.
> 
> Part One ended with Tobias believing that he may have spotted Tris, the love from his past, being held in a secret medical ward in the bureau. He is determined to find out.
> 
> Thank you for reading this far – coming up next is Part Two: What Happened To Tris?
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> DISCLAIMER: This story contains implied/references adult-intimate-situations, minor foul language, and mild violence.

Chapter 12: No Concept of Time

**Tris POV**

****

 

The first time I felt aware of my surroundings was terrifying. I was enclosed in complete darkness and my senses were almost entirely dulled. Was I dead? Was I asleep? What happened to me?! And just like that I slipped back into the complete darkness of my mind, having no concept of time.

****

I feel like I am in a dream. I suddenly feel alert, I can't feel my body, let alone control it. And then I hear her – my mom. I hear her voice, but I don't hear my voice. I can only know my thoughts, but somehow she can hear me.

"Am I done yet?" I ask.

"Yes. My dear child, you've done so well." She whispers back to me.

"What about the others?" and in my mind, I then think of him. Tobias. My love.

"They'll care for each other, that is what people do." She reassures me.

And then suddenly I am out of my body, as if I am watching a movie on a screen. The moment I see my face smile, and then the closing of my eyes....I realize that was the exact moment I was giving up on LIFE. On my life with Tobias. Our future. Our dreams. I want to scream at my image, I must fight to live. I have so much left to live for. But then there is nothing but silence and darkness.

****

I am a prisoner inside my own body. My broken body. The first time my sense of touch returned, it was as if a flood gate had been opened. I instantly felt the pain it was so sharp and strong that it completely over powered me, instantly spreading across my entire body. I wanted to scream, but I was powerless to do anything. And then I slipped out of consciousness. For how long I had no idea.

****

I must be dreaming

I must be dreaming. I am sitting inside one of the highest carts on the Ferris wheel at the pier, I am looking over my shoulder at the city, but it looks completely different. It is clean, bright, and vibrant even. I shift my gaze below to the ground, I see many tiny people – they look small, but I know they are there. It is then that I notice their clothing – multicolored. I see no indications of colors associated with factions. In that moment the cart begins to move downward, closer to the ground – I am anxious to look more closely at this new world. And then I hear it, the sweetest giggles – instantly filling my heart with love and warmth. I turn and look inside my cart – a young girl, and what appears to be an even younger little boy. They are smiling and laughing, their eyes turned away from me as they point and admire the high views. I am not sure if they know I am here – or if I am really even in the cart with them.

"Momma, this is amazing – may we ride again? Maybe we can convince Daddy to ride with us next time!" the little girl says as she turns to me, and then I see her eyes. Tobias's eyes.

And then my children are gone. I am sitting alone in the cart. The feeling of love and warmth instantly disappears as well. Replacing the voices of children, or the sounds of a city is a slow and constant beeping sound, I hear nonstop beeping. All goes dark.

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

And that is when I hear them. I can actually hear people speaking, I can only assume they are in the room with me. In that moment I realized that I was not dead nor asleep. I am very much alive. And need to get back to Tobias.

I am his, and he is mine.

****

"She is young and strong, but it is still a miracle she survived. We need to begin making preparations to pull her out of the coma." I hear a man say.

"Doctor, are you sure it is not too soon. Her body took such a trauma, even with our medical technology and the testing of the healing serum..." a woman says. And that moment I feel soft hands gently touch my wrist, then placing her two fingers to my pulse point. "Her vitals are strong. Getting stronger every day." She sounds happy, and kind.

"We need to accelerate the testing schedule, it is possible she will refuse to continue once she is awake. We can't risk that – we need answers. It is vital to our survival, " the doctor deadpans.

My mind is reeling. What are these people doing to me? Where am I? And more importantly, where is Tobias, Caleb and the rest of my friends. Are they ok?

I feel the familiar tip of a needle being gently pushed into the now tender skin on the side of my neck. Slowly the silence of my mind consumes me.

*******************************************************************


	13. Chapter 13: Wake Up Tris

Chapter 13: Wake Up Tris

**Tris POV**

"Tris. Come on Tris. It is time. Come back to us. You are ready." I hear a soft voice say. And then I suddenly am aware that someone is gently rubbing my head, encouraging me to wake up and open my eyes.

I will myself to open my eyes, blinking painfully as the bright lights cause me to cringe with discomfort. I slowly accustom myself to the light and then look around the room. There is a team of medical personal in the room, just staring and me and smiling.

I open my mouth to speak, and only a croak escapes my lips. A very nice nurse comes over and holds a straw to my lips. "There you go sweetie, don't drink too much now. It will make you sick." I recognize her voice from previous conversations. I like her instantly. I want her to help get me the hell out of here. Whatever this place may be.

The next few hours are a blur. I have learned that I have been in a medically induced coma for almost three months. They explained to me that I was found dead, although they were able to resuscitate me they had truly believed I had no brain function, so they allowed my family and friends to say goodbye. They had kept me alive for the sole purpose of genetic testing, as a Divergent/Genetically Pure there was so much they wanted to learn from me.

I was found in the control room with the former Bureau director David, initially it was believed that I was part of a rebel uprising trying to destroy the bureau. Upon further investigation and the realization that David would not have shot me, there was a third person in the room that attacked us both. I keep my expression neutral as they presented their misinformed account. It was that monster that shot me multiple times. Why had David lied to not implicate me? And then it dawned on me, our plan worked! David must no longer have his memories– the memory serum saved us all.

Suddenly the doctor stepped forward, introducing himself as Dr. Grey, he had just joined the staff coming from Providence in order to lead the medical division. He explained to me that all of our memories were erased because of a freak accident, and that although my body is still in the process of healing from my gunshot wounds, I would also need to work with a rehabilitation team in order to help me to readjust to life without my previous memories.

They have assumed I was impacted by the memory serum, of course they did – they found me in the same room as David. My mind races, how will I explain this? I don't want to leave the prison of my coma only to be thrown into the prison of the Bureau jail.

And then it hits me – a memory so strong I feel chills down my spine.

His words to me, "You die. I die too." Three months?! Did they just tell me that my family and friends think I am dead, in a moment I am screaming. Having found my voice. I sob and scream for Tobias. Why was he not here to see me? Was he ok?

Suddenly I feel the familiar pinch in my neck and I am lulled to sleep. I had been sedated for my own safety.

Before falling into a deep sleep I hear an unknown voice gasp and say, "Damn it, she wasn't impacted by the memory serum! We need to keep her sedated until the team decides how to proceed."

And then there is only darkness.

+o+ Chapter End +o+


	14. Chapter 14: Smothered In Kindness

Chapter 14: Smothered In Kindness

*Tris POV*

I am in my own personal hell. I am being smothered with kindness and positivity, they may be worse than the Amity people. Yet they will not give me what I really want. To get out of here. They have asked me to have patience. They are concerned I am not strong enough to leave, they want to ensure I have regained my strength and that I will not reinjure my wounds. My room is quite large – and there is an extensive rotation of therapies I do almost every day. The issue is that all the specialist come to my room to perform to work with me. I have never been allowed to leave my room. I do feel myself getting stronger every day. I have also put a big smile on my face and shown the highest gratitude that their "testing" in fact saved my life. Had they not wanted to run tests (on my lifeless body) then I would have indeed died that day. I need to convince them that they can let me return to my life, and I will remain a willing participant.

I beg them for an update on Tobias, Caleb, my friends. They just assure me that they are all fine. One evening late at night the kind nurse, I have since found out her name is Gabriela, slips in when no one is around. She pulls a flashlight out of her pocket, and puts her finger to her lips, motioning for me to remain quiet.

She pulls a paper printout out of the pocket of her scrubs. I furrow my brows, anxious to see what she needs to show me. With her back to the door, while blocking the window view with her body if someone were to walk in, she unfolds the paper and points the flashlight to it. I immediately see it is a print out of a photo – I slowly release the breath I had been holding. My eyes immediately search out Tobias. He is seated next to Zeke, turned to him and smiling. I then look at each face: Caleb, Cara, Christina, Amar, even Zeke is in the photo. It is then that I smile to myself and I taste my salty tears on my lips. I had not even realized I had been crying. They are all alive. They are all well. They are all whole. We made it. We really did.

In that moment, I know more than ever – I must get back to him. And soon. I can feel it.

After Gabriela folds the paper and places it back into her pocket, apologizing that she could not leave it with me – she says goodbye for the night, her shift having ended. She had decided to not ask permission to show me this photo. I would never want her to get into trouble, and just knowing they are ok with enough for now. I told her how grateful I am.

Every night before I fall to sleep thinking about Tobias, which leads to often dreaming of him. I miss him dearly and I can't wait to be together again. But that would have to wait for now.

I lay quietly in my bed for what feels like hours. When I am sure that everything is quiet, and what I assume can only be the very early hours of the morning, I slip out of my bed. I tie my robe around me and slip on sneakers. I need to start investigating how to get out of here. I calmly crack my door open, and peer into the hallway. Complete silence, even the nurses' station remains empty at this time. I slide out and begin walking down the hall. I quickly take in my surroundings, the hallways, the doors to stairs, I notice there are cameras situated in corners to capture everything. And then I am discovered, "Ms. Prior! Why are you not in your room??"

"Oh thank goodness! I was calling for help from my room and no answered, and then the hallway was empty as well. Could you find a nurse for me? I am not feeling well, and I want to make sure my vitals are ok. I even feel a little dizzy and weak. I hope I am not getting sick..." I say as I gently lean on a sidewall to gently support myself.

"Of course, but Ms. Prior, in the future you can't just leave your room. We would not want something to happen to you. Come with me, I will escort you back to your room..." the young guard offers me his arm. I smile at him appreciatively (I may have even batted my eyelashes at him) while holding on to him in order to "steady" myself. As we walk back to my area, I instinctively look up into the hallway camera that directly points to the door of my room. I turn for one last look as I am gently ushered back into my room.

As I had hoped, the young guard did not report finding me in the hallway. Instead he called for medical support and implied I had called out for help from my room. The next day is uneventful, I do feel myself getting stronger every day. I made the decision not to attempt anything until the following night, I do not want to push my luck.

As I lay in bed and wait for sleep to take me, I think of him. His intense eyes, and the way they shine when they when he looks at me. The way it feels to be wrapped in his arms. The way it feels to push my fingers into his hair while drawing his lips to mine. And then I am asleep.

What feels like hours later, I wake to someone gently but persistently shaking my shoulder. I open my eyes, the darkness of my room makes it hard to see who is touching me. But I immediately know it is not one of the female nurses. The next moment I am startled and I quickly sit up on my bed and knock the person's hand away from my shoulder. I am ready to defend myself if needed.

And then I hear his voice. "Tris? Beatrice Prior?"

It is Tobias.

+o+ Chapter End +o+

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What happens when one lover forgets, while the other is desperate for them to remember. True love lasts forever. But what if it doesn't? Tris survives the shooting in Allegiant - only to return and learn that the Tobias she knows and loves - did not.
> 
> With his memories gone - will Tobias go back to her, or continue to move on with someone else? How much will Tris be willing to take before moving on herself. 
> 
> dis•re•mem•ber (ˌdɪs rɪˈmɛm bər)
> 
> v.t.  
> to forget.   
> ******************************************************************************  
> ******************************************************************************  
> An alternative ending to Veronica Roth's Allegiant.   
> Disclaimer~ I don't own the characters Veronica Roth does  
> DISCLAIMER: This story contains implied adult-intimate-situations, minor foul language, and mild violence.


	15. Chapter 15: Not the Reunion She Was Expecting

Chapter 15: Not the Reunion She Was Expecting

*Tobias POV*

She suddenly jumps to a sitting position, and her strength surprises me as she forcefully knocks my hand off her shoulder. I note that she pulls her hand into a fist and pulls back – ready to strike me. Crap, what the hell am I doing?! This woman is petite, her hair in what appears to be a messy bun. What if this is not Tris, and I am just some weirdo sneaking through medical wards and waking up sleeping young ladies in the middle of the night.

I need to know, even though the answer terrifies me either way.

"Tris? Beatrice Prior?" I gently ask, not wanting to startle her any further.

She takes a sharp intake of air, and the small sob escapes her lips. It is dark in the room, I am unable to see her facial expression clearly. And suddenly her hands are on my chest and making fists into the front of my shirt, before I finish processing what her hands are doing I feel a wetness on my neck. She has buried her face into me and is sobbing softly.

My arms are frozen at my side, I am completely still. Afraid to upset her by pushing her away, but equally uncomfortable and fighting the urge to distance myself from her. She is a stranger to me. This closeness is making me uncomfortable.

Thankfully she pulls her face away from me by her own choice, problem solved. I sigh with relief. I then move my hands gently to hers, ready to remove her grip from my clothing – only to pause when she starts to speak. I am frozen.

"Tobias! I knew you would come. I didn't know when, but in my heart I knew you would save me." She whispers to me, her voice soft and certain. I feel like I am a stranger intruding on a personal conversation between two people that I do not know.

She is confident when she speaks to me, in a way that frightens me because I know it is no longer true. In that exact moment I realize – this is going to be really hard to explain to her. Why had I not thought this far ahead in my plan? Damn it.

Suddenly her lips are on mine, pressing firmly and confidently. Her tongue teasingly touches my lower lip. My mouth opens in SHOCK and she takes that as an invitation to gently slip her tongue into my mouth. Before I can remove her hands from chest, I feel her release my shirt and confidently move up my chest, her hands gently caressing me as they move up.

I am suddenly powerless to stop her. She is in control.

My hands falling to the bed, resting on either side of her, I am careful not to touch her. And then her arms are encircling my neck. I suddenly feel her gentle fingers slipping up the back of my neck into the hair on the back of my head and she deepens her kiss while increasing the pace of her tongue, mine immediately follows suit.

I stifle the groan that suddenly wants to escape. What is this girl doing to me?! Oh my God, this is not happening. This is a disaster.

As I am thinking about my predicament, my mouth begins to kiss her even more fervently, demanding more from her – just for a moment before I catch myself again. This is not right. I think about how this kiss means two completely different things to each of us.

I am being driven by desire, and I can only assume Tris is driven by a deep love.

It is not fair what I am doing to her – giving her hope, when I know there is none. The old me is gone, I am no longer hers. I gently pull my lips away from her and place my forehead against hers. "Tris stop. Tris...please, you need to listen to me."

She whispers sweetly, "I love you so much. I will always love you."

She then pulls away so that our eyes can connect. She gently bites her lower lip while giving me a small sweet smile. Her hand moving from my hair to gently caress my face, her thumb gently touch my now swollen lips. I almost chicken out, this conversation that I logically know will crush her. I also know, the sooner the better.

"There is no more Four. Not anymore. I am Tobias Johnson now." I pause to see her eyes widen with realization, and then the tears form. She gently shakes her head side to side, as if to say no. As if she is trying to will it not to be true.

I clear my throat before I continue. She tightly closes her eyes, and the tears then fall down her cheeks. She still says nothing.

I have to be honest with her. "I don't remember you, us – not any of it."


	16. Chapter 16: The Escape

Chapter 16: The Escape

*Tobias POV*

I gently remove her arms from around my neck, and gently hold her hands in mine. I don't want to be cruel, but I also don't want to give her any false hope. I want to get her out of here, it is the decent thing to do. But after that, I can't imagine that we would become friends. Before she opens her eyes, I ask her if she is well enough to walk, or even run.

Tris's eyes snap open at that. "I was just brought out of a medically induced coma...I can walk, but I am not sure about running." She whispers. Her voice trembles, but then steadies by the time she finishes her sentence.

Suddenly, as if she only then noticed I was holding her hands she pulls them away from me. A small frown on her face, she is no longer looking me directly in the eyes.

"We need to leave now, I used my position in security surveillance to bring down the cameras between this wing and then to the main offices of the bureau – but we are on borrowed time before someone realizes the system has malfunctioned. Are you ready?" I ask her, standing up as I offer her my hand to help her get out of her bed.

Instead she points to the corner of the room, "Would you please hand me that robe? I don't really have actual clothes here. But I also don't want to escape only wearing a hospital gown." She watches as I silently retrieve her robe and hand it to her.

"Turn around please." She whispers. She still has not looked me in the eyes. I do as she asked. Suddenly she is standing next to me, in her robe and even sneakers and she motions for the door. We silently slip out of the room.

As we make our way through the hallway, Tris asks me where my weapon is – she has still not looked me in the eyes. And then she actually scoffs at me when I tell her I don't have access to any weapons. I chuckle and remind her I am doing an ok job so far at rescuing her. She nods her head, but remains silent and still not making eye contact with me.

We are almost to the final door when an alarm is sounded. Crap, so close. I look at her and tell her we need to make a run for it. Our eyes connect and she nods, her eyes look so sad. And then she looks away from me again. Tris is barely able to jog, I grab her by the elbow and try to help by pulling her along into a run. We are so close, we need to make it. Suddenly there are three guards surrounding us with guns pointed at me.

"You! Stop right now. Step away from the patient and we can end this peacefully. We don't want anyone to get hurt." The one closest to me says. "We will not let you kidnap this woman, she is under protection of the bureau. Surrender – hands up and lay flat on the ground. Now!"

Tris takes a step back to lean against the wall. I notice she looks flushed and is resting some of her weight by placing her hands on her knees while breathing deeply in and out. She finally looks at my eyes and frowns sadly. And suddenly it was if a switch in me was flipped.

Without even thinking about how, or why – I begin to fight. I quickly disarm the guard closes to me and then twist his arm behind his back while holding him as a human shield from the other two men. Once I walk within striking range of the second guard my arm releases my human shield and I simultaneously punch one in the throat and the other I kick behind the knee – taking them both down at the same time. They both cry out in pain. I don't care.

Instantly I can feel the third guard charging at me. At the last moment I crouch down on one knee and fling him over my back. He roughly crashes to the floor after landing on a table that had been filled with hospital equipment. I notice that one of the guards that I had knocked down was beginning to gear up for a second attack – I use the butt of one of their guns and whack him on the back of his head, knocking him immediately unconscious. I realize that if we have any hope of escaping, I need to make sure we are not followed. I quickly walk to the remaining two guards and knock them unconscious.

I quickly walk to the remaining two guards and knock them unconscious

"Tris." I call to her as I approach her while she still leans against the wall for support. She looks at me with admiration and a small smile, although I can see she is still struggling to regain her strength after running through the halls.

Suddenly her finger tips are on my cheek, and she whispers "You are still Four." And as if in slow motion her eyes close and I just barely catch her before she hits the floor. I scoop her into my arms and quickly make the decision to take her back to my apartment. I will keep her safe with me, at least until I can figure out my next steps.  
++o+ Chapter One +o++  
.

~o~~o~~o~~o~~ End of Part 2 ~~o~~o~~o~~o~


	17. Chapter 17: Harsh Reality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Start of PART III: Moving Forward

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story Disremembered began immediately after Chapter 56 of the Allegiant, written by Author Veronica Roth. In this alternative universe – the Epilogue at the end of Allegiant does not happen. All characters belong to Veronica Roth.
> 
> Part One: What Happened To Four?
> 
> Walked us through what happened to Four/Tobias over the last three months while at the bureau. He has taken the memory serum and has begun to build a new life for himself. Part One ended with Tobias believing that he may have spotted Tris, the love from his past, being held in a secret medical ward in the bureau. He is determined to find out.
> 
> Part Two: What Happened To Tris?
> 
> Part Two explained how Tris was still alive, and where she has been for the last three months. Part two ends with Tobias finding her and breaking her out of the medical ward where she had been held.
> 
> Part Three: Moving Forward
> 
> In this section we will see how Tobias and Tris navigate living at the Bureau, although they are not together. Will then find their way back to each other. Or will damages be made that they will never be able to move past, at least not together.
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
>  
> 
> PS
> 
> Please remember, sometimes things need to get WORSE...before they get much BETTER! 
> 
> DISCLAIMER: This story contains implied/references to adult-intimate-situations, minor foul language, and mild violence.

Chapter 17: Harsh Reality

**MULTIPLE POV**

*TRIS*

Before I even open my eyes I can feel something cold and wet pressed to my forehead. I have no idea where I am, but I know I am with Tobias. And then it all comes rushing back to me. The memory serum?! I need answers. "Tobias?" I whisper and I open my eyes and attempt to sit up. I slide the cold rag off and I suddenly feel his hands taking it from me.

I feel his hands on my arms helping me to sit up and I meet his gaze. "Tris, you are safe now. But you need to take it easy." He mumbles. He looks concerned, but that is all I see in his eyes. There is no love there, and it kills me. And then I suddenly feel light headed again.

"Sorry – I am not feeling that well." I say as I look around the room, it is a small bedroom with a bed and a dresser. "Where are we?" I ask him.

"This is my apartment, in the bureau. I brought you back here after you passed out." He says, looking around the room. "You have been sleeping for just a couple of hours. I wanted to let you rest." Tobias clears his throat. I am guessing he feels uncomfortable.

"Your apartment here? Are you...I mean, I guess I have so many questions." I say as I gaze at him.

"I understand. And I am sure your family and friends will have many questions for you as well. I have asked Zeke to bring the small group over later this morning. Why don't you get some more rest?" Tobias continues as I stare at him dazed. He is now standing across the room from me, by the door that leads to what looks like a living room. I don't think he could be standing further away from me if he tried.

I pat the mattress next to me, "Tobias, please sit down. We need to talk. I need to understand." The uncomfortable look that crosses his face is like a knife in my heart. As if the thought of being close to me makes his skin crawl. My face falls, and I look away biting my lip.

I softly concede, "Actually – you are right, I should rest. Could you please turn off the bedroom light on your way out of the room?" He nods slowly, turning off the light and then walking out of the room without a word. He slowly closes the door behind him. I feel like my heart is exploding. My biggest fear has come true – Tobias doesn't love me anymore. And I feel more trapped in this moment, then I ever did when I was in my coma.

I lay down and muffle my quiet tears into the pillow. I can actually smell him on the pillow and sheets. To have him be so close, yet so far away...

And then I just let sleep consume me.

*Tobias*

I am a coward. I know I should man up and talk to her. But I just look at her face, and I can see the combination of sadness and devastation. As I close the door behind me, I lean against the wall for a moment to calm myself. And then I hear her crying softly. I would not even have caught it had I not been inches from the door. Crap. I don't know her, but she is a person. And I do feel bad for her. After a couple of minute there is silence in the room, good – she needs her rest.

I realize the shirt I am wearing has blood smeared on it, from one of the guards I assume. I have been running on adrenaline – and now for a moment I think about what I just did.

I snapped...no wait that is not right. I was not angry in any way. From one second to the next – I knew what I needed to do in order to keep her safe. Wait her? No... I mean us. To get us out of that situation. I don't know HOW I did it, but I was so natural to me. Deliberate and efficient.

I quietly open the door to my bedroom and peer in. She is sleeping soundly, her breathing slow and steady. I step closer to her. The tears are still wet on her cheeks. Damn it. I then gently open a dresser drawer and pull a clean shirt out. I am about to change my shirt when I hear the familiar knock on my front door. It is NITA!!! I am not expecting her.

"Crap, what timing." I mumble as quickly pulling off the bloody shirt and fling it across the room towards the closet floor, and then rush to the door. I know Nita will expect to come in, and I also know that if I don't let her in, she will know something is going on – as I always am happy to welcome her into my apartment.

Until I know for sure what is going on with Tris, for her safety I just can't reveal her yet. I slip on my shoes, and grab my key and wallet and open the door.

"Hey Nita! You just caught me, I was about to run some errands. Would you like to keep me company?" I smile at her as I open my door, and stand in the door frame. Trying to make it look as natural as possible that I was about to step out.

"Hey yourself handsome. You look good Tobias...I am glad you remembered I like it when you answer the door with no shirt on." And she smiles at me flirtatiously. I look down at the clean shirt in my hand, I had forgotten to slip it on. I feel my ears turn red, but then again my amazing abs are often a topic/teasing between Nita and I – I can't help but smile broadly at her.

I notice that she is still looking me up and down before looking me in the eyes, "I was just going to see if you wanted to have breakfast and then watch a movie here or at my place – it is my turn to pick what we watch." She says smiling at me sweetly. I instantly feel a pang in my chest for my deception. I care about Nita, and she means a lot to me. I hope one day she can forgive me for this moment.

I glance over my shoulder and see that I left my bedroom door wide open in my haste. I close the apartment door behind me hoping that Tris will not wake up before I return.

As usual I offer to push her chair as we travel through the bureau. "Actually a very quick breakfast would be great, unfortunately that is all I have time for – it is bromance time later with Zeke." She just nods. She is well aware that Zeke does not care for her, and we usually avoid talking about him. It is easier that way.

I offer to treat her to a coffee and muffin. I let her know that my short errands can wait, I would rather enjoy breakfast with her. The guilt of lying to Nita is bothering me.

Once we are seated, Nita clears her throat before speaking, "Tobias... I need to clear the air about that kiss. I won't lie to you and tell you that I didn't mean it. But I will say that I am sorry if I made you uncomfortable."

I tense up. With all that is going on with Tris, I have not given the kiss Nita planted on me second thought. And for a brief second – I compare the two kisses. Nita's was soft and hesitant. And when Tris kissed me in that hospital room...it was full of passion. But then I also note, Tris thought she was kissing the love of her life. And that is not me. Not anymore.

"Tobias?" Nita says. She looks worried. "Um, look – I know I am the head of your rehabilitation team, and if this is going to mess things up, I will ask that you be assigned to a new team - -"

"Nita no! I am sorry – I just am having trouble expressing myself. The last thing I want is to be assigned to a new team, absolutely not." I practically yell at her. Her eyes widen.

I grab her hand, "I am not at a point where I want to start anything romantic with anyone. At least not right now. I hope you can understand that." I continue, lowering my voice, "But I hope we can remain friends and put that behind us. Ok?"

She nods her head happily. And then we enjoy our breakfast. Nita gets me up to speed on her last week, as things have been awkward we had not really been talking. I smile at her. No matter what else is going on, I am happy to have her as a friend.

*Tris*

I lay in his bed, drowning in my thoughts. The moment there was a loud knock at the front door, I was instantly awake. Tobias ran out of the room without even looking at me. I then heard him with Nita. They sounded so at ease with each other. Breakfast and a movie... How comfortable he was being shirtless in front of her... In that moment I knew that she is his good friend. Or maybe even more?

I close my eyes and new tears silently roll down my cheeks, as I replay how she had flirted with him so easily. And he sounded like he enjoyed it. The dull ache in my heart is overwhelming. I don't know what is going to happen next. But I know I need to brace myself for the harsh reality of the situation.

 

+o+ Chapter End +o+


	18. Chapter 18: Letting Her Down Easy

Chapter 18: Letting Her Down Easy

*Four POV*

After walking Nita back to her apartment and then sprinting back to mine, I am actually out of breath when I arrive. I feel bad just leaving Tris alone in my apartment asleep. As soon as I walk in the door I realize that she has been awake for a while. She is sitting quietly on my couch and her hair is wet from a shower. I can see past her into my room, my bed has been made and the window blinds are now open.

"I hope you don't mind that I helped myself to a shower. The towels I used have been washed, and are in the dryer now..." her voice trails off softly. I instantly feel a knot in my stomach. I should not have left her alone for so long. She has yet to even make eye contact with me.

I clear my throat uncomfortably, "Um thanks, and you didn't have to wash them." And then there is silence between us. I rack my brain, trying to think of something to say to her. She is not making this easy on me either.

"What time are Zeke and the others set to arrive? Is my brother coming?" she finally asks, looking at my eyes for the first time. I can't help but stare back into hers. The photos Christina had given me didn't do her justice. Her eyes are incredible, filled with so many emotions when she looks at me. Beautiful, but also so insistent, which is overwhelming to say the least.

I glance at the clock in the room. "About two hours. Yes, I specifically asked Zeke to bring Christina, Cara and of course Caleb. Um, I haven't really thought this all through – it happened so fast..." She interrupts me and asks me to explain what this all is.

I sit down on the same couch, but at the other end, making sure to leave plenty of space between us. I take a deep breath and give her the high level on what my life has been like. She listens quietly, not saying a word or even showing emotion on her face. Everything from waking up with my memories gone, my rehabilitation, my new job (how I saw her on the cameras), my life here at the bureau...how I am also trying to mend fences with my old group of friends, especially Zeke. When I get to Zeke I mention how we have moved past the death of his brother Uriah... She gasps and suddenly her eyes are filled with tears.

"What?! Uriah really didn't make it? Oh my God." Tris cries gently as she places her face in her hands, in an attempt to cover her tears from me. I sit frozen in place, I don't know what to do. Part of me wonders if she will be angry with me, for my role in Uriah's death. I have never thought to ask Zeke how close Tris and Uriah were. It suddenly dawns on me from the information Zeke shared that Tris and Uriah were in the same Dauntless initiation class.

And then just as quickly she pulls herself together. "Sorry, that was just a shock. I am upset at myself for not even thinking to ask about Uriah, or how Zeke and Hana are doing. I knew what condition he was in the last day that...." She sighs and then get up to grab a tissue from the bathroom, wiping her tears and blowing her nose while in there. I see her breathe in and out to calm herself before she walks back over to the couch. Sitting even further away from me than before.

"Are you angry with me?" I whisper. I don't even know why the words stumbled out of my mouth. I look at her, waiting.

She pauses a moment before responding, "Mad about your involvement with the explosion that killed our friend?" while studying my face, and then continues firmly and with purpose, "No. Not at all. You and I made peace about that before...before all of this. I know you were deceived and it was not your intention to kill so many people. You aren't an evil person, at least the old you." Upon hearing her words, my mind immediately goes to Nita. I have a suspicion Tris was thinking about Nita as well as she makes her point. I look away, not wanting Tris to see the internal conflict written across my face.

"Are you angry with me about anything else then?" I push her on, Tris is no longer looking at me.

Tris moves closer to me on the couch, my eyes now following her every movement, "I love you Tobias. And I see in your face and your actions...that you don't love me anymore. You look at me like I am a complete stranger. You want to know if I am mad?" she whispers, tears gently slipping down her face.

I feel a lump grow in my throat, I feel...sorry for her, but that is all. She continues, "I am not mad, I am heart broken. Every moment that passes, and you are near me – but you don't love me, I feel myself die a little more on the inside. But to answer you, no – I am not mad at you. I am mad at the situation we find ourselves in."

"Tris... I don't know what to say. I can apologize, but I feel like that will just be an insult to us both. I don't have any memories of you, of anything. I just don't feel it." I say, as I see she is watching me closely.

"Are you willing to try?" she whispers to me, I jerk my head up and look at her questioningly. "Tobias, YOU are able to fight off serums, more so than the average person. You have done it before. I believe in you, I believe in my heart YOU are still in here." Tris places her hand on my heart while saying the word here. My heart begins beating furiously. Why am I so uneasy?!

"Tris....it has been months. I am sorry, but you need to make peace with this." I try to convince her while she moves her hand gently to my cheek. "Um Tris?" I say nervously.

"Let me try – please." She whispers. I frown, but finally nod my head in agreement. "Your love for me was able to break a simulation before, it can again." She continues.

The next moment she is sliding gently onto my lap, sitting across me and then gently kissing my mouth, one hand caressing the side of my face. She moves her other hand over mine and moves me to touch the curve of her hips. As if she has felt my hands hold her there a thousand times before.

I am instantly reminded of our kiss we just shared last night – it was incredibly passionate, and I felt myself get really into it

I am instantly reminded of our kiss we just shared last night – it was incredibly passionate, and I felt myself get really into it. But I know it was not because it was Tris – she was just able to turn me on by kissing me just the right way. I feel myself tense up. This is not what I want, it is not fair to her. I don't want to take advantage of her. I don't want to hurt her.

But I also don't want her. Not anymore.

She stops and frowns, "You aren't even trying, you don't even want to try to remember do you?! I can't believe this Four." She slides off of my lap, practically jumping off to get away from me.

"I am going by Tobias Johnson now actually. No one calls me Four." I mutter defensively. Tris actually lets out a laugh and moves even further away from the couch were I am still seated. Wrapping her arms around herself, she excuses herself to go to the bathroom without even looking at me.

 

+o+ Chapter End +o+


	19. Chapter 19: Jealousy

Chapter 19: Jealousy

*Tris POV*

I wash my face with cold water, and look at myself in the bathroom mirror. Is this really happening? I was shot, presumed dead, then in a coma for months, held against my will for testing (I think), rescued by the love of my life, the only man who has ever been strong enough for me, my perfect fit – but he also has no idea who I am. Let alone love me. Nor does he seem to care to find out.

Why would he? He has tall, dark and sexy Nita at his doorstep ogling him when he has no shirt on. I squeeze my fists and release- I am trying to calm myself. I can't worry about that horrible girl right now.

And then suddenly I feel a moment of relief. My friends and Caleb will be here soon. I bite my lip and concentrate on that. I need to be brave.

I step out of the bathroom only to see Tobias sitting on the couch where I left him. His eyes immediately finding mine. He seems to be waiting to see what I will do or say next.

It dawns on me that I will be wearing a robe and a hospital gown when our friends arrive. I look down at my robe and frown.

Four speaks first, "Tris, we should get you some actual clothes...I am not really sure where we could..."

I suddenly snap without thinking "Maybe you should have asked Nita this morning if she has any hand me downs she was done with." My voice is cold and matter of fact. His mouth literally falls open for a minute. I have rendered him speechless.

He then presses his lips shut and we just stare at each other for what feels like an eternity, neither one of us saying a word. My mind is reeling, what did I think would happen? That Tobias would jump up and assure me that Nita is nothing to him?

I think back to his words to me not that long ago, "Don't for a second think that I am interested in anyone but you." That time has passed, it is not how he feels anymore.

I finally have enough of our staring contest. He wins. It must be easy to stare me down when he feels nothing for me, while on the other hand my heart is shattering into a million pieces.

"Please let me know when they arrive." I say softly and then I turn and walk into his bedroom and quietly shut the door behind me. I just needed to get away from him. Before I do or say something else I will regret.

+o.+.+. Chapter End +.+.+.o+


	20. Chapter 20: A Warm Reunion

Chapter 20: A Warm Reunion

*Tobias POV*

Some time passes before I even move from the couch to grab myself a glass of water. I don't know what to do or feel. I guess Tris knew I had left the apartment to go with Nita. I cringe and try to push away the feeling of guilt that is in the pit of my stomach.

And because I am a total guy, I find myself thinking about Tris in her robe, what her lips feel like, and then remembering the details Zeke shared with me about our last night together. For a moment I allow myself to fantasize about how different our reunion would have been if I had not taken the memory serum. But then I realize there is no point dwelling on that. I push those thoughts out of my head. I am not that person anymore.

+o.+.+.o+.o+.+.o+

I can hear Zeke's loud mouth down the hallway before group even arrives to my apartment door.

I gently knock on my bedroom door. Tris meets me at the doorway. I look at her cautiously, "They are right outside, I am going to let them in. Are you ready?" She nods her head, her eyes are unreadable, and she then follows me to the living room. I glance back at her I see she is making sure her robe is fully closed while taking in a deep breath.

The next few minutes are a blur or emotions, voices, crying, yelling... I quickly shut my apartment door behind them, and then take a few steps back to get out of the way. Tris actually bursts into tears and throws her arms around Caleb and Christina at the same time. They hug her so tightly. She laughs and smiles at them warmly. I feel a pang, she has not smiled at me that way even once. I remind myself, we don't really know each other - why would she?

"A penny for your thoughts Tobias... You look like you want to run across the room and throw Tris over your shoulder and drag her into the bedroom." Zeke whispers in my ear chuckling.

My shoulders fall, "Quite the opposite Zeke. Things have not been easy with Tris. I am actually really glad you all are here to help diffuse the situation." I bite my lip and stare at them. Now Cara is smiling and hugging Tris as well.

I then notice Christina has her back to Tris, arms crossed and she is just shaking her head while looking at me in a judgmental way. I can just imagine what a complete idiot she thinks I am, for taking that serum. She then rolls her eyes at me and turns back to Tris, she makes a comment while tugging on the simple hospital issued robe. The group breaks out into laughter.

+o.+.+.o+.o+.+.o+

After some time, we all sit around my living room to talk about what has happened to Tris. Cara and Tris are roughly the same size, so Cara offered to slip out and retrieve an outfit so Tris can change now. I think about Tris's comment about Nita and clothes, and frown. Tris seems to be working very hard at looking at everyone, everyone except me that it.

Tris shares what she can about what she could remember from her time in the coma, which was not a lot, and what happened during her short time there after being woken up from her coma. Dr Grey was the head of her medical team, and the nurse Gabriela that showed her the photo of us. The nice guards and multiple therapists.

We also discussed how it was that I found out about her and then went to investigate. Zeke was offended I didn't ask for his help. I just shrugged it off, I wasn't sure it would even really be her.

Suddenly Tris admits she is not feeling well. Caleb immediately rushes over to check her over – she admits that she just feels a little dizzy, she had not eaten since dinner last night.

Christina looks at me oddly, "Gee Tobias – you couldn't offer her a slice of toast? It is almost noon, aren't you starving too?"

I feel my cheeks redden with shame. How could I have forgotten to offer Tris something to eat or drink today? I just broke her out of a hospital last night. I am such an asshole.

"He went out to get breakfast with Nita this morning, I doubt he is hungry." Tris deadpans while only looking at Christina. Everyone is suddenly silent. Christina narrows her eyes slightly, but then just squeezes Tris's hand reassuringly. I note that Christina keeps her mouth shut, she must really care about Tris to not want to make her feel worse about an already horrible situation. For once I feel I would have deserved whatever scathing comments Christina would have thrown at me. Next to me I also feel Zeke stiffen up at the mention of Nita.

And here I thought things couldn't get even more uncomfortable. At that moment Cara returns, asking what she missed as we are all very quiet and seem tense. Ignoring Cara's question, Christina offers to help Tris change in the bedroom. Before walking into the bedroom behind Tris, she turns to me and very icily asks if it would be too much of a bother for me to give Tris a slice of bread, and maybe even some water. I nod and quickly head to the kitchen, with Zeke right behind me.

"Dude... I mean... Did you really decide to go on a breakfast date with Nita while you had Tris stashed away in your room?" Zeke asks me. He is frowning while watching me get the food plate ready. I can hear the disappointment in his voice.

"Of course not Zeke! I wasn't sure I could trust Nita, and she showed up at my apartment door unexpectedly this morning while Tris was asleep. I made a quick decision to distract her and get her away from my apartment, look – I feel like a colossal jerk already ok?! I feel terrible for leaving Tris alone here, and then not thinking to offer her food, and I also feel bad about lying to Nita this morning—" I am cut off when Zeke scoffs at the mention of my guilt at lying to Nita. I make the decision to just stop talking while I am ahead. I am never going to convince Zeke that Nita is genuinely sorry for what she did in the past, and that she really is a good person.

I silently make a plate with toast, fruit and cheese. I also get her a glass of orange juice. I bite my lip, I ask Zeke if he would carry the food and drink over to the bedroom while I clean up.

Zeke actually laughs at me and tells me to man up and do it myself. He will help clean up the kitchen.

I knock on the door gently announcing myself, Christina stands in the doorway, and I look past her and see that Tris is the bathroom off of my bedroom, unable to hear us. Christina looks furious. She sees the plate and cup and mutters thank you and takes it from me and then goes to shut the door in my face. I place my foot in the doorway stopping her from shutting me out... "Christina...is she OK?" I ask quietly. She raises her eyebrows at me and then just sighs.

"She will be Tobias. As soon as we agree to next steps as a group, she is leaving your apartment and coming home with me and Cara. Don't worry – I will get her out of your hair. We would not want her to impact your dating schedule any more than she already has." She quietly hisses at me and this time successfully shuts the door on me.

When the girls rejoin us, Tris comes out holding the empty plate and cup. I jump up and run over to take it from her hands. She offers to wash it herself, but I insist she should sit down and rest. I can feel everyone's eyes on us, watching our every move. She nods her head and whispers thanks and then goes to sit down in between Zeke and Christina on the couch.

As the group is speculating between the possible connection of Bureau director Laura Grey and the male Dr. Grey that had been treating Tris –I look over from the kitchen. At that exact moment I see Zeke put his arm around Tris and whisper something into her ear, she smiles at him and nods. Then Zeke gently leans over to kiss her on the forehead. She smiles at him and rests her head on his shoulder. I feel my stomach drop and my lips frown, I quickly turn away from the living room. What the hell is wrong with me? Why do I feel this way about Zeke and Tris?

+o.+.+.o+.o+.+.o+

When I walk out of the kitchen I see Tris is putting on Zeke's sweatshirt, pulling the hoodie over her head so she will not be recognized in the hallways. The group has agreed it is time to move Tris, based on our escape from the medical ward it is possible they will identify me soon enough. We have our plan, and we will execute it tonight during the dinner rush. The more public the better.

Everyone stands up to leave. The group will meet up at Christina's apartment, while I will be heading straight to the bureau control room for my part of our plan. As we all walk out, I ask Tris if I can speak to her before she goes. Everyone nods and agrees to wait in the hallway to give us some privacy.

Tris lowers the hoodie off of her head, she looks at me waiting. Her eyes look sad, but also calm.

I don't even know how to express all of the different emotions I am feeling. Guilt, sadness, relief she is leaving my apartment, regret over breakfast and not taking care of her... But instead I just blurt out, "Tris... I just wanted to say, that I am happy you are alive. I am happy for you and your friends."

Tris looks at me, her eyes now burning into mine. She bites her lip before replying, "Is that all?" I swallow hard, and then nod my head. I can feel that she is looking for something else from me.

"Thank you then. I appreciate your efforts me get out. Goodbye Tobias." She pulls her hoodie up quickly, blocking my view of her face and rushes past me to the hallway to join her friends. I see all of their faces fall when they see her expression as she quietly walks past them, it feels like she can't get away from me fast enough. Probably because she can't. I know I have hurt her badly.

As I shut the door behind them, I begin looking through my books. I can't even remember which book I hastily shoved those two pictures of Tris that Christina had given me. Once I finally find them, I take a seat on my couch and look at them. She is definitely back – and I know who she was to me. That is the key word. WAS.

Should I try with her? Try to start over? My mind goes to my coworker Josh and his wife, and the stories of their dates, and how he is courting his wife again – as they had both lost their memories. But then I know - - I would be doing it out of a sense of obligation. Is that fair to her? I doesn't feel fair to me.

As I lay back on my couch and get ready to close my eyes so I can rest before dinner/plan time... I also think of Nita... I need to talk to her about Tris. And soon.

+o.+.+.o+.o+.+.o+

Author's Note:

Hi everyone! Thank you again for the reviews, and for taking the time to read my story.

I have gotten some PMs so I wanted to clear up one point that many have missed. Nita's awful history from the Allegiant book and Tobias.

In Chapter 9 (Revelations) of this FanFic – when Tobias is told about how he and his friends were actual the rebel group that set off the memory serum, to avoid war and save Chicago, he was shocked. Also at this meeting was Matthew and Nita. In the book Allegiant (which I didn't like, or really understand) – Tris and the group seemed to have forgiven Nita, and they even inoculated her from the memory serum so that she would NOT lose her memory. Back to Ch 9 in this Fic – Tobias knows what Nita did, then he learned that was how she ended up in the wheelchair (he had been asking her) ... and that is also why Zeke has not forgiven her, Uri died because of her. And Tobias is often in the middle of Zeke and Nita because of this history. But at the end of Chapter 9 – Tobias chooses to forgive Nita for it all. Please PM me with any questions! Take care. (PS – NowTris doesn't know that Tobias knows...hmmmmm)


	21. Chapter: 21 The Big Reveal

Chapter: 21 The Big Reveal

*Tris POV*

I bite my lip nervously as I try on my new clothes. Christina had been very happy to volunteer to run to the stores and pick out a few outfits for me. I was very firm that I didn't want her to buy anything revealing, I told her not to waste her money on things I would not wear. What I didn't tell her was that I wanted to make sure the scars on my chest and stomach would always be covered.

I stare at my reflection in the mirror before slipping my new blouse on. My gunshot wounds have healed very well, but are still very prominent. The thought of Tobias seeing and touching my scars crosses my mind, and then I wave of pain hits me.

My Tobias would have loved me just the way I am, scars and all. The man who remains now, he will never see me. Love me. Want me. I try to control my mind, to keep from screaming loudly to match the grief I feel in my heart.

+o.+.+.+Flashback+.+.+.o+

I literally wept the entire walk from Tobias's apartment to Christina and Cara's apartment. I was inconsolable. I think I stunned all of them with my open display of weakness. Even Caleb's mouth hung open, not knowing what to say. It was Cara and Zeke that put their arms around me at the same time, to comfort me in silence. Christina looked furious. The angriest I have ever seen her. She opened her mouth once, muttering an expletive about Tobias – and it was Zeke that silenced her, reminding her that the best thing for me now, is to just help me navigate this mess. To put me first.

Christina nodded her head in agreement. She approached me on Cara's side and took her place next to me. She hugged me and told me that no matter what, it would all be ok. I was able to stop crying then. My friends would get me through this.

+o.+.+.+Flashback End+.+.+.o+

The knock at the bedroom door startles me from my thoughts, "Tris? Are you almost ready? The boys will be arriving shortly." Cara calls out to me.

"Yes, I am." I say as I walk out into the living room, smoothing down my blouse and skirt. Immediately Chris and Cara look me over and smile approvingly.

"You know, for someone that was in a coma for three months...you look really amazing Tris." Christina compliments.

Cara takes a step closer and asks if I would mind if she looked me over, she has recently taken an interest in medicine while at the bureau. I nod my head in agreement and wait for her to return with a medical bad. I also notice that Christina is running back from her room with a bag of her own.

"Christina, are you studying medicine too?" I ask curiously.

She laughs at me while opening her bag, "Don't be silly Tris – this is my make-up bag. Cara and I can work in tandem."

Both girls laugh when they see the look of dread pass over my face. Christina assures me, "Don't worry, I am going for the natural beauty/I have been a victim and held prisoner look." I can't help but smirk at her.

Our plan is simple, we will call attention to my existence and then count on the fact that the bureau will not want to make a scene. Once my survival is known to all – it will be too risky for anyone to just make me disappear.

Once Zeke and Caleb arrive to the apartment we run through the plan one more time. Tobias will be handling the technical support from the control center. The logical part of me is relieved I don't have to face him again so soon. In contrast to my heart is aching and desperate to see him as soon as possible.

+o.+.+.o+.o+.+.o+

I slip on Zeke's sweatshirt and pull up the hoodie as we walk through the halls towards the large dining area. Tobias should be set to capture my speech on a main surveillance camera in order to broadcast it live. Once he sets it off, he will run over to join us.

I run through my story, which will be aligned with the misconception that I was a victim just as much as David was in that room. That the rebels had shot me and left me for dead as I tried to defend David. My mentor, David. I cringe when I think back to my last conversation with him. I haven't talked to anyone about that. "It's not sacrifice if it's someone else's life you're giving away, it's just evil." I had told him. He looked at me as though I was a fool. The last words I ever said to him, "That's why I need you to stop sacrificing all those people and their memories. Why I need to rid the world of you once and for all."

Little did I know in that moment that David and his gun would change the course of my life. I was supposed to die, and then just barely surviving...only to come back and lose my great love. What a bitter pill to swallow- having Tobias be in my life...but not really.

Zeke and I move to the center of the dining hall, there is a small raised platform in the middle, which is used for events from time to time. Christina, Cara and Caleb have moved to cover different entrances to the room. Ready to block the doors if needed to allow me to complete my speech.

"Are you ready?" Zeke prompts me, I smile at him nervously and nod. He slips me the microphone into my hand, and then notices that my hands are trembling. I am starting to feel panicked.

His brow furrowed, he shows me that the microphone is off – telling me that Tobias is not able to hear us yet. Zeke puts his hands on my shoulders and then gently moving me so I am facing him. He leans in closer to me and gently whispers in my ear, "Look Tris, I know you can nail this speech – so let me talk about a more important topic. Do not give up on Four. Please – you are meant to be together, I know it. I have gotten to know him these last months, he is still a good person – and I know he is capable of loving you."

I suddenly feel like the world is spinning, and my heart is heavy. Zeke pulls back to look at me, he gently moves one hand to cradle my face. "He is capable of loving you, the way that he is meant to love only you." His thumb then gently caressing my jaw. I am so moved by his speech that I don't even register how hands-on he just was.

I know that his love for Shauna is epic, and that there would be no way he would ever look away from her. And for a moment, I envy her. I use to have that with Tobias.

In that moment it dawns on me, am I even capable of really loving this new Tobias? He isn't really the same person anymore. I can't believe I haven't thought about that until now.

I close my eyes and think back to the moment Tobias first showed me his tattoo, he explained to me that he wanted to be brave, and selfless, and smart, and kind, and honest. And when I think of him, the person I love – he was all of those things. I really have no idea who this person is now. Thus I have no idea what to do or feel.

I feel Zeke suddenly place his arms around me and pull me into an embrace. The poor guy probably thinks Im about to lose it before I deliver my speech.

Opening my eyes, I nod my head at Zeke, and I suddenly feel less afraid to give this speech. Only then does Zeke turn on the microphone and step down from the platform.

Zeke looks into the closest camera and gives the signal to Tobias. Suddenly the background music stops and there is silence, and the screens throughout the bureau go black, and then just as quickly light up again while concentrating on me. My image on every screen. I slide the sweatshirt off my shoulders, take a deep breath and begin.

"Hello, my name is Tris Prior and I am originally from the Chicago experiment. Several months ago this facility suffered an attack by a rebel group which resulted in a mass memory loss. It was during this incident that myself and former bureau director David, who was my mentor, were attacked while in a control room. I suffered serious injuries, and was presumed to be dead. My body was shown to my loved ones, and ashes were presented as being mine. When all along I was still alive, kept in a medical coma right here in this building. It was just days ago that I was brought out of the coma, I was treated very well and with kindness...BUT I was not permitted to leave. A prisoner to the bureau."

In that moment I see that Tobias has arrived to the hall and he walks closer to the platform. I then notice that he is not even looking at me, and he looks absolutely furious. Probably the angriest I have ever seen him, which says a lot. I follow the path of his glare and I see he is looking directly at Zeke.

His expression sends a chill through me, I am so confused that I falter mid-speech. Zeke calls out to me, encouraging me to continue. At that point, I push forward with my speech. "I am here today, asking for protection from all of you. It was with the help of one brave... friend," Tobias and I then make eye contact, he is staring at me intently and I feel my stomach do flip flops, "that I was able to escape. I still need assurances that I am going to be safe and answers..." - -

"And you shall have them Beatrice!" I hear a female voice call out, equally as loud as my voice. A woman that appears to be in her late 40s is walking through the hall, with a microphone in her hand. She introduces herself to me as Ms. Laura Grey, acting bureau director.

Tobias and Zeke immediately move closer to me, Tobias offers me his hand so I can step down. Zeke interjects, "Tobias – leave Tris on the raised platform so she can remain in view of the cameras." I am surprised when I see how Tobias glares at him. Zeke just smiles at him sweetly. I have no idea what is going on between them.

Ms. Grey steps up on the platform as well, one of her guards assisting her in the process. In that moment Tobias jumps up as well, to stand in between us, as if to shield me from her.

She then begins to address the crowd, and she begins by asking for her husband, Dr. Victor Grey to join her on the platform, and announcing that Dr. Grey has been the lead physician on my case for the last 3 months. There is a collective gasp from the crowd.

She promises to answer all of my questions, while assuring me that I am indeed safe now.

 

++o++++o++++Chapter End++++o++++o++


	22. Chapter: 22 Unexplained Emotions

Chapter: 22 Unexplained Emotions

*Four POV*

I am still fuming as our group walks through the bureau hallways following Dr. and Mrs. Grey and their team of bureau leaders, and even some medical staff. Although I know I should be concentrating on the task at hand, my mind is reeling over Zeke and his damn hands all over Tris.

I replay his words from just a week ago, when he was telling me the details I had shared with him about my last night with Tris. What was it he had said to me? Oh yes – explaining to me why he had given me countless tidbits about women and how to seduce and please when we had been friends before I took the memory serum. Zeke's exact words were: "My sexual expertise is epic - I have always had my way with the ladies. Ladies – as in plural. And being a Dauntless born helped me as well, I had years of experience."

I almost could not believe what I was seeing from the control room, and Zeke knew that I needed to watch. I was waiting for his signal before I implemented my step of the plan. Whispering in her ear, stroking her cheek. I can't even look at him I am so angry.

The worst part of all of this. I have no idea WHY I feel this way. What the hell is wrong with me? How can I actually be jealous? No, I think I just feel insulted – that must be it. He was just telling me that she is the great love of my life, and now he is moving in on her? Or something?

My thoughts are interrupted when we are ushered into a large conference room. It is the largest one I have ever seen at the bureau, I actually recognize it from my job in surveillance. This is the highest and most secure area in the compound. Instantly there is another woman offering all of cold bottles of water or juice. We say no at first, but then notice that a few of their members are enjoying a drink. Everyone seems really relaxed and happy.

"Beatrice. You look pale, you really should drink some juice. It will not help your recovery to become dehydrated." Dr. Grey advises her. Tris looks startled at his words. We are all still on edge, not knowing who did what to put her in this situation.

"What assurances do we have that your team is not responsible keeping her away. Why would you let us believe she was dead!!!?" Christina blurts out. "You need to start talking, and now!"

It is then that a woman in scrubs enters, she appears to be a nurse. Tris gasps when she sees her and walks over to give her a hug. The woman smiles warmly at her and embraces her back. "I am so glad to see you are ok! We assumed you were kidnapped for malicious reasons and not sure if you had been killed!" the nurse says, sounding so relieved.

"Everyone, this is Nurse Gabriela, she was very kind to me while I was being held in the medical ward. She gave me hope – I don't know if I would have made it without her." Tris explains to us.

"Let's all take a seat, we do owe you a lot of explanations – and then we also want to present some options to Ms. Prior for her future." Director Laura Grey states, motioning at the chairs.

I notice that Tris pulls Christina by the hand towards Caleb, and then sits in between them at the table. Zeke takes a seat on Christina's other side and then loudly calls to me, "Tobias, I have a seat right here for you!" as he pulls out the seat on his other side. I purse my lips but also feel unable to decline. I trudge over and take a seat, not looking at him again.

As much as I would like to stew in my anger, I need to concentrate on what they have to say about Tris. It dawns on me – if they had not lied to us, and made the old me think that Tris was dead... My life would be so different right now. And then I also realize that I have to take responsibility. Had I not been so weak, had I not taken the memory serum, then Tris and I... I sigh outwardly.

"You OK man?" Zeke whispers to me. I breathe in and out to control my emotions.

"You and I will talk later. Now is not the time." I coldly say. Not looking at him.

"Sounds like a plan." Zeke says, I can hear the smile in his voice. I scowl to myself. Does he not hear how pissed off I am right now?

 

+o+ Chapter End +o+


	23. Chapter: 23 Explanations and Future Promises

Chapter: 23 Explanations and Future Promises

*Tris POV*

As I sit quietly absorbing all of the information presented to us. I start to feel so cold and detached. The married Grey couple explain that they were brought in from Providence a couple of days after the memory serum accident. They explained to me the complete chaos that was here. So many people wandering around, not knowing what to do, what to feel.

The Greys were part of a very large team that had been brought in. Ranging from medical personal, security, cooking staff, cleaning crews, and of course leadership.

It was a week after their arrival that they had been brought up to speed on my condition and the fact that I had indeed survived the rebel shooting, but only because I had been placed on life support. I was placed on life support for the sole purpose of testing. All signs indicated complete lack of brain function.

They apologized for the deception – but they truly believed that there was no possibility that I would ever recover. They wanted to give my loved ones closure – but also continue with testing as I had already been identified as vital for information gathering in regards to the Chicago experiment.

They explained my corpse-like body was due to a temporary drug that slowed my body function to appear dead. I am stunned, and my friends appear to be as well. I feel Christina stiffen next to me, and then I see she has to wipe some tears off of her face.

Dr. Grey advises that just a couple of weeks before my escape, the team had realized that I was indeed alive. It was almost a miracle that my mind had healed itself. They also fully expected that I would have been impacted by the memory serum, as I was found in the room with David. And David has no memories any longer.

"When Tris came out of her coma and was screaming for Tobias Eaton, we instantly knew that her memories were intact. She was hysterical and her body was not able to handle the stress. Her blood pressure immediately spiked, she was inconsolable. We had to immediately sedate her." Dr. Grey said, looking at Nurse Gabriela, who looks at me – smiling sadly but also nodding her head in agreement.

I feel my eyes prickle with tears. I don't take my eyes off of Dr. Grey. I can't look at Tobias right now. I remember vividly crying out for him, my fear was that he would have ended his life. "You die, I die too." I guess in way, that is just what he did. A tear rolls down my cheek, which I quickly wipe away. I love him so much, but he is gone. The man he was at least. I do not look at him.

And suddenly I feel Caleb's hand slip into mine, gently squeezing it. He leans over and whispers to me, "I love you Beatrice." I see his eyes are gleaming with tears. And in that moment I realize, I don't regret my decision to save my brother. I love him too.

Ms. Laura Grey asks me if I would like to take a break. "No, I need you to continue. Please go on." I state firmly. She nods her head, almost approvingly.

They do a high overview of the testing that had been performed on me. I can almost see the drool from Caleb and Cara, she is seated on Caleb's other side, as they lean forward to absorb more information. They are such intellectuals.

And then they explain that they had every intention of helping me through my rehabilitation in order to get me back into society. They just wanted to make sure it was actually safe for me. When Tobias had taken me, they feared that it was someone from the Rebel group that was working to destroy the goal of unity between those of different genetic make ups. They had no video of my kidnapping – and the three guards that had been over powered had no idea who Tobias was in order to identify him.

After all of the information of the why and how that is thrown at us, I am presented with choices.

First, they feel the need to financially compensate me for the time I had served in regards to testing. And of course for my previous service at David's side. I am even offered my own apartment at the bureau.

Second – they have identified three different projects in which my assistance would be an incredible asset. They would like me to make a life here – by choice. In an area of my choosing, where I can find a passion to help. Just like my mother had done so many years ago.

They will give me few days to think about it, as they would like to give me a tour of the three different labs associated with each project to help in my decision.

The meeting ends with Dr. Grey offering me his deepest apologies for how the end was handled, it was not his intention to ever make me feel trapped. I nod my head, I do want to move forward.

And lastly, Ms. Grey offers me the keys and general directions to my new apartment. My apartment is located in one of the nicest sectors of the bureau, I remember that David used to have his apartment in that general area.

My mind is reeling. I also turn to Christina and ask her if she will spend the night at my new apartment.

"Try to get rid of me just yet. I am not letting you out of my sight. And either is Cara." She assures me. I smile at both girls gratefully. Caleb immediately offers to walk us there.

I breathe in and turn to Tobias and Zeke. I know that it is time to part ways, at least for tonight. Tobias's face is unreadable. So much so I find it unnerving. I see him, but there are moments I feel like I am looking at a complete stranger.

Zeke informs me that he will invite himself over the next day to check out my new digs. He gives me a warm hug and then steps back and looks at Tobias expectantly. No pressure – I think to myself. I decide to take the lead.

"Again Tobias, thank you for everything. I know I would not be standing here right now – if it wasn't for you taking a chance on it being me." I say softly, I can't seem to make my eyes meet his. I am terrified what I will see there. More rejection probably. I feel like such a coward, but there is only so much I can take right now.

In that moment Cara suggests that the group give Tobias and me some privacy, I then look at his face and see the immediate apprehension that passes across his features. He doesn't even want to be alone with me.

I feel like I have been punched in the stomach. I quickly interject, "Tobias and I don't really have anything else to discuss. I am tired and want to get home. Good night Zeke and Tobias." I force a smile and then turn on my heels and quickly walk out the door into the hallway towards my new apartment.

Knowing that Caleb, Christina and Cara will follow me. Also knowing that Tobias won't.

 

+o+ Chapter End +o+


	24. Chapter: 24 Are You Into Her?

Chapter: 24 Are You Into Her?

*Four POV*

As soon as Tris, and the others are completely out of the conference room and down the hall, I release air I had been holding in. I keep hurting her, even though I am trying not to. I feel like I am trapped in a lose–lose situation. With no way out.

And then Zeke's smug voice interrupts my thoughts. "So, is it time for us to have that talk you mentioned yet?" He sits down across the table from me and leans back in his chair. Smiling at me, like some kind of asshole.

I am instantly reminded of his hands all over Tris, and his constant whispering sweet nothings into her ear. He's even kissed her!!!! Ok, it was a kiss on the forehead, but still. He did kiss her!!!!

"Have you always been so touchy-feely with Tris? In front of me, I mean even before I lost my memories? Or are you making a move on her now?! I will not allow you to take advantage of her! Not now, not ever." I blurt out. I feel the heat in my face rising.

As soon as the words leave my mouth, I cringe. I am acting like a jealous little girl. The bastard has the nerve to raise his eyebrows while holding his same smile. Zeke still doesn't say anything to me.

"You know what, forget it! This is obviously some kind of joke to you," I snap at him. I control the desire I have to jump over the table and wipe that smug look off his face.

"Oh I promise you Tobias, this is not a joke to me. Not at all." Zeke assures me with a composed smile on his face. I assume he is admitting he is serious about getting with Tris, and that it is going to make me feel better. I feel as though someone has kicked me in the stomach.

"Are you into her?" I ask unsmiling.

"Are you?" Zeke asks while scratching his chin. I can see now that he is intently studying me.

"I asked you first." I spit out. I can feel my chest tightening as I wait for his response.

And then Zeke literally bursts out laughing. His shoulders are actually shaking he is laughing so hard...at me. I just glare at him. I actually think I may hate him in this moment.

"Dude!!!! Do you hear yourself?! Can you please, please, just admit to yourself – YOU are really into Tris! As you should be, she is your soul mate. Your true love. She completes you. Pick a sappy phrase of your choice. Bottom line, she is amazing and if you keep acting like an ass – she will turn away from you. And you will lose her forever!" Zeke practically yells at me.

I frown, and then it dawns on me, this whole time Zeke been making it look like he was after something with Tris – when in reality he was trying to get a rise out of me. Well it worked. But it is not for the reason he is hoping. At least I don't think so.

"Are you that self-centered, have you forgotten all that I told you about Shauna? She is my girl – she understands that I am staying here...for you Tobias, for now at least. She is home with her family and helping my mom as well. Don't worry – me and Shauna, we are good. You on the other hand are doing a great job of mucking things up." Zeke says.

I sit down at the conference table, and I place my head into my hands. "Zeke... this is not an easy situation for me, and I also know not for Tris either. And of course I remember what you said about Shauna, but just seeing you acting that way with Tris... Look, I am sorry." I look up to meet his gaze and sigh.

I rack my brain trying to understand what was behind my jealousy. And then I ask Zeke to listen with an open mind, because I am going to be as honest as possible. And if he doesn't like what he hears and no longer wants to be my friend – then so be it. Zeke nods his head for me to continue.

I start talking, "The truth is, and this is going to sound selfish – I just do not remember her. I don't remember her face, her personality, any inside jokes, what we were like physically, none of it. But at this point... I have heard so many personal details from you, and then the pressure I feel from Christina and Caleb... not to mention the way Tris looks at me... Look – I know that I am supposed to feel x, y and z for Tris. But the truth is I just don't." I see Zeke frown, but he nods for me to continue.

"I have been racking my brain on why seeing you act that way towards her bothered me so much. And here comes the part where I am going to be a complete ass... I felt like it would just be wrong for you, as my best friend, to go after her. I doubt she and I will ever get together, we can barely survive being in the same room without my doing something to further traumatize her – but at the same time I have accepted that Tris and I have this amazing history, even if in the past – it does exist. This history that I fear will always haunt me. I can only assume it is haunting her. I just feel like it would have been so disrespectful of my best friend to end up with the great love of my life. It would have been equally as wrong as if Tris had actually died, and then me and Christina decided to live happily ever after. I feel like it would cheapen the true love that was there first. It feels wrong, and I don't like it. At all." When I finish I look at Zeke. He is frowning. I finish, "Lastly, you have become – my actual best friend...today. Not because we have this amazing history, that I don't remember - - but because I genuinely like you. And I trust you. The person you are now, and who I am now."

But then he nods his head, and he does accept what I am saying. "I guess, I had really hoped that seeing Tris with anyone else – would trigger something in you. But I can see it did not have the effect I was hoping for. For the record, Tris only saw my affection as a good friend offering her comfort. So please don't get mad at her, or think she was playing games. That was just me, all on my own, toying with you." He smiles and laughs.

"I am just going to give you a warning, because I am your friend and I do care about you. If you keep pushing Tris away...she will turn away from you, she will give up on you. And that girl is so stubborn. Just make sure you know what you are really doing. Sometimes there is no way back." Zeke warns me.

I feel something stir in my stomach – but then I just push it away. "I understand Zeke." I mumble.

+o+++o+++o+

We leave it at that, and call it a night. When I enter my apartment, there is a note on the floor that had been slid under my front door.

The note reads:

"Tobias,

We need to talk.

~ Nita"

+o+++o+++o+

CHAPTER END


	25. Chapter: 25 Getting It All Out There

Chapter: 25 Getting It All Out There

*Tris POV*

We walk in silence towards my new apartment, what is supposed to be my new home. At this point in time, I don't feel like I really have a home. Things have been so crazy for so long, non-stop turmoil. And then the pain hits me, throughout all of it – Tobias was my constant. Even when things were rough between us, in my heart I knew he was still mine. And we had each other.

I think about that night in Amity that feels like a lifetime ago.

"Nothing else is all right." He whispered to me, I close my eyes and remember how it felt to have him so close. And then he promised me, "But we are." And then I kissed him, and he kissed me back. Our urges were so strong, but I chose to slow us down that night. He was always so good to me. He is a gorgeous man, and he could have anyone. But he has always wanted me, just me. He supported me and my fear of intimacy – and he made me feel loved and special. Never once pressuring me or making me feel bad for wanting to go slow. I remember sobbing that night, and he was there. He knew just what to say to me. He told me he loved me, right before I had fallen asleep. And now, I regret not having said it back in that moment. As he wouldn't remember that now, my regret is not for him, but for me. I wish I had said it in that moment, because it would have been the truth.

Thinking about that night as we walk through the halls– is a reminder to me. How much I have lost.

And then suddenly we are standing in front of my new apartment. I am excited to see what is on the other side of this door. So are my friends, as they tell me to hurry up and let us in.

All I can say is wow, the apartment is beautiful. Beautifully furnished, bright and open. There are two bedrooms off of the open living area which has the living room, dining room, kitchen and a small office area in a den. It is incredible.

I can tell my friends are impressed too. As they are squealing and running around. I just sit back laugh. For the first time in a while... I feel grateful. I am so happy to be alive, safe and most importantly surrounded by people that do love me. I look at each of them: Cara...the fact that she was able to forgive me, for taking Will away. It is a testament to how good of a person she is at her core. I have also noticed a little something possibly going on between Cara and my brother. Extra glances, smiles.... Could it be? I smile to myself, I would love to see them both happy. And Caleb does look very joyful, too. And then of course Christina, my best friend. I need to speak to her, alone.

"Cara, would you mind bringing me the new clothes Christina bought me today, and then you can get anything you both need for the sleep over from your apartment too?" I ask sweetly. Cara immediately agrees. And then I add, "Caleb, I want to have a word alone with Christina – would you mind keeping Cara company?"

A huge grin spreads across Caleb's face, and he nods yes. Cara is smiling and blushing now too.

As soon as they leave, I sigh and turn to Christina. She is already sitting on the couch waiting for me to join her.

"Ok, let's do this. I can tell you want to know everything, right?" she asks. She does know me so well.

I nod and sit down. I am ready. "Lay it on me. All of it."

Christina explains to me what happened when she and the others returned to bureau – the complete chaos, and then seeing Cara who broke the news to them. I feel myself choke up when she tells me in great details what both she and Four went through. How he suffered. How Caleb suffered. And I am suddenly overcome with sadness. But I ask her to continue.

I am stunned when she tells me what happened at Abnegation, in his old home. That it was the first time he was planning to take the serum. I just can't imagine he would even think to do such a thing to himself. She told me about their painful conversation - - and that she had really believed he has decided on his own not to take the serum. To suffer through the pain of losing me and move forward. To remain the man he had become. The man he had become because of me.

Tears stream down my face, I am so heartbroken for him. But at the same time I am so angry with him, how could he do this to himself! I am not worth that, not to anyone. She is honest in saying that both she and Zeke really believed he was going to mend. He had a plan, and was set to leave for Chicago. He was going to build a new life for himself. It would have been a life without me, but at least Four would have moved on, done good in the world. Instead he went missing the night before he was scheduled to leave the bureau.

Then, weeks later, it was discovered he had taken the serum after all. Tobias as we knew him was gone. Christina has agonized over it; she never felt a change in him between his trip to Abnegation and the night he took the serum – so she is convinced he knew all along what he would do in the end. And she does not like being lied to.

I stand up and walk around the room. I feel so caged. And then I think back to Zeke's words earlier today. That Tobias is still a good person, and worth me loving. Is he though? Would he even want me? I subconsciously touch the wound one of the bullets left on my chest, although hidden by my blouse, I can feel the ugly scar tissue through the cloth. I hate it. Part of me hates myself, for all of this.

I don't know what to do, or what to think. It still kills me that Tobias as I knew him is gone. Should I run after him, throw myself at him? What good would it actually do? Maybe this version of him doesn't want someone like me. Not to mention all the pressure surrounding us. Everyone is waiting to see what will happen next. I know he is feeling pressure too, if Zeke is working on me - - I am sure he is trying to sway Tobias as well.

I am truly at a loss over how to feel and what to do next.

Christina gives me a hug and reminds me, I have time. I need to set my own life up, and then see if and how Tobias will fit into it. Just then Cara and Caleb walk back with all the clothes. We order food and have a quiet evening in. Caleb takes the couch. Christina and Cara take the spare bedroom. I need to sleep alone.

As I go to the master bedroom and get ready for sleep, I close my eyes and think of him. I wonder what Tobias is doing right now, I wonder if he even thinks of me at all. Because I can't stop myself from thinking about him, as tears stream down my cheeks before the darkness of sleep consumes me.

*Tobias POV*

After seeing Nita's note, I want to talk to her as soon as possible. I know she will be expecting me tonight. I grab a pint of ice cream from the freezer I had been saving and jog over to her apartment. I know I have a lot of explaining to do. Although we had breakfast this morning, it feels like so much has been crammed into this day.

I knock on her door in a way that I know she will recognize as me. I hear her unlock the door, and after a moment she asks me to just come in. I open the door and step through her doorway. She has rolled her chair away from the door and is waiting to greet me.

"Hello Tobias, long time no see." She says. Her face is unreadable.

"It does feel that way, but I am here now. So why don't we talk." I assure her. One hand rubs the back of my neck nervously, while the other shows her I brought ice cream as a peace offering. Only then does she finally smile at me.

"Come on, after you get us spoons – I will meet you at the couch." She wheels off, leaving me to do as she asks. I laugh to myself as I walk to the kitchen. I sometimes forget how bossy she can be.

I join her on the couch with the spoons and two bowls, handing her the spoon first. She smiles and takes a bite directly out of the pint. "Oh, did you want some of this? I assumed this was your peace offering to me – you know, for lying to me this morning."

I feel the blood rush to me face. She is right, she knows me well. I did lie to her today. And I feel like crap for it. She has been a good friend to me, in addition to all of her hard work with me through the rehabilitation team. "I am sorry Nita. I did lie to you, and I regret it. But I won't lie to you now – I would do it again in this same situation." I tell her.

She is listening to me, but just takes another bite from the ice cream. Not saying anything yet. So I continue. "Nita, I needed to see if it was Tris. And if it was, I had my suspicions that something was wrong. I didn't feel comfortable confiding in anyone. Not you. Not Zeke. No one. When we went out for breakfast this morning... Look, I am sorry to have lied to you. I don't feel good about it, I just hope you can try to see my side of it."

"So you thought what? That I was part of some evil plan to hurt Tris, and I could not be trusted? If that is the case, please take your ice cream and leave." She blurts out. I can hear the hurt in her voice. She also sounds angry with me, and I don't blame her.

I take the ice cream and spoon out of her hands, her mouth falls open in shock – I have literally rendered her speechless. After I place them on the side table, I hold her hands in mine and let out a long breath. I then look her in the eyes. "Nita, it was not that I don't trust you, or even worse – think you are evil in some way. I made the decision to tell no one, and do this on my own. I hope you can understand that. I hope you can respect my decision. I want us to remain friends – but if that was a deal breaker for you, I understand that too."

Nita bites her lip, and then suddenly she squeezes my hands back. "I do not like being lied too. But I can tell you are being honest now, and I do forgive you." She leans over from her spot on the couch and give me a quick friendly hug. "Now, may I have my ice cream back?" she laughs.

"Um, you mean our ice cream? I am not so sorry that I would sit here and watch you eat ice cream without having to share," I say as I hold up my spoon and smile. It earns me a laugh from her.

As we take turns eating out of the pint, I can tell Nita still has something on her mind. But she doesn't say anything. We end up watching movies on her couch into the very late hours of the night.

+00++++++00+

I wake up the next morning, I am sleeping alone on Nita's couch with a blanket thrown over me. She is nowhere to be seen. I must have been really tired last night, it had been a long emotional day. It's then I notice the note she left me on the counter-

"Tobias, Glad we worked through everything last night. I hope you don't mind that I didn't have the heart to wake you last night. I needed to get into the lab early this morning for a deadline. You are scheduled to work with the rehabilitation team later this afternoon. I will see you then.

~ Nita

PS – I left a spare key on the counter, please lock my front door on your way out. You can keep the key..."

 

CHAPTER END


	26. Chapter: 26 Lab Tours and Such

Chapter: 26 Lab Tours and Such

*Tris POV*

I agreed to meet Ms. Grey in the Science Division the next day in the late morning. She always has an entourage of people following her wherever she goes. And based on what has her attention at a given moment, entourage members will slip in and out of her service. A well-orchestrated rotation, it is rather impressive. She may even be more pretentious then David was. She also seems to be a no nonsense type of person too. I hope I am doing the right thing in in trusting her.

Upon arriving Ms. Grey wanted to know if the apartment was satisfactory, I laughed and said it was better than anything I had ever imagined. She stopped and smiled at me. She appears to be in her late 40s, and I would guess that her husband Dr. Grey is right about the same age as well.

When I first arrived, it was explained to me that the three projects that would be offered to me were of the highest clearance level. And I would need to sign a non-disclosure agreement in order to proceed. We sat down to review three different presentations by project heads. All three projects were brought over from Providence as most of the projects that the Chicago labs had been working on were lost with the memory serum. The new management team was working to recreate projects with the goal in mind of genetic equality. Half of the resources in Chicago needed be rededicated for the Rehabilitation project, due to the mass scale up that was needed when almost all of the compound lost their memories.

They started to give me a high level overview of the rehabilitation projects, before moving on to the three projects that pertained to me. I interrupt, "By any chance, has there ever been a case of memories returning? I mean to someone that was impacted by the memory serum." My mind pictures the look of anxiety Tobias feels when he has been around me. I am desperate to know if there is any hope that I will get the man I love back.

The lead scientist answers my questions bluntly, "No. We feel it is impossible to regain the lost memories. The only future testing that we are doing is to examine traits that have remained, which allows us to explore further how the human mind works. I believe your friend from Chicago, Tobias Johnson is a participant in one of the studies."

My head snaps up, "He is? Is he trying to get his memories back?" I ask desperately.

"No. Not at all. I should say, as all impacted civilians – Tobias has already completed the Memory Retrieval Phase of his rehab. Like the rest of the population - it was not successful. I believe he is allowing himself to be tested in more depth than most of the population. Specifically his skills that have remained from his old existence." The lead scientist taps on his handheld device, and in two clean taps a look of recognition passes over his face – "Aw yes, here he is. There are so many, it is impossible to keep track on memory alone. I have noted here for Tobias Johnson, previously known as Tobias "Four" Eaton, he agreed to remain as a subject for the long term, in order to examine his previous skills with technology – specifically computers. I also have noted that he is very close with his rehabilitation team, and it is advised not to reassign him unless all parties previously agree."

"Is there anything else you would like to know Ms. Prior?" the man asks, as if asking me something as simple as if I was done looking at the menu and was I ready to order food.

"No, that sounds like all I needed to hear." I can barely keep the emotion out of my voice. My mind is reeling, Tobias is gone. Forever. God help me.

"Ms. Prior, I do not pretend to understand all that you are feeling right now. Just know you are not the only person that had a relationship be heavily impacted by the serum release. If you need to talk to someone, we do have highly trained counselors on site that would be able to work with you." Ms. Grey quietly whispers to me.

"No. No thank you. There is nothing left to discuss." I mumble. I bite the inside of my cheek to distract myself from the tears that are threatening to fall.

"Ok, if you change your mind please let me know. And now – if we can proceed to review the three projects that are on the docket. We have a lot of decisions to make." Ms. Grey says.

And she is right – we have a lot to get through today. I nod my head and stare at the presentation screen.

I sit down and concentrate on the three presentations. They are all very fascinating, and I am surprised when it turns out that two of three projects have people I know working on them. Caleb and Cara have accepted entry level lab positions on a DNA sequence method that is the latest technology. That one sounds the least appealing to me. And then Matthew, who I have not seen yet, is a junior lead on a project that would analyze the DNA sequence and compare it to deadly illnesses that exist that still have no cure. That one tugs at my heart strings, especially as it is mentioned they are concentrating on diseases that are more likely to impact children before the age of five.

And then the third is a DNA mapping project that is analyzing the correlation of all cities, past and present. Ms. Grey mentions that this project is primarily travel and although it should be based out of Providence, if this is the one I chose, they are willing let my home base remain in Chicago as I have friends and family here.

o======o========o======

After the presentations are over we break for a brief lunch. I am pleasantly surprised with Matthew slips in to join us. When I see him I can't help but jump up and run over to him for a hug. It is good to see another familiar face.

"It is amazing to see you Tris. I am so happy to see you, you look well. And I also hear that we may be working together again. If you select the project I am assigned to." His eyes light up as he speaks. I can't help but smile warmly at him.

"I am nowhere near ready to make a decision – but yes, we might end up working together. But no matter what I choose, it is wonderful to know that I will see a familiar face around these labs all the time." I compliment him. And I mean it.

o======o========o======

When we are done eating lunch Matthew excuses himself in order to return to work. And our group gets ready to tour the actual labs, I excuse myself to use the restroom. On my walk there I need go to walk through another hallway that has multiple smaller labs that have glass walls.

I almost trip when I notice Tobias is walking ahead of me, much further down the hallway. I see how he smiles and waves to a couple of people that pass him as he moves forward. As luck would have it, the lab he enters is directly next to the bathrooms and the water fountain right outside. I can't control my desperation just to see him, even if it is just for a moment. I stand at the water fountain pretending to fill the water bottle I happened to have in my bag. I am able to look discreetly right into the room that Tobias entered.

I feel the blood drain from my face when I see Nita is already in the room and how her face lights up when she sees him. He makes a beeline for her, and I see him slip a key out of his pocket and hand it to her. He appears to be talking as she looks over the key. She smiles at him and then nods her head, as she is slipping the key into her coat pocket. I then see that it is standard housing key, why would Tobias be giving Nita a key to his apartment, or vice versa?

I see how relaxed his body language is, he genuinely looks happy to be there. Another man walks up and whacks Tobias on the back and talks to him for a couple of minutes. To which he smiles warmly. I also notice how Tobias almost immediately turns his attention back to Nita. She is actually speaking with another peer, an older woman. They seem to be looking over data on the handheld tablet. What stings the most, Nita is not even cognizant that Tobias is standing there watching her every move. I can't see his face, but I just imagine him standing there pining for her. A part of my soul dies in that moment.

I move away from the fountain and break my view of their lab room. I need to stop this. I bite the inside of my cheek, hoping the sting will distract me from the pain I am feeling, and force myself to enter the restroom, which was my original purpose for walking in this direction.

Is that what my life has become? Being a pathetic, sad, ex-girlfriend that watches him live his life from the shadows? No. I will not do this to myself. I feel myself get angry. I suddenly for the first time, I feel the anger begin to rise inside of me, overcoming the haze of sadness I have been wallowing in.

Thankfully I am still in the privacy of the bathroom stall when I hear Nita and another woman enter the restroom. They are laughing and talking loudly. The other woman brings me up, and how she just can't believe that the bureau had some poor girl hidden away in the basement, suspended in a coma for months. How morbid.

I literally cringe at hearing someone I don't even know talk about me this way. Sadly, part of ensuring my safety was making all my personal business as public as possible. So here we are.

Then the woman lowers her voice and says to Nita, "And to think, our Tobias was involved! Did you notice him on the monitors? He did jump up quite valiantly in front of the girl when Ms. Grey stepped up onto the platform. He really is such a nice young man."

Nita clears her throat, I am literally holding my breath waiting to hear what she has to say, "I sure did see him, and more than just on the tv screen. This needs to stay between us of course. But as soon as Ms. Prior and her group of friends was done getting a briefing from Ms. Grey and her team – Tobias came to my apartment last night." Nita lets her voice trail off.

"Oh wow. Did he happen to tell you what they talked about?" the woman asks eagerly. Jeez, she is curious.

I can almost hear the smile in Nita's voice, "To be honest, Tobias just doesn't remember little Beatrice Prior from his past life. He is such a gentleman – he of course wanted to make sure that she was safe, but now that she is – he really has no interest in her. We didn't talk about her that much last night. We had other things...to do."

"Oh? Do tell Nita!" the woman says, laughing.

"Let's me just say – Tobias spent the entire night with me in my apartment. And I can assure you, Tris Prior was nowhere on his radar." Nita says smugly. I then hear them leaving the restroom.

I am so stunned, I don't even feel sad. Instead I feel sick, and furious. Disgusted with myself. I think about how I cried myself to sleep last night, thinking about Tobias, wondering what he was doing and if he was thinking about me at all. And he was ... with Nita? Sleeping at her apartment?

I can't freak out. No. I will not freak out. I need to make it through the day. I cannot allow this to destroy me, at least not right now. I need to be strong.

As I wash my hands in the sink I think over my options for projects, and I decide I will need to see where the labs are located. I refuse to be stuck working just down the hall from Nita and Tobias. No job is worth that. I feel my resolve as I am drying my hands. I need to get back to Ms. Grey's meetings and investigate further what these projects will entail.

I storm out of the restroom and make a quick turn to head back in the direction I came from, not even looking behind me to where Tobias was before.

"Tris?" I hear a strong deep voice call out to me. I actually feel the bile want to come up in my throat I am so angry right now. I pause and force myself to turn around. I remind myself that this Tobias doesn't know me at all, he can no longer tell when I am lying or hiding my true feelings.

I remind myself that this Tobias doesn't know me at all, he can no longer tell when I am lying or hiding my true feelings

"Oh, hello Tobias." I say. I keep my voice even and my expression blank.

"Um, hi. I wasn't expecting to see you here..." his voice trails off.

"Here?" I question, as if I don't understand his point.

He now looks uncomfortable. Aw yes, his rehabilitation team is not present to dote on his every word. "This is where I go for my rehabilitation testing...I am usually here 3 times a week. It's that room over there," he says while pointing behind him. I give him a bored look.

I do not allow my eyes follow where he is pointing to. The message I want to convey is – why would I care where you spend your time? Your time with Nita, I think to myself.

"I need to get going, Ms. Grey and her team are waiting for me. Take care." I say politely, but not in a friendly way, and then I turn to leave.

He says nothing. I just keep walking, not looking back. I can feel his eyes burning into me as I walk further and further away.

o======o========o======o

The rest of the day I tour the three labs that are being offered to me. Thankfully the two that I was considering are on the same floor but completely across the building. That I can live with.

Once the day is over I am anxious to get back to my apartment, I feel tired and overwhelmed. I am also emotionally drained from my run in with Tobias and of course hearing Nita in the bathroom. Now that time has passed, the sadness is taking over again. My heart is breaking. I have to control my mind from picturing Nita and Tobias...together in that way.

I am given a couple of weeks to make my final decision. I need to concentrate on that.

o======o========o======o

o======o========o======o

*Tobias POV*

I can't explain the mix of emotions I felt when I saw Tris. Part of it was shock, and the other...was just uncomfortable. I can't put my finger on it, but something was off about her reaction to me as well. Although she was projecting what I can best describe as cold indifference, my gut was screaming that she was putting on an act. I felt like underneath the cool façade she was feeling something strong inside of her, resentment maybe? But why would she be angry with me? As she walked away from me, I felt myself watching her every move. I desperately wanted her to turn around just once, so I could look at her eyes just once more. But she never did.

I know that I have consistently pushed her away, with my words and my actions. Maybe she is just done with me. I feel my stomach drop at the thought. But I do not know why. I shake away the feeling.

When I rejoin my rehabilitation team in the lab, I decide not to mention running into Tris in the halls. I am not ready to discuss it, I am not sure if I will ever be ready to talk about her.

Nita and Ben invite me to an early dinner, they know I have a night shift later this evening. I always need a nap before my shift starts, or I will crash and burn half way through. I learned that lesson the hard way. Thankfully Josh was able to save my ass that night, he worked hard at keeping me awake.

Once we are settled I see Matthew enter the dining hall. Nita sees him as well and waves him over. He smiles and joins us after picking out his dinner.

"How is it going guys?" Matthew asks. We all answer with pleasantries.

Matthew takes a long sip of his juice, and then calmly asks me, "So Tobias, how was it seeing Tris again? I got to see her today for the first time. She looks good."

I almost choke on the piece of bread I had been chewing. Once I am done coughing, I mutter "Oh you know, meeting my great love – whom I don't know anymore. Yeah, that has gone over really well with everyone." I am unable to keep the sarcasm out of my voice.

"Sorry I asked." Matthew says while holding his hands up in mock surrender.

"It's fine. You are just asking what everyone wants to know. I actually had a stranger ask me this morning how things are between me and the back from the dead girlfriend." I spit out while scowling.

Matthew fills us in on how Tris spent all day in the labs – the heads of three different projects were given the opportunity to woo her into working with them. I listen quietly, as Nita asks a couple of polite questions of Matthew. When Matthew states that he would love if Tris picked the project he was working on so he can spend time with her, I look up and stare at him sharply. The table gets quiet.

"I don't mean that in a romantic way of course. She and I are friends, just like you and I were before you took the serum Tobias. Nothing more..." Matthew says quietly. I realize how thick and stifling the air feels.

I clear my throat and assure him I was not concerned, and it would not be any of my business what Tris does relationship wise. We are not together anymore. Matthew just nods his head.

Nita discreetly squeezes my hand under the table. Only then do I realize my fists were clenched. I smile at her and relax my hands.

When dinner is over Nita offers to accompany me back to my apartment for the walk, since she knows I need to get some shut eye soon, but she also wants to talk to me alone briefly. Right as we are leaving the dining hall, we almost run directly into Tris and Christina who are entering. I get a quick nod hello from Tris as she then attempts to look away and just keep walking. Christina would have murdered me on the spot if looks could actually kill someone. Neither girl seems to even notice Nina who is in her wheel chair, and thus lower. That is until Nita says something.

"Well hello Tris! It's amazing to see you alive. You are basically a walking miracle." Nina says brightly.

It is then that Tris makes eye contact with Nita, her face is unreadable. Her tone is sharp, "Yup – that is me. A walking miracle." I immediately feel the tension. Even Christina raises her eyebrows.

We then stand a moment longer in silence. Nita shrugs and reminds me that we are on a time crunch. I inwardly cringe – I can see how it might look like Nita and I are off to do something together, but I also know she is right about needing to keep walking. I need to get back to my apartment and rest before my shift.

We all say a terse good bye and walk in opposite directions. As I am walking behind Nita while pushing her chair – I glance behind me to look back at Tris. Neither girl looks back, but I see that Christina has her arm draped around Tris's shoulder and she is speaking to her. In that moment I feel guilty. Between breakfast that first morning, and now Tris seeing me again with Nita. Although I am not willing to be with Tris, I hope she does not think that there is anything romantic between Nita and I. Because there just isn't. I don't want to make Tris feel worse than what this situation is already doing to her.

o======o========o======o

Nita and I travel in silence throughout the bureau. I am lost in my thoughts.

Finally Nita begins, "So, you and Tris... Are you planning to try to recreate what you had in the past? If yes, we should incorporate her into your rehabilitation sessions. We have an entire protocol that we have been using for couples and even parent-children relationships that are trying to rebuild a new connection - - "

"Nita, please stop." I abruptly interrupt her. I see her tense up in her chair, and the tops of her ears get a little red, I am guessing I have offended her. "I just don't want to hear about what other people are doing. Tris and I were not married. We don't have little kids together that we are obligated to take care of. I just don't want to feel the pressure to make things work with her. Just because we used to date." I spit out. It comes out sounding harsher than I intended.

I am starting to feel pressure from all sides. It is overwhelming. And now from Nita too? From what I just saw, Tris was pretty damn rude to Nita in the dining hall. I don't see any reason for Tris to be upset with Nita. What, is Tris upset because I have a good friend that happens to be a girl? She will need to get over herself – I don't answer to her. At least not anymore. Who knows how things were before?

The past is the past. It can stay there.

As we arrive to my apartment door, I realize we have not spoken since my little outburst. Nita looks a little uncomfortable but then I see she forces a smile for me. "Hey Tobias. I know this is really easy for me to say, as this is your life. The team and I are just here to help you, while of course not actually living through these challenges you are facing...but things will get better. They may get worse before better, but one day – the dust will settle. You will be happy, and even Tris, she is what – 16 years old? This time will pass. She will have a happy life as well, no matter what happens. We are here to help you. Just keep that in mind." I feel my throat tighten, and I don't know why. Why do I care so much about Tris? I do want her to be happy, she deserves that.

I get out my apartment key to open my door, quickly remembering how fine Nita seemed earlier today when I insisted giving her the spare key to her apartment back. I just am not comfortable holding a key to her home. We are not that close.

She snaps me back to attention when she starts talking.

"Speaking of which – I have a perfect example to share with you. Of how things can get better." She says with a huge smile on her face. She slowly moves the foot rests of her chair, and in the next moment she is able to push herself up and for the first time ever (that I can remember post-serum at least) Nita is standing proudly in front of me. A huge smile on her face.

My mouth falls open, and in that moment all of my worries and troubles are completely forgotten. I am happy for my friend. I ask, "Can I give you a hug?"

Nita laughs and opens her arms to me. I try to be gentle, but then she assures me she will not break. So we exchange a warm hug. I then realize we have been in an embrace for a little too long. So I clear my throat and move away. Nita just smiles, sits back in her chair with my help, says goodnight and then heads down the hallway.

Things in my life may be crazy right now, but not all of it is. I am happy for Nita and she is right – things will get better. No matter what.

o======o======o Chapter End o======o======o


	27. Chapter: 27 Decisions and Moving Forward

Chapter: 27 Decisions and Moving Forward

*Tris POV*

A couple of weeks have passed, I have managed to completely avoid seeing Tobias. Sadly I can't say I have been able to keep him out of my mind. Nights are especially hard for me, as I lay down to sleep...that is when my heart especially aches for him. But there is nothing that can be done. The man I loved no longer exists. I repeat that to myself again and again as I try to wrap my brain about him being with Nita. She can have him. The man she has over for sleepovers was never mine. He is someone else. Someone new.

I try to accept my new normal, my life without Tobias.

My days have been filled with further research into the three proposed projects, and the continuation of my recovery therapies in the private medical ward.

I was very nervous to go back the first time, so Christina, Cara and Caleb cleared their schedule in order to spend the entire day with me there. Once we arrived, I was immediately put at ease. Everyone was very happy to see me, review my medical history, and set me up with a new schedule that would work around which ever position I finally decide upon. I didn't mind them covering all of my medical information in front of Caleb and the girls. I know I need their support now more than ever. Caleb and Cara are especially interested as they have found a passion for medicine.

Although I am not pleased with how the bureau handled my situation (testing on me when they thought I was brain dead and then not notifying my loved ones immediately) I have decided to move forward.

My instincts about Nurse Gabriela were correct, she really is a lovely woman. She looks about my mother's age. I guess, the age that my mother would be if she were still alive and with me. She is kind and calm – which is what I am desperately needing in my life right now.

When we are alone for a moment, I ask her, "Why did you help me? How did you know to find my friends and take their picture while they were at dinner?"

Gabriela smiles sadly at me, "You remind me a lot of my oldest daughter, Tris. She is young, and also a fighter. When you woke up the first time, the way you cried for Tobias – it just broke my heart. It took some digging, and looking in files I didn't have clearance to see – but I was able find out who your brother and friends were. So when I happened to see them all sitting together having a meal – I discreetly took the picture and printed it out from my home computer. I knew you needed hope."

I nod my head in agreement, and then tears fill my eyes. Gabriela just gives me a hug. She tells me, that things are going to get better. And she is going to make sure to help me get back to normal and as strong as possible.

+o+++o++++o++++o+

That evening Caleb and I have dinner alone at my apartment. We spend many hours talking about the past, our parents whom we both miss so much, and what I had missed those three months.

Caleb admits to me that he has fallen in love with Cara. And although he has not made his move yet, he thinks she is falling for him too. I just smile at him and tell him I am so happy for him. Cara has turned out to be an amazing friend, she is strong, loyal and smart. I would love to see her end up with Caleb. I think of Will, and just smile sadly. I still miss him.

And then I see a look of sadness pass across this face. "What is it Caleb?" I ask him.

"I just, I feel so guilty – here I am, in love, I have been living my life...and then I thought my entire family was gone. Mom, dad and then you. When you died, well – when we were told you were dead, the guilt I carried was crushing me. I knew it should have been me. I needed it to have been me." Caleb hides his face in his hands, his shoulders shaking as he begins to cry. It pains me to see my brother like this.

"Caleb – you need to stop. I made the decision, and at the time I felt it was the right thing to do. I did believe that I would survive when I took your place. David is the one that ruined things. If he hadn't been there, or if I had been armed, things would have turned out differently. But they just...things just got complicated." I mumble.

"Tris, every time I look at Four now..." his voice falters. I immediately stiffen at the mention of Tobias.

I stop Caleb from continuing, "Please. Don't. I just can't think about him right now. I know soon I will need to accept we are over – and that my Tobias is gone..."

"I understand. Please just know, I am so sorry for all that has happened. It kills me to see you suffering. I am sorry Beatrice." Caleb mumbles and I just reach over and hug him. I forgive him. He is family, and it is what we do.

+o+++o++++o++++o+

Since we made the very public announcement about my injuries, my coma and then my escape – I have very much been the topic of discussion around the bureau. It seems I am somewhat of a celebrity now. Aside from the general attention from many curious people, I have also some romantic admirers. Which is shocking to me, and nothing I have ever really experienced before. I am hoping my popularity will fizzle out soon. I have been sent some very sweet love letters, ranging from marriage proposals to promises of always keeping me safe. I guess everyone likes a damsel in distress.

But one thing I have learned, I will not be counting on anyone to keep me safe. I can't really count on anyone else. Not anymore. Dr. Grey finally has approved my increase in exercise and has agreed that I can push myself to train in the area of self-defense. I am really excited for my first session with my assigned trainer. I have been assigned to a man named Luke Clark, he is supposedly of the best in the bureau. I am literally counting the days until I can start working with him. I need this. I need to feel strong again.

Another daunting experience has been getting set up with a full wardrobe. Ms. Grey assigned me a stylist named Jackie to take me shopping. Of course Christina not only insisted on attending – but she made an instant connection with Jackie. I do have to keep reeling in the women and reminding them I will not wear clothes that are too tight or revealing. Ms. Grey made it clear that with my position I will be not only a vital part of the team, but also representing the leaders of the bureau and I must reflect class and professionalism at all times. I actually don't mind – I am so happy to be out of a hospital gown and robe.

+o+++o++++o++++o+

A couple of mornings later I am sitting anxiously in the waiting room outside of Ms. Grey's office-- the office that had been used by David. The office I had spent countless hours at, working side by side with him. I think back to that time, we were in the bureau, I was so hopeful about this place. I believed the façade that was presented to me. This place did ugly things to us. It almost destroyed Tobias. It made him, and a large population of people, feel inferior. To feel like less, because of a blood test. I close my eyes – yes, Tobias and I had one last beautiful night and morning together. But the hard truth is – things were rough between us. I tried so hard to fix things, but it was impossible. Because of a damn blood test.

I close my eyes – thankfully at the end, Tobias saw the truth. That he was the same amazing man he had always been. I tried to tell him from the very beginning, "You're the same person you were five minutes ago and four months ago and eighteen years ago! This doesn't change anything about you." But it was not enough, he need to go down that dark hole. That was just one of the times he chose to walk away from me.

If we never have a chance again...I will always be grateful for the end of our love story. It was everything I had ever imagined and hoped for. And that is all I have now, my memories with him.

It is more than Tobias has left.

"Ms. Prior, please come with me. Ms. Grey is ready to see you now." Her assistant beckons me, interrupting my thoughts of him. I stand up and follow her into the office.

"Welcome Beatrice, please have a seat. I am very anxious to hear which project you have chosen, and why." Ms. Grey motions to the chair across from her desk.

I smile at her and start, "I have given it a lot of thought, and I have decided on the project that examines the DNA sequence in order to combat illnesses that currently have no cure."

Ms. Grey smiles and claps her hands excitedly. At the same time motioning for one of her entourage members to begin making the needed plans to officially get me started. She asks me if I will be ready to start working the very next day. I smile and say yes.

And for the first time in a while, I feel very excited for tomorrow.

I rush out of the meeting with a huge smile on my face, I need to run home and change. I am meeting Luke Clark for my first training session in less than an hour. I am ready to take back control of body, and my own protection. I am still Dauntless, I need to get back to that part of me.

+o+++o+ Chapter End +o+++o+


	28. Chapter: 28 Training with Luke Clark

Chapter: 28 Training with Luke Clark

*Tris POV*

After eating a quick snack and then changing into my workout clothes, which I note are very stylish and figure flattering. I roll my eyes thinking about how Jackie and Christina went to great lengths to pick out even these clothes. How silly, I am just going to be sweating and running around in them. And then I remember one comment that Jackie made, something about my training with bureau-wonder Luke Clark, and it would behoove me to "look my best". When I asked her what she meant, she literally just laughed. Shortly after she handed me a black sports bra, that I later discovered also works as a push up bra. Who invents these ridiculous things?

I throw my gym back over my shoulder and happily run through the halls. I want to arrive early so that I have time to stretch and warm up. Right as I make it onto the atrium floor I run full force directly into someone's chest, face first. With such force that I actually bounce backwards, until I feel strong hands grab my upper arms to steady me.

"Tris... Are you OK?" I hear Tobias say. Recognizing his voice before I even look up to meet his eyes. And when I do, all I can see first are his lips, my thoughts immediately flooded with memories of kissing him. But I quickly correct myself. His lips are no longer an option for me.

I clear my throat and then meet his eyes, "Yes, I'm fine. I should not have rounded that corner so quickly. I apologize for bumping into you." I say while taking a step back, and out of his grasp at the same time. His hands falling to his sides.

"It's ok. Um. How have you been?" Tobias asks me, I notice he has some of the same mannerisms as before, I watch as he scratches the back of his ear, and then turning his eyes away from me for a moment. And then he seems to force himself to look back at me. He seems a little nervous, possibly.

"I've been fine. I am actually in a hurry...as you probably noticed. Sorry again for crashing into you. I'll see you around." I say in as strong and calm of a voice as I can manage. I even force a smile. I do not wait for his response before I move past him, careful not to touch him. Nor do I look back. I tell myself, no more looking back.

+o+++o+++o+

I make it to Leadership Training Center with plenty of time to spare. Whenever I want to work out, I have been granted access to the private training facilities of the leadership team. Only because this is the only place that Luke Clark trains. I have to check in when I arrive, and then I am given a quick tour of the facility. Women's locker room, with private spa, a swimming pool, a shooting range, and track, and of course the main floor which is where I will be training in hand to hand combat with Luke.

I drop my bag off in the locker room and begin my stretches and then run a few laps around the track. I am careful not to push myself too hard before my session actually begins. I stop a couple of minutes before start time to take a water break.

And that is when I notice him. A man, maybe I should use the term gorgeous heart throb, leaning against the wall – watching my every move. I stop cold, wondering how I did not notice his entrance and then wonder just how long he has been watching me.

"Please, don't stop on my account. I appreciate working with clients that arrive early to warm up properly." The man says, his smile warm and his eyes gleaming with amusement. "I will just wait over here until you are ready for me."

I smile at him, although he is very handsome, there is something about his personality that instantly puts me at ease. I take a sip of water, and then walk towards him. I extend my hand, "Hello, I am Tris Prior. I can't tell you how much I have been looking forward to this training."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Tris. As I am sure you aware, you are pretty much the most interesting topic around this place. At the moment, at least. I have been looking forward to working with you as well," he says as he firmly shakes my hand in return.

We sit down to discuss my goals for training, and Luke also tells me he has communication directly with Dr Grey, to make sure we do not do any physical training beyond what my current rehabilitation allows. I make a face, and Luke laughs.

I can't help but look at his face when he is not looking at me, he has amazing piercing green eyes, and although I have never liked beards, or I just pictured them on old men – but the one that Luke has looks perfect on him. It is very short, and it just makes him look like a man. Not a boy.

As we work out Luke continues to review my file while making notes, he pauses while smiling softly at me and asks me how I am really doing.

I raise my brows, "What do you mean?"

"Well, I am looking at this file – on probably the most interesting seventeen year old I have ever met. You have come from the Chicago experiment, which was in the middle of a war. You were persecuted for being something called a Divergent. You came to the Bureau and were immediately pulled into the fold by the former director, David, and then your life was turned upside down by a rebel attack. Three months in a coma, after being pronounced dead to the world. And now – here we are." He says while setting up the resistance bands for my next exercise.

I look at him blankly, "Wait, I am seventeen?"

He raises his eyebrows and then we both start laughing. "Even though being a trainer is my second job, I actually can

do simple math. I hope so at least, take a look." He says while handing me my file.

Sure enough, my birthday passed while I was in the coma. I just nod my head, amazed that I hadn't even thought of this. "Well, I guess this is just the story of my life – I've never celebrated a birthday before, no reason to start now." I say jokingly.

"What do you mean?" Luke asks incredulously.

While working out I explain the five factions, and how I was raised in Abnegation. And they did not celebrate birthdays. I can see that Luke is very intrigued by all of this. But then I also realize I am doing a lot of talking.

"Earlier, you said being a trainer was your second job, what did you mean?" I ask.

Luke accuses me of trying to distract me he was about to get me started on a 5 minutes intensive WOD, which includes quite a few burpees. I tell him to start talking – I am an excellent multitasker. I can listen while I run through it.

"You should look into being a trainer, you are a little on the bossy side. You would do really well." He says while smiling and getting his stop watch ready.

"I am actually from Providence, my career is in intelligence security – I am the new head of Bureau Security and Investigative Services. But I also have a passion for teaching and coaching all around self-defense and physical fitness. When I was asked to come help the bureau, part of my requirements was to be able to work in the office three-fourths of the time – while also being able to work in the training room for a fourth of the time. I love what I do, but being behind a desk every day was starting to drive me crazy. So here we are." Luke says while alternating between watching me and the clock.

Once I finish, he takes some notes and nods his head.

"Well?" I ask.

"Well what Tris?" Luke says while smiling.

"I see you taking notes. I am guessing to report back to Dr. Grey. How am I doing?" I pause to get some deep breaths in and out. "I feel ready to push myself," I assure him. Maybe trying to convince us both.

"You are very perceptive and smart, and yes – Dr. Grey wants to be kept appraised of your progress. And I think you are doing amazing. So if you are up to it, before we wrap up – shall we do some sparring?" he asks.

I almost fall over with happiness, as we prepare to go through some drills. My body is stiff, not having done these movements for a long time. But I love every moment of it. Luke reminds me to take it easy today. We will step it up next session.

As we are cleaning up, I tell Luke that tomorrow is my first day at my new job and we end up discussing the project that I chose. He smiles at me, but not before I see a look of sadness cross his face.

"So, do you want to tell me why you looked sad a second ago?" I ask gently.

"Nothing gets by you huh?" he says jokingly. I just smile at him and shrug, then turn away. I am not going to push it. I have done enough chasing of a man these last weeks. I can recognize deflection when I see it.

Suddenly Luke's hand is gently around my wrist, pulling me so that I am facing him again. After letting go of my wrist, he starts "Tris. I am sorry, that was rude. I just don't talk about ... my little sister that often." He takes a deep breath before continuing. "I am sure the project you are working on, that ties to the illnesses we still don't have a cure for. My little sister died a few years ago, from the KL39 disease. It will be one of the diseases your team will be working to eliminate. It is very rare, and still what appears to be genetically passed when someone is a carrier."

I am stunned. I just was not expecting things to get so personal, or so painful. "I'm sorry Luke. How old was she?"

He speaks softly, "She was eight when she passed, diagnosed at five years old. It was awful, something that no child should ever go through. It just dawned on me, she would have been your age right now. I am twenty by the way, well I turn twenty-one next week. I was twelve when she died, and mad at the world. I got into a lot of trouble- acted out, isolated myself from everyone who cared about me, people who were still dealing with her death. It is a time of my life I am not proud of..."

In my mind I can picturing a brother, but also a boy that is suffering the death of a sister. "Luke, you were so young as well. You should cut yourself some slack. These diseases, from my research of this project so far – it is evident that the impact of these illnesses is not only devastating to the child, but the effects ripple outward. I am sure it was very hard on you and your family," I say firmly.

Luke just stares at me as I am speaking, his expression unreadable. He releases a breath and then smiles at me. "Thank you for that," he says softly. "Thankfully I was able to pull myself out of it. It is probably one of the reasons I rely on my physical training so much, I need the release."

"Twenty and already head of a division?" I ask teasingly. I am trying to lighten the mood. I keep thinking about his sister, that should be alive and my age. Maybe she and I could have been friends. It is not fair. But I don't need to make him feel worse about that. He knows that already.

"Aw yes, my other secret. There you go again – being so perceptive. I am somewhat of a prodigy. Even with my delinquent years, I was able to move swiftly through school, graduating early and moving up the chain at the Providence facility." He says, his cheeks getting a little red. "And I will admit, I am highly motivated by success, I have been called ambitious by many. Not always as a compliment. Let's just say...I like to play hard and I like to win."

I find myself just smiling at him, I like what I am hearing. I am looking forward to training with him.

As we say goodbye, I remind him that Dr. Grey's office will be scheduling our next session around my new work schedule. Luke waves good bye and begins to walk towards the men's locker rooms.

"Luke!" I call out. After he turns to me I remind him that he promised me that our next session would be more fighting and actual training.

He just laughs and nods his head while walking away.

For the first time in a long time, I feel really happy.

+o+++o+ End of Chapters +o+++o+


	29. Chapter: 29 An Awkward Dinner

Chapter: 29 An Awkward Dinner

*Tobias POV*

The last couple of weeks have been a blur. I have been concentrating on work, and also making it a point to spend more time with my coworkers. I remember what Zeke said, which makes perfect sense – he is not going to stay at the bureau forever. His life with Shauna is back in Chicago with their families. So I am branching out.

Josh is a great guy, and I am always interested to hear how it is going with him and his wife. He and Zeke actually get along really well too. Josh's wife, Amy, has a lot of opinions about my situation with Tris, as many people at the bureau do, most of whom are complete strangers to me. Every time Amy sees me, she asks if I have come to my senses and won Tris back yet. I just smile politely and change the subject. I understand her bias, I am guessing she can't imagine her life if Josh had just shrugged her off, and had been unwilling to try. I also remind myself – Josh and Amy are married.

I am also still attending my rehabilitation testing program. Nita and I have been good, I still can't shake the feeling that she now wants more from me. More than friendship. I have chosen to ignore the little comments she makes, or the way she looks at me at times. I just don't see her in that way. The more I think about the time she kissed me, I realize I felt uncomfortable. I for sure didn't feel a romantic connection with her. I didn't even know Tris was alive when it happened, so it does not relate to my past either.

I do genuinely like Nita as a friend and only as a friend. I hope she will accept how I feel soon.

As I am walking through the halls I see Zeke across the way, "Hey Zeke! How is it going?" I call to him.

He smiles and runs over to me. "I was just about to stop by your apartment. I wanted to invite you to a group dinner, 7pm sharp. I know things are a little awkward with some of us since Tris returned – but we should be able to still enjoy a meal together. I don't like the divide that has formed. We have all been through too much to be playing #TeamTris versus #TeamTobias games."

My face falls as I think of the last time I saw Tris, it was two days ago that we ran into each other in the atrium. I think Zeke was right, he warned me that she would only take so much, before giving up on me. She seems to be really done. She just could not wait to get away from me. I guess this is for the best. Now if only the other people in my life could accept it.

"Tobias?" Zeke interrupts my thoughts, "Dinner?"

"Thank you for the invitation but I was scheduled for overtime this evening, for a shift that starts earlier than my usual. So I won't be able to make dinner." I say sadly. I would have liked to see everyone, maybe next time I think.

+o++o++o++o+

*Tris POV*

"Are you sure Four is not going to be at this dinner?" I ask Christina, for the third time.

"Tris, come on. I will say it one more time – Zeke did invite him but he has to work. So no, he will not be there. You are always hiding out in your fabulous apartment, but you need to get out and socialize with your friends. Don't let him chase you off!" she says, giving me a hard look.

I know she is right. But I still have to be honest with myself that as hard as I am trying to let him go, I still love him. Maybe I always will. I did not tell anyone about what I heard Nita discussing in the bathroom a couple of weeks ago, that he had spent the night with her. I know I have to accept it, but I have no desire to think about it, let alone say it outloud. I am still at the point that it pains me to be around him, while not having him in my life. Maybe one day...I will be able to see him as just a friend? A new friend, as he really is not my ex-boyfriend – not without his memories. I need to move forward.

"Ok, I'm sorry. Let's go to dinner." I smile as we begin our walk towards the dining hall.

+o+++o+++o+

The dining hall is really full around this time, 7pm – luckily Cara and Zeke were able to nab a table large enough for our group. We take turns getting our own food from the cafeteria, so we don't lose our table. I am not that hungry so I insist on being one of the last ones to head up. Cara, Caleb, and Matthew just got back to the table with their food, and Zeke and Christina had left a few minutes ago to pick out their dinner and get in line.

Right as I was getting ready to get up, I look up and see Tobias standing at the table. His eyes on me. My mouth drops open, I was not expecting him.

"Hi guys. Is Zeke around? He invited me to dinner...but if he isn't here, then I guess..," Tobias says, looking uncomfortable.

"Hey Tobias. It is good to see you! It's been a while. Zeke and Christina should be back in a few minutes with their food. As you can see we have ours already. Why don't you and Tris hurry and get your food now?" Cara says calmly, as she basically sets me up to spend time alone with Tobias. This girl is like a dog with a bone.

"That would be great." Tobias says while pulling his backpack off and setting it on the floor next to Cara. "Um Tris. Are you ready to go up? Or if you want to stay here you can just tell me what you are in the mood for and I can just get it for you?" he finishes while looking at me.

I force a smile and get up, I can do this. "I'll go with you Tobias."

As I walk in front of him, I am suddenly stunned when I feel his hand on the side of my lower back, guiding me around a girl who was just about to push out her chair right in front of me. My skin tingles at the spot his fingertips touch me, as though he has the ability to push electricity through my body. For a moment I close my eyes, remembering what it used to feel like when he touched me and meant it.

And then just as quickly his hand is gone. I bite my lip and keep walking ahead of him. I don't look back at him.

Once we enter the cafeteria's food stations section, I glance behind me and Tobias is already watching me. He smiles shyly at me.

"So what's good here? I've been making most of my meals at home." I ask him, in trying to make some kind of conversation. Food is a safe enough topic.

I see the smile that crosses his face, it dawns on me that he may be nervous around me as well. "Well, I have yet to have a bad meal here. But as I am pretty much an empty slate – I don't really remember what foods I didn't like." He says. His eyes twinkling for a moment as he stares at me.

I find myself smiling back at him, and meaning it this time.

As we talk and walk around, we both pick out some vegetables and chicken, I can't help but notice we get a couple of stares from strangers in the cafeteria. It drives me nuts how people seem to be so interested in me. In us. Tobias doesn't seem to notice at all – he is looking at me every time I look up.

"Well, you never seemed to dislike any foods – although one time you got us a drink, that you had stolen from the Erudite kitchens, it was bubbly and clear, it was supposed to be delicious. We both hated it!" I say and laugh at the memory.

"What! Me steal? No, I'm sorry, you may need to rethink that. I can't imagine myself doing that. Especially something that was gross. I must have been smarter than that." He laughs as well, his blue eyes looking at me brightly. And the next moment he slips his hand into mine, automatically intertwining our fingers and pulls me towards the dessert station. "Do you want to share a dessert? How about some cake? Although Zeke has told me repeatedly that the cake here does not compare to Dauntless Chocolate cake!"

I feel my cheeks blush at feeling his hand take mine. I just nod my head in a yes. Too afraid my voice will reveal the strong effect Tobias has on me. Tobias lets go of my hand to place a slice on his tray. And then he turns to look at me. For one moment our eyes connect and we both just smile. To me it feels like we are the only two people in the room.

Sadly we are not alone, far from it.

"Tobias!" I hear her dreaded voice call chirpily, "I saw the gang sitting at the large table. Do you mind if I join you guys for dinner?" Nita says while only looking at Tobias, she was just a couple of feet from us. I instantly stiffen, remembering the bathroom conversation I overheard. They slept together - I cringe remembering that.

"Oh, hi Nita. Of course you can join us, Zeke is with us...so let's just make sure you are not sitting right next to him." Tobias says. No longer even looking in my direction. I feel as if someone had placed a stack of heavy bricks on my chest.

I take a step back, I feel as if I am intruding in their private conversation. Whatever connection between us I had just imagined about – I was just being foolish. Tobias doesn't care about me.

"Oh Tobias – would you be a dear and carry my food on your tray? It will help me so much not to have to balance a tray on my lap while being in this chair." Nita asks him so sweetly. Tobias smiles and nods in agreement.

That is when I quietly just turn and walk across the room to get in line to pay for my own food. I have had enough. I am tempted to ask for a to-go box so I can run home and eat alone, where I won't have to watch Tobias fawn all over Nita. But I know Christina will never let me hear the end of it.

As I am waiting for my change, I steal one glance over my shoulder and I am surprised to see Tobias staring right at me. He looks concerned. I force smile and motion that I will see him at the table. I am hoping that he can't see the tears that are in my eyes from across the room.

He nods his head, but I can see he still looks worried. Still watching me.

I turn around and try to blink the tears away. It will be a disaster if I show up to our table crying like a fool, over what? Tobias being a gentleman and helping wheelchair bound Nita carry her food? I need to get a grip. This is not healthy. I wish I never came to this stupid dinner. I breathe in and out and plaster a smile on my face.

"Hey Tris! Where did Tobias go?" Zeke demands as I walk up to the table.

I am busy eyeing the seating arrangements at our table – I absolutely refuse to sit on Tobias's one side, so he can ignore me while he talks to Nita all night. Of course the group made sure to leave only two empty seats for me and Tobias – right next to each other. I then notice they even made sure those two chairs are right up against each other, nice and tight. While everyone else at the table has plenty of elbow room. I roll my eyes, this is ridiculous.

"Um Tris?" Zeke asks me again while watching my place my food right in between Christina and Cara, which is literally the farthest spot I can get away from where Four and Nita will end up sitting. I even reach across Cara in order to move her food over to make room for my spot.

I then tell Cara and Christina to make room for my chair – I specify in between them. They raise their eyebrows, but do exactly as I demanded. I quickly run around the table and take one of the empty chairs, the one that is NOT next to Zeke and pull it around the table. Everyone is now silent as they watch me.

Once that is all done, I calmly sit down to begin eating my food. I am going to see how fast I can eat and then get out of here.

And that's when Tobias and Nita arrive. A look of realization passes over Zeke's face, and then a scowl. Tobias looks right at Zeke and gives him a pleading look. Zeke just shrugs and takes a sip of his drink. I catch his frown as he pulls his cup away.

"Hey guys, Nita asked to join us. I didn't think anyone would mind." Tobias says cheerfully, almost too cheerfully. Christina actually laughs meanly. I quickly elbow her and give her a look. Zeke is now sullen. Cara and Caleb now talking quietly amongst themselves.

It is Matthew who speaks up to help diffuse the situation. "Of course she can. Hi Nita. Good to see you." He says happily. The rest of the table then nods and says hello.

For a brief moment I feel pity for Tobias, I can see he is trying to balance his friendship with Zeke and his...whatever he has with Nita. So now Tobias can enjoy sitting right in the middle of them both for a lovely dinner. I wonder if Nita will ask him to spoon feed her, maybe her arms are too tired to do it herself. She plays the damsel in distress very well.

Oh well. I have one mission. And that is to quickly eat my food, and get out of here. I force myself to not even look in their direction. I have some serious chewing to concentrate on.

I am relieved that Matthew is at dinner tonight. Although he is embarrassing me with his constant praise, at least as he keeps talking on and on about the project we are both working on, I can continue to eat quickly and just smile when needed. It also helps me to be able to keep my eyes on him while he speaks, and make sure I don't even look at Tobias and Nita.

"Tris? Did you hear me?" I hear Tobias say. The entire table is now staring at me.

My cheeks redden and I need to finish chewing the large forkful of carrots I just shoved in my mouth. So I make an "Hmm?" sound while keeping my lips closed and covering my mouth.

"I was wondering which piece of the cake you preferred. Since we are going to split dessert...." He says quietly, staring at me intently. I then notice he has cut the cake in two and has one piece on a napkin. And all I can think about is how I will need to stay even longer if I accept that cake. Not to mention at this point, I no longer want anything from him.

"Um, I changed my mind. You just have it." I say once I swallowed the rest of my food. "I am not as hungry as I thought I was."

I see his face drop. And then Nita opens her mouth and says "Really? At the speed you are eating, I thought this was your first meal in days." I am stunned into silence. Tobias knitted his brows and he turns to look at her.

"Why don't you eat the cake Nita? You seem to really enjoy Tris's leftovers." Christina pipes up. It doesn't make the situation any better when Zeke starts hysterically laughing and spits out his drink.

"Excuse me Christina! What the hell is that supposed to mean?!" Nita snaps at her.

I feel my cheeks flush, certain this is about to escalate, and I am about to excuse myself from the table, and just toss my meal in the garbage on the way to my apartment. I am not making eye contact with anyone as I start packing up my trash.

Christina start up again, "You know exactly-" until she is interrupted by a deep voice coming from behind me.

"Hello Tris. I am glad I found you." I hear, and I turn to see Luke Clark standing behind me.

Our table is now silent.

+o++o++o++o+

*Tobias POV*

This may be the most awkward meal I have ever had. That I can remember at least.

First off, what is up with Matthew? He just won't shut up about working with Tris. He told me before he only sees her as a friend. He isn't acting that way right now.

Zeke is giving me the silent treatment, I can only assume because I let Nita join us for dinner. I know he doesn't like her, but it is one meal. I have asked Zeke before just to try to be civil. Speaking of Zeke, laughing at Christina's mean comment was not helping the current situation. And he actually spit some of his juice on my arm. Disgusting.

I think Nita and Christina are about to have a screaming match, and since Christina is mean a loud mouth – good luck to Nita, she will need it. I am staying out of this drama.

I go back to watching Tris, which I have basically been doing throughout the entire meal. She never even looked in my general direction. Except to reject my offer to share the cake. She looked at me for about two seconds then.

She now has her head down and is quickly packing up her food. I don't know what to think or even do. I tried tonight, I really wanted to be friends with Tris. But it just doesn't seem like we are going be able to make that happen. Maybe there is just too much history between us.

No.

That is just an excuse. And a stupid one at that.

When we were alone picking out our dinners, and didn't have all the pressure on us...I felt like she and I...I just had this connection with her. I really enjoyed hearing about me, correction...about us. About what we were like before our lives changed. When we were laughing, and I could see she was genuinely happy with me, her eyes were literally the most beautiful things I have ever seen. And then it was as if Nita showing up, just shut her down. Tris wanted nothing else to do with me.

Christina is right in the middle of her response to Nita, when she is interrupted by a man standing behind Tris.

"Hello Tris. I am glad I found you." He says warmly.

Our entire table is quiet and all eyes on him. Even Nita is quiet, her eyes just taking him in. Actually, same can be said for Cara and Christina, both are just smiling at this guy dreamily. I guess...he is what could be considered handsome. If you like the blond, built type. Or however you would describe him. He is really tall too. Maybe even taller than I am.

All I really notice, is the way he is looking at Tris. Like she is the only person at our table. Or even the entire dining hall. I feel myself stiffen while straightening my back. Next to me Zeke fakes a cough, I think he mumbles "Meet your competition" to me. Asshole.

What I can't see is Tris's face as she has now turned in her seat and is looking up at him. Christina is looking back and forth between the interloper and Tris, with a huge goofy smile on her face. Christina has forgotten all about Nita.

"Hi Luke." Tris says to him softly. I hate that I can't see her facial expression.

"Hi," Luke repeats to her again, just staring at her.

And then it is like he remembers to use his words. He smiles at her again before saying, "I am glad I ran into you. I wanted to see if after our training session tomorrow if you would like to have lunch with me? I figured we could celebrate your birthday, even if it is a little late. And my birthday is coming up, so we can think of it as a double celebration."

"She would love that! She was just telling me that she has no one to eat lunch with tomorrow." Christina says enthusiastically. Christina is so full of shit. I suddenly dislike her even more than I did before.

Luke chuckles a little at Christina and then gives her a big smile. Which Christina just eats up, grinning at him like he just gifted her a puppy.

"So Tris, is that a yes?" Luke asks her directly. He raises his eyebrows while smiling. He just gives off an air of confidence. I imagine no female has ever said no to him.

I can feel my heart start beating faster. And I rub my sweaty palms on the knees of my pants. Why do I feel sick suddenly?

"Aw, isn't that sweet Tris? How nice that someone wants to celebrate your birthday," Nita says. For the first time I see Tris's face she looks over her other shoulder so she can glance at Nita. Her expression is blank. Not frowning but also not smiling. I can see her eyes flash, it is fast, almost like she decided something in that moment. Tris turns back around to look at Luke, she still has not looked at me.

"That is really nice Luke – and yes. That sounds like fun," Tris says to him. Her voice is calm, yet sweet.

Luke smiles at her warmly and nods his head happily, and then two men walk up to him.

"Mr. Clark, the Leadership Meeting is starting soon, we really need to get up there. You know how Ms. Grey gets when people are late to her meetings..." one of the men say.

Luke smiles and laughs. "Yes, I of all people know how she gets when someone is late. Please wait for me by the elevators, I will be there shortly." The men nod and smile, and then walk away.

He turns his attention back to Tris and this time the rest of the table, "Please excuse my interruption, I'm sorry I didn't get to meet your friends today Tris. Maybe another time? But I'll see you tomorrow."

Tris just nods and then Luke walks off. I notice that some of the women at some of the other tables steal glances at him as well.

The table is silent. The disagreement between Nita and Christina long forgotten.

"Um, who was that Tris?" Caleb asks breaking the silence. He raises his eyebrows. He is her brother after all. "He looks old." Caleb finishes. Cara elbows him in the stomach. "Well?" Caleb finishes, ignoring Cara's warning.

Tris resumes packing up her meal, while explaining "He is my self-defense trainer Caleb. His name is Luke Clark."

"Wait that is Luke Clark? Wow, I had heard about him – he was just brought over from Providence, he is the new head of Bureau Security and Investigative Services. I didn't realize he was that young. To be ranked so high," Matthew says, leaning back in his seat looking impressed. "And he is working as your personal trainer, like one on one sessions?"

"Isn't that the name of the division you work for Tobias? So that guy is like your boss? Or I guess – your boss's boss's boss." Zeke sounds cheerful and amused. I scowl at him.

Tris's cheeks flush and she is now standing up with her tray, "Thanks for dinner guys, I am heading out." She has not looked in my direction even once.

"Excuse me, you didn't answer my question, how old is he Beatrice?" Caleb asks again.

"This again Caleb? He is 20 years old. What difference does it make?" Tris snaps at him.

"Well for one, you are sixteen! And he just said his birthday is soon, so he is really about to be 21. He is way too old for you. That is even worse than when you were dating Four!" Caleb insists.

Tris looks at Caleb with such venom, he actual leans back in his seat. That is the meanest look I have ever seen her make. And I have managed to upset her quite a bit in the last couple of weeks.

"First, I don't answer to you. Or to ANYONE else for that matter. Second, I am actually seventeen now, my birthday passed when I was trapped in a coma. So stop pestering me Caleb. Who I do or don't date was not up for your approval back then, and it sure as hell is not up for it now." Tris hisses. I note that Caleb glances at me when Tris said the words "back then".

"Have a good evening everyone." Tris says and she walks away from the table and out of the dining hall.

I actually feel sick now, like someone has punched me in the stomach.

"Tobias, why don't we share that cake now?" Nita says sweetly to me. I see Zeke roll his eyes on my other side.

"I'm not hungry, you can have the whole thing." I say as I place both pieces in front of her. I don't even look at her. I am trying to control my emotions.

Zeke leans over and quietly whispers to me, "So Tobias, I take it Luke Clark is also your best friend?"

"What?!" I ask, completely confused, but also annoyed at even the mention of his name.

"You told me the only reason you would get upset with Tris moving on, would be if it was with your very best friend. Right?" Zeke says smugly. He can see how jealous I am. I am sure the entire table sees it.

"Shut. Up. Zeke." I say loudly and I get up and walk away from the table as quickly as possible. I feel like the walls are crashing in around me, and that I am in a room that is getting smaller and smaller.

I keep walking and walking. I just have to get away.

+o++o++o++o+ Chapter end +o++o++o++o+


	30. Chapter 30: Changing Feelings and Attitudes

Chapter 30: Changing Feelings and Attitudes

*Tobias POV*

I am exhausted, which is unusual as I work nights, and I am used to being awake all night long. This time it is different, I tossed and turned in my bed for hours last night. I just can't stop thinking about Tris. Tris and Luke Clark. I don't even know how I got here. How did she go from just being someone that was a stranger to me, I will even use the word burden as I felt the need to worry about her safety and then her feelings...to me feeling like something inside of me died at the thought of her being with someone else?

The worst part, my mind keeps going back to the brief time last evening when we felt so connected. I found myself feeling relieved when she was willing to walk with me to get food. I have sensed her recent tension with me, so I wanted to be a gentleman and offer her an out – that is why I offered to just buy her dinner. So she wouldn't have to leave the table...with me. She surprised me – and I was glad for it.

As I was walking behind her, it took every ounce of my self-control not to touch her. When I had a reason, I took it. As we were walking past other tables and I saw a woman was going to get up and possibly whack Tris with her chair – I put my hand on her side to guide her out of the way. I had to control myself from using both hands. My heart skipped a beat at the feel of her in my hand. But I also know I have no right to be touching her in any way, not yet at least. So I forced myself to pull away

Once we were walking around and talking, I felt a connection with her that was so strong. I could barely take my eyes off of her. When she wasn't looking at me, I kept looking at her lips and remembering how she kissed me when I saving her from the hospital.

When she told me the story about the Erudite drink...I found myself hanging on her every word. Before when people would tell me about my past, I could sense their desperation – to make me into someone I no longer am. Not yesterday with Tris. She was just sharing a part of herself with me, and I couldn't get enough. It felt so natural to take her hand in mine, I loved how it made me feel. I wanted to believe she was feeling something too.

Things went downhill so fast when I had the drama of Zeke and Nita to deal with, distracting me just momentarily from Tris. The moment I saw Nita in the cafeteria I knew instantly that I would again be right in the middle of the tug of war between my two good friends... who hate each other. I will never minimize how Zeke feels, but we all make mistakes in life. Nita is my friend, and even more importantly she is on my rehabilitation team – I owe everything to them. I still remember stumbling through the halls of the bureau the first day and having no idea what to do or even what to think.

With Nita's help I am my own person again. I feel indebted to her, and I will not turn my back on our friendship. Nor am I willing to lose Zeke or his friendship. Zeke who likes to push me until I bend – especially when it comes to me and Tris.

Tris completely shut down on me. It was as if a light switch had been turned off and she was suddenly gone. I kept looking at her – hoping for just one smile or one glance that would feel like a connection again. But she gave me nothing.

The moment Luke Clark swooped in, things went even further downhill. I have to be honest with myself about the feelings I had – pure jealousy. I could not even stand the sight of him, his voice even irritated me. The way he looked at Tris. I can go on and on. Just thinking about him, I have that knot in my stomach.

The thought of them training together and then having a "celebration" lunch makes my head hurt.

I know what I need to do.

I put in a request to meet with my rehabilitation team later today. I am ready to talk to them about Tris. This department is in place to help people like me, to navigate past relationships and work on moving forward in a healthy way...that is of course if all parties are willing to try. Is it possible that somehow my original feelings for her...are present or even right under the surface? There is something about her – I really feel like we are connected. That has to mean something.

+o+++o+++o+

Late that afternoon when I arrive to the lab for my assigned time, I am surprised to see that only Nita is waiting.

"Hey Nita...where is the rest of the team?" I ask while taking off my coat for this working session. I know we have a lot to cover.

"They will be here, we had another patient that was in serious distress. They will be back as soon as possible." Nita assures me. She looks calm and happy.

"Why don't we go ahead and get started with today's session Tobias?" she asks while getting her tablet and other materials out.

I know that Nita tried to kiss me weeks ago, but she seems to have accepted that I just do not see her in a romantic way. And we have always agreed to keep our personal relationship separate from our important interactions through the Rehabilitation Process.

I nod my head, and tell her I want to start working on dealing with my past with Tris. I also tell her I feel, at some level, that maybe my feelings from before the memory serum are affecting me in some way. In any case - my goal is to have a future with her. If Tris will have me.

Nita nods her head and smiles, and we get started.

+o+++o+++o++o+++o+++o++o+++o+++o++o+++o+++o+

*Tris POV*

Yesterday's dinner was a disaster. Looking back, I do regret how I lost my temper with Caleb. Although he should not be pestering me about Luke (who is just my self-defense trainer, I would not even say a friend yet), I really was so angry and it showed.

And I know why I did it. Because of Tobias and Nita. I just can't see straight when it comes to her and him. It is this irrational combination of rage and sadness when I think about them, let alone see them together.

More than anything – I am angry at myself. What a stupid fool I am. For that brief moment with him, when we were alone and talking and laughing, I felt something. I felt this connection...that I know was just in my mind. I cringe when I think about how Nita just swooped in, and I went back to being nothing. Nothing to him, at least.

I scold myself, for even letting it get that far. I need to be smarter about this, I need to protect my heart. No more pining for Tobias Johnson. Enough is enough.

Within 30 minutes of getting home last night, Christina and Cara were banging on my apartment door, telling me to open up or they would break the door down. So dramatic. Luckily I had cooled down some so I let them in. They did bring me some cake for us girls to share. They are good friends.

Cara did tell me that Caleb was very sorry for how he acted, and he wishes he could take it back. I asked Cara to let him know I am sorry too. We are ok, and I would like to have him over to my apartment for dinner soon. I also smiled at her and said she could come too. Cara blushed, but didn't say anything further. I know they need to get their relationship started on their own. I can't meddle.

I hadn't even gotten the plates and forks out before Christina went into what I now will refer to as "Luke-Clark-Mode". Cara was not much better, but out of respect to Caleb being my brother, she refrained from making crude comments of what she would like to do to a man that looked like Luke – if given the chance. Up until this point, Cara had been the optimist about Tobias and I finding our way back to each other. Tonight was the first time that she seemed to be less optimistic about him. I guess tonight she saw what I have been seeing all along.

The girls wanted a full rundown on how our first session went. I kept the details to a minimum and share nothing about Luke himself, I would never betray Luke's confidence. I want to keep things between him and I private. And then it dawns on me, why is that? There is nothing there – right?

What Christina did insist on was taking a look at my workout bag. She wanted to make sure I was not planning to wear something hideous for my session tomorrow. I told her my bag was already packed as I would be running over to the session directly from my morning lab hours. I plan to change there. Christina insisted, even though I reminded her I only own clothes that she and my stylist, Jackie, picked out for me. But not worth the battle – I point Chris in the direction of my room and describe the bag to her.

At the end of the evening Cara and Christina spoke quietly before trying to bring up Tobias with me. Cara wanted to tell me what happened with him after I had left the table. I immediately refused. I even stood up so I could walk them out. I asked them to please respect my decision – I am done with Tobias. I can't do this to myself anymore. Christina smiled and told Cara that she knew I would figure it out on my own. Not to mention Christina keeps mentioning that I should concentrate on that hot hunk of a man, and forget about Four. I just kept my face neutral. I am really glad I never told anyone about Tobias and Nita sleeping together...I would never hear the end of it. And I'd rather just try to never think about them in that way. Or think of them at all really.

Cara just bit her lip, but said she understood. I could tell she wanted to say more, but was holding back. I don't push her – I know where I stand.

Dinner this evening proved to me, once again, that I will always play second fiddle to Nita. I just don't need to deal with this anymore. We are done, not that the Tobias that exists today and I ever had anything that needed ending. However you want to look at it, it is time to move forward. Without Tobias Johnson.

+o+++++o+++++o+

After the emotional day and then late evening yesterday with Chris and Cara, I ended up oversleeping this morning. I grabbed a meal replacement bar, threw my hair in a messy bun, slipped on a blouse and grey pencil skirt and grabbed the matching grey jacket and my exercise bag as I was running out the door towards the labs.

As I ran to get on the elevator that was about to close, just barely making it on, I let out a sigh and then thanked the older gentleman that was holding the door for me. It was after the doors closed that I realized Nita was already in the large crowded elevator. Wonderful.

"Hello Tris. Hopefully you are having a better day today." Nita says smugly. I can hear the amusement in her tone.

"Good morning Nita." I force out, as I will the elevator to hurry to my floor so I can get away from her. I am also hoping she will just leave me alone. Knowing her, this time she will draw me a picture of what she and Tobias did last night.

"So Luke Clark, that is impressive...for you." She adds at the end. I see the smirk on her face.

I look away, ignoring her.

"Really Tris, are you trying to make Luke lose interest? Or have you given up on makeup all together? And a hair brush?" she teases me. In that moment she reminds me of my Dauntless initiation – the way that Molly, Peter and Drew would try to tear me down. It didn't work out for them, I will not let it work out for Nita.

For the first time since I woke up from my coma, I feel sorry for Tobias. To be fooled by someone who is so ugly on the inside. I know she hasn't shown her true self to him. And then it dawns on me, he was also fooled by her the first time around, and Uriah died because of it. I guess even with a clean slate – he is still prone to repeat the same foolish mistakes. I remind myself that it is no longer my problem.

I completely ignore Nita while holding my back straight and looking forward. She isn't worth my time. She is Tobias's problem now, and good luck to him. When the elevator door opens I quickly walk out and head to my office. I have a lot of work to get through before I can leave for my training session with Luke.

And then there is a little voice in my head that wishes I had at least brushed my hair this morning, even some lip gloss...

I don't even notice that Matthew was also in the elevator, just further back, listening to the entire exchange.

+o+++++o+Chapter End +o++++o+


	31. Chapter: 31 Take Tris to Work Day

Chapter: 31 Take Tris to Work Day

*Tris POV*

I am cutting it close, I am running to the Leadership Training Center with my gym bag in hand. I will have about two minutes to change, and sadly no time to warm up.

Once in the locker room I am literally horrified when I open my gym bag and see that my best friend Christina has literally screwed me over. She switched out my usual workout outfit from my gym bag and replaced it with the sexiest gym clothes I have ever seen. At first glance I think she forgot to put in bottoms for me to wear. Until I realize the tiny orange underwear sized item is the shorts!

I glance at the clock in the changing room - I have no choice. I am not going to give up my training session, where I plan to negotiate a ton of sparring time if I play the birthday celebration card, because of a stupid outfit Christina forced on me. I do make a mental note to rip her a new one when I see her. Thankfully the top is not revealing, just tight. Had she given me a crop top that would have shown my gunshot wounds...I would have worked out in my blouse - and then killed her later. I see she also included the sports push up bra...Oh Christina.

I run out to the floor without a moment to spare

I run out to the floor without a moment to spare. Luke is already setting up and turns around and smiles at me warmly. I notice that he looks me directly in the eyes, and he does not let his eyes roam up and down my body. I appreciate that; it makes me feel safe. Some of those admirers in the bureau hallways literally make me feel like I am being undressed with their eyes. It's disconcerting.

"I have been looking forward to this session all day Tris!" Luke says while making notes in my file. "Are you ready to get started?'

"I have been, too. You promised me extra sparring training today...and I wanted see when we can start working on knife throwing, or even shooting." I say excitedly. Luke smiles and tells me to start on my stretches and then start jogging laps around the track.

When I run my laps, Luke joins me for the rest of my warm up. He reminds me not to push too hard during the run - we will be getting in a hard workout today. I am almost giddy with anticipation.

After we finish the warm up and take a short water break, Luke and I move into the center ring. He does have me wear some protective gear before we begin. I remind him that Dauntless never trained that way. He smiles and reminds me that I should give his method of training a chance.

"I want you to remain injury free, so at least for the start, I need to make sure that you are where I need you to be before we lose the gear." He assures me.

I nod my head, eager to get started. Luke does not disappoint. He is an incredible fighter. He is secure, skilled, strong and efficient. I force myself to not think about Tobias, remembering when he was my initiation instructor. That feels like a lifetime ago.

Above all else, Luke is a fantastic coach. He can intuitively see where my weak points are, and he calls them out and then sets reasonable goals for me to make improvements. Also during this session, through the hand to hand combat, I am surprised how comfortable I am when in such close proximity to him. I can't explain it; I won't say that I am attracted to him, it is more of a warmth that I feel when we are close. I like being near him. He makes me feel confident in my skills and strength, and I need that now more than ever.

"So I do have a surprise for you - consider it a late birthday present..." Luke teases me, a big grin on his face.

I laugh, "I am intrigued," I smile at him sweetly, "do tell."

"I worked it out with the director of your program, you officially have the rest of the day off...and BEFORE you worry about your workload, that has been taken care of. There is nothing that can't wait until tomorrow morning. Nor are you under any obligation to spend your entire day with me, of course. I was just going to offer to extend this session longer, if you are physically able to push on, of course..." Luke says with a smile. I can see that his eyes are twinkling with laughter.

I just laugh and say it will depend on what my options are. If it is to stay and do dozens of burpees - not today. He rolls his eyes at me, but I can see the way his eyes shine, he is not displeased with me.

I am given the choice of learning archery for the first time or practicing shooting rifles. I choose archery. It turns out there is a breakout room that is an indoor archery range. I am excited to learn something new.

We start out with Luke demonstrating, I am impressed how skilled he is

We start out with Luke demonstrating, I am impressed how skilled he is. It is beautiful to watch. As he shoots the arrow he describes his posture, his stance, how his hands are controlling the bow and the arrow, how his eyes narrow on the target moments before he lets go.

When it is my turn, Luke steps back and waits to see how I will set myself up for my first shot. Before I launch my first arrow I steal a glance towards him. He is watching me so intently, I clear my throat, and he then looks at my eyes...unapologetically.

"Let me know if you want to shoot a couple of times on your own, or I am ready step in now so we can work on your stance." Luke says calmly.

I nod my head, and watch as he walks closer to me. I remind myself he is my trainer, and that is all. And then the next moment his arms are around me, fixing my posture, the direction my shoulders are facing. Lastly Luke is behind me as I am facing the target - showing me how to pull back the bow, to control the tension of the bow strong, I breath in and out as I release.

His coaching worked, I hit the target and it felt amazing. Luke and I spend an extra hour at the archery range. And suddenly my stomach growls, as I am starving.

Luke tells me he has a wonderful birthday lunch planned. I nod eagerly, as I am now starving.

"If it's ok with you, I am having food brought into my office. It will be a feast, I promise. I wasn't sure what time we would be done here. But if you would prefer we can have lunch at one of the restaurants..." his voice trails off.

"That sounds perfect, I would rather stay out of the public eye." I quickly assure him.

Luke looks perplexed, so I continue. "We went public with what had happened to me, in the hopes that the visibility would help to ensure my freedom. Which did work, but the double edged sword is that many people are now intrigued by me. I feel like I'm being watched all the time." As I finish I shrug my shoulders.

"A private lunch then! And this will help me out as I may need to address some work related issues from my office." He smiles at me.

+o+++++o+++++o+

After Luke and I shower (separately of course) and change back into our work clothes we meet in the hallway. He insists on carrying my gym bag for me as we walk through the bureau. Once we get to the offices of the Bureau Security and Investigative Services - Luke needs to sign me in as his guest. I am given a temporary badge and Luke is very specific when instructing the security guard on which areas to grant me access.

It is only when we walk by the control room that I think of Tobias, and how he probably works in this area. I quickly remind myself that Tobias works nights - so it is very unlikely I will run into him now. Which is good as Luke decides to take me on a tour of the surveillance control room.

When I notice we have still have a live feed to Chicago I am immediately intrigued. It dawns on me that I have not asked my brother or friends what happened in Chicago - specifically to Johanna and Evelyn. I cringe when I think of Tobias's mother. Evelyn and I never got along. I think back to her words, "My dear girl," she had said. "I am his family. I am permanent. You are only temporary." I guess mommy dearest knew best after all.

"Everything OK Tris?" Luke asks while placing his arm around my shoulders, his eyes look concerned.

"Yes, I'm fine." For a moment I allow myself to enjoy how nice it feels to have him comfort me, as he keeps his arm around me. I shake the thoughts of Evelyn away, and concentrate on what Luke is explaining to me about the cameras throughout the city of Chicago and even the bureau.

He smiles and gives me one last friendly squeeze and then asks me to follow him. The manager of the floor runs up to him and asks if there is anything in particular Luke would like to see. Luke smiles and asks everyone to carry on, he is just giving his friend a personal tour of the facility. Luke also lets them know that I have been granted security access to all the screens currently being monitored so to please allow me to see anything I would like. I smile sheepishly and walk around on my own. I am immediately drawn to the larger set of screens that are looking at central Chicago.

"Hello, my name is Tris. Would you mind if I join you? I see you have Chicago up." I ask politely to an older gentleman, he appears to be in his late 40s.

He nods nervously, and offers me his seat while he goes and pulls another one over. I smile at him once we are seated.

He then clears his throat, "Um hi, I usually am working the late night shift. I actually am really good friends with Tobias. I just wanted to, well you know...full disclosure" he gets out. I can tell he is uncomfortable.

My mind is racing, I just can't cut a break. But then again - I am at his place of employment, I can't be mad at Tobias, for yet another blaring reminder of him.

I smile and offer him my hand to shake, "Do you have a name, or should I call you 'Friend of Tobias' while I'm here today?" I ask warmly. The tension between us immediately dissipating.

He shakes my hand warmly while chuckling and tells me that his name is Josh. In addition to talking about and viewing Chicago, we end up talking about our lives - well his really, he admits that his wife is constantly hounding Tobias about me and thus he knows a lot about me already. I blush, but say nothing. He tells me about him and his wife, whose name is Amy, and what their life has been like since the memory serum. Josh is very nice, I find myself feeling relieved that Tobias has someone who genuinely seems decent in his life. It is that moment that I realize that I do wish Tobias well, even though we don't have a future together.

Suddenly I feel Luke's hands on my shoulders as he leans down to whisper in my ear that our lunch celebration has been set up and is waiting for us. I feel my cheeks heat up, and notice that Josh slightly raises his eyebrows and gives us a small smile, that does not quite reach his eyes.

I thank Josh again, I also make sure to tell Luke what a wonderful job he did answering my questions. Luke then introduces himself to Josh and personally thanks him.

On our way out Luke thanks everyone in the room for their hard work, and announces that he as ordered a dessert tray to be set up for them as well in the break-room. I can't help but smile at him as he guides me towards his office.

+o+++++o+++++o+

I burst into laughter when I enter Luke's office, there are actual balloons and streamers and a cheesy birthday-hat at each of our seats at the small conference table he has. He reminds me that his birthday is next week as well. I assure him I have not forgotten.

"OK, I have to be honest with you, it was actually my assistant Catalina that set all of this up, BUT I did sign off on everything. I hope I made the right decision - but I vetoed the donkey shaped Piñata she wanted to have us hit with a stick." He says with a very straight face. Except by now I can recognize in his eyes when he is teasing me.

I fake a pout, "Really? No piñata? You know how I like to hit things."

Luke guides me to the table and pulls out my chair for me, and promises he will make up for the lack of hitting at our next training session.

We sit down and when his assistant Catalina had entered to guide the restaurant delivery person on where to set up the food, Luke asks her to come over to meet me. She was very nice, she seems to be in her late 50s and the friendliest smile I have ever seen. I thank her profusely as well. She informs us both that setting up this birthday lunch has been the highlight of her week. She really enjoys party planning. She also makes it a point to whisper to me that in her years of working for Luke he has never asked her to plan something as special as this. I just smile at her, not sure what else to say.

She also declines when Luke invites her to have a seat with us and enjoy some lunch. She reminds him she is watching her figure, at her age she needs to be careful. He tells her nonsense, that she is perfect just how she is - no matter what. She calls him a sweet boy, and then tells us that unless an emergency she will make sure we are not disturbed. In that moment Luke and I just smile at each other.

"So, I hate to pry, but I will anyways...I feel like we have a no-BS friendship going here...what did I walk in on when I found you in the dining hall last night?" Luke asks curiously.

I know he is talking about the cat-fight Nita and Christina were about to have. I sigh a little and just smile at him.

"It turns out, when you are suspended in a coma for three months, and then come back from the dead - things can be complicated. I will add that, one of those girls is not very...nice. At least not very nice to me. And the other girl is my best friend and things were just escalating quickly." I admit.

"In fact I think I owe you a huge thank you! Your interruption completely diffused the situation. Christina and Nita were too busy admiring your good looks to remember to be mad at each other after you left." I laugh, and then I realize how flirty that sounded and I feel my cheeks get bright red.

Luke clears his throat, he suddenly seems a little embarrassed as well. He recovers quickly and offers to make me a plate for lunch. I nod my head in thanks.

"This is amazing, it is by far the best meal I have had in months." I compliment Luke. He just smiles and shrugs off the compliment.

I put down my fork, and gently place my hand on his forearm to stop him, Luke stops what he's doing and smiles at me.

"I am really serious. All of this, it really means alot to me. Thank you Luke." I say as I look into his eyes. And suddenly I feel his other hand slipping on top of hand this is touching him, he gently strokes his thumb along the top of my and then knuckles.

"I really like you Tris. There is something about you, you have obviously been through so much, yet here you are - still strong, brave...selfless. I am really looking forward to getting to know you better." Luke pauses and swallows before continuing "I just want to set realistic expectations - I want to get to know you better as a friend...only as a friend." He then looks at me, as if waiting to see what my reaction will be.

I smile at him and let out a breath of air I didn't realize I had been holding in. "Friends - I can handle that. I can't even imagine getting into a romantic relationship right now." I admit. I then take my other hand and place it over his. I smile at him, and I mean it. I have been drawn to him from the moment I laid eyes on him - but no, my heart is in no condition to try again.

I see a look of confusion pass over Luke's face. "What is it?" I ask him.

He starts laughing lightly and tell me that is the best reaction he has ever gotten to his "Just friends" speech. He looks so relieved, I can't help but giggle at him.

"Um, how many times have you delivered this speech?" I press.

Luke smiles at me sadly, while shrugging his shoulders, "I have lost count honestly. I don't do relationships Tris. Not now, not ever." My eyes widen, is he serious?

"Um, is there something...I mean, do you not like girls?" I ask gently.

"Tris! Yes, I like girls. I am just am not in the market for a real relationship. Nor am I a complete saint - I am not going to pretend I have never been with a woman. But when I have in the past - we were both clear that it meant nothing, and would go nowhere." Luke explains.

"Ok..." I say and then it dawns on me. "Luke, is this because of what you told me about your sister? And that you are a carrier of the dominant KL39 gene mutation?"

"Tris, like I told you the other day - I never talk about my sister with anyone. But yes, this relates to my past, and what she went through. I would rather die than bring a child into the world that would ever suffer the way she did. I just know - that love is not on the table for me." He says firmly. And I just feel sad for him.

"Luke, I am not about to start begging you to reconsider your decision to not reproduce," Luke and I exchange a smile, and he then wiggles his eyebrows in a cocky way, "but I just want you to know, that I am your friend and you can talk to me about anything." I finish.

And suddenly he leans over and kisses me on the cheek, I immediately flush with warmth. I can even feel it down my neck and chest.

"Luke..." I warn.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't resist. I am drawn to you Beatrice Prior, but you're right - I will keep my hands and lips to myself - I sometimes forget the incredible power and appeal I have over women." Luke brags, although I see his eyes are twinkling with laughter.

"Just keep in mind, I was raised in Abnegation, so let's keep it clean. And respectful please." I insist. Luke nods his head in agreement.

"Friends?" I ask, while holding out my hand.

"Friends." He answers and we shake on it.

" He answers and we shake on it

+o+++++o+++++o+

A couple of hours pass after we enjoyed lunch and then birthday cake. Luke has convinced me to hang out with him in his office while he has some minimal work items that need his attention. We do spend a significant amount of time discussing my project, and the numerous other diseases that are currently being worked.

I admit to Luke that I have researched the KL39 gene since the first time we talked about it. He stiffens and nods.

We discuss how the KL Gene encodes a membrane protein that is related to beta-glucosidases. The reduced production of this protein is often observed in patients with chronic renal failure, and in extreme cases has recently been found to be the underlying factor for degenerative processes, such as osteoporosis and skin atrophy. The KL39 mutation within this protein have been associated with aging and extreme bone loss, with extreme cases resulting in an extremely painful, slow, deterioration of the body of the afflicted, usually striking a person before the age of 6.

"Even today, I sometimes feel so guilty. My body is strong, powerful - I push myself to do great physical feats... And then I remember that my sister could not even kick a soccer ball because she was in so much pain, as her body failed her." Luke pauses to compose himself. "I don't know how we even got through it. But I guess that is what you do - you have to pick yourself up and move forward."

We are sitting on the couch in his office, I lean my head on his shoulder to offer my support and the next thing I know ...

+o++++o+ Hours Later +o++++o+

There is a very loud screeching alarm blaring through Luke's office that wakes me up from a deep sleep. I gasp as I am startled awake.

"Luke?!" I call out. He was already sitting next to me on the couch; I had been leaning on him while I slept. I must have dozed off while I had my head on his shoulder and we were talking. I notice he has his laptop and binders of work he had been reviewing while sitting next to me on the couch.

"Tris, I need to find out what is going on with this alarm. We are not scheduled for any drills today." Luke tells me as he is jumping up from the couch. "I want you to stay in my office. It will be safe here."

"No way, I'm going with you. I can help." I assure him.

His office door bursts open and four men storm in, "Mr. Clark, we have a problem. Quickly, we need to make it to the surveillance control panel. You have to see this!" one man tells Luke frantically.

Luke examines me for a second, "Let's go everyone.... Tris, coming?" I nod and quickly follow behind him.

+o+++++o+++++o+

Upon entering the master surveillance room I am horrified at what I am seeing on the screens. A combination of death and hysteria.

I put my hand to my mouth, tears filling my eyes

I put my hand to my mouth, tears filling my eyes. It is terrible. I will myself to not become overly emotional. The war, death, and violence was supposed to be in the past. No, it is staring me right in the face. I am unable to turn away from the screens.

"Mr. Clark, the ten murders happened at exactly the same time - but in different locations spread out between Chicago, the Bureau and Providence. All orchestrated by the same group." States a man I recognize from earlier as being one of the managers of the surveillance team.

He then calls over his shoulder, "Tobias - rewind the tapes back 4 minutes, 15 seconds, we need to review the execution that happened in the main hall of Sector 12 in Providence. Have it queued until we are ready to put it on the main screens." Then turning to Luke he advises him that he was just notified that it was the only one that had a message. No one in this control room has seen it yet.

I had followed the manager's gaze when he said the name Tobias, until my eyes landed on him. Tobias was sitting at his desk, his eyes met mine for a moment, although he looks at me like he doesn't even know who I am, his eyes extremely cold. And just as quickly turns back to his task at hand.

The manager is now frantically at the main control computer in the room, it is obvious he is struggling with the program and unable to get the screens to perform as needed. I can feel everyone in the room getting anxious, the tension is palpable.

Luke lips are pressed in a thin line, I can almost sense that he is counting down until his patience runs out.

"Is there someone in this room that can help Troy with this system?!" Luke finally barks.

The manager, who I assume is named Troy, yells out, "Um Tobias is our best programmer, Tobias please come over, I can't seem to access the switchboard in order to get to the direct line you coded from your personal workstation."

In a flash Tobias is up and quickly walking over, he has to walk right by me to reach his destination. All eyes are back on Troy and the screens he is trying to fix.

As Tobias walks towards me, the look he gives me makes me shudder. His eyes are cold, his facial expression reflects what I can best describe as disdain. I don't even realize that I am standing directly in the path that he needs to walk to get to Troy. Tobias stands in front of me, as if he is looking through me - I am frozen in place, as I desperately search for some kind of recognition or familiarity from him. Basic kindness even.

"Would you mind getting out of my way? We are in a crisis here." Tobias says quietly and coldly to me.

I continue to stare at Tobias. I feel sick and scared, and all I want is for him to look at me once more - like he used to. When he would assure me all would be ok.

When it doesn't happen, I nod my head in defeat, lowering my eyes and I move to the side.

"Thank you," he coldly mumbles without even giving me another glance.

Tobias quickly closes the distance to the main computer. He wordlessly pulls up the system and begins coding a work around program that will allow the feed from Providence to be accessed, and then displayed on the big screen for our leadership to see.

While Tobias is working he asks out loud if Ms. Grey would like to simultaneously view the footage from the safety bunker she and her top aides are locked in, as she is on the phone with us via conference call - she calls out over the speakerphone agreeing and thanking him for thinking of it. After Tobias confirms the request of a now seven minutes rewind request - he quickly types the finishing touches to his code. I see Luke exchange a glance with Troy, as he motions towards Tobias, as if to say that he is very pleased with Tobias's skills.

Suddenly we are watching the general surveillance of an area I do not recognize, I assume it is in Providence. And then we are watching the execution of a young man, I would guess he is about 20 years old. It is after that a young girl, who looks to be 12 or maybe 13 years old, steps directly in front of the surveillance video to deliver the message.

The girl reads from a paper while she is weeping, a stream of blood trickling down the right side of her face. It is obvious that someone has roughed her up to force her to participate.

"We are the Rebel Group that attacked the bureau four months ago. We are stronger, we are back and we are ready to complete our mission: Destruction of the Genetically Pure. This is just the beginning. Brace yourselves."

I feel the blood drain from my face, the monsters that just murdered 10 people in cold blood...is claiming to be our Rebel Group.

It is only then that Tobias and I make eye contact from across the room. He looks just as horrified as I do.

+o+++++o+++++o+ Chapter End +o+++++o+++++o+


	32. Chapter: 32 The "New" Rebels

Chapter: 32 The "New" Rebels

*Tris POV*

It has been a week since the evening of terror occurred, the orchestration of ten warnings – ten perfectly timed murders across three different locations. It had later been confirmed that all ten victims were documented as Genetically Pure. Even the two that had been in Chicago, they were GPs from the Bureau that were ambassadors sent to work with Johanna as she established the new government. Their message was loud and clear, their goal is destruction of the Genetically Pure.

The young girl that read the message has been interviewed at great lengths, Luke needed to cancel our last training session as he was called to Providence to be part of the team that questioned her in person. I look at the vase of peach roses sitting on my kitchen counter that he had delivered with the message letting me know about his trip. I find myself missing him, and hoping he is safe.

There have also been two smaller bombings in Chicago in the last two days. The death toll was higher than the original acts of violence, this time the Rebels were targeting public areas: a bus station and then an open market.

+o++++o+ Flashback +o++++o+

+o++ Control Room, Night of the ten murders ++o+

The chaos from the control room is stifling, Luke is immediately coordinating numerous departments under him – from surveillance of current feeds to look for further threats, review and analysis of the actual attacks, and then security forces on the floor to ensure the safety of civilians. My mind is reeling, why are these people claiming to be us? We are the ones that released the memory serum months ago. We also didn't kill anyone, we were just preventing a war.

I take a step back from the main floor to get out of the way, noting that Tobias has gone back to completely ignoring my presence in the room. He has returned to his personal work station, which is situated next the desk that Josh and I had been sitting at earlier today.

"Tris? Are you ok?" Luke asks me as he is suddenly in front of me, snapping me from my thoughts of Tobias.

"Luke." I whisper, and then I am unable to even put into words what I am feeling, dismayed by what is happening around us. Unexpectedly his hand is gently cradling my face, he stares at my eyes and lightly rubs his thumb across my cheek. Suddenly I forget Tobias is even in the room.

"I need to get you home safely. I have a small break, let's go quickly." Luke declares lowering his hand to his side.

I insist, knowing that he has so much responsibility on his shoulders. "No, you are needed here. I can make it back to my apartment on my own - - "

Luke cuts me off, "I will be able to really concentrate on everything, once I know you are out of harm's way. I brought you here, and I need to make sure you get home. Please Tris...don't fight me on this."

I nod my head in agreement. And that moment two men that are armed approach us, one is carrying my gym bag that had been in Luke's office. Luke turns to them and asks if everything is ready, they nod.

As I follow them out of the surveillance room I look back at Tobias, as I expected – he never turns to look in my direction. I remind myself – he doesn't care about me. That was made clear enough at dinner just the night before.

+o++++o+ End of Flashback +o++++o+

I look at my watch, the gang will be arriving to my apartment within thirty minutes. As my apartment is the largest, and our desperate need for privacy – it was decided that all of us that were involved in the original attack on the bureau would meet here. I roll my eyes, I can't believe I will have not only Tobias, but also Nita, in my home at the same time.

I then scold myself – this is a serious issue. I can't worry about their relationship anymore. I finish getting ready, as I remind myself – this is important. I need to let go of the past.

+o+++o+ An Hour Later +o+++o+

Matthew, Cara, Caleb and Christina have already arrived and are sitting on my couches. Zeke let me know he would be about 20 minutes late. And then there is a knock at my door. I take a deep breath, knowing that it should be Tobias or Nita as they are the only ones we are waiting for.

I plaster a smile on my face and open the door, then seeing both Tobias and Nita in the hallway. Tobias gives me a sour look, and Nita smiles brightly at me. I bite my lip, she is a monster – she just loves the tension between me and them.

"Come in." I say politely and hold the door open for them, noting that Tobias is pushing Nita's chair.

As I did with the others, I offer them a drink.

"We are good Tris. Tobias and I just came from having lunch together." Nita says smugly. Tobias just nods his head in agreement. I can see he is scanning the room, probably looking for Zeke. I just close the door behind them and walk into the kitchen area, I need to get myself some water and compose myself.

When I enter the sitting area, I note that Tobias has pulled over a dining table chair and placed it directly next to Nita's wheelchair.

"Wow Tris, aren't you living large. This apartment is amazing – and you live here alone?" Nita yammers at me.

"Yes." I answer her and then change the subject. "Zeke should be here soon, but let's get started – we have a lot to talk about."

"This is terrible. These...rebels... why are they taking claiming to be us, and responsibility for what we did months ago?" Cara exclaims.

"It could be as simple as taking ownership of something that happened many months ago implies that they are more established than they really are. Whatever their reasoning – this group is insane and has no value for human life." Matthew counters.

Christina comments, "The bus bombing in Chicago – there were children among the dead. A bus stop near a school is a place that is targeting civilians..."

As everyone begins talking, sometimes over each other, I see that Tobias has been very quiet. I also notice that he seems to be actively ignoring me, refusing to look in my general direction.

Another knock at my door interrupts my thoughts, I run over to let Zeke in.

"Hey, I am glad you are here." I smile at him.

He enters and gives me a hug, "How are things going for you? Are Nita and Tobias here already?" he add the last part with disdain.

"Oh yes, they made it here after the lunch date they had right before arriving...Nita made sure to tell me about it." I whisper to Zeke. I feel him tense up.

"Tris - - I don't even know what to say. I really care for Tobias, a lot. But I am starting to feel like this memory loss has impacted him more than I initially thought." Zeke pauses, looking around to make sure that no one is close enough to hear us. "It's like one minute he seems like his old self, the man he was...and then the next he is cold and detached...but specifically in regards to you Tris."

I stiffen, but not sure what there is to say.

"I will be honest with you, as soon as Christina and I got back to our table that last dinner we had – and I heard you and Tobias had gone alone to get food...I ran back to get some extra napkins and check in on you two from afar. I only watched for a couple of minutes...but just seeing the two of you together. It was like I had hopped in a time machine and was seeing the Four I used to know. He looked relaxed, happy, and just enamored with you. Like I remember him before you left Chicago to come here." Zeke's voice trails off.

I frown, remembering myself. I can't deny what I also felt in that moment - - that Tobias was really with me.

"Let me tell you – he was so jealous of that guy Luke Clark, he actually stormed away from the table after having a hissy fit... And then I didn't see him the next day, which is when all this Rebel craziness began. When I finally spent some time with him again a couple of days later, it was like his personality when it came to you had changed. He was just cold and indifferent...it just feels off to me..."Zeke says, I can see he is trying to figure Four out.

"It's pretty simple Zeke, he doesn't remember me, and he doesn't WANT to get to know me again. I can't keep getting my hopes up. It is not healthy for me...and it just hurts too much." I say with conviction.

This time Zeke just nods his head in understanding, no longer encouraging me to hold out for Tobias. "We better get back in there." I suggest.

As Zeke follows me into the sitting room, he says a general hello to everyone. He gives Nita a nasty look, to which she smiles at him sweetly. Tobias seems oblivious to their exchange.

I make it through the meeting, noting that Tobias barely acknowledges I am there. As a group we decide and to keep in touch if anything interesting happens.

Just like the rest of the people, we are at the mercy of this new Rebel group. Waiting to see what their next steps will be.

*Tobias POV*

This has been a crazy work week for me in surveillance, so many overtime hours. Not to mention since the night of the attack and having shown off my programming skills to basically everyone – I have been given more projects than I have time to complete. My time in front of the surveillance monitors has been very limited. Josh has also been helping with testing on my codes; I specifically requested he work with me. At least we can enjoy our usual banter while working, it has helped to relieve some of the stress we are all under.

Another reason I love to work with Josh is his wife Amy is amazing and always packs an extra sandwich and snack for Josh to share with me. Unfortunately the cost of the food is she always includes a napkin with a handwritten note...that encourages me to find love...again...with Tris. Josh just shrugs his shoulders and reminds me that she is the boss in their relationship and my discomfort is not worth him getting into trouble with his lady.

I was working side by side with Josh the evening of the initial attacks, he was wrapping up a 10 hour day shift that he was covering on his usual day off. Thankfully he was already safely home with Amy when the attacks occurred, his shift over at that point.

Before he was done for the day, Josh seemed kind of off, but quiet. I kept asking him if something was going on with Amy. He finally caved and told me about Tris. About Tris and Luke Clark, their date in the control room. Josh seemed so nervous to tell me. I don't know why. I remind him that Tris and I have a history that I don't remember and thus means nothing to me. She is free to do whatever she wants, with whomever she wants.

What I do find really annoying is having to put up with her in my place of work. I don't care who she is with, but to be sitting right near my space. I roll my eyes – I wish I didn't have to see her so often. It would be best for us both if we just had distance, and we could both really move on in peace. The night of the attack was stressful enough as it was – then I had to add Tris and her doe eyes to the mix. I just feel so much pressure when it comes to her.

Because of all of the overtime this past week I needed to work, I had to cancel two of my rehabilitation sessions with the team. Nita came to see me at work when my shift ended – she was kind, but firm that the data collection for my study needed to be timed consistently in order to not skew the results. She asked me as a personal favor, to please swing by her lab before I headed home. I was exhausted but I agreed. Nita looked genuinely relieved, I feel a pang of guilt for making her jump through hoops like this. She obviously takes her work very seriously and here I am blowing her off. I apologize and ask her what I can do to make it up to her. She smiles and asks me to take her to lunch the next day, right before we meet up with the group to discuss the threat on hand.

The meeting at Tris's apartment earlier today had been organized by Cara. It is important we figure out why this group is pulling us in. They didn't need to claim to be us, and to take credit for the release of the memory serum we did months ago. I wonder what their endgame is. Aside from the important topic on hand, my mind wanders to all of the unnecessary drama that follows me when I get together with the group. I had Zeke's sour attitude to deal with. Tris was just being...Tris. I don't even know how to describe her anymore. One minute she seems fine, and the next she looks at me like I killed her dog. And she looks at Nita like she would like to push her down a flight of stairs. Nita tries so hard with Zeke and Tris, only to be treated with such disdain. I think at this point – everyone should accept how the other person feels...and move on.

I am deep in my thoughts when Luke's assistant is speaking to my direct supervisor Troy, and I hear my name mentioned. She nods her head towards me and smiles. I am being summoned to Luke Clark's office. Oh joy.

As we are walking over Catalina asks me how I am doing, and if I knew anyone in Chicago that had been impacted by the recent bombings. I pause, thinking about how best to answer her – I admit I really don't know, as I was affected by the memory serum months ago and I have not been back to the city. She nods her head sympathetically. I ask her if she knows why Mr. Clark wants to see me. She doesn't, but she does warn me that he has been in a mood, the stress of the attacks is a heavy burden on him. I just nod.

Once we arrive I thank her for walking me over. She smiles at me warmly as she ushers me into his office. It is more than twice the size of my apartment.

"Ah, Tobias Johnson – thank you for coming. Would you like a water bottle or a juice before Catalina leaves us to get down to business?" Luke Clark says with confidence. I nod my head in a no. He does look more tired and haggard than the last time I saw him. I notice his travel bag on the floor next to his desk, instantly I remember Tris sharing with us that he had traveled to Providence to work with his counterpart there.

"First – I want to personally thank you for your invaluable work on the night of the attacks. When the dust settles, I promise we will be looking at your skills and position and making sure you are being utilized to the maximum and then compensated accordingly. But for now, we need to get a handle on the threat at hand." Luke says firmly. I nod my head, not really having anything to say to him.

Luke walks around his desk and asks me to take a seat across from him. "It is my understanding that you are already working with Troy to link our systems with Chicago, it seems that the Rebel group has been targeting them for a reason, and that reason is that the Chicago Experiment does not have the securities in place that either we or Providence have. They basically have a huge X on their back. I have your file here," Luke says while tapping a binder, "But in all honestly I have not had a chance to review it. Please give me a high level recap on your background."

I clear my throat, "Sure. I was born and raised in Chicago, I came over with a small group after the video of Edith Prior had been discovered. I was impacted by the memory serum months ago. Since then I have been working with the Rehabilitation team and starting my new life here."

It is then I see the look of realization cross Luke's face, "Wait – so you came here before the serum from the Chicago experiment. Were you part of the group that Tris Prior was in?"

"Yes." I state, my face emotionless.

"Do you know Beatrice well?" he pushes.

"Not anymore – I don't know anyone well. The serum..." I start.

"Yes, of course – I apologize. I am getting off topic," Luke stammers for a moment, "Let's talk about how your current project with—"

Two men burst into Luke's office, we both immediately jump up startled and ready to fight – both of us on instincts. It is two higher ups on Luke's team that I don't recall their names.

"Mr. Clark! There has been a new development. The Rebel group has released a short list of people, and then a description of how their existence is part of the problem – and that they are the solution." One man spits out.

"They are the solution?! So in other words they are specifically targeting people – to kill them. Where is this list?!" Luke spits out.

That is when both men look at me in the room, and then back at Luke – as if to ask if I should be privy to this information. I just raise my eyebrows.

Luke eyes me, and then says that I will be working on a project that has this information – so to proceed.

The document is laid out on Luke's desk for him to review. It is a list of three people:

1\. Director Laura Grey (GP)

2\. Doctor Victor Grey (GP)

3\. Beatrice Prior (GP)

At reading her name my eyes and mouth open wide, it is as if a light switch on my emotions is turned on. My stomach flutters and I suddenly feel a shortness of breath - as though I suddenly am unable to breathe. Tris is in danger, someone wants to kill her.

Over my dead body, I think to myself.

"We need to act fast! One of you take Laura and the other Victor. I will go to Tris. Go now!" Luke barks, his voice tone now tense. He runs out of the room without even giving me a glance, he looks frantic. The moment he realized that Tris is in danger – it was clear that nothing else mattered to him.

And suddenly I feel rage inside of me, my fists clenching at my side, in response to witnessing Luke Clark's reaction this situation. She is with him now. I feel like I am losing my mind – why am I feeling this way about her?

She is supposed to be nothing to me.

+o+++o+ Chapter End +o+++o+


	33. Chapter: 33 Professional Responsibilities

Chapter: 33 Professional Responsibilities

*Tris POV*

It has been a crazy couple of weeks, initially Luke and the security team had myself and the Greys under constant surveillance, but no actions were taken against us. In the meantime, the new Rebel group has been releasing hate-propaganda against the bureau and specifically the Genetically Pure. There have been no more bombings or murders, just the threat of unrest.

At both the request of the Greys and myself, the security detail was finally released. I found it very unnerving to have a shadow everywhere I went. But it also gave me the excuse to keep to myself.

I have personally been working on my project in the laboratories, and still working on my physical therapies in the Leadership Medical ward. Aside from those two things, I pretty much stay at home. Christina, Cara and Caleb have been great about visiting me at my apartment for dinners. Thankfully, no large group dinners for me. No sign of Tobias or Nita as well.

Luke has finally been able to get his schedule under control, so we have had two training sessions since the initial attack. I really enjoy our time together. He has become a good friend. I think back to when he brought Tobias up to me at our first session back, the conversation had a rough start, but we both said what we needed to say.

+o+++o+ Flashback +o+++o+

I am sipping some water after our hand to hand combat training, Luke is still requiring me to wear the protective gear. The only positive is that I can tell he hits harder then he would had I not been wearing it. It is nice to feel challenged, and although it took me awhile to get acclimated to his training style, I feel like I am thriving now.

"So, did you know that Tobias Johnson is on my Surveillance Team in the control center...well – of course you do, you were there the night of the initial attacks, and he was front and center with his coding skills." Luke says while examining my face closely.

"I did. Why are you bringing him up?" I counter and face Luke head on, raising my eyebrows.

He smiles at me, "I wanted to see your reaction when I mentioned him."

I raise my chin, "Here you go? Take a good look at me then." I tell him.

"Oh I always take a good luck when it comes to you Tris." He says teasingly, a huge grin on his face. "But in all seriousness... I have recently had to review his file, he has actually been assigned to a very high level project in my department." Luke then pauses, "Imagine my surprise when I read all about his history with your friends, specifically with you Tris."

I hear something in Luke's voice, but I can't quite put my finger on it. I don't think it is jealousy. I almost feel like jealousy is something that Luke is not capable of, being that he comes across so secure in who he is. I say that with amusement, not as a judgement of him.

"Let's not beat around the bush Luke, if you have something to say – please do it now." I challenge him, stopping what I am doing to face him head on.

"OK, I feel hurt. I feel like I have literally opened up my entire soul and put it on display for you – while you have been holding out. Which I completely understand – you have every right to do that, Tris. But now, I just feel like I should not have given you...given you so much." Luke's eyes are blazing, but it is not anger I see. It is raw emotion, passion. I feel my pulse quicken, and I literally need to control myself from launching myself into his arms. I slowly breathe in and out to calm myself.

What shocks me, as I find myself comparing him to Tobias, because let's face reality...at this point, I still compare EVERYONE to Tobias. I am amazed that he has just been so honest with me. So in tune with how he feels and why. And now he is looking at me, waiting patiently – and I have a choice to make. And I need to make it quickly.

I can either shut him out or lie to him, which has always been my go to. It is something I realize I am still doing today with my closest friends. I have kept so many painful moments and information to myself, compartmentalizing things away – hidden. Hidden away, why? So that I can try to completely forget they are real. So I can pretend things are ok. Can really trust in someone other than myself?

Am I willing to give Luke what he has already given me? Honesty and the power in knowing what I am really feeling?

Yes.

Suddenly tears fill in my eyes. I can't even believe how quickly they are there, and this time I don't hide them or pretend I am not hurting.

Luke's face immediately softens. "Tris," he says as he pulls me into his strong arms. God he is so tall...and such a man. My arms tighten around him in return. I allow myself to enjoy the way he feels in my arms. "I didn't mean to upset you like this. I am such a jerk sometimes...ok more than just sometimes. But I am sorry!"

Holding him close to me, I immediately feel better. Stronger, even. As quickly as they came, my tears have gone away. And I know what I want to do. I pull out of his arms so that he can see me, really see my face. I smile at him and I mean it.

"Luke," I start.

"Tris, did you just fake cry in order to soften me up? I mean – it worked like a charm, but next time you should hold the emotion a little longer to be believable," he says in an amused tone, his eyes alert as he seems to be studying me.

We both start laughing, and I give him a firm push. That basically does nothing against his strong body.

"You're right, I have not shared with you the pathetic turmoil and angst that has been going on in my life. The truth is...that as much as things have picked up, and fallen into place for me, the relationship with the person I thought I needed the most – has not. I know you read the file, so what more do you want to know?" I ask.

Luke now shrugs, "I just was upset that I didn't hear it from you. But I think I know the high level. While you were thought to be dead, your boyfriend was impacted by the memory serum...and now you are back and he is gone. The person that he used to be at least."

To hear him say it, almost makes me laugh at how comical it sounds. So matter of fact. So simple. The truth is, as simple as it may seem – it has been slowly destroying me. It was at least. I have been moving forward, moving past him.

And that is exactly what I tell Luke. To his credit, he listens to me. He doesn't interrupt and most importantly, he does not judge me.

I even tell him about Nita. Once I describe her and the situation between her and Tobias, Luke asks me if she was one of the two girls that were at dinner that day he interrupted our meal, the ones that were in the middle of an argument. I nod my head to tell him yes.

And then I blurt out – how I heard Nita in the bathroom with her coworker. And that it just killed me that the very night we sorted things out for my situation with Bureau leadership, that Tobias was with her...in that way. I even tell him he is the first person I have admitted that too. That it hurts me so much, even today. I admit to Luke that Tobias and I were 'together' before the attack, that neither of us had ever been intimate with another person. I straighten my back when I spit that out, my own voice sounding weird to my ears.

Luke frowns but says nothing, allowing me to finish.

And when I am done, Luke smiles at me and says, "Well – for someone that is so damn smart, and basically what I would call a technical genius – Tobias Johnson is idiot! He is a fool to push you away, Tris. Memory or not, anyone that could turn their back on what you were offering him – is a jerk!"

I do smile at him, and Luke leans over and whispers in my ear, "It is too bad you are abnegation – I would certainly kiss you, in comfort, right now. You wouldn't even remember his name when I was done with you."

I giggle and pull back and smile at him, "It is a good thing you are holding back. Kisses from you would certainly be too much for me to handle."

+o+++o+ Flashback End +o+++o+

I have been invited to Laura Grey's leadership meeting. She would like high level presentation on the top research projects and my project manager has asked me to be part of the small group that will attend, in case any specific questions need to be addressed by me or one of the leads. Matthew was nice enough to walk with me, and he jokingly asks if he should wear a bulletproof vest while being so close to me in public. We both laugh.

Upon arriving to the meeting we are ushered to the back of the large conference room to the chairs that line the back and side walls. The seats at the large central table have name tents assigning seats for the different leadership roles. I note that there is a seat reserved for Luke, and for his assistant Catalina to sit right beside him. Catalina is now sitting at her seat with her laptop ready and a pen and paper. I am sorry I didn't get the chance to say hi to her before I was seated.

When the meeting is moments away from beginning I notice that Catalina keeps looking at the entrance, while fidgeting. With not a moment to lose I smile when I see Luke sprint in, large smile on his face as he makes a beeline for his seat. Following behind him are two men, both armed – they immediately sit in chairs that line against the side wall, close to where Luke and Catalina are seated.

"Nice of you to join us Mr. Clark." Ms. Grey says dryly. "Cutting it close...as usual."

"I had to wrap some things up. I needed to make sure I could give your weekly three hour meeting my full attention, Laura," Luke says sweetly. Earning a chuckle from a few people also seated at the head table, including Dr. Grey himself.

As the meeting begins and the agenda is put up on the screen I notice our research projects are up first as planned. This will allow the team members to return to the lab once our sections are done. It is interesting to see the different projects, including the Rehabilitation Project that is still going strong. I feel someone tap my shoulder and I turn to see that Nurse Gabriela has gotten Matthew to change seats with her, she is now sitting to my left. I quickly give her a hug hello. I almost didn't recognize her without her scrubs on.

We listen quietly to the Rehabilitation Project – they cover all kinds of statistics regarding those impacted. How the serum-impacted are doing: physically, mentally and adjusting back into society. Every topic is covered in great detail. I do note that Nurse Gabriela is taking some notes. I force myself to look forward, and push any thoughts of Tobias out of my mind. His rehabilitation efforts are literally Nita's problem now.

When it is announced that the medical research projects will be moved up the agenda to allow contributors to return to the lab I see that Luke perks up and begins looking around the room. I shift my eyes to my notebook, I don't want him to catch me watching him. Which is pretty much what I have done this entire meeting.

Suddenly Gabriela leans in and whispers, "A certain young, yet very handsome man has enlisted me to get your attention Tris." I instantly snap my head to look at her. And when she nods her head in the direction of the main table I know she means Luke before I even see him.

When our eyes meet we both smile and wave. I notice that Catalina has now spotted me and she waves as well.

As another project presents Luke and Catalina turn their attention back to the person speaking. I sit back in my seat and go over my own project details as I will need to be ready in case any specific questions come up that I will need to answer.

"Well Tris, as we talked about many weeks ago...things do get better. Luke Clark is a very sweet young man, and very handsome." Gabriela whispers to me. I feel my cheeks flush.

I discreetly lean towards her and whisper, "Yes, he is. All those things and more – BUT we are honestly just friends. For many different reasons. Some mine and some are his. It is for the best."

Gabriela just shrugs, but I do notice she then smiles at me while gently shaking her head.

+o+++o+++o+

After the presentations are complete, it is announced that there will be a five minute break to allow those that are no longer needed for the remainder of the meeting to clear out. I only had to answer one question during my team's review and I was thankfully prepared. I note that after I sit back down that Ms. Grey turns to one of her entourage members and whispers something while looking right at me.

After we are thanked and released to return to work, Ms. Grey announces that she would like me to remain for the rest of the meeting. My supervisor smiles and nods at me, and suddenly my team files out. Matthew gives me a warm smile as he passes.

It is then that Luke stands up and offers me his chair at the table, all eyes are on him. But Ms. Grey interjects that Luke will be needed to be front and center as many upcoming agenda items will involve security and intelligence. And that is when both Luke and I notice that Catalina has packed up her things and has moved to sit in a far side table where there was an empty chair and a small desk.

Luke smiles at her thankfully and I see her smile back as she pats him on his arm. Luke then holds the chair out for me, as I approach him and smile.

"Hey." I whisper to him.

"Hey." He replies softly after I have taken a seat and he slowly pushes my chair in.

As the meeting continues I focus on the topics, part of me wondering why I was asked to remain. My answer comes soon enough.

Laura brings up the Chicago experiment. I immediately perk up, and she smiles at me. Luke nudges my leg with his under the table.

Luke is up first as Laura Grey asks for an update on security measures. Luke asks that his slide deck is pulled up and goes into numerous projects his team is working on. Most ongoing but showing great progress. It is discussed that although the Dauntless faction does not exist, Luke is working with the security that is now in place – they are using the term Police.

Then Luke touches on the issue of the Genetically Pure and the peace that Chicago is trying to keep in place. As the Rebels have not attacked recently, things are calming down. Chicago seems more and more open to the end of factions and the understanding that diversity in one person can be a good thing.

"Now Beatrice, this is why I have asked you to stay for the rest of this meeting. As you were born and raised in the Chicago Experiment, you are very well known and loved back at your original home. Especially as you have such strong ties to both Abnegation and Dauntless. Although the factions are now gone, as Chicago moves forward it will be crucial for them to see an example of someone they know and respect – to show them that the diversity that involves a Genetically Pure is a positive thing. We would like you to represent the Genetically Pure, as a success story that came from the Chicago Experiment." Laura pauses for effect, "Ms. Johanna Reyes speaks very highly of you and she was thrilled at the prospect of working with you. That said – I would like you to travel to Chicago next week for a one time ambassador mission. It will involve working with Johanna for updates on how Chicago is doing, what changes are occurring and also for you to be seen as a positive influence."

Laura looks at me and asks, "Can I count on you?"

I think about Chicago, a picture of my parents in our old home pop into my mind. I would even love to see Johanna. This is something I want to do. I want to see what Chicago is becoming. "Yes, of course," I state.

I suddenly feel the tension Luke is projecting as he clears his throat and shuffles his feet while sitting.

"Laura, I think this is a terrible idea. As head of Bureau Security and Investigative Services I need to interject that I think this is a huge risk, that the benefit does not outweigh the potential cost. We just pulled the security details off of Tris, and now we want to send her to Chicago to become...what...a walking target? She was one of three people identified by the Rebel group as being an 'issue that they need to fix' and our plan of action is to send her to the Chicago project where we do not have adequate security in place...this is-" Luke is cut off mid-sentence.

"Mr. Clark! Did you and your team not just present to this forum how well things are going in Chicago? That you have a handle on the situation? Please explain yourself. I would hope you would not let any personal feelings cloud your professional performance." Ms. Grey finishes. Her point has been made, you could hear a pin drop in that room.

Luke does not back down, nor seem remotely phased by her implication. "Ms. Grey, I would have the same exact reservations if you wanted to send your husband, or yourself on a publicity tour of Chicago right now. The Rebel group is still out there, yes we are working around the clock to stay a step ahead of them, but they still exist. There were just three names on that list – I do not support sending any of those three people to our LEAST secure location at this point in time. This has nothing to do with my personal feelings, this is me using common sense." Luke calmly and coldly states.

"Thank you for expressing your concerns Luke, I will trust that you and your department will do your job, and ensure that Ms. Prior's trip to Chicago goes smoothly. You will have one week to prepare Chicago for her visit. My office will get you her agenda by close of business today," Laura states, and by her tone you can tell it is final.

Luke stiffens beside me and just nods his head in defeat. I then feel it is my turn to calm him down – I gently and discreetly nudge his leg with mine this time. He doesn't look at me, as that would be too obvious. But I do see the huge smile that settles on his face, and I can hear him slowly release the breath he had been holding.

I know I will be ok. I am not worried.

+o++o+

At the very end of the meeting Laura brings up the annual Bureau awards ceremony that is just two nights away. It is a black tie event that is taken very seriously; it is a huge honor to win an award. And really, an honor just to be extended an invitation.

The Award Ceremony coordinator goes into his presentation on what the schedule will be, how this year they will be focusing on individual and small group efforts in regards to dealing with the memory serum release. It is mentioned that once the winners are identified, it will me more impactful if the presenter of the final award is someone that is directly related to the recipient or project. The evening will also have dinner and some dancing.

Suddenly Laura Grey calls out my name and four other people in the room. She has decided that we must attend this event. It will be important for our faces to be seen, especially mine since my Chicago trip will occurs just days after the event.

Laura informs us that a personal stylist will be contacting us to prepare us and tells us to make sure we clear our schedules when offered a time to meet with them. I cringe, a gown? A fancy party? Ugh. Now I am having doubts about going to Chicago.

"Well one positive, I get to see how well you can clean up Tris. I can't wait until this stuffy party now," Luke teasingly whispers to me.

"I suggest you keep your personal feelings in check Mr. Clark. We would not want you to get scolded again this meeting," I shoot back.

Luke laughs, and so do I.

Maybe this party will not be such a bad thing after all.

+o++o+ Chapter End +o++o+


	34. Chapter: 34 And the Winner Is...

Chapter: 34 And the Winner Is...

*Tris POV*

There are no words to explain the torture I endured because of this upcoming Awards Gala. Jackie, my stylist, and Christina showed me no mercy. None. The day before the Gala, Ms. Grey sent a memo explaining she wanted me to have a moment on screen as the event was being televised nationally, and this year would include Chicago viewers.

My assignment was beyond ironic, I will be on stage to introduce a tribute video to former Bureau Director David to honor all of his contributions over the years. I literally felt my stomach drop the moment I read the memo. I passed it to Christina and Jackie to read. Jackie immediately assumed I was just nervous about having to speak in public. Christina and I just made eye contact, she squeezed my hand tightly and told me everything would be ok.

Thankfully David will not be well enough to attend the Gala, since being impacted by the serum he has not come as far along as many had hoped. I close my eyes and replay my last moment with him in that control room, in which he tried to kill me. He almost succeeded, his damage was done.

Jackie went to great lengths to meet her presentation requirements for my appearance. I must have tried on dozens of dresses, I was very casual in mentioning I wanted to be covered – I used the excuse of being raised Abnegation and although the factions are no longer in use, it would behoove us to present me in a modest dress. In reality I wanted to be sure my horrible scars would not be seen.

Then hair and makeup, they even forced me to endure a trial run the night before. Again I was able to convince them to go with a classic natural beauty. In the end we were all able to compromise and be happy with the results.

I have not been involved but I know that Luke and Laura have been going rounds and rounds about my agenda for my Chicago tour. So much so that I have not been able to see even a working draft. I trust Luke to keep my best interests in mind. On the other hand, I am anxious to get home and see Chicago again, especially with all the positive changes Johanna is working to get in place. I think of my mom and dad, my heart aching with sadness. I miss my parents.

The morning of the Awards Gala I visit the offices of my medical rehabilitation center, I have to drop off some paperwork and get a last minute checkup before my trip. I am so relieved when I see that Nurse Gabriela is on shift. I run over to give her a hug, and I update her on my dress and the plan for hair and makeup. She smiles at me kindly and then asks me if I will be Mr. Clark's date for the event.

"Gabriela, Luke and I are just friends. We talked about it a lot, he has his reasons for not wanting to get in a relationship. And me...well, I..." I stammer, stuck on the words needed to explain myself.

"And you, are still in love with Tobias Eaton?" Gabriela finishes, smiling at me sadly.

I bite my lip and look away. Without looking at her, because I am afraid I will start crying, I admit "Yes, I am still in love with Tobias. As much as I don't want to, it brings me nothing but pain. But here I am."

She asks me if I have tried talking to him. I laugh bitterly and explain that he can barely endure saying hello to me. Let alone having a decent conversation about anything important.

Gabriela furrows her eyebrows and pushes me to understand why Tobias is so hostile towards me. If he is an empty slate – then why have negative feelings at all towards me?

I had never looked at it from that perspective, why is Tobias so upset with me? I honestly don't know, nor do I think I will ever find out.

o+++o+ The Awards Gala +o+++o

o+++o+ The Awards Gala +o+++o

*Tris POV*

Upon entering the auditorium I am stunned at how beautiful everything is. Never in my life have I seen anything like this, not back in Chicago at least. The decorations, the lights, the amazing floral centerpieces at each table. It is truly magnificent. I have been assigned a seat at a table towards the middle. I see Luke across the floor, he is seated at one of the front head tables along with the other top bureau leaders. I notice him before he sees me. He looks amazing, wearing a perfectly fitted tuxedo, his hair and beard freshly cut, and then it occurs to me with Luke - yes, he is very handsome, but there is something about him. His personality, he is the perfect combination of humor, confidence and class. He really is the whole package.

It is a shame he is not open to having a real relationship, I can't help but wonder if he and I...well, I don't know. Probably not, he could have anyone he wanted. Suddenly he and I make eye contact and he mouths "I will come by as soon as I can get away." I just shrug and smile – it never occurred to me that we would have time together at this event. I force myself to avert my eyes, that was enough staring for one night.

I am relieved when I see that Matthew will be sitting with me. As the event progresses I feel a little embarrassed at the way he is fawning over me. I do think he can tell I am nervous and he is just trying to make me feel good about myself.

The dinner portion of the event is first, I am grateful for the distraction – I feel like many of the gentlemen at the table keep looking at me. I am beginning to wonder if I have some food on my face.

When they announce that the presentation portion is about to begin, suddenly Matthew leans in close to me and whispers, "You are stunning Tris. And I am not the only man at this table that sees it." He then pauses for effect, "You are so beautiful."

Before he is even done speaking I can feel the hot blush creep across my face, as my mouth falls open in shock. I mean this is Matthew, my lab partner Matthew. I am speechless. As he leans in even closer, I slowly begin lean in the opposite direction. Is he serious right now? What does he think is going to happen at this table?!

"Hi Matthew, Tris." Tobias's voice comes from behind us. I actually feel so relieved for the interruption and give Tobias a large smile.

Matthew immediately jumps away from me and stumbles on his words, "Four! I mean Tobias..um, hi. What are you doing here?"

Tobias smirks at Matthew, and then just smiles and answers, "I am here as a presenter. My rehabilitation team is up for an award, so I was asked to present. They feel it will be more meaningful if they can parade me around in order to show what an amazing job they have done fixing me."

For some reason that actually makes me laugh, and hard. Matthew looks surprised I would find that funny, not appreciating the dry humor and self-deprecation. But that is something that I loved about Four, the old Four at least.

And for just a moment, it feels like Tobias and I are the only ones in the room as we ignore Matthew and smile at each other. It is only then that I happen to really look at him, he looks absolutely amazing in his tuxedo. I have to force myself to tear my eyes from him. I grab my glass of water and take a large gulp, just to have a reason to look away. My body instantly betraying me, I want him so badly it hurts. In that way. Damn it.

Suddenly things get awkward between all three of us, Matthew finally clears his throat and Tobias's excuses himself to return to his seat. I just nod.

As the evening progresses, I begin to get nervous about my time on stage. I am not that concerned about speaking in public, it is the fact I need to praise David. I feel like such a hypocrite, my stomach is churning.

When I am asked to arrive to the backstage waiting area I can feel myself start to feel sick. I have not even seen the video tribute yet. I will be expected to stand there and watch along with the crowd, with a big fake smile plastered on my face. I don't know if I can do this. This was a mistake. A huge mistake on my part.

Suddenly my dress begins to feel really tight and itchy. I try to breathe deeply in and out. I have some time, I need some air. I start to step back to get as far away from the side stage where I was instructed to stand.

"Ms. Prior! Where are you going? You are up next..." the stage manager calls to me frantically.

"Give her a minute, there is time. The people on stage have not even begun to show the video reel that accompanies their award." I hear Tobias say. "We'll be right back, relax," he tells the stage manager. Gently guiding me further away, his hand on the small of back.

The moment we are away I release the air I had been holding. I don't even recognize the way his hands are gently rubbing the sides of my arms up and down. I am in shock.

"Tobias. I can't do this. I have to get out of here. And now..." I stammer. "You don't understand!" my voice hitching on my last sentence.

"Tris, then tell me. Help me to understand, maybe if you talk about it – it will feel smaller than it is." He says soothingly.

And for just a moment, I pretend. I pretend that Tobias is who I want him to be. Who I need him to be.

Mine.

I take in a deep breath, "How can I present about David, he is..well he was an awful person. He manipulated me, he drove a huge wedge between," I pause to look at Tobias, I was about to say his name but I can't, "Between...so many people. And in the end...he tried to kill me. He ruined my life!"

"Tris. All of these are terrible things. No one will ever be able to take that away from you. But you are brave, and strong...and you are no coward. Don't let this fear overpower you. I know you can do this. I believe in you." He says as he gently slides his hand up my arm, slowly across my shoulder and then so gently to the side of my neck, then tilting my head up to face him. I see him staring at my lips.

"Tris.. I..." he whispers.

And then suddenly we hear a booming voice yelling "Where in the hell is Ms. Prior!!!! She needs to walk out on that stage right now!!!"

We both gasp, our eyes widening and we jump apart. The stage manager having spotted us rolls his eyes and mutters "Damn horny teenagers," under his breath.

"Tris. Go. You got this." Tobias tells me. And he is right, I suddenly remember his words from long ago, "Fear doesn't shut you down; it wakes you up."

The stage manager then tells me that immediately after my part on stage I must wait directly to the side, as they do not have time to take my before photos that I should have done already. He makes it a point to show me exactly where I will need to stand and WAIT for him. Exaggerating as if I were a three year old. I hear Tobias chuckle.

I hear the stage manager tell Tobias that he is actually on right after me, so not to disappear as well. Tobias nods his head solemnly, and then winks at me when no one else is looking.

And then it is time. I take a deep breath and walk onto the stage.

+o+++o+++o+

*Tobias POV*

I watch as Tris gracefully walks across the stage. I am able to see the teleprompter she is reading from, she is nailing it. If one didn't know better, you would think that she was David's biggest fan. My stomach turns that she has been put in this position.

She is having a rough night all around. I didn't plan on watching Tris's table for most of the dinner portion of the Awards Gala. Between the random men seated at her table that were ogling her with no discretion and then watching Matthew get more and more brazen as the evening (and his drink count) progressed - I found myself unable to turn away. I could tell by her body language and expression that she was getting more and more uncomfortable. This was not simple jealousy, her reaction struck a chord in me - I could not turn away until I knew she was ok. The moment I saw Matthew going in aggressively and how much she didn't want his advances I was up and determined to diffuse the situation. I know I intimidate him, and my mere presence was enough to get him to back off.

I snap back to attention when the video presentation starts. It actually talks about his childhood, his teen years and early projects. I notice instantly when Tris sees something on the screen that makes her upset. I can tell by the way her back suddenly straightens and she is holding her breath. I am tempted to run out on stage to her. I push that thought away, that would be ridiculous on my part.

I look at the screen, and I see a lovely young woman is with David in a lab, and then in a later shot she is waving good bye as she enters a transport that is headed for Chicago. I look at the screen, as I concentrate on the woman's face – the name "Natalie Prior" instantly pops into my mind.

Wait?! How could it be possible that I would recognize her, if she is long dead and not someone that has been presented to me through rehabilitation? But I know at my core, that is Natalie...Tris's mom. Instantly my heart aches for Tris. How painful this must be for her.

I see that she has tears glistening in her eyes, but she turns to look for me. I step closer to the edge of the backstage, where she will be able to find me. I meet her eyes and suddenly we both just smile at each other. I nod to her, wanting her to know that I believe in her.

And she makes it through. She smiles at the crowd and exits stage right, whereas I am stage left. Once we are on opposites sides of the stage, yet hidden from the crowd's view we both just smile.

I am so proud of her. I remember the stage manager mentioned that Tris would need to stay backstage for some promo pictures she did not complete beforehand. I hope I can catch her after I present my award. I need to make sure she is ok, and tell her how well she did. She is brave.

Suddenly I am being pushed on stage I was daydreaming and had missed my queue.

I stand in front of the teleprompter and read my lines, who I am, where I came from, how the memory serum changed my life and how the rehabilitation teams at the bureau have helped so many people rebuild. I announce that my team is the recipient of the Director's Hope Award, and then I ask them to come on stage to accept their award and say a few words. I notice that Ben is the one to push Nita's wheelchair up the ramp, and the rest of the team is following as well. I smile at them all, they are a wonderful group of people. I hand the microphone to Nita as she is the team lead and she should be the one to speak.

She asks me to hold the award until she is done speaking, I of course nod and do as she asks. As she begins to speak I end up staring off stage, hoping to see if Tris is still waiting for her instructions. To my luck she is, we make eye contact and I smile at her. I am so glad my speaking role is over. She smiles and gives me a thumbs up.

"Tobias???" I hear Nita whisper, snapping me back to reality. She is trying to get my attention. That was a very short speech I think to myself. I see she has handed the microphone to Ben. I am stunned when she moves the foot stands on her wheelchair to the side and extends a hand to me. I oblige, not really sure what she is doing. Suddenly she is standing in front of me, while also using my arm to steady herself. There is a wonderful gasp from the crowd. I remember back to the first time she showed me she could stand, in the hallway in front of my apartment.

Nita asks for the microphone back, which she holds with her hand that is not using my arm to steady her.

"Thank you so much for this award on behalf of myself and this amazing team. And like so many of our peers that have been so dedicated to this cause. As many of you know, this is not just a job – this is a passion to help. And I can say now, that I know from personal experience how amazing it is to be able to stand in front of you today – all because of the dedication of the Bureau to help its citizens." Nita says with great confidence and emotion. The crowd erupts into a very loud cheer. I smile as well.

"I can also say, that like so many of my dedicated peers– as we spend time with these amazing people, day in and day out. The incredible friendships that are formed, are ones that are meant to last a lifetime. It is very fitting that Tobias Johnson was selected to present our team with this award. I can't think of one person that has come to mean more to me than him. Not only have I supported him, his friendship and support has played an amazing role in my life as well." She finishes, everyone is hearing the emotion in her voice.

It was almost like slow motion, suddenly Nita is literally falling into my arms I quickly had to use my other hand that is holding the award to stop her from falling. Her arms go around my shoulders and the next moment her lips are on mine. Kissing me passionately.

"Woah," I heard Ben say.

"Oh my, well I can't say I am surprised." I think that was Anna from our team talking.

The crowd is actually cheering for us. I literally calculate how long before I can gracefully detangle myself from Nita without making a spectacle on this stage for all to see. What in the hell is she thinking!!!

When I can no longer take it, and I am tired of keeping my lips sealed to deny entrance to her tongue, I firmly hold her by the shoulders and place her back into her wheelchair. And then I look towards where I last saw Tris. She is standing there, biting her lower lip. Her arms crossed tightly around her body. The expression on her face kills me, she looks devastated. It is only when she notices that I am now watching her that she turns on her heels and quickly exits.

"We need to get off this stage, now," I mutter. I take over pushing Nita's wheel chair, the one I put her back into and quickly push her off the main stage. When we are out of view of the crowd I immediately ask the rest of her team to give us a moment. They all smile at us knowingly. Um, hell no, I think to myself.

As soon as they are gone, I sit back on my haunches so I can be eye level with sitting Nita, I am furious.

"Nita! What in the hell was that!? Have you lost your damn mind? How dare you put me in that position? Not to mention that it is so unprofessional on your part!" I say, although I want to scream at her I maintain low volume. But I am seething.

"Tobias, is that what is holding you back? 90% of this facility suffered from the memory serum. There have been so many people that have found love with their rehabilitation team members. It is not frowned upon at all..." she trails off when she sees the look of annoyance on my face.

"Love? Nita – do you hear yourself? You are my friend, and even that I am starting to question now. I can't believe you just did that to me. In front of everyone! In case there is any question in your mind, I need you to hear me - - I am not in love with you. I repeat – I do not think of you in a romantic way," I say firmly.

I look over to see the exit door off stage that Tris most likely took when she ran off. I need to check on her.

I see her stiffen, and Nita mumbles, "Fine."

"I have to go Nita." I say as I want to begin my search for Tris.

"Where are you going, Tobias? Can you please help me get back to my seat?" Nita asks sweetly. I control myself from rolling my eyes.

"Nita – please don't worry about where I am going. I am sure you can manage on your own. I need to go," I say over my shoulder as I hurry off to search for Tris.

+o++++o+ Chapter End +o++++o+


	35. Chapter: 35 That's What Friends Are Four

Chapter: 35 That's What Friends Are Four

*Four POV*

I sprint towards the labeled exit door that I can see from where I was standing with Nita backstage. As soon as I push through the door and hear it close behind me I realize my mistake. I am now locked out of the backstage area and in a stairwell that does not have any visible signs or labels. I quickly run down two flights of stairs to arrive to a door that is labeled 'Basement'. I sigh and then run back up the stairs, passing the original level where I entered. I finally find an unlocked door six flights of stairs up. I am now in the hallway for the highest balcony level of the auditorium, which is not in use for this event.

I take a moment to catch my breath and think about where Tris might be. I quickly walk to the edge of the balcony so that I can look at Tris's table from up high, maybe she has already returned to her seat. As I step to the edge and lean over I am instantly crippled with fear. Panic bubbles up inside me, and I bite my lip to stifle my scream. I instantly have a coppery taste in my mouth. I launch myself backwards landing squarely on my bottom. As I am safely sitting on the ground, I take deep breaths in and out to calm myself. What the hell was that? I was not afraid of heights just a week ago, I was in the atrium on a huge ladder helping a technician adjust the new cameras we have been adding since the New Rebels threat.

I slowly crawl towards the edge of the balcony, as I cautiously hold onto the railing while also still sitting on the ground. It dawns on me that I must really care about Tris to force myself to look down from this balcony again. I plan to tell her this amazing feat I faced I just for her. She better appreciate it.

Then I remember reality.

Who am I kidding? For a second the look on her face when I broke away from Nita's sloppy kiss crosses my mind. I feel a pang in my chest. I hate that I hurt her. Especially right after what she just faced moments earlier with her presentation of wonderful David.

I just need to find her, and talk to her.

I glance down, I see the empty seat next to Matthew. She is not at her table.

I quickly get as far away from the balcony edge and then stand up. I find the elevator and take it down to the lobby level. As I step out, I glance down the hallway to my right and left, there are a couple of attendees and event staff, but I see no sign of Tris.

It is when I look across the lobby that I finally find her. In the arms of Luke Clark, and he is in her arms. I suck in my breath. I take a moment to watch them, because it is something I need to see. How could I forget that Tris is dating him? Watching them hold each other, it looks like they are more than just casually dating. They look like a couple deeply in love, in an intimate embrace. I then notice an older couple that walks by them, unnoticed by Tris or Luke. The couple points to them and smiles, as they pass me I overhear them talking about how nice it is to see a young and passionate pair that is obviously so deeply in love. I rub my temples, and then I walk back into the auditorium without looking at them again. I have seen enough.

What I did not see, was that Nita was already in the lobby before I had even gotten off the elevator. She was watching the entire scene play out in front of her.

+o+++o+++o+

I take my seat at my assigned table. I was seated with other award presenters that had been selected, no one that I knew personally which was nice not to have to answer any questions about my extended absence. One of them does ask me if my girlfriend would be joining us, I am sure referring to Nita and the kiss that everyone saw on stage. I just scowl, and then I am not spoken to for the rest of the night.

It is towards the end of the evening that Luke Clark himself was nominated and then the final winner for an award. As everyone clapped and looked around waiting for him to approach the stage. A woman at my table comments on how she is so happy Luke won, if only to get the chance to see that 'gorgeous man's backside as he walks on stage to get his award'. It is then that I see that his assistant Catalina walks out to accept on his behalf. The same woman groans in disappointment

"Hello Everyone, I am obviously not Luke Clark – I am sure you noticed the height difference right away!" she waits until the laughter dies down. "Mr. Clark had a personal matter come up that needed his full attention, he regrets not being here to accept this great honor. He wanted me to thank..." and then I zone Catalina out as I see she is reading his acceptance speech off a piece of paper. She probably wrote that speech herself.

Suddenly I just feel really sad at what this evening has become.

I am also not looking forward to having to deal with Nita and even the rest of my Rehabilitation Team tomorrow. They all think that Nita and I are some kind of hot couple now. I have quite a few things to set straight.

I also need to figure out what it means that I was able to recognize Natalie Prior, and the sudden fear of heights.

I am emotionally drained. I just want to go home and go to sleep. I am ready for this day to be over.

+o+++o+++o+

*Tris POV*

As I am standing in my assigned spot backstage, I feel like I am watching a movie. Nita's moving acceptance speech, seeing her miraculously stand up from her wheelchair, her declaration of love before she and Tobias embraced to kiss.

I was in shock, biting my lip as I felt a terrible chill shoot through my body. I felt freezing cold with an intense heat on my face at the same time. Is it possible to feel dead and feverish at the same time? I wrapped my arms around myself out of desperation, to keep myself steady and also to warm myself up.

And then Tobias broke from their intense kiss, and he looks at me. My heart skipping a beat, why was he looking at me?

The most horrible thought dawns on me, he wanted me to see that. He has been pushing me away, again and again. He probably is relieved I was standing so close to the stage, to get a front row seat to their love. I can't imagine that Nita would put him on spot that way without them both agreeing to that display beforehand.

I have to get away, this is too much.

Without another look, I turn and run as far away from the backstage as I can. Away from him.

I control my emotions as I walk through the flock of people backstage, keeping my eyes down and looking at the floor to make sure I don't run into someone. I break out into the lobby, finally feeling like I can breathe again. I can't even imagine returning to my table on the Gala floor. I'm sure Matthew would be waiting, to offer me his sad eyes and pity.

The lobby looks empty and then across the way I spot Luke Clark and a couple of men from his security team, speaking with one of the stage managers of the event. My heart aches, I just can't face him right now. I don't want his pity either.

I quickly enter into the women's restroom and manage to avoid making eye contact with the three older ladies that are standing at the vanity touching up their makeup

I quickly enter into the women's restroom and manage to avoid making eye contact with the three older ladies that are standing at the vanity touching up their makeup. The first restroom stall-room was open so I slip in and hurriedly shut the door behind me. I just put the seat cover down and sit-down, trying to catch my breath and calm myself.

"Well I am so glad I didn't miss that moving award presentation, have you ever seen anything so romantic?" one of the women at the vanity says. I close my eyes as tightly as I can. I wish I could zone these comments out.

But once again I am trapping in a bathroom stall being tormented listening to things I would rather not hear.

"That kiss, it made my knees weak. I don't know how that lovely young woman was able to remain standing." Another says.

I hear another woman make a light chuckle, "Well, that very handsome young man was holding her in his arms very tightly, I don't think she was at any risk of falling...at least not on stage. I imagine she will be falling into his bed later this evening!"

All three women burst into giggles, and then begin to talk about how they sometimes wish they were young and could experience the beginning phases of love all over again.

At this point I am literally leaning against the bathroom wall and just letting the tears stream down my face. I bitterly think that being young has not quite translated into experiences of love for me, terrible heartbreak is more like it. And let's not forget death, it is a moment like this that I am desperate for my mother. I would give anything for her to hold me and comfort me.

As I hear the women prepare to leave the restroom I begin to pull myself together. I use toilette paper to wipe my face and blow my nose. Once they step out I go to the sink to wash my hands and splash some water on my face. I am amazed that my makeup still looks presentable.

Suddenly one of the women re-enters the bathroom, startling me and I jump.

She first asks me if I am ok, I lie and tell her that I am fine. She just nods her head.

"There is a very determined young man waiting right aside the door, he wanted me to tell you that he will stand there all night if he has to. He will not be leaving until you speak to him." She says softly, but also looking at me curiously.

And for a moment, I think that it must be Tobias. That he cares about me, and that somehow that kiss that I saw was some kind I mistake, or it didn't really mean what I dreaded. My heart racing, I smile at the woman and ask if she is sure he wanted to talk to me?

"Are you Tris Prior?" she asks as I smile and nod my head. "Then yes – he is waiting for you, shall I tell Mr. Clark you will be coming out shortly?" she finishes.

My face falls. How silly I am, Luke is waiting for me outside. Why would it be Tobias? He is probably backstage sucking face with Nita, giving the stage director something real to complain about.

"Um, yes. Please tell him I will be out in a moment." I say weakly.

The woman gives me an encouraging smile and walks towards the restroom exit. She turns back one last time, "For what it's worth – the young man seems to have been waiting outside of this bathroom for a quite a while and he genuinely seems very concerned about you. Good luck my dear."

I bite my lower lip and nod at her. Then I am alone for a moment with my thoughts. I must be a glutton for punishment, or delusional to think that it would be Tobias who was chasing me down. I place my hand over my stomach and breathe in and out to calm my beating heart.

I keep trying to pretend that Tobias/Four as I knew him is still here. I would even take initiation-Four at this point, at least he was consistent. Logically I know he is gone, like all of the other people that we choose to wipe away with the serum. I stare at myself in the mirror, leaning closer to look into my own eyes. This is karma. I wonder how many other couples or friends are no longer, because of what I did. I shudder when thinking about it. I deserve to suffer this way, for all of my sins.

I walk out into the lobby and I see that Luke is a few yards away, leaning against a pillar. He had already been watching the bathroom door. Upon seeing me he stands up straight and watches me as I walk over to him.

"Hi." I say as I now standing in front of him, my arms crossed around me.

Luke pauses for a moment, his face unreadable. And then he smiles at me, leans closer to me and says, "I would ask you how you are, but I think I already know the answer."

I nod my head to confirm.

"I know my amazing-kisses are off the table, but would you like a hug?" he asks gently. I stare at him, and I feel my heart skip a beat. Yes, I know that I do want that.

I say nothing and walk right into him as I slip my arms around his waist tightly, I rest my cheek on his chest. He pauses for a moment before sliding his arms around me in return. I feel him rest his chin on the top of my head, and his left arm gently around my lower back while his right hand soothingly rubs my back. I close my eyes and allow myself to just feel the steady rise and fall of his strong chest as he breathes in and out. I can almost feel my stress melting away.

I don't even know how long we stand like that in the lobby. And I don't care. I needed this, I needed him. I don't know when it happened, but I know that Luke has become my best friend. In a different way, but equal to Christina. I need him, and that scares me too.

I shudder when then the realization of how important Luke is hits me. I feel like my stomach is in my throat.

"Hey...what just happened?" Luke asks me while pulling away so he can look me in the face. I look into his eyes and see they are full of concern.

What can I say to him? At this moment at least, I do not have the strength to put myself out there. So I just smile at him, hoping that it is enough, for now at least.

"Let's blow this joint. I know exactly what you need tonight." Luke says confidently. For some reason my cheeks flush. I just raise my eyebrows.

He extends his hand to me, "Do you trust me?" he presses.

I place my hand in his and smile.

I do.

+o+++o+++o+

*Tris POV*

I smile as I look at my reflection in the mirror. I look at the clothes Luke lent me, it felt so good to get out of that stuffy dress and uncomfortable heels.

I check my appearance one last time before I run out to see Luke, I know he has been patiently waiting for me to get back to him.

He was right, he knew exactly what I needed tonight.

I am ready to beat the crap out of something. Anything. Everything.

I run out to the gym floor and Luke is also wearing workout clothes that the Leadership Training Center had available for us to borrow. I wish I had known about these clothes the day Christina decided to sex up my workout gear.

"As this is not officially one of your training sessions, I thought it would be nice if we could just warm up and then workout together. Try some different things, ladies choice. Tonight is about you Tris." He tells me.

I smile at him, I am so ready to take the lead and tell him what we will be doing tonight.

We have a great warm up, I don't really enjoy running but I enjoy it with Luke. He pushes me to be better.

I pick hand to hand combat and knife throwing for our evening. It is pretty late already.

"I can't believe we left the Awards Gala. I hope you won't get in trouble or anything." I say to Luke.

He just smiles at me confidently, "I don't want you to worry about anything, and this is your night to de-stress. We can talk about 'things' or talk about absolutely nothing of importance. I just enjoy spending time with you Tris."

He insisted that I wear the protective gear for our sparring session. I made him promise me that he would at least think about when I will be ready to full on fight, gear free. We have a great time, and then I suddenly feel like talking with him about Tobias. I need to talk to someone, and I want it to be Luke.

"Did you see Nita and Four kiss?" I ask him in the middle of delivering a side kick. My question must have distracted him as he missed the block.

"Yes, I don't think anyone was able to miss their display." He answers me.

I shrug my shoulders, suddenly unsure how to continue. I struggle to block his announced hit to my side. Luckily the protective gear blocks my ribs. Luke frowns, "Are you ok? Did I hurt you?" I hear the concern in his voice.

"No, I am good." I assure him, trying to focus again.

"Do you love him?" Luke asks as I attempt to deliver an announced strike to his chest, the question startles me so much that I jerk my arm up and accidentally knock him in the jaw.

"Ouch! Sorry I asked!" he mumbles as he rubs his face and stretches out his jaw.

"I am so sorry Luke! That was an accident." I immediately place my hands over his so that I can check his face as well. He lowers his hands, allowing my fingers to gently touch his face inspecting the damage.

We then make eye contact and suddenly we are both just staring at each other.

Suddenly Luke gently takes me hands away from his face, while holding them in his and lowers them so we are holding hands in between us

"I don't want to pressure you. But I need an answer Tris. Are you still in love with him?" Luke's voice is soft but also insistent. I want to answer him, I just don't know how to express what I want to say.

I smile at Luke sadly, tears filling in my eyes as I know I will be admitting the truth to myself as well as him. Luke's face softens, and I feel how his thumb gently strokes the back of my hand.

I breathe in and out and tell Luke the painful truth.

"The Tobias that I loved more than anyone, more than myself – he is gone. I know it in my head. It is just taking my heart longer to accept it. Does that make sense?" I ask Luke, searching his face to try to interpret how he is feeling. He smiles at me and encourages me to continue.

I take a deep breath and I say the words.

"No, I am not I love with him. I feel sad about what could have been, I won't lie and tell you that it doesn't hurt me to see him with Nita. In my defense – she has never been a good person and we have history, so that adds a different level of pain." I admit.

Luke nods his head thoughtfully and the next moment he pulls me warmly into his arms and whispers into my ear, "I know that was difficult. Thank you for being honest with me. I needed that from you." I pull away so I can smile at him.

And then he stands up and offers me his hand, my heart skips a beat. I wonder what will happen next.

"Time to go throw some knives!" he announces cheerfully. I just laugh.

As we set up the knives Luke talks about my upcoming Chicago trip. He has been working with Ms. Grey and Johanna to go over the agenda and the security measures that will be in place. Johanna will be providing her police resources on the ground, but Luke also wants to make sure Tris has security that is under his authority.

"I actually have not made a visit to Chicago yet, I am trying to make arrangements so that I can get away and be your official escort." He clears his throat nervously. "If you are comfortable with that of course?"

I smile at him and nod, hopefully communicating that there is nothing I would like more.

I am thrilled to see that my knife throwing skills are still intact. I love how powerful it makes me feel to have my knife hit exactly where I intended. The weight of the blade as it leaves my fingers gives me a rush. I have to say it made my night when I was able to give Luke some valuable pointers when it came to knife throwing. When his aim improved after my coaching I was elated. I cheered and jumped into his arms. He laughed and twirled me around before he stood still and continued to hold me.

And suddenly we are both breathing quickly and I move arms around his neck. I know what I want. I want him to kiss me.

I see his eyes looking at my lips, he whispers "Tris..."

I look at him, "Luke."

"I want to kiss you so badly. I am not sure you can handle me." He says in a serious tone.

I pause to process what he just said to me. He then laughs and twirls me around again. Suddenly I am laughing too.

Suddenly I am laughing too

"Ok Tris. All joking aside. I have to be honest with you too." Luke starts. I nod my head to encourage him.

"For the first time in my life, I feel myself wanting things I never wanted before. A relationship...a future...with you Tris. And it does terrify me. But what terrifies me more, is the thought of losing you. You are so important to me, I also know – I want to do things the right way with you. If you are open to trying to give us a shot." Luke admits, and then he bites his lip and looks at me.

I smile at him, my heart is racing. Can I do this? In my mind, my decision is instantly made as I accept the truth. I do love Luke Clark. I won't say I am IN love with him yet. But this could be it for me, a new future. I smile at him and find my words. "Yes Luke, I want to try too. For us."

We both smile and embrace again, I feel safe in his arms.

He walks me to my apartment, he was a gentleman and carried the bag that held my dress and shoes while I hold on to his elbow. Thankfully we were able to just go home in our workout clothes. When he get to my door he smiles at me and pulls in for a hug, we each kiss each other on the cheek.

As Luke starts to walk away, he calls my name to get my attention before I shut my apartment door. "I have been thinking about this for a while Tris. I have done research on Abnegation. I read we will need to get married before our first kiss? How is tomorrow for you?"

I laugh and say good night.

+o+++o+++o+ Four AM +o+++o+++o+

*Tris POV*

I am so close, so close... I beg him not to stop. I gently kiss his neck, my hands caressing his back. I love the tracing the tattoo on his back from my memory. And I know he loves it too. And suddenly I am feeling complete euphoria while crying out Four's name.

I sit up on my bed startled, the dream felt so real that I look around my bedroom to make sure I am actually alone

I sit up on my bed startled, the dream felt so real that I look around my bedroom to make sure I am actually alone. As I try to catch my breath, I squeeze my legs closed to make the sensation to go away. I lay back on my bed, I hate these dreams about Tobias. I hope I never have one again. It makes me feel so sad and alone when I wake up.

*Tobias POV*

"What did you do?" Tris screams at me, she is being held by a young man. She looks exhausted and battered. She is hysterical, screaming for me. She is unable to get close to me, as much as I want her to.

"You die, I die too." I call back to her, the tone of my voice surprises me. "I asked you not to do this. You made your decision. These are the repercussions." I know I am hurting her, I know my words hurt her. That is my goal.

I wake up with a gasp, a sheen of perspiration across my brow. My heart is pounding. The dream felt so real.

Tris.

I close my eyes quickly, anxious to remember the dream. Although painful- I felt so alive in my dream. I loved her. I felt it. I really loved her. And suddenly I have a tears streaming down my face, I brush them away.

I add this dream to my list of what I need to talk to my rehabilitation team about tomorrow.

Could that have been real? A memory verses a dream?

+o+++o+++o+ Chapter End +o+++o+++o+


	36. Chapter: 36 Secrets Revealed

Chapter: 36 Secrets Revealed

*Four POV*

It has been two days since the Awards Gala. I have pretty much been keeping to myself, staying in my apartment. I note that Zeke has not called or stopped by. I am guessing he saw the live video and is completely disgusted at the thought of me and Nita.

I keep thinking about Tris. I dreamt about her again last night. Unlike my dream about death from the night before, this one was different. I think it was tied to my fear of heights.

Tris and I were climbing a long metal ladder, in my dream I have no idea where we were as I was crippled by fear and I would only look at two things. The ladder I was desperate to hold on to, and the second thing was Tris as she climbed above me. I can remember no noise from the dream, aside from the last thing I said. "Are you human, Tris?" And then I was awake.

I know Tris is moving on, as she should

I know Tris is moving on, as she should. I just can't shake this uneasy feeling inside of me. And then I remember seeing her with Luke Clark. I push those thoughts out of my head.

I sigh as I look in the mirror and shave. Aside from the drama with Nita, I have a few important things to discuss with the team this morning. I have so many questions.

Nita came by the morning after the Gala. I didn't answer my door the first time she stopped by. When she came by again that same evening and was knocking and telling me that she knew I was inside, I opened my door and stood in the frame. I didn't allow her to come in.

+o+++o+ Flashback +o+++o+

"Are you really not going to let me come in? You want to have this conversation in the hallway?" Nita asks, I can hear the emotion in her voice.

"I didn't invite you here Nita. Just like I didn't invite you to kiss me publicly, in front of the entire country to see! I don't think you understand how upset I am right now. You had no right to do that to me, especially since you are also the head of my rehabilitation team." I say while trying to control the volume of my voice.

She visibly cringes, and then lowers her head in shame. I still don't move from the door, my arms crossed. I am livid.

She looks up from her wheelchair, tears in her eyes, "You're right. And if I could turn back time, I would make different choices. On top of feeling humiliated and heartbroken – I know that I hurt you, betrayed you even. I don't expect your forgiveness Tobias. I only came here to tell you that I am genuinely sorry."

"Not only did you hurt me, you also hurt Tris!" I spit out without thinking.

"I don't know what you mean?" she says, looking genuinely confused. "What would Tris have to do with this?"

"Tris was standing just feet from us, she had presented right before I went on – I just don't like hurting her. Especially when it is not necessary." I tell Nita.

Nita nods her head in agreement, "Of course, no one wants to hurt Tris's feelings. That poor girl has been through so much already this last year. She doesn't deserve any of this."

I look at Nita, trying to gauge if she is sincere – I just don't know anymore. I used to think I knew her so well. Now I am not so sure.

She pauses before continuing. "We need to decide what we are going to do about our work through the Rehabilitation Team. Decisions do not need to be made right now, but soon. Your involvement in the research is vital, and I don't want my poor judgement and actions to ruin things. This research will help hundreds of people."

My back straightens, I also have a great sense of responsibility when it comes to the research I am involved in. I will not abandon my commitment because of this. But I am also not sure if working with Nita moving forward is going to work. At least not for me.

"I am not making any decisions right now. But what I do know – I expect both you and I, together, to talk to the entire Rehabilitation team and clear the air and set things straight. I am already the cruel jerk when it comes to Tris. I am not taking that role on again with you starring as the victim. Do you understand me?" I say firmly.

"Of course, I will take full responsibility and apologize to you in front of the team. We have our regular session scheduled for Monday." Nita promises me. "We can discuss next steps, if you decide you want to switch teams."

I nod my head. This is a start.

+o+++o+ End of Flashback +o+++o+

I take my time walking towards the lab this late morning. I have calmed down some, but I am also anxious to get things resolved today.

The moment I arrive Nita asks me if we can save our discussion with the team until after we go through my cognitive and physical testing for the day. I agree.

Our session begins.

+o+++o+ Three hours later +o+++o+

We have about 10 minutes left before their next patient is arriving. Nita asks to speak to the group about what happened at the Awards Gala. She apologizes to me first, I smile at her encouragingly. I know this must be hard for her. And she also apologizes to her team for being unprofessional and putting all of their hard work at risk.

She explains to all of us that she had too much to drink and combined with the great personal joy she felt about her progress with her own therapy to walk – she got carried away. She tells them that there is nothing romantic between her and I, and she regrets how she acted.

She also states that no final decision has been made in regards to my working with this group. Some of the team members gasp. I know they would be upset if I insisted on switching teams.

So I take that opportunity to forgive Nita and I commit to keeping things as is. I enjoy working with this team. Nita and I hug in reconciliation. I am glad we can put this behind us. Life is too short to be holding on to grudges. It's a shame she got so drunk that evening.

Besides – it was just a silly kiss on stage. It is not like anyone got hurt.

+o+++o++o+++o++o+++o++o+++o+

*Tris POV*

I wake up with the biggest smile on my face, after the Gala and then the training session, I slept so well. I can't believe I am dating Luke Clark! I jump out of bed to get myself ready. I am having Caleb, Cara and Christina over for brunch this morning. I thought about inviting Luke – but then I decided against it. I want to see how our first date goes, before making this a big deal with my friends.

I hear a knock at my apartment door, I assume it is Christina as she offered to arrive early to help me cook. I swing the door open to a sea of pink roses. I gasp in surprise. Christina happened to arrive at the same time as the delivery person. Her eyes almost popping out of her head.

I sign for the roses, quickly putting the unopened card into my pocket.

As soon as we are alone she squeals and hugs me, demanding to know who they are from. I just laugh at her, saying nothing.

"Well I came over here expecting to drag your depressed self out of bed. But it looks like seeing that disgusting kiss on stage last night is pretty low on your radar this morning! Please tell me these roses are from Luke Clark!!!! And I see you have been upgraded from peach to pink roses." Christina says brightly.

The huge vase has 5 dozen roses, and each one is so beautiful. I finally confide in Christina that yes, Luke and I are going to give dating a try. But also go slow. I make her promise not to say anything to anyone! At least not yet. She jumps up and down happily, but does agree. She then suggested hiding the flowers if I don't want Caleb to grill me when he and Cara arrive.

Christina is filling me in on Cara and Caleb, it seems Cara has spending the night at Caleb's more and more recently. Including last night, as Cara did not come home after her date with Caleb. I laugh and tell Christina that I am cringing on the inside at the thought of Caleb getting it on, but really I am so happy for them.

As I place my flowers on the counter of my master bathroom, I take a step back and admire them. Remembering the card that accompanied them I pull it out of my pocket to look.

Tris,

I haven't been able to stop thinking about you.

Thank you for giving 'us' a try. I feel like the luckiest man on the planet.

Dinner Monday night?

Yours Truly, Luke Clark

I smile and bite my lip. I then put the card away – imagining that Caleb's postcoital happiness would come crashing down at finding out I am now actually dating Luke.

I walk back out to my living room, excited to spend time with my brother and friends.

+o+++o+ The next day +o+++o+

*Tris POV*

I know most people usually dread Mondays. Not me! At least not this Monday. I am so excited for my date with Luke tonight. The term 'giddy with excitement' pretty much sums it up. I sent him a note Sunday afternoon agreeing to dinner on Monday. I got another dozen pink roses within 30 minutes of my answer letting me know he would come pick me up from my apartment at six pm. Hmmm, I will need to ask him if he was so sure I would say yes that he had that pre-arranged.

Nothing can ruin this day for me.

As I walk through the atrium early in the morning on my way to the lab I see Nita from afar. Relieved that I spotted her, I make an effort to avoid her at all costs. Unfortunately, she seemed to have other plans. As soon as I was in the elevator, someone else riding in it mentioned holding it for a minute so a woman in a wheelchair that was waving us down could get in. Why didn't I take the stairs?!

"Hello Tris and Matthew, how are you today? Tris, I didn't see you at the Gala on Saturday!!! I hope you didn't miss my miracle, I know you would be so happy for me - - I am getting use of my legs back, my goal is to not need this chair one day soon." Nita says loudly and with the brightest smile. I didn't even realize Matthew had gotten on the elevator before me. I smile at him as well.

As everyone else in the elevator heard her, she was immediately the center of attention. Which I understand, of course people are happy for a person getting use of their legs back. I look at Nita and see that while everyone is being kind to her, and complimenting her achievements and the "loving" moment with her "boyfriend", she is looking straight and me and smiling. Gloating even.

I can see right through her, and I quickly decide two can play this game.

"Everyone, Nita has not even shared the half of it. She truly is an inspiration to all of us. She is such a kind and giving person, so humble - - and now she has found love with a man that owes everything to her, he would literally be nothing without her help, have nothing. We should all be so lucky to have a champion like Nita in our court." I say with a huge smile on my face, making sure to emphasize the word 'nothing' every time I say it.

I lean over and quietly whisper to her, "I owe you a great debt Nita, since you officially have Tobias now...I am completely free. Completely free to move on to greater and better things. So thank you." I stand up straight and smile at her.

Her face frozen in shock and utter confusion. I actually laugh sweetly when I see her face. Her face then turning red and scowling at me.

I then turn to Matthew, ignoring Nita completely and deliver my final blow to her ego. "Matthew, I am glad we have a moment before entering the lab. I wanted to discuss how you acted on Saturday at the table before I left the Gala."

Matthew lowers his head in shame, and begins to apologize.

I immediate stop him, placing my hand on his arm. "Please don't apologize. I just wanted to get everything out in the open so it will not affect our friendship or working relationship." I pause as he smiles and nods. "I wanted to make sure you heard it from me. I am now officially dating Luke Clark. I hope you can respect that, and that we can still remain friends?"

I look at Nita as I say Luke Clark, and as I expected she looks livid.

Matthew assures me he is sorry for being so forward at the Gala, and that he is really happy for me. I thank him and I mean it. I felt a little guilt at having this conversation in front of Nita, and other strangers in the elevator. I also know I would do it again – just to see her hateful face as I rubbed her nose in my happiness.

As I get out of the elevator first, I look back and tell Nita to have a fantastic Monday. I ask Matthew if he will be coming along with me since we work in the same lab. He just nods his head and follows. Matthew looks apprehensive of us both, but he doesn't say anything. Smart man, I think to myself.

+o+++o++o+++o+

I decided to take nap in between work and preparing for my date. I was going to be ready for Luke to pick me up at six pm. I have my outfit laid out, and took a shower before my nap. I put in wet braids before I laid down so I could just take them out and have a nice wave to my hair for tonight.

It is about five pm that there is a very loud knock at my door. It instantly wakes me up even though I am in my bedroom across the apartment. I know it can't be Luke, he should not be here for another hour. I throw on a robe over the simple t-shirt I had been wearing.

Upon opening the door I immediately recognize the man at my door as one of Luke's personal guards. He has a serious expression but kindly asks me to quickly get dressed, as Luke needs me to meet him at his office as soon as possible. I am confused and I even tell him that Luke and I have a date, and that he was supposed to pick me up an hour from now. The guard nods his head, and asks me again to please get dressed quickly.

I have an odd feeling about this, but I also trust this man as he has always been the picture of professionalism and Luke has spoken highly of him in the past. I agree and ask him to come in while I run to get dressed.

I throw on the casual flowery dress and cardigan sweater I had picked out, well that Jackie and Christina had selected for me during our original shopping trip. I just take the braids out, I am pleased at how my hair looks. I take one moment to put on some eyeliner and lipstick.

As I run over to get my purse and slip on my heels I catch the look on the guard's face. He is frowning.

"Is everything ok? Is Luke ok?!" I ask, wondering if something has happened to him.

"Everything is fine Ms. Prior, we just need to get moving. Are you ready?" he says to me. I'm unable to read his voice.

I nod my head and we make way to the offices of the Bureau Security and Investigative Services.

We are immediately ushered to Luke's office lobby. I smile at Catalina, and then I notice that something is wrong with her. She seems tense and upset. I go over to talk to her privately and she backs away, just mumbling it is just an off day. She walks into Luke's office, asking us to wait in the lobby.

She comes back out and asks me to follow her. The guard follows me in as well. I see Luke standing at the window of his office staring out, he has view of the atrium from those windows.

"Luke, Tris is here, why don't I get you both something to drink - -" she is cut off by Luke.

"Catalina and John, I am relieving you of work for the rest of the day. I want you to make sure the lobby to my office is cleared and then lock it on your way out. I do not want any distractions. Do you understand?" Luke says calmly. Still not looking back at any of us.

I feel a chill go through my body, my immediate concern is that something has happened to Luke. I breathe in and out, reminding myself that he and I are going to give us a chance. Whatever is happening to him, I will support him, be there for him.

As they leave the office I note that John does not look at me, and then Catalina gives me one glance, she looks very sad.

"Have a seat Tris." Luke says. As I shrug and make way to the couch I last sat on. "At my desk please." Luke clarifies.

It is then that he turns around and looks at me for the first time. I shudder and lean back in my chair. My heart instantly filled with dread. Something is wrong, and he does not look like he is sad or worried. He looks furious, he looks at me in a way that makes my skin crawl. I quickly wrack my brain, have I done something? I don't know what could make him so upset with me.

I quickly wrack my brain, have I done something? I don't know what could make him so upset with me

I suddenly feel even more vulnerable and ridiculous as I am in my heels and pretty dress. I am obviously not here for a dinner date. I take a deep breath and ask, "What is this about Luke?"

I see him bite his lip and nod his head from side to side, appearing to try to calm himself.

I then notice that in the kitchenette off to the side of his office is a large bouquet of pink roses, stuffed into the trash. My blood runs cold. There is something very wrong here. I look back at Luke and see that he has figured out I saw the trashed flowers. His eyes narrow at me.

I gulp, and suddenly I am sad. Really sad. I can feel Luke slipping away from me as each moment passes. How stupid of me to think for even a moment that I could be happy. I fight against the tears that want to form.

"Let me start by saying, I don't want any tears from you this time. Not today. Please show me a little bit of courtesy this time Tris." He says.

"I will try my best." I answer quietly.

"I am sure you have gathered by now, we will not be going on that date tonight. Or any damn night for that matter." He says. I can see that he is angry, but then I suddenly hear the hurt in his voice. I just look at him and wait. This is his show, I am just a bystander now. I think about how ridiculous I must look with my wavy hair and makeup.

He walks over to the vault in his office and types in a combination and then has his hand is scanned for it to open. He then returns to his desk with a folder in hand. He opens it and takes a small stack of papers out that I can't quite see.

"I know we have not talked a lot about my work, which is not your fault. I know I have always been very interested in all the good things you were doing with your research for The Bureau, and thus most of our work conversations have been all about you. But let me explain something to you Tris. All these people, men, women and children in this facility are ultimately my responsibility. Their safety. Their health. Their ability to live in peace." He pauses and looks at me "Even their memories."

My back straightens, suddenly I know. I know what this is about. My God, he knows it was me. He now knows that I was the one that set off the memory serum in the bureau those months ago. I actually feel sick, I force myself to calm down so I don't vomit on the rug of his office.

Luke sees the recognition in my face, and then I see it for a moment. A look of terrible sadness and grief that flitters across his, just for a moment, but it was there. Once gone, he then laughs and coldly tells me, "Well, since I am a complete fool when it comes to you, I still had a tiny bit of hope that this is a mistake. That you could never do something so terrible. But you just gave me my answer. I can't even believe what a monster you are. Or what an idiot I am."

I look away, unable to endure the way he is now looking at me. I remind myself to not cry. No matter what – I will not cry.

I hear papers ruffling and then he speaks again, "Imagine my surprise this late afternoon when the mail arrived. I got a very cryptic letter note explaining that Tris Prior was the mastermind behind the Bureau memory serum attack and further, that David and you were not victims of these terrorists. You were the one to press the button. It was David that was trying to stop you, but he didn't succeed did he?"

"You are the terrorist Tris," He says coldly. This time I can't remain quiet, I nod my head no, about to speak.

"Quiet. I am not done." He barks at me while angrily pointing to something on his desk. I then see laid out, actual photographs of the control room. Time stamps of David and I speaking alone, him clearly pointing the gun at me. And then more time stamped images, of my pushing the button while David shoots me. The proof is right there.

And then the tears fall. This is the end for me. The end of me and Luke as well. I am not only scared, I am also incredibly sad.

"Please, just let me explain." I start. Luke slams his fist on his desk, making everything shake and even some papers fall on the ground.

"Explain?! Explain how you ruined so many people's lives? How you played God? Do you know how many families you destroyed? All of the technology that was just flushed down the toilet because of what you did? How many people in other cities had to completely rearrange their lives in order to rush here to help the masses of your victims? Do you seriously think you are going to ever justify this to me? You can't be that delusional Tris." He spits at me. His face red with anger.

"I didn't just wake up one day and decide it would be funny to do something so drastic, so terrible. But I had to make a choice! David was evil to his core, he was going to do to Chicago exactly what I did to him. You don't know what was happening at the Bureau! David was a master manipulator. He had Providence completely fooled."

"I guess David really was a fabulous mentor for you. All the negative points you have used to describe him, fit you to a T as well, Tris," Luke says coldly. I look away and quickly wipe the tears that have fallen down my face.

"There was about to be a terrible war. Not only in Chicago, but also here at the bureau. There would have been so many deaths, so much pain. I needed to reset them. The Genetically Pure were repeating history and creating a division. Instead... I just wanted them to start again, to be told that no, the GP are not above or better than the Genetically Damaged. I didn't see another way, I had to make a fast choice. I saw it as the lesser of many evils." I finish.

"Just reset them. I see how well Tobias's little reset worked out for you Tris. No big deal right?" he says coldly to me.

I frown, almost not believing that Luke would be so cruel to me, even now, to throw the pain I feel over Tobias at me. And that is when I know. Luke and I will never be the same, never move forward from this.

I need to do damage control now. I will not bring down my brother or friends with me. I will take whatever they have for me. But I have to keep them safe. I scan the photos on his desk, there are none of the others. If this is everything – then they should be in the clear.

"What now Luke?" I ask softly.

"What now?" he says sadly.

"What now, is that I flush my career down the toilet for you." He then is angry again, "Do you have any idea what they would do to you as punishment for the amount of destruction you created? While you were tucked away in your coma, people almost died as a direct result of the memory serum. People that couldn't remember to take certain medications that resulted in life threatening situations. Thankfully the severe cases where caught, but it was a huge health issue."

I gasp at the thought of people actually being hurt, I never for a moment thought something like that would happen.

"If I turn you in, you would be executed. They would probably make me pull the trigger as a lesson, for being so stupid to get so close to you—and not know. Because after all of this, you should know – I did love you. I loved you so much. The day I met you, it scared me how much I cared about you. I convinced myself it was a sisterly love, as you were both the same age. As time passed, I knew I loved you for being you, and we were finally going to give "us" a try, to see if we could be IN LOVE." He shakes his head.

I sit still, almost in disbelief. What is he going to do.

"You are going to be honest with me, for once. Do you have ANYTHING to do with the current Rebel group? I have been replaying all of our conversations in my head the last hour...on more than one occasion I recall you calling them the 'New Rebels'. Don't you dare lie to me." Luke hisses at me.

I tell him the truth, that no – I have absolutely nothing to with or even know anything about the New Rebel group. I would never execute people or bomb Chicago.

Luke nods his head.

"So here is how things are going to work. I am choosing to lie for you, to end my career for you. I will not turn you in," he says. "I am not doing it for you, I am doing it for ME. You have put me in a terrible position."

I gasp in relief, I am stunned.

"But make no mistake – we are done. We are nothing now. I never want to see you again. I will no longer be your trainer, you need to stay away from me and stay away from anything leadership or politically related. If you push me, and I even think for a moment that you are up to something – I will turn over all of the evidence against you. And then you will be on your own." Luke finishes.

I nod my head. "Luke, I am sorry. I never meant to hurt you... For what it is worth, I love you too. I also wanted to explore if it could be a romantic love, if we could fall in love..."

"Please stop. I don't want to hear it. Your words mean nothing to me now. I don't think you can even begin to comprehend the position you have put me in," Luke stammers, looking away from me.

"Get out. All of your security privileges are being revoked effective immediately. You are to tell people that you decided you no longer felt strong enough to train in self-defense," he finishes. He picks up the phone and calls one of his guards to his office.

"I will obviously not be going to Chicago with you now. I am still responsible for your safety. I will be sending some of my best men," he says not even looking at me while he goes to open his office door.

A man arrives to escort me out. Luke just holds the door open and looks away from me.

I nod my head and walk out. I close my eyes and feel such a loss. Oh Luke, I did love you. He really was my best friend... and I destroyed him.

+o+++o+ CHAPTER END +o+++o+


	37. Chapter 37: Chicago

Chapter 37: Chicago

*Tris POV*

I sigh as I take off my heels and settle into the suite that Johanna secured for my visit to Chicago, it has been a very long day and I am exhausted. A long first day in Chicago, but more significantly a terrible week for me. I have an adjoining suite with John, the guard Luke assigned to me for this trip. He is also the guard that gathered me from my apartment earlier this week to bring me to my "date" with Luke. I cringe recalling my last conversation with Luke. It will probably be the last one I ever have with him.

Luke made it a point to send John as his representative to meet with me, Laura Grey, along with Johanna Reyes and her team (who were dialed in) to review my trip itinerary and basic security for the Chicago trip. John stated that Mr. Clark has higher priority items on his plate and that he has delegated security of my trip to John.

It will be a three night visit, with numerous activities and meetings planned per day. My personal request was to be able to visit my old home in Abnegation and also spend some time at the Dauntless compound. John, while not looking at me, relayed the message that 'Mr. Clark' had agreed to work both of my requests into the final schedule. I notice that John would only look at me when absolutely necessary. I don't think Luke told anyone the exact details – but I am sure John and Catalina must suspect I have done something terrible to make Luke act this way. Which I did.

Earlier today I was able to go to Abnegation. John and the police officers that are part of our detail gave me privacy after sweeping my childhood home and clearing it as safe. After entering alone, it was a very emotional experience. I had promised Caleb I would bring something back for each of us to remind us of our parents. I walked into each room, trying to recall the last time I had stood there before Choosing Day. I think about my parents, tears filling my eyes. Part of me wishes I could go back in time, even if for just a moment to spend an evening with mom, dad and Caleb. I saved my room for last, I laid down and tried to remember what it felt like to sleep in this bed, before my life changed so drastically. And then it was time to leave it behind, in the past.

After my shower and slipping on my PJs I sit down to go over my itinerary for day two. I will be accompanying Johanna to her leadership meeting as an observer in the morning. Cameras will be present to capture the meeting and then a brief interview so I can go over some questions about what like is like for me at the bureau. I mentally prepare myself for the cheerful lines that I need to have ready. My great job, the amazing support system, the head of bureau security who now hates me and holds my freedom in his hands.

I shake my head, I need to stop lamenting over Luke. We are done, all that is left now is the fear that he may change his mind about not turning me in. The day after my confrontation with Luke I hosted a large lunch at my apartment, I made it a point to go to the store and buy ingredients for a fancy meal, a dessert and talk to anyone who would listen how I was hosting a small celebration for my brother and his new girlfriend. I invited Christina, Caleb, Cara, Matthew and Zeke - - with strict instructions that no one else was to be included. Specifically excluding Nita and Tobias. The celebration was all for show.

The moment they were inside my home and the door was shut I told them what had happened. Everyone was very concerned, and horrified this had happened. We had disarmed the cameras but there must have been a backup. What we could not figure out, is why this information was sat on for so long. Obviously whomever sent the information to Luke was counting on him to punish me and literally ruin my life. This also put all involved in great danger.

Zeke asked why Tobias wasn't included. I flinch and tell him I have had a terrible night, and that since Tobias and Nita are a package deal – I just can't deal with seeing them right now. Zeke nods his head in understanding. We all agree Tobias has a right to know, and probably even Nita. So Zeke will take the lead on telling them. We agree to lay low and hope things don't escalate – it does appear that I was made to look as the sole person responsible. I let the group know that Mr. Clark for now, is not going to turn me in. Under the agreement that will lay low and stay out of anything that can be viewed as political. I also let the team know I am on notice, one misstep and I will be turned in. No one asks me for details about Luke as no one except Christina knew we were going to date, or that we were hoping to become more than friends. I told her I didn't want to talk about it. I had already thrown away all of the roses and his card the night before, they were just a painful reminder of what could have been.

I close my eyes and sleep, I have a busy day tomorrow.

+o+++o+++o+ Middle of the Night +o+++o+++o+

*Tris POV*

We are gently moving in a steady rhythm, I feel myself flittering closer and closer to the edge. I am coiled so tightly I feel like I may scream in agony. I beg him to go faster now, I need faster. He chuckles in my ear and then kisses my shoulder before biting me, he then gives me exactly what I need. And suddenly I am there, while loudly crying out Tobias's name and the word yes dozens of times.

I jump up flustered, and then I realize it was yet another dream about Tobias. This time my voice feels hoarse and my throat hurts, as I try to catch my breath. I lay back on the bed in this unfamiliar room in Chicago. I hope the ache I feel in my core passes quickly this time. I hate these dreams. I cringe as my mind replays it again and again.

+o+++o+++o+

The next morning I answer John's knock at my door. "Good morning Ms. Prior. Are you ready to head out?" he politely asks. I nod my head and smile.

We walk in silence to the elevator.

Once in the hotel lobby, we are greeted by Johanna's assistant who is helping to organize my visit, and is going to be escorting me to the majority of my functions. As we ride in the car towards the Chicago leadership assembly hall that is taking place at the old Candor building, I lean my head against the window and peer out at the city. So much as changed, yet so much feels the same.

I am seated at Johanna's left side for the meeting. Although I am only there to observe – enjoy every minutes of the meeting. All of the efforts and improvements are so inspiring. Everyone is working so hard to make Chicago better. In that moment I imagine how different things would be if we had not been successful in stopping the war and David from wiping Chicago clean. I sacrificed for this city, and as I look around – I realized it was worth it.

In that moment I decide – even if the lies come crashing down around me and I need to be punished for what I did – I will accept that. My conscience is clear, and I know I would do it all over again if needed.

My conscience is clear, and I know I would do it all over again if needed

During a meeting recess, Johanna and I are set up to be interviewed. We both field questions about the goal for my visit, what I have enjoyed seeing, and finally what some key highlights are planned for the remainder of my visit. Johanna will be accompanying me for my trip to Amity tomorrow. My second interview will take place while in Amity, that is when I will discuss my new life at the bureau.

The last moment of the interview I am asked a question I was not expecting.

Interviewer: Tris, you have come such a long way since your initiation into Dauntless, where it was my understanding you ranked first in your initiation class. That is quite an honor.

Tris: That is correct. Thank you.

Interviewer: While you were raised in Abnegation your father was highly regarded in government, it could be said it runs in your veins. Now that you are established in the Bureau, do you have any aspirations to become involved in the Leadership Government role there?

(Before I can control myself, an immediate frown crosses my face. Remembering Luke's conditions, I then push it away, and I know I need to cover quickly.)

Tris: Sorry, for a moment I was reminded of my father, who died during the attack on Abnegation.

Interviewer: Of course Tris, I am sorry to have reminded you of something so painful.

(What a load of crap I think to myself)

Tris: To answer your original question, absolutely not. I will not become involved in Leadership or Government. That's not me. I don't want to make the rules.

(It is then that Johanna interjects while still on camera.)

Johanna: Great leaders don't seek power. They're called by necessity. Especially when people need you.

(She smiles at me, and I force myself to smile back gently. Controlling myself from nodding my head in a no.)

+o+++o+++o+

After the conclusion of the Leadership meeting we drive to different parts of the city to meet with citizens. Our first visit is to a school. It was so emotional for me to view all the children that were no longer dressed by color according to faction. I enjoyed my time there, I even noted that my guard John seemed to be finally enjoying himself at the school visit. The children were especially interested in him as they found his position to be very exciting and dangerous. He quickly became the center of attention.

As we were in route to our next visit, I mention to John that he seemed to do really well with kids.

For the first time the entire trip he genuinely smiled at me, and said he was relieved as his wife is pregnant with their first child. I smile at him and congratulate him. I am happy for him, even in this very awkward situation, John has been professional and kind to me at all times. I think sadly, Luke trained him well.

+o+++o+++o+

It is during dinner with Johanna and a few of her team members that she quietly brings up Four to just me. I am instantly uneasy.

"I was sorry to hear about Four and the memory serum, did you know that he was going to return to Chicago and work on my leadership team?" Johanna asks me.

My mouth falls open as I nod my head in a no, I had absolutely no idea. And then I recall that Christina told me Four had gone missing his last night at the bureau as he was set to return to our home the next day.

"How is he doing Tris?" Johanna asks me kindly. In that moment our time in Amity while we were running from Jeanine plays out in my mind. I look away for a moment, remembering when I had been dosed to heavily with Amity's peace serum. My attempts to fool around with him, our discussion on being 'nice'. A painful yet beautiful reminder of what we once were.

"To be honest Johanna, I have no idea. We are no longer together, nor are we even friends. He has no interest in me, or his past." I admit, straightening my back. I try very hard to keep the emotion out of my voice.

She frowns, and finally says – "When it's gone, you'll know what a gift love was. You'll suffer. So go back and fight to keep it Tris."

I just look away. I have nothing left to say.

+o+++o+++o+

After a quick shower and change of clothes I am ready to visit the Dauntless compound. As it is now Saturday night, the Pit hosts an after hour party every weekend. This was the only break in the schedule that a visit to my old faction could be fit in. Poor John looks horrified that he has to escort me to this party, but he is professional and refrains from verbalizing his frustrations.

I look over my outfit in the mirror, I am wearing sleek black pants, a maroon camisole, and then a fitted black blouse over it. I wear black boots instead of my usual heels. I plan to walk all over the compound, as I am doubtful I will ever return here.

When it is finally time to leave, I smile with excitement looking forward to the evening ahead.

+o+++o+++o++o+++o+++o+

*Four POV*

After clocking into work this early afternoon for my overtime shift I end up in the elevator with Luke Clark. Thankfully we are not alone. I feel his eyes on me, but I force myself to stare ahead.

"Aren't you usually working the night-shift Tobias?" Luke asks.

"Yes sir. My team has been asked to work overtime hours today. We are usually off today." I answer.

"Well Ms. Prior is in Chicago today, on her little publicity tour. Since you were once so familiar with the city, and her, I will make sure Troy assigns you to her screens for your shift." Luke says coldly.

I don't bite, I continue to stare ahead and respond, "Yes sir."

The elevator opens and Luke walks out without another glance or word to me. I let out a sigh as I can feel the tension I had been holding in my shoulders slowly leave me. I have no idea if Luke suspects my own involvement with the release of the memory serum.

+o+++o+++o+ Flashback +o+++o+++o+

Zeke had asked me to meet at his apartment a couple of days ago.He sounded so serious, which is so unlike him.When he told me that he needed to talk about Tris, I immediately tried to cut him off.I really have no desire to think about her, let alone talk about her.When he rudely told me to shut up, as this was a serious matter – I decided to do just that.

I was shocked to hear that someone had ratted her out to Luke Clark about what our group did.Not only incriminating her, but also leaving the rest of us out of it.Zeke basically told me that Luke is furious with Tris, and that he has cut all ties with her.Zeke then told me he believes that because of Luke's strong feelings for her, he is not turning her in.I nod my head relieved for her.We are not friends, but I certainly don't want her to get executed.

It is then that Zeke really gets me mad.He tells me his suspicion that Nita is the one that told Luke!I found that to be paranoid and ridiculous, and I told him so.Zeke points out that I must be blind if I don't see how much Nita dislikes Tris.I tell him that it is a terrible accusation for him to make, especially with no proof.Nita is not stupid, she would never risk herself just to get Tris in trouble.Zeke just rolls his eyes.I know we are never going to see eye to eye when it comes to Nita, or even to Tris for that matter.I remind him that Tris and I are over.Zeke waves his hands, muttering yeah, yeah, yeah.I roll my eyes – wondering if the day will ever come that someone is not trying to shove Tris Prior down my throat.

+o+++o+++o+ Flashback End +o+++o+++o+

As I settle into my desk I hear my manager, Troy, assigning surveillance responsibilities, sure enough I am handed a copy of Tris's itinerary and then instructed to monitor her throughout the day for any threats. I secretly think that Luke is doing this to punish me and/or he now suspects that I was also involved in the Memory Serum release, but he is the boss.

+o+++o+++o+

It is two hours into my shift that chaos ensues at the Bureau. The New Rebel group is setting off orchestrated attacks in Providence. Which is a surprise as Providence has not been focused on for many weeks since the initial attack. The control room is over run with people while Luke and his top advisors are at the helm.

Luke walks over to me and reminds me to keep an eye on Tris at all times and notify him right away is something seems amiss. I nod. I do note that his voice sounds is full of emotion when he mentions her name, versus the cold indifference he was projecting earlier. I feel a twinge when I realize that although he is furious with her, at some level he still cares for her.

As the day progresses and we are knee deep in handling the chaos in Providence, as their systems have been compromised, I have been moved off of video detail to programming in order to combat the Rebels technological attacks.

Luke has made the difficult call to lock down all travel between cities, under any circumstances. The people that were already in route will be met at the gates by armed security and thoroughly vetted. There has been zero activity in Chicago, so aside from keeping their leadership informed about the situation in Providence there has been no additional support sent there.

I note at one point that Luke requests a secure line with John, the guard assigned to Tris, Luke gives him a high level and asks him not to alarm Tris but just to be extra cautious.

It is after dinner when our system crashes, a virus has been implemented cutting our communication and cameras with not only Providence but also Chicago. Things went from worse to awful.

Moments before the crash I intercept a communication between two unknown emails –

Subject: Make her an example

Body of email: That no one will forget.

Attachment: Chicago-Prior-Itinerary

My blood runs cold and I suddenly feel like the room is spinning. I know that Tris is in terrible danger. I suddenly have an image of myself carrying a badly injured Tris in my arms, as I am walking through very dark hallways. Her clothing ripped and she is unconscious. I can feel the emotion I was experiencing. Anger, concern, a strong desire to keep her safe. Is it a memory?

Once I snap out of it I yell for Luke and show him the transmission

Once I snap out of it I yell for Luke and show him the transmission.

 

"Damn it!" he curses. "Everyone, we need to get a communication link to Chicago immediately. We have to get word to John to cancel the visit to the party at Dauntless this evening. It is not too late, they should not be there yet. I also want Tris moved to a new location and then brought back to the Bureau as soon as possible."

The room moves quickly, but I also know it may take many hours to resume communication with Chicago. The virus has worked its way deep into our system.

I run over to where my supervisor and other managers are standing "Luke, Troy – there is not enough time. We need to move now and get to Chicago to save her. I would like to volunteer to go." I say firmly.

Everyone defers to Luke, he thinks for a moment and says no. That we have John and the Chicago police in place to protect Tris. For the sake of many – we need to concentrate our resources on regaining control of the systems. Luke then reminds me that I am not field trained, and he am needed behind the computer.

In that moment I know I will not take no for an answer. I may die trying – but I am going to get to Chicago and help Tris. There is no other option for me.

I try one more time with Luke, "Don't you care about her? There has been a direct threat issued against her. We must go to her now."

Suddenly I am grabbed by my shirt and shoved against the wall, two men immediately trying to get Luke to let go of me.

"Who the hell are you to ask me if I care about her? Get your ass back to work Four. That is an order, you will not like what happens if you disobey me. I am the authority in this facility." He hisses at me while tightening his grip on my shirt. I don't miss the emphasis when he used my old name – I can only assume to imply how I have hurt Tris as well.

I purse my lips and nod. Finally Troy is able to step in between us, as Luke is pulled back by two other men. In that moment I know what I need to do.

I make a show of coughing and rubbing my neck where Luke had been holding me. Luke scoffs and stomps off. I lean over to gasp, and tell them I need a few minutes and maybe even some water.

Troy nods his head, and reminds me that this is a stressful time for everyone – but he knows I meant well. He asks me to hurry back, as soon as I can at least, so I can help with the coding.

I nod my head yes, while thinking that I will come back as soon as I can - - once I have Tris with me.

+o+++o+++o+

It works to my benefit that the systems are down, I am able to leave the division quietly without being detected I know I need to work fast if I am going to make it to Chicago. I know that Luke is a very smart man, he will notice soon enough that I am no longer working on the floor.

As soon as I am out of the office area I break into a sprint, I need to find a transport to get me to Chicago.

When I round the corner in the hallway leading to the lab elevators I almost run smack into Nita. She look so scared and frazzled.

"Oh Tobias – Thank goodness!" she cries.

I am stunned for a moment by her hysteria, as she looks completely fine to me. "Nita, I don't have time right now. I have to go." I tell her as I attempt to side step her wheel chair.

She manages to grab my arm. "I need your help Tobias. We are under a rebel attack, the halls are chaos has people are bracing themselves. Please Tobias, I am stuck in this chair. Could you please escort me to my apartment, and even...stay with me? It will help me so much if I can feel safe next to you." She stammers.

"Nita – you need to just go home and lock your door. I am leaving for Chicago right now. In fact I need to steal a transport" I mumble while looking around to make sure no one on Luke's team spots me.

Nita's eyes narrow, and then she asks me if this has to with Tris. I tell her I don't have time to fill her in, but yes – I need to get to Tris.

"Tobias, Tris can take care of herself. She doesn't even want you in her life. Just let her..." When I finally can't bear to waste another minute in this conversation I cut Nita off.

"Nita, I can't explain it, but knowing that she is in terrible danger...not going to Chicago for her is NOT an option for me. And I can tell you – with every fiber in my being...I have to save her. Even if I die trying. I will not turn my back on her, ever." I pause as I start to walk away from Nita, "Please get yourself home and be safe. Do it now. Goodbye."

And then I am running again to the transport bay – I know what I need to do. Chicago here I am come.

+o+++o+++o+ Chapter End +o+++o+++o+


	38. Chapter 38: You Die, I Die Too

Chapter 38: You Die, I Die Too

*Tris POV*

As John and I walk through the Dauntless dining hall I can't help but look around with excitement. It is full of people, loud cheers, and laughter, it reminds me what my life was like before the attack on Abnegation. For a short time at least. I do notice that not everyone is wearing all black. You can see there is no definite indication of faction due to color of clothes. It is wonderful to see.

For a moment I imagine what my life would have been like if there had been no war, and I was just the first in my initiation class and able to really start my life in Dauntless. My first choice at a job, my own apartment, actually had a normal dating relationship with Tobias – verses having immediately gone through so many obstacles and challenges from the start. Let's not forget, all the Dauntless Cake I could hope for.

"Hurry it up John! This may be the most important part of my visit to Chicago. We have to hurry before they run out." I call to him as I am speed walking to the kitchen.

"Really Ms. Prior? So much effort for some cake?" John mutters as he trails behind me. He now sounds grumpy.

I laugh at him, "How far along is your wife? Because I have an idea that will make you the number one husband in the world."

John shakes his head as we arrive to the kitchen area, "The baby should be here in seven months. My wife is about as uncomfortable as you can imagine, morning sickness and all - - and I am actually afraid what the next seven months will be like." Then quickly adding, "But of course I do whatever I can to make her feel better and help where I can."

Johanna had gotten me in contact with the Dauntless kitchen before I arrived to Chicago, so my package had been packed up and placed in a special cooler. I don't even care that I will need to carry this thing around for the rest of the evening, it is so worth it. I ask John to get us two seats at an open table and to just trust me. He looks at me wearily.

I am able to get one extra piece of cake, and I cut it in half so we can each have our own piece. I even get us each a small glass of milk. When I sit down and offer John his piece, his eyebrows knit and I can see that he looks less than excited.

"Just try it. Take a bite. Trust me." I say as a place a forkful into my mouth and close my eyes. Forgetting about John for a moment, forgetting about how it should have been Luke on this trip with me sharing this cake, forgetting about how the Tobias that I deeply love is gone and I keep pining after a shell of a man that is just not him. And I enjoy my damn cake, tremendously.

"Holy shit this is the best cake I have ever tried!!!" John laughs, breaking my quiet moment with my own cake and thoughts. His enthusiasm makes me laugh as well.

"Oh, you like the cake?" I ask smugly and smile at him. He rolls his eyes.

"Yes, Ms. Prior. I like the cake – I stand corrected." John concedes.

I point to my small soft cooler that fits into the backpack I brought along for this purpose. I promise John that as soon as we get back to the bureau I will personally cut him a piece from my cake so that he can bring it to his wife. Every pregnant woman should get the chance to enjoy a piece of Dauntless cake. He smiles at me and says thank you.

I then notice that his eyes shift down and he clears his throat. The hairs on the back of my neck rise up.

"Is something wrong John?" I ask, putting my fork down and giving him my full attention.

"Luke warned me that you are very perceptive. I wasn't supposed to say anything, but I think it will be worse if I leave your imagination to run wild. I spoke with Luke just a couple of hours ago. The Rebel group is causing terror in the city of Providence." John spits out.

I gasp and cover my mouth. I also know why Luke didn't want John to tell me, I am guessing he doesn't trust me on this subject. Not that I can blame him, I destroyed any trust we had between us.

John assures me that the security team at the bureau and the police department in Chicago have no immediate concerns about my trip. But we just should be more cautious. I nod my head in agreement.

Once we are done eating our small cake and I have my backpack with the important cargo, aka my cake, we make our way to The Pit. There is a large party already underway. John and I are met by the small team of Chicago Police, most of which are dressed as civilians. Also joining us are a couple of Johanna's staff that were interested in attending the party as well. Some even brought their significant others. Everyone is very friendly, I am enjoying myself.

About an hour into the party I hear someone calling my name, John immediately jumps to attention and is ready to intervene. My mouth falls open when I see Shauna and Hector approaching from the side wall. I laugh and run over to them for a huge hug. It is amazing to see familiar faces. They actually can't stay long, but Shauna hands me a small package, she tells me it is a romantic gift from her to Zeke. And she would appreciate if it remained for his eyes only. She mentions something about sexy pictures, my eyes widen.

I immediately commit to not open her package, and just deliver it to Zeke. She laughs when she sees how horrified I look. I even show her how I put it in my backpack, not to be touched again.

As we say our goodbyes and I see them off, I observe John deep in conversation with the head of police for our group. I walk over to hear what is going on. John looks very concerned when he looks over to me.

"We need to leave. Communication between Chicago and the Bureau is completely down. It happened over an hour ago, the Rebels were running a virus that looped fake transmissions to cover it up, so we had no idea. At this point we have no idea what condition the Bureau is in. Or if everything is ok there." John's voice sounding calm. But I also see concern in his eyes. As we walk away from the center of the Pit I assure John that everything is fine, and that I am sure his wife is ok as well. He gives me a small smile and nods his head. The truth is I have no idea if his wife is safe, or anyone else I care about that is at the bureau.

Suddenly John is next to me, "Look Ms. Prior, I don't pretend to know the details of what happened between you and Luke but I just wanted you to know, when he and I spoke earlier...he was very concerned about your safety. I just thought, that you would want to know." He clears his throat after finishing. I nod softly.

There is a part of me that wants to believe that Luke does not hate me, at least not completely. John adds "I have known Luke many years, we met in Providence in the bureau. It was amazing to see him succeed professionally, he was so driven, unstoppable – but fair at the same time. When he was given the assignment in Providence, it was an honor to have been asked to join his team."

I nod my head, hearing about Luke is nice but it also makes me feel sad at the same time.

"What I am trying to say to you Ms. Prior, the way he has been around you these last few months is like nothing I have ever seen before. I just thought you should know that. There are a few of us that hope things between the two of you can be worked out."

As we are making our way towards the south exit of the pit, there is suddenly the terrible noise of gunfire. It is coming from the front of the pit. Immediately John grabs me by the arm, instructing me to stay with him at all times. John barks orders to the officers who pull out their own guns and walk towards the shooters. John and two other men have their guns out and are walking forward but at my sides as we are quickly making our way out. A small group of officers are leading the way ahead of us.

Suddenly the TV screens surrounding the perimeter of the Pit all turn to a prerecorded message – it shows footage from earlier in the day when I was at Johanna's leadership meeting. It launches into the usual hate propaganda of the Genetically Pure. It then shows my face in a photo that was taken of me while I was on stage presenting at the Gala, explaining that I am the most valuable person to come from the Chicago experiment as my birth was "successful" in the eyes of the bureau. Whereas the rest of them were not.

 

I flinch at how awful they make it sound, make me sound

I flinch at how awful they make it sound, make me sound. I have never felt I was better than anyone because of a stupid blood test.

Immediately following the last of the message, is the promise to eradicate me from this earth, as a message to the Genetically Pure that even a successful creation can bleed and die. My eyes widen at their message, these people want me dead.

John barks orders to our team and grabs my arm and orders that we need to get out of Dauntless immediately.

I keep up as we make it out of the main hallway. It is then that we hear the terrible explosion from inside the pit. I feel the bile in my throat, when I think of how many people must have been injured or died. Some of our own security detail was still back there.

As we run through the halls the lights suddenly go out, and we hear an eerie laugh. A voice suddenly says, "Hand over Tris Prior and we will not kill all of you." I flinch.

"You need to back up and get out of our way. There is no way we will be handing her over." John states calmly. In that moment one shot is fired and one of the officers that was standing at the back of group falls to the ground.

In that moment I think about John's wife, pregnant and waiting for him at home. I make my decision, "I am giving myself up! Please do not shoot anyone else. Please!"

"Tris! No!" John hisses at me. I pull away from him in the dark and fall to my knees. I quickly roll away from him, realizing that my backpack is still tied to my back, causing me to make more noise than anticipated as I rolled along the floor.

That is when the chaos begins, one of our officers lights off two flares and tosses them in opposite directions in order to give our team visibility to our attackers. With so many of us in close quarters it soon turns into a hand to hand combat. I am suddenly grabbed painfully by my arm and dragged three feet to the side of the group. I drop my weight and make myself as heavy as possible, I pull the small knife I had tucked in my boots and stab my assailant in the thigh. He screams and delivers one swift kick to the middle/side of my back, essentially knocking the wind out of me. Pain shoots up and down my side.

"You little whore! I am going to have fun making an example out of you when we film your rape in order to show it to the world." He taunts as he pulls me up to look my body up and down, a smile on his lips. "Leadership's orders!" He then slaps me so hard across the face that I fall to the ground.

Suddenly John is on him and delivers a head twist with such force that I hear his neck snap.

John says nothing, just helps stand me up by taking my elbow and begins pulling me along. I stop to grab my knife that the dead rebel had pulled out of his leg and tossed to the ground before he assaulted me.

"What happened? No one else had to die, they only want me!" I emotionally cry to John. The guilt eating away at me. "Where is the rest of our team?!"

"Please stay calm Ms. Prior, I know you were Dauntless – find that person now and hold on to her. We have to fight our way out of this mess. It is just us two now. I heard one of the rebels call for backup, we need to move fast." John says as we begin running.

I recognize our course has taken us near the path to the Chasm, I think of Tobias for a just a moment. I realize I may not make it out of this mess – and for a moment I am glad he didn't come back to me. He will not have to endure another loss if I die.

Then I hear the single gunshot, John stumbles and trips. I cry out his name frantically as I lean down to check on him, my hands and sleeves instantly covered in his blood. No! No, no, no – not John. Not John with the pregnant wife that is waiting for him. I plead with him to get up, he can lean on me, we can keep going. He begins coughing blood, I place my hand in front of his chin as if I will be able to stop it. I begin to cry, I hate this, I hate this.

"John, I am so very sorry. I am sorry I came here, I am sorry that you had to come as well, I am sorry I even exist!" I sob and mean it. The thought of his child not having a father makes my heart want to burst out of my chest.

And then I hear something that makes my heart skip a beat and leaves me speechless. Tobias is here.

"Never say that Tris! None of this is your fault." I hear Tobias say as he is suddenly kneeling to me, and he leans over to check John. Tobias's face is grim as he sees that there is no hope.

"Listen Prior, you need to run – that was a sniper shot, I am sure they will be here any moment to finish me off and then grab you. Run. Run now. Go with Tobias. Now!" John tells me. His voice forceful but now quiet as well as he fights to speak.

I am still crying, my hands hopelessly putting pressure on his chest wound but I have never seen so much blood. "John!" I cry one last time as he himself tries to push my hands away.

"Tris, tell my wife, her name is Kim, tell her that I love them. I will always love them." He coughs. And then he looks at Tobias as if communicating a secret message.

In a moment Tobias has snatched me up in his arms and is running down the hallway. I wrap my arm around his neck and cry into his chest as he runs for the both of us.

o+oooo+o

"Tris. I don't know where we are. We need to hide. There is no getting out of this compound right now. There are rebels everywhere. Can you help me find a place?" Tobias asks as he sets me on the ground for a moment so that he can make me face him, so he can look me in the eyes. When I look into his eyes, my tears instantly subside – I know he is right. We need to get out of the open. I will not let Tobias die because of me.

I look around and realize the irony, we are two floors away his old apartment. I nod my head and hold out my hand. I explain where we are, his eyes widen for a moment and then he nods in agreement, he will get to see his old home.

 

He opens his backpack and asks me if I am comfortable carrying a gun, I agree

He opens his backpack and asks me if I am comfortable carrying a gun, I agree. Tobas asks me to walk behind him while I tell him which direction to head. Once in the stairwell we begin climbing, careful as we take each turn. I notice how skilled he looks with his weapon. As far as I know he has not had any combat training while at the bureau.

As we go up the side stairwell we suddenly hear a voice from below tell us that this is the end. We need to accept our fate, and that they only want me.

I look at him, "Tobias, please I am begging you. Just go – leave me here. If something happened to you, because of me...I could never forgive myself, I am not worth it..." I feel myself slipping into hysterics again.

Tobias grabs me roughly by the shoulders, leans his forehead against mine and says "You die, I die too." My lips part open in shock. Does he remember saying that to me from before? Or does he actually mean it now?

Suddenly there are two men with guns pointed at us at the base of the stairs, slowly approaching us as we are positioned on a landing.

One of the men laughs and says "Wow that was really romantic. Well lover boy, not only is she going to die, she is also going to experience the true meaning of love before her death, on camera for all the world to see what we think of their precious example of Genetic Purity. She is a bitch, just like the next girl. I am going to enjoy taking her, I already called first dibs. But hey, since you plan to die with her – we will even give you a turn with her before you go."

I can almost feel the rage radiating off of Tobias, he pushes me roughly behind him as he pulls his gun from his back pant pocket and takes out the man that had been quiet, shooting him between the eyes. He then approaches the one that had said the vile things about me and within a moment has disarmed him and snapped his leg to bend in the opposite way with a direct kick to his knee. The sound of the crack makes my stomach turn.

Tobias loses it, like I have never seen him before. He does not say a word, not that I would be able to hear it over the man's screams. He kills him slowly, step by step with great precision to deliver maximum pain while prolonging his suffering. And finally Tobias leans down and whispers to him, "Over my dead body will anyone ever hurt her. You picked the wrong side." I see Tobias move the knife in his hand towards the man's throat. That is when I close my eyes. It's too much.

I press my back against the wall and turn my head away, suddenly unable to handle any more violence. I squeeze my eyes tightly closed. I begin to feel dizzy, I think I am shaking as I press my palms and fingertips into the stone wall I am leaning on.

Suddenly I feel Tobias in front of me, gently rubbing my arms – the same way he did backstage at the Awards Gala. Trying to soothe me.

I feel a gentle kiss to my forehead. With his lips resting gently against my forehead, he says "Tris. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. I am sorry. Come back. I will never hurt you, I promise. Please believe me. I will never hurt you. Come back."

And that is what I do. I finally calm down and wrap my arms around him tightly, it is my turn to whisper in his ear, "I know you would never hurt me, I have always known that. Thank you for saving me Tobias." Silent tears streaming down my face.

We embrace for just a moment more and then we break apart, we need to keep moving.

We hold hands as we resume running to the safety of his old apartment.

o+oooo+o Chapter End o+oooo+o


	39. Chapter 39: Stranded

Chapter 39: Stranded

*Tobias POV*

I am so worried about Tris. I don't know her well, but this is the second time in one week that she was experiencing a panic attack of sorts. My body has an actual physical response when this girl is in pain, I can barely see straight. I find myself putting her ahead of anything and anyone else. I don't know if this is normal. Was I like this before I lost my memories?

What is also interesting, it is like I instinctively know how to calm her. As if I am able to be her tether and pull her back in. This is not the time to worry about that, as we are still in terrible danger.

We are walking through the Dauntless hallways, Tris is quiet again but she seems calm. I make it a point to hold her hand, she uses her hands to motion in the way we need to walk. Nothing about this facility or hallway feels familiar to me. We are suddenly standing in front of an apartment door, I try the handle but it is locked.

"We might be in luck, the last time we were here you hid a key in the storage closet that is right around the corner, I will go check." Tris says as she turns on her heel to go.

I follow her closely, I am not letting her out of my sight. My mind wanders for a moment to what the Rebels have planned for her. I had just arrived to Dauntless when the video recording started. As I was entering, swarms or people were running out. Very few stopping to watch the screens. I knew the moment I read the intercepted transmission, they were going to not only kill her – but also make it as horrific as possible. Bastards.

"Tobias? Did you hear me? I have the key, we can head back." Tris repeats. I nod my head and gently place my hand on the small of her back to guide her to the door we just came from.

I notice her hands are badly shaking as she attempts to unlock the door, it is now visible that her hands and lower arms are completely covered John's blood. I think Tris notices too, as she turns away from her hands she takes a deep breath in order to calm herself. Once the door is open I raise my gun and I enter first in order to clear the space.

My first walk through is literally a search for any sign of a threat or any sign that someone may be living here. Once clear I turn and see Tris has stepped into the doorway and is leaning against the wall right at the entrance.

"Does this look at all familiar?" Tris asks. When I nod my head side to side as a no, I see her shrug her shoulders and look away from me. I step towards the door and lock it. From what I could hear and see, this hallway of apartments seems to be empty. And also without power thanks to the Rebels.

I walk around again, happy when I find some candles and matches. As I begin to light them I suddenly hear her weeping. She is now sitting on the floor at the entrance, leaning her head back against the wall.

"Tris?" I say as I slowly get closer to her.

"They are all dead. All of them, because they were trying to save me. I tried to save them. I tried..." she whimpers.

And then her weeping turns into sobbing, her shoulders shake as she puts her head on her knees and tightly wraps her arms around herself.

I sit quietly beside her, this time unsure what to do. Unsure of what she needs from me. So I wait.

After a few minutes she says, "John. Did you know he wasn't even supposed to come with me on this trip? Luke was going to come. And even when Luke was so mad at me and ended things, he told me that he would send his best man in his place." A sob escapes her lips, "And that was John. John, with a wife and a baby on the way."

"John is dead. He is dead. And somehow I am still here." She begins rocking back and forth while holding herself. "I am still here." She whispers one more time.

Remembering her comment when I finally caught up to them in the compound, she had said she wished she didn't exist. Now I know how I need to step in.

"I am sorry about John, I often saw him around the offices – he was a good guy. And even until the very end Tris, it was his honor and duty to protect you. That is exactly what he did. These attacks, these monstrous plots, these animals have planned - - they are the ones who are to blame. Not you, Tris." I say firmly, and now her eyes are watching me. She looks so tired.

It is then I really look at her, she is in bad shape. Covered in blood, I see that the side of her face is a little swollen – as if someone had punched her. My hands tighten into a fist at the thought.

"Tris, may I help you? Please – we need to get you a change of clothes and I want to check your injuries." I ask her hopefully. She nods her head in a yes, but then begins quietly weeping again.

I stand up and gently take her in my arms. She puts up no fight. I then notice the backpack she had been wearing that now lays on the floor at my feet.

"In your backpack, do you have extra clothes?" I ask. She looks at the bag and suddenly cries harder but does not answer me. She is so light, I then carry her small frame in my arms with no issue towards the bed.

I stand her up in front of the bed. I want her to lay down but her clothes are filthy, torn and the smell of the blood is even starting to bother me and I am not the one wearing them.

"Um, do you know where I kept my clothes? I know we were...together...did you keep spare clothes here?" I ask her as I look around the apartment. I remember the talk I had with Zeke about Tris and sex. Our only night together was at the Bureau. I wait for her to answer me. She just points to a dresser.

I ask her to stand still, and I run over to check. No women's clothing. I pull out a large shirt and a pair of boxers for Tris. She is not even looking at me, she is staring at the ground, her arms once again wrapped around her.

"I am sorry you are here Tobias. I'm sorry." She whispers to me as I walk closer to her. I bite my lip and gently toss the pile of clothes on the bed.

I stand in front of her and slowly and gently slip my hands over her neck and press my thumbs under her chin, slowly tilting her head up so she can look at me. I want to be sure she is looking at me when I assure her I chose this.

"Tris, you don't get to be sorry. Not because of me. I am here because I want to be here. I am here because I choose to disobey orders, break the bureau lockdown rules and steal a transport vehicle to get here. And I would do it all again. I am here now, we only have each other, for tonight at least."

Her eyes are bright again and she nods her head, as if finally understanding me, or finally accepting why I am here. I want to be here. I meet her forehead with mine and look her in the eyes. "I want to take care of you, if you will let me."

She gulps, her head nods in a quick yes, her eyes settling on my lips for a moment – but I see a strong flash of desire in her eyes. I know in that moment, Tris wants me. And my body instantly reacts. In seconds I feel that my pants are tighter, it takes everything in my power not to moan and pull her hips tight against me. I fantasize about pushing her down on the bed and taking her. Making her cry out my name again and again.

I take a deep breath and quickly step back, I am hoping she doesn't notice that my pants are a tighter now than they were a minute ago. I need to calm my raging hormones down. As far back as I can remember, I have never been this aroused around another person. I am an 19 year old boy that takes lots of showers, but nothing like this.

That all goes away the moment I am reminded that Tris is covered in blood and injured. I ask her if she will come to the bathroom and carry the clothes I had placed on the bed. She agrees and follows me as I bring over two candles. I confidently lead her to a pantry door, thinking it is the bathroom. She actually laughs at me.

"That was not very nice Tris." I jokingly snap at her.

"I never claimed to be nice Tobias." She counters and then leads me to the correct door. We enter the bathroom together, I place the lighted candles in the sink to be out of the way. She places the clean clothes down on the corner of the floor. I help her to slide off her blazer that is sticking to her because of being drenched in John's blood. She cringes at the noise it makes as it peels off of her. Her arms and tank top are also drenched. I clear my throat, I am not sure how we should proceed.

"Um, will you stay with me but turn around? I will ask for help if I need it. Do you think we can risk running the shower?" Tris asks quietly.

"I think if we take a fast shower it will be ok. Not that we are going to shower together, I mean you will shower. Alone. Well you know what I meant." I stutter. She raises her eyebrows but smiles. I finish my rambling by telling her we should wait to turn on the water until the moment she is ready to jump in.

I turn around to give her privacy and I hear her remove the rest of her clothing, place them carefully with the blazer.

She asks me to hand her a towel, which I do. I avert my eyes not to look in her direction as I move one of the candle so I can hold it over the shower curtain, so when she showers she will have some light. She takes the fastest shower ever and I can hear her vigorously scrubbing her skin. She apologizes for taking so long, that the blood won't easily come off. I hear the hitch in her voice.

"It's OK Tris, don't worry. Just take the time you need," I say to reassure her.

Once she turns the water off I continue to hold the candle so she can see, handing her a towel so she can dry off while still in the shower.

I clear my throat and ask if I can check her injuries once she is ready. She doesn't answer me.

"Tris, I don't want to make you uncomfortable, I am just worried about you..." my voice trails off.

"Could you hand me the shirt...I washed my underwear while in the shower, they should dry quickly after I hang them up. I'll need to wear the boxers until they are dry...." She says meekly. It dawns on me that she is uncomfortable.

I quickly hand her the large shirt, I hear her rustling around behind the shower curtain. And then when she is quiet again I offer her the boxers. She then giggles, and tells me they are huge on her. But the shirt will cover her up.

Now fully covered, she opens the shower curtain, towel wrapped around her hair – she smiles at me shyly. I place the candle down and offer her my hand as she steps over the side of the tub to get out. I gently go to touch her face where she has a mark. She catches my wrist and holds it. Stopping me before I touch her.

She smiles at me, teasing "Hey, I am all clean now. I think you should take a quick shower before you help me." I nod in agreement. I ask her if she will hold the candle for me while I shower so I can see. She says yes. I tease her, asking if I have a step stool she can stand on since she would be able to just reach her hand high enough to hold it while I am in there. She laughs and tells me to shut up. I am glad she is smiling again.

I run back to the dresser and pick out a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. It seems that everything I used to own was either black, or a very dark grey. I also grab myself a clean pair of boxers.

When I return to the bathroom I see that she has used a comb to brush out her hair, which is already starting to dry. I see that my shirt stops a couple of inches above her knees, I find myself wishing I could see how the boxers look on her. Are they about to fall off I wonder? I need to stop. I clear my throat, alerting her to my presence.

She smiles at me through the mirror reflection, then moves to the same spot I had stood while she undressed, to give me my privacy. I face her while I strip off my clothes enjoying the sight of her. Mine are not as dirty as her clothes had gotten and toss them on the floor as well. I reach in to turn on the water. I step in the shower and realize the candle from outside the curtain is enough. I just need to quickly wash, unlike Tris, who had dried blood everywhere that needed to be scrubbed off. I then notice her sexy lace underwear and bra hanging on a hook in the shower, out of the way of the water stream. That just about does me in. I slowly breathe in and out to calm myself.

I poke my head out and smile at her. She smiles back.

"Tris, if you leave the candle on the sink I will have enough light. Why don't you lay down for a while until I come out? She looks tired and smiles at the idea. I ask her to please shut the door when she leaves, she nods and does.

If I am going to make it through this night as a gentleman - - I need some privacy to quickly do what 19 year old boys sometimes do in showers.

+o++++o+

Once I am dry and dressed...and 'calmer', I step out into my apartment. I see that Tris is laying on top of the covers but now has pulled a blue quilt over her legs. Before she notices me I see that she is trembling, the room is cold. She turns to face me when she hears me close the bathroom door behind me. I head to my dresser first and find her a black sweater. As I approach her she pulls herself up into a sitting position, while securing the quilt to cover her legs and waist.

"Is it ok if I sit with you?" I ask gently. I know she has been through an ordeal today.

"It's your bed, I should be the one asking you

"It's your bed, I should be the one asking you." She says, I can see how tired she now looks.

I move so that I am back on the floor and leaning in front of her, with my eyes watching her I start to gently check her face, a large bruise is already forming. My breath hitches at the thought of someone hitting her so violently. She closes her eyes and sits still.

"Is this ok? I just want to be sure that you're ok. I just have to see for myself." I say gently.

Keeping her eyes closed she just nods. I run my hands up and down her arms, all of the blood from before is washed away, and aside from some minor bruising that is starting on her wrists and elbows, she seems ok. I ask her if she was injured anywhere else, her eyes immediately shift to the floor. I see her cheeks flush with what I assume is embarrassment.

And then I remember that monster, talking about how they intended to rape her – to make her torment part of their message. My blood runs cold. I will kill every single last one of them if they so much as...I can't even finish that thought.

I steady my voice before I speak, "Tris, you can tell me anything, did one of those men...hurt you. In that way?" I hold my breath as I wait for her response.

Her lips part and she immediately begins shaking her head to say no, and she places her hand on my cheek to reassure me. I feel myself let go of the air I had been holding.

"NO! Thank God no. I was just embarrassed because, well because... One of them kicked me really hard on my back, almost my side ribs. I am just not sure...Um, well how you can check on me..." her cheeks are now flaming red.

I am so relieved that she was not sexually abused that I pull her to me and hug her, I kiss her forehead and tell her we will use the blanket and sweater to figure it out. I don't want her to feel exposed, but I have a strong desire to make sure that she is really ok.

She nods her head.

I ask her to lay flat on her stomach, I turn my back to her for her privacy and tell her to double check those loose boxers are at least on and covering everything they need to be covering. That does make her giggle.

"Hey, I appreciate you being such a gentleman about...how modest I am. I know you don't remember Abnegation, but my entire life I was raised a certain way... I guess – I just want to say... thank you Tobias," Tris whispers while her head is resting on her crossed arms on the bed.

"Of course. I am not a complete jerk. Not most of the time at least." I say to lighten the mood. "Make sure the blue quilt is covering your lower body."

"It is. I'm ready." She says.

I gently sit next to her on the bed and place my hand on her shoulder first, she does flinch. I don't move until she is calm, I tell her what I am going to do before I do it. Every single step. I ask her to let me know if she wants me to stop. She clears her throat and nods.

For some reason my heart is pounding. There is a part of me that is nervous to see her injury and then another part of me that wants to feel her skin under my fingertips. I take deep breath and begin.

"Ok Tris, I am going to pull the top of the quilt down to your waistline, not any lower then where those boxes should be." I add good-humoredly. She murmurs her ok, I hear a smile in her voice.

After pulling the quilt where it needs to be I ask, "Ok, do you recall which side of your back you were kicked? Does it still hurt?"

"It is on my right side, I would say a couple of inches below the bottom of my shoulder blade. Just... I don't want to turn over, ok?" she says very timidly.

My stomach lurches, I can tell there is something else bothering her but intuitively I know that she is not going be comfortable telling me. I have to respect her boundaries.

"I promise to check slowly, I don't want to make you uncomfortable or overstep." I assure her. "I am going to slowly slide up you shirt and your sweater at the same time. Starting now."

She clears her throat nervously and nods.

I feel my hands tremble and I gently push up the fabric slowly up her back

I feel my hands tremble and I gently push up the fabric slowly up her back. She is so beautiful, her skin is flawless, light cream in color, as my hand that is holding the bottom of her shirt and sweater moves up slowly and my fingers accidentally touches her skin as I move. I hear her breath catch and then watch as she gets a small splash of goosebumps where I had just touched her. I notice that she gently shifts her body on the bed as well. I feel my heart start to pound as my thoughts start to betray me. I would give anything to know what she is feeling, if anything at all about me.

Until I see her injury. Any lustful thoughts immediately forgotten, I feel sick and angry. I gasp a sharp intake of breath. I want to kill who ever dared to hurt her this way. I close my eyes to calm myself before speaking.

"Is it that bad? It does hurt, but I've had worse." She says quietly, almost trying to reassure me that she is ok.

I keep moving only her right side of her tops up until I see where the bruise stops. I can actually see the actual shoe print in her skin.

I quickly use my fingers to add light pressure to check the side and back of her ribs, she flinches in a couple of spots. Thankfully it looks like she is just badly bruised.

"Tris, who did this to you? When? I...I should have tried harder to get to you. I should have been faster. I am so sorry," I mumble painfully. I feel sick inside.

Tris sighs gently moving one hand to pull the front of shirt and sweater down to cover her stomach, only then gently rolling to sit up and face me. She gives me a small smile and suddenly leans over and quickly kisses my cheek. I freeze, I was not expecting her to do that.

"Don't do that to yourself. Please." She sighs and looks me in the eyes. "I am only alive, because of you. You saved me. I will heal. Okay?" she says, raising her eyebrows when she is done talking.

I swallow the lump in my throat and say yes. With the blue quilt still on her lap and her legs now tucked under her, she suddenly looks really tired. I feel my exhaustion starting to hit me as well.

I clear my throat, "Well, we better get some sleep. I will take the floor." I say standing up, while reaching over to grab the pillow that is furthest from her on the bed.

I she frowns and looks away from me. "Let me get under the covers and then you should take this quilt." She says calmly. I hear something in her voice that I just can't pinpoint.

I nod my head and look away from her. Suddenly the air between us is so thick, filled with tension. I hear her rearranging herself and the covers on the bed. And suddenly a quilt is thrown at me. I turn to look at her, she has her back now turned to me and has moved to the side of the bed that is farthest from where I will be sleeping on the floor.

"Good night." She mumbles.

Is she mad at me?

"Um. Good night Tris." I say and I try to get comfortable on the hard floor.

o+ooo+oo+ooo+o

*Tris POV*

The word exhausted would be an understatement. I also feel emotionally drained. And now add crazy-brat to the list, I feel like I am a two year old that did not get her way. The moment he told me he wanted to sleep on the "floor" I felt so rejected. And then I remember her...Nita. I guess that would be pretty shitty of him to sleep in the same bed as me when he has a girlfriend/Rehab-Savior at home.

I get as far away from him as I can, and look away when I lay down. I am tired and now very cranky. I was aiming for his head when I tossed the quilt over. I need to just go to sleep before I say something stupid. After we say goodnight and he blows out most of the candles, I close my eyes and try to sleep, and suddenly the faces of all the people that I have spent the last two days with start playing through my mind.

John, the Chicago based Police Officers, Johanna's staff members...I even try to remember the name of the husband to Johanna's assistant. When we were enjoying the party in the Pit they told me the funniest story about Johanna and that damn Amity bread, how she has it available upon request now. And then I just can't remember – did they leave the Pit before me? Or were they still there when the first bomb went off. Are they dead? Did they have children at home? I feel a cry want to escape my lips but instead I press my face into the pillow and will myself to go to sleep. I just want the pain to stop. I don't even know if I will have a tomorrow. I also have a nagging feeling I don't deserve one.

Suddenly I am startled, I had my face buried in the pillow – and the next moment I feel Tobias lying next to me on the bed, his hand gently touching my shoulder. I gasp and almost fall off the bed, luckily his hand on my shoulder steadies me.

"What are you doing? You scared me!" I gasp and then sitting up on the bed.

I then notice he is still wearing his sweat pants but has taken off his shirt. With just one candle lit in the room, I am unable to look at him in as much detail as I would have liked.

He holds his hands up, "I was worried about you, I could hear you were upset, and then you didn't answer me. When I sat up from the floor and looked at you and I saw...well I saw that you were either crying into your pillow...or making out with it. I wasn't sure which."

I burst out laughing. And then so does he.

"What were you thinking about Tris?" Tobias asks, his voice suddenly serious.

"I have been here for two days, and I have spent a lot of time getting to know some wonderful people here. They are have been kind, welcoming, and many of them...were with me earlier this evening in the Pit..." my voice trails off sadly. "I just can't stop thinking about... I mean – the ones I didn't watch die today... I just wish I knew they were ok. I need them to be ok."

"But I'm sorry – I didn't mean to disturb you. You should get some sleep, I am sure your make shift bed on the floor is calling you." I add dryly. Trying to disguise my bitterness with a joke. Tobias says nothing.

OK, fine. I sigh and lay back down, turning to face away from him.

He suddenly croaks, "If I put pillows between us...is it ok if I sleep on the bed...with you? I don't even mind the floor, I just want to be close in case anything happens, or you need me." I turn to lay on my other side so I can look right at him, he is biting his lip and looks nervous. How would I need him? I control myself from asking him to explain that part.

"Um, yeah sure. This is a pretty big bed and we are adults." I say nonchalantly, as if the thought of him sleeping beside me is had not even occurred to me. He smiles and leans down to pick up the quilt and pillow he had placed on the floor.

Deciding to be brave, or maybe just stupid, I ask him, "Won't Nita have an issue with us sleeping in the same bed? She is your girlfriend right?"

I see confusion pass his face. "No, Nita and I are not together."

My cheeks get red, again I am glad the light in the room is not bright. I also feel annoyed, he has to be lying to me.

"Not together? I mean – you are having sex with her, so are you just not in a committed relationship then?" – Obviously my exhaustion is taking over and I am just going for it. Who cares if I am being rude and inappropriate? I very well may die tomorrow.

"Tris! What are you talking about?!" he sounds confused and annoyed at the same time.

"Look, sorry I said anything. It is none of my business. Obviously." I say and go to turn away again.

This time he anticipates my avoidance tactic and his hand lands on my hip holding me steady and not letting me turn away from his side of the bed. I am annoyed he seems to know my steps so well.

"Tris – why makes you think I'm having sex with Nita?" he pushes me. I can hear in his voice, he is not going to let this go.

"I don't want to talk about this, I am very tired." I try avoidance tactic number two. I place my hand on his wrist and try to push his hand away from my hip. Instead both our hands glide up my hip to the side of my waist. He isn't going to let go.

"Tough, you brought it up. So spit it out." Tobias insists.

"Where are the pillows you promised would go in between us?" I ask, trying tactic number three.

"We can use one of the two pillows you have over there...that is if you are done making out with them." He says smugly and then laughs at me.

"That was mean." I spit, but I also have to stop myself from laughing.

"I also never claimed I was nice Tris," he teases, repeating the words I had said earlier tonight.

"Goodnight Tobias." I say as I put one of my pillows between us.

He actually laughs at me and tells me that he will not let me sleep until I am honest with him. I sigh and sit up on the bed. He follows my lead and then sits up as well. I can see he is waiting for my explanation.

Fine.

"The morning after we announced my existence to the Bureau and then had that late meeting with Laura Grey and her team... I was getting briefed on the possible projects I could work on, I went to use the restroom by the lab offices and by complete coincidence – I heard Nita and I can only assume another one of your Rehabilitation Team members talking. Loudly I might add."

"Go on." Tobias says firmly.

I force myself not to sound emotional, because the truth is the devastation I felt in that moment is still clear in my mind. A part of me died in that bathroom. "Basically she told the other woman that you had spent the night with her, at her apartment. The other woman was curious about my situation and she wanted to know if you had given Nita any juicy details. Nita made it a point to explain that you and her...were busy doing other things. I honestly don't remember word for word – but the gist of it was that you had sex...with her that night." I spit out hotly. I can't even look at him I am so hurt, I look down wishing I was somewhere else.

I can't even look at him I am so hurt, I look down wishing I was somewhere else

So much for trying to act like I don't care. Suddenly I am so annoyed at this horrible conversation...that I brought down on myself. Damn it

"So there is your answer. I don't want to talk to you anymore. Leave me alone or I am going to go sleep on the floor," I spit out. I still have not looked in his direction. I am so embarrassed and so upset at the same time. If not for the Rebels outside the door that want to rape and kill me- on film- I would have left his apartment right then.

I attempt to face away from him and lay down, so I can avoid him. If we make it out of here, I decide I never want to see him again. Now I will get to picture him screwing Nita as I fall asleep. Lovely.

"Tris," he starts. My back straightens, I can't do this, not now. I don't want to hear what he has to say, I am sure it will manage to make me feel even more pathetic than I already am. I sigh and sit up. I am going to sleep on the bathroom floor away from him, I start to grab my pillow and suddenly he pulls me into his arms tightly and he gently but firmly puts his one hand on my neck, forcing me to look at him. He leans his forehead against mine for a moment before kissing me on the forehead.

I still try to push myself out of his grasp. I need to get away from him.

"Tris...STOP. Please just stop." He says firmly. He looks me in the eyes, and when I try to look away he says, "You need to look me in the eyes, I want to make sure that you really hear me. Tris, you have done a lot of talking and now it is my turn."

I gulp and look into his eyes. I feel him searching mine, as if he is trying to study me.

"Tris. I have never, ever, ever had sex with Nita. Or even come remotely close to having sex with Nita," he states while watching my expression.

My mouth falls open, and my eyebrows furrow...I am stunned. I was so sure, I mean she really... And suddenly I start laughing. He looks a little frightened for a moment but still holds me. In relief I throw my arms around him and hug him back. I notice he situates the pillow between us first, but then he pulls me close for a hug while laying us back on the bed. He rubs my back gently while we just lay in silence.

"I remember that day you're talking about. When I ran into you into the hallway outside of my lab. Was that... was that right after you had heard Nita and thought I had just slept with her?" he asks softly. I tense remembering that exchange. I was so hurt in that moment, I felt like my life was ending. At that point I still had not accepted that my Tobias was really gone. I had felt so betrayed by him.

I just nod my head.

Tobias sighs, "Tris, first, full disclosure- I did sleep at Nita's apartment that night. We were watching movies and I fell asleep on her couch. Absolutely nothing romantic happened. I never wanted to hurt you. Ever. I know we...well we are not ever going to be what you had before. He is gone. And I know that hurts you. I'm sorry, and I do care about you."

I sigh and smile, I know he means it. I know this man in front of me, is not who I would love for him to be. But he is still someone who is selfless, honest, kind, brave and very smart. I know I need to accept him for who he is now, if we can ever really be friends.

"I care about you, too. Friends?" I ask.

He smiles at me, "Friends."

We both yawn, and go to our own sides of the bed. I try not to think about what tomorrow will bring with the Rebel threat. But I do know, whatever happens - - Tobias will be by my side.

+ooo+ Chapter End +ooo+


	40. Chapter 40: A Restless Night & Escaping Chicago

Chapter 40: A Restless Night & Escaping Chicago

*Tobias POV*

After we were done talking and we agreed to try to make the friends things work, we both said goodnight. I smile to myself remembering how quickly Tris fell asleep once she got comfortable, her breaths quickly setting to a steady pattern. Each of us on our own side, with a pillow between us. I allow myself about half an hour to watch her sleep, the rhythm of her breaths are steady and calming to me. Although she is facing away from me, with the one candle that remains lit, I also watch the subtle muscles in her back expand and contract as she gently breathes. I feel my eyelids get heavy as I fall into deep sleep myself.

o+ooo+o

*Tobias POV*

I am in deep sleep when I suddenly am woken up, I think by a noise. Disoriented, it takes me a moment to remember where I am, and then I immediately sit up and turn over to check that Tris is unharmed and still sleeping beside me. I let out the breath I had been holding after seeing she is safe, then I look around the dark room to identify what noise woke me up.

And then I hear a small whimper escape her lips. My first concern is that she may be ill, could she have developed a fever? I reach my hand over slowly towards her forehead when she whimpers again, this time quietly mumbling "Oh...oh...yes." My body freezes completely. My mind races. Um, could she...no? Right? I hold my breath as I slowly lay back down on my side to watch her. Her breathing is no longer slow or steady. As my eyes adjust more and more to the candle light I am able to take more of her in. I could not turn away if I tried.

I feel my heart in my throat. I am completely enthralled by her, my heart is pounding in my chest. She very gently writhes under the blankets, and I see that both of her hands are at her sides and lightly clutching the sheets. I realize that my breathing is also speeding up along with hers. She looks so beautiful and hot, I'm instantly turned on. I can't look away from her, even though I know I should.

I watch as her eyebrows furrow and she is suddenly biting her lower lip. I hold my breath as she gently tilts her head up, exposing her neck. Suddenly releasing her lip she is panting gently – begging for someone to keep going, to not stop. I feel a pang in my chest – she is probably dreaming about Luke Clark. I hate the feeling that passes over me, complete jealousy. I know I shouldn't be watching her, or I should discreetly wake her up. But she is fascinating to me, and so striking. I push all thoughts of Luke Clark away. For right now, I will allow myself to believe she is dreaming about me, about us.

I notice her breathing is getting faster. I grab the pillow that is laying between us and wring it with my hands, just to control myself from touching her. Suddenly I see how tightly she squeezes her knees closed. I close my eyes and I try to imagine what she would feel like under me, with her arms wrapped around me.

I almost come undone when she cries out loudly, "Yes, yes, oh Tobias yes... please Tobias..." My mouth literally falls open and I am now biting the pillow to keep from making noise. This girl is literally killing me. She is going to be the death of me.

Suddenly she gasps and sits up suddenly. She seems startled and confused as she pulls her knees to her chest and wraps her arms around her legs. I hear her quietly mumble, "This has to stop."

I clear my throat to alert her I am awake.

She shrieks and jumps up, falling off the side of the bed with a small thud. Luckily the bedding she was tangled in helped to break her fall.

"Tobias! What the... Oh my God. Have you been awake...um, for a while?" Tris asks as she is kneeling, while at the side of the bed.

I am sure I look so guilty. I stutter some kind of nonsensical words...I don't even know what I am saying. I am preoccupied because when Tris fell out of the bed she took all the bedding that had been covering me- covering me and my now very constricted pants.

I look around the bed quickly and grab the pillow I had been sleeping on and place it on my lap firmly. I am really worked up, I concentrate on controlling my breathing, while trying to not make it obvious that I am trying to get myself under control.

I see that Tris is quiet now. She turns her face away while biting the inside of her cheek. When she looks back at me she has tears in her eyes. "I...I'm sorry. I hate that I dream about you. I am going to sleep...in the bathroom. Goodnight."

My mouth falls open – what? The bathroom?!

And then I see she has grabbed her pillow and bedding off the floor and is making a beeline out of the room.

Shit. I feel like I just shamed her by my lack of words. Without thinking of my pillow/cover I jump up and run after her. I catch up in time to grab her forearm and gently turn her around to face me, "Tris wait."

I see the look of shame on her face, she will not even look me in the eyes. And then she tries to break out of my hold and slip into the bathroom again.

"Tris, please – let's just talk, you are not going to sleep in the bathroom. That is ridiculous." I say firmly.

I move her ahead of me to walk towards the bed when the front of my body inadvertently bumps right into her back side. I realize the evidence of my great excitement has now been made obvious to her. She actually freezes when I am standing directly behind her. I know she can feel me, probably even the strong twitch I just felt while feeling her stand so close to me.

"Um, I think I owe you an apology too. I just... I mean... It's normal...but..." I say calmly, regarding my arousal. She says nothing, just nods her head slowly.

I gently move my hands to her shoulders. I rest my forehead for a moment on the back of her head. I then quietly speak, "Tris...we are both...young and...I guess, why don't we just forget this happened and go to sleep. And no, you are not sleeping in the bathroom."

Tris nods her head in agreement. I gently kiss the back of her head and we silently pick up all the bedding and remake the bed. We both lay down, back to our separate sides of the bed. This time facing away from each other.

"Goodnight, Tris."

"Goodnight, Tobias."

o+ooo+o Later that night o+ooo+o

"Are you asking me to undress, Tris?" I ask her, I am teasing her.

She giggles, "Only...partially."

I nod my head, and although I am in the comfort of my own apartment, nerves hit me. But I push forward as I throw my sweatshirt onto my desk chair. I note Tris is now serious as she waits for me to continue. I push forward and pull my shirt over my head. I can't even look at her as I fight to control the uneasiness I now feel.

She is perceptive, as always, "What is it?"

"I don't invite many people to look at me. Any people, actually." I try to explain to her, hoping she will understand how hard this is for me.

"I can't imagine why...I mean, look at you," Tris whispers as she slowly walks around me to look at my back. I automatically straighten, knowing she is taking me in with her eyes. I like it.

I take this time to share with her what I really think about the factions, about dividing people to be one thing or another. I explain to her that I want to be brave, and selfless, and smart, and kind and honest. I end with a joke, how I still struggle with kindness.

"No one is perfect," Tris whispers while smiling at me.

"No one is perfect," Tris whispers while smiling at me

*Tobias POV*

I wake up from my dream with a sigh. If I didn't know any better, I would think that was a memory and not just a dream. Being in my old apartment is starting to play tricks on me. I am also exhausted.

I then realize that I am snuggled up behind Tris in the middle of the bed, as though we both gravitated towards each other while in our sleep. My right arm is stretched out in front of me and she is using it as a pillow, my left arm casually slung over, as though she were mine to hold.

She is nestled in close to me, and her arms are holding what parts of me she can reach. Her legs running alongside mine, just in front. Our fingers gently intertwined. I close my eyes and breathe in her scent, she smells of the shampoo we both used from my bathroom, but there is an extra sweet smell that I know only belongs to her.

I know I should detangle myself from her, but the truth is she feels really nice in my arms and she is resting so peacefully. I nuzzle my nose into her hair one last time before I fall back to sleep. I am so very tired...

o+ooo+o Even later that night o+ooo+o

Their tongues do a dance, starting out slowly and then becoming more and more passionate as the kisses deepen and multiply. Their hot breaths mingled, like a mating of the tongues. Wrapped gently in each other's arms.

Her hands are the first to explore, feeling down his arms and then slowly sliding under the hem of his shirt. She tilts her head to the side, inviting him to kiss along her neck, and he does. She uses that time to concentrate on exploring his body. He is strong and lithe, she is desperate to feel him as much as he will allow. Her fingertips are now caressing his firm stomach, she internally debates whether her hands will roam up...or down. She takes it slow, deciding to travel up his chest, then sliding behind him to slowly caress his back.

His husky pants very quickly turn choppy. He needs to be closer to her. Her lips feel soft and hot, his tongue desperate to explore more of her. Her roaming hands only striking the flame of need inside him as he wills her to explore him more than she already is. He moves so he is now laying his back while gently pulling her along with him to rest on top of him.

As if by instinct, she gently shifts so she is now leaning over him, her knees bent on either side of him. She moves this way while still bending over to continue their kisses. His hands gently rub up and down the sides of her torso. Her hands now on his chest in order to stabilize herself, most of her weight resting on her knees.

His hands roam up and twist into her hair, in order to hold her while he deepens their kiss. She whimpers against his mouth, suddenly unable to restrain herself from fully sitting back down on his lap. They both instantly moan in unison very loudly at their contact.

*Tris POV*

The moment I wake up and instantly feel Tobias's tongue in my mouth I gasp in shock, what on earth are we doing? What am I doing right now?! I gasp and immediately pull back and sit up. Tobias looks just as startled as I do, his eyes as wide as saucers. I can tell he is just waking up as well.

I touch my lips with my fingertips, it has been ages since my lips felt this swollen and full. I have no doubt we had been kissing passionately, and for a good length of time.

As I sit back on my haunches, Tobias also moves to sit up as he still looks bewildered. At the same moment we realize exactly where I am sitting. I bite my lip and close my eyes, a combination of horrified and extremely awakened. I hear his sharp intake of breath. Tobias then moves both of hands to clamp on to each of my hips. I can almost feel his internal struggle of what to do next.

He slowly releases his breath through his teeth.

"Tris," he whispers and he gently gives my hips a squeeze while guiding me off of him, "we need to stop."

I am holding my breath as I quickly jump off and scoot to my side of the bed. He is also moving farther away from the middle of the bed where we had been laying/sitting, etc.

There is an awkward silence, and then he speaks after clearing his throat.

"It is no excuse, but I was sleeping. I need to know, if I hurt you in any way – please be honest with me. I swear Tris - - I would never take advantage of you, I..." he stammers, I can sense he is so upset and worried at the prospect of hurting me.

"Tobias please stop. I am mortified as well, but I can also see that we were both asleep and we probably...just shared a kiss." Or 50 I think to myself quietly. "I think we are both exhausted, and it is starting to affect us." I finish.

"Affect our judgement is more like it," Tobias says, he still is frowning, looking really upset. Does he regret kissing me? Well, of course he does. He has told me on numerous occasions that I need to move on. I sigh in frustration.

"I better take the floor. It is almost morning and we need to get up early and figure out our next steps. We are still in danger here," he says. I can see how tired he looks.

This night has been exhausting.

I nod my head and lay back down to sleep. I hear him getting a makeshift bed ready on the floor. I drift off to sleep.

o+ooo+o The next morning o+ooo+o

*Tobias POV*

I woke up early this morning, sleeping on the floor was not exactly relaxing. Once the sunlight began streaming into the apartment I decided to start the day. I look over to see Tris before I am even on my feet, she is laying on her side while facing my direction. During the night she had rolled over to my side of the bed, the side closest to where I was sleeping the floor. She looks so peaceful, I don't have the heart to wake her up.

I quietly go to the bathroom, I make a mental note to check the clothes I had washed last night before I got in the shower. I remember being relieved that Tris had already washed her own undergarments. Washing them would have been awkward for me. I scrubbed and scrubbed her pants, tank top and even the blazer she had been wearing. I got out most of the blood, if not all. I am relieved when I see that her clothes are basically dry this morning. I neatly fold them and bring them out to set them next to the bed.

While in the bathroom I also change back into the clothes I had been wearing when I left the bureau yesterday.

While she is sleeping, and the room is now bright from the sun, I take time to walk around my old home. From my work with the Rehabilitation team I know that I moved into this apartment when I was sixteen years old, after passing the Dauntless initiation. I sigh, nothing looks familiar. I lived here for two full years....and I have nothing. I feel as though I am intruding in a life that belongs to someone else.

I did find some packaged food in the pantry that we can eat for breakfast.

I give Tris another hour of sleep before I gently sit next to her on the edge of the bed. I place my hand on her torso to slowly shake her awake.

I place my hand on her torso to slowly shake her awake

She smiles before opening her eyes.

"We made it through the night," she says while grimacing.

For a moment I think she is referring to all of our...romantic antics...last night. I blush and look away.

"I half expected the Rebels to break the front door down and finish us," she admits, frowning. She appears to be deep in thought, her eyebrows knitting and her smile now gone. I then smile at her and show her the clean clothes.

Her mouth falls open, "Tobias? Wow, when did you even? That was so thoughtful. Thank you."

Tris takes her clothes into the bathroom to change, and I yell through the door that I have found some meal replacement bars we can eat for breakfast.

I am startled when she flings the door open and smiles excitedly. She grabs my hand and leads me the kitchen counter, explaining she is going to change my life. I raise my eyebrows in interest.

She retrieves her backpack and carefully bring it over to the counter. She takes a deep breath and smiles sadly at me. First thing she pulls out is a very small box that is wrapped tightly in paper and then secured with ribbon. She actually blushes when she places it out of the way. I prompt her to explain.

She tells me she saw Shauna and her little brother Hector before the attack started. She is thankful they were already leaving and missed the explosion. I smile remembering that Shauna is Zeke's woman – I would have liked to have met her. She then admits that Shauna warned her that this package was a little sexy in nature – something to hold Zeke over before he returned to her in Chicago.

"Um, do you plan to show this to me in order to 'change my life'?" I tease Tris. She rolls her eyes at me, and tells me that Zeke would kill us both! We both burst out laughing and agree that we will not think about it anymore.

And then she pulls out a small cooler, she frowns for a moment. Only opening it to show me that it is a container with a large portion of cake inside. Can it be?! Dauntless cake?

My eyes light up, please say it is true. I have been hearing about this damn cake for months now. I move to dip my finger in the icing and Tris swiftly slaps my hand away, making us both laugh.

"Oh, did you want to try a bite?" Tris asks me teasingly. Her eyes dancing with laughter.

I bite my lip and nod my head in a yes.

She laughs and tells me to find us plates and utensils. I remind her I don't know where anything is. She rolls her eyes and tells me to start searching in the kitchen, she has confidence that I will *eventually* figure it out. I can see she is teasing me again.

Without thinking I wrap my arms around her and pull her close to me. I kiss her forehead. "Thank you for sharing your cake with me, I know that is a huge deal." It feels so natural to have her in my arms.

"You are only getting one tiny bite, don't get too excited now." She smiles and teases me.

I give her side a little squeeze in response to her threats regarding the cake and she suddenly gasps in pain. I had forgotten her injury, I instantly feel sick to my stomach. A frown on my face.

"It's ok – don't look at me like that. I even forgot about my injury. Accidents happen." She says firmly.

I smile at her gratefully and go in search of the plates and forks.

We cut a small piece, with the positive attitude that we need to save a large portion to share with our friends back at the bureau. Tris even tells me that she still plans to bring a piece to Kim, John's widow. I tell her if she likes, I will go with her to speak to Kim, when we are back safely.

Tris beams at me, and suddenly kisses me on the cheek – thanking me. I smile back at her. I try to push down the butterflies I feel in my chest.

Our moment is interrupted when we hear gunshots and screaming in the courtyard outside the windows of the apartment. The Rebel fighting has resumed.

We quickly repack her backpack, and I also gather the bag I had brought with me from the Bureau. We decide we need to make a run for it. Being daylight there are enough people around to help in our escape. Also, knowing the bureau technology department, I am confident by now they have overcome the virus and have communication and surveillance back in place. We need to leave now.

o+ooo+o

Tris has her knife, and we both have guns that I pulled off the Rebels I took down last night. As she is familiar with the compound she is leading the way while I am her back up. We make a really good team. I can see how secure and skilled she is; I guess there is no denying we were both cut out for Dauntless. As we round a corner we come face to face with a group of men, they look bloodied and beaten – but they are still armed and ready to fight. As we quickly step backwards to find another route, we realize that another set of Rebels has come up behind us. We are trapped.

Suddenly they are flanked by bureau soldiers and a lot of them! I see Luke Clark is among them and they are fighting the rebels

Suddenly they are flanked by bureau soldiers and a lot of them! I see Luke Clark is among them and they are fighting the rebels. All of the bureau soldiers look like they have been to hell and back. Luke yells to me, "Tobias, pull Tris out of the way – you have to keep her safe. We will handle the Rebels."

I frown – I don't need him to tell me that, I have been the one keeping Tris safe this entire time. He annoys me so much.

I pull Tris against the wall and block her from harm. I can tell that she is worried and keeps looking around me to see what is happening.

Our bureau forces quickly take the upper hand.

I look at Luke from across the way, and suddenly I see he raises his gun and points it at me. I freeze for a moment, not understanding.

"Luke...?" I hear Tris whisper, she must be watching him as well.

Suddenly a body drops directly next to us, a man was about to attack us. Luke Clark just saved my life. I see that he is smiling directly at Tris, she has since stepped out from behind me and is looking back at him. A soft smile on her lips as well.

The moment that Luke took out the Rebel that was going to harm us, another two came up behind him and attacked. Luke crumbles to the floor as he is taken down. Tris screams and tries to run around me. She is instantly hysterical. I know she is upset but I must keep her safe. I also know that is what Luke would ultimately want as well.

She screams his name, begging someone to help him.

Finally the remaining Rebels break off and flee. It is only then that I let Tris go, she runs crying to Luke and takes his head in her lap. As much as I want to turn away from such a personal moment – I am frozen in place, unable to look away.

"Luke, you are going to be ok. We can go home now," Tris pleads with him.

He puts his hand to her face, "Hey Tris. I am so happy to see you. I love you. I am sorry for everything. I tried to turn away from you...but I just can't. Please forgive me. Please..."

"Yes Luke, of course. I do. Always." She says and leans over to kiss him. As she has her back to me I can't see the actual kiss – which is probably for the best.

Tris cries and hugs him closer to her. It is then that one of our bureau medics arrive and they pull Tris back in order to load Luke onto the gurney. She is weeping as they ask her if she would like to accompany Luke. She nods her head.

Before walking off with them, she pauses and tells them to wait one second. Tris runs to me and throws her arms around me.

"Please come with me, I can't stand to leave you here and not know for sure that you also made it out safely. Please Tobias, let's go." She begs me.

But I know I can't. She needs to be with Luke and I just don't want to see it. I can't. I smile at her and assure her I will be fine. I tell her not to worry about me.

She nods her head and then runs back, without looking back, to be with Luke.

Where she belongs.

o+ooo+o Chapter End o+ooo+o


	41. Chapter 41: Rehabilitation

Chapter 41: Rehabilitation

*Zeke POV*

It has been two days since the New Rebels' attack.

I am always in communication with Shauna and my mom, Hana, who are still living in Chicago. I knew something was wrong that night when I couldn't get through to my girl to check on our plan, Operation FourTris. I had been anxious as the Bureau was already buzzing with concern over the ongoing attacks at Providence.

Once it was discovered that all communication with Chicago had been cut, and that it was possibly under attack – I felt my heart stand still.

Shauna and I had a plan. She was going to find Tris during her Dauntless visit and give her a package, describing it as a present that my girl was sending to me, that was for my eyes "only". We got a good laugh knowing the Stiff would never even think of taking a peek once that hint was dropped.

Little did Tris know that the contents of the package Shauna sent was actually a gift for her, to help with Operation FourTris.

It wasn't until the very early morning hours after the attack the night before that communication was restored. Hearing Shauna's voice and her reassurance that she and our families were safe was like no other feeling. I had already lost Uriah, I can't handle anymore death. I don't want to.

Imagine my surprise when Tris called me yesterday afternoon. She explained that Tobias was OK. I had been avoiding him since that disgusting display on TV and had no idea he had gone to Chicago. Tris also mentioned she needed my help with two packages. I knew one was from Shauna, which I was eager to get my hands on, and I didn't know what the second was.

Tris had asked me to meet her at the Leadership Medical Ward, in the waiting area of the ICU. When I arrived she explained that she was there because of Luke Clark being injured. I am sure she saw the confused look on my face, and she whispered that they had "made-up". Whatever that meant.

I just smiled, knowing that Operation FourTris would soon begin. I remember thinking that Tris should enjoy her last moments with Luke.

She handed me her backpack. One package was my love gift from Shauna and the second was a small cooler that needed to be refrigerated – Dauntless Cake! Tris promised when things settled with Luke, that she would have us over to share the cake. She also told me about the guard named John, and that we needed to save a piece for his widow. I gave her a big hug, I know she has been through a terrible time.

I sit in my apartment now, looking at the gift Shauna sent me. The key to my plan, a vial of the Fear Landscape Serum. I know that Mr. Four Fears is somewhere buried deep in there. And this little serum is just what I need to draw him out. My girl also sent me a surprise - a jump drive with a sexy video for my viewing pleasure. I love that girl so much.

My plan is simple. Four and I will be visiting the Leadership Medical Unit which has two very important requirements:

1\. Nita does not work there or even have access. She is always stalking Tobias and inserting herself into his business. She uses the excuse of being on his Rehabilitation Team...I am not buying it! Nita is like a dog in heat. She is relentless.

2\. Nurse Gabriela has agreed to help me set up a makeshift Fear Landscape Room and monitor, with the monitor I will be able to tell the program that is embedded in the simulation serum to move on to the next obstacle.

Tris had re-introduced Gabriela to our dinner table a couple of weeks ago, she seemed really nice. So when we ran into each other again we started talking about Tris and Four...and we have agreed to work together ever since. I have been planning to run Four through his Fear Landscape for a while, and just now the pieces are falling into place.

There is only one fear I want Four to see: the one that involves Tris. I know she will be in there. She has to be. When Four's fears run out, the program will terminate and wake him, leaving him with a greater awareness of his fears. Let Operation FourTris begin.

I hear a knock at my apartment door. Right on time, let's get this show started.

+o+++o+

*Tobias POV*

I ended up staying in Chicago for another full day with the team to help regain control of the Dauntless Compound. Although I do not have field training, it was second nature to fall back into the combat mode. It also helped to keep my mind off of Tris. I am not mad at her per say, or really, well maybe I am – what right would I even have to be hurt?

She short of begged me to return to the Bureau with her. The problem was the moment that Luke was within sight, I felt her concern for him, her love for him, radiating off of her. He quickly became her focus.

I am not at all surprised he came around to admitting his love for her. The moment he made the choice not to turn her in, it was obvious to me that he loved her and that he would circle back to her. Who can blame him?

I have a Rehabilitation session scheduled for later today. I'm sure Nita is miffed at me. The last time I saw her I was running to find my way to Chicago to save Tris. I know I am overdue for one of my Vitamin injections, so I can't put off going even one more day.

This morning I am keeping Zeke company while he runs some errands. After meeting at his apartment he reminds me that he has a lot to get done so we need to hurry. I let him know that I am also scheduled for a Rehabilitation session later today. He made a face at me, thinking about Nita probably. I just smiled and nodded, relieved he still wants to be friends after the very public kiss drunk-Nita placed on me. He still hates her so much. Maybe one day these two will get along. Unlikely, though.

As we walk through the halls I realize that Zeke is leading us to the Leadership Medical Ward, when I ask him why he mentions that he needs to return something to Tris and she asked him to meet her here. I then notice he is carrying the backpack she had been using when we were trapped at Dauntless. My back instantly stiffens at the mention of Tris. I have not seen her in two days, and I know she was safe when we parted. I just feel a pang I can't describe in my chest. I see Zeke is watching for my reaction. I just smile and nod. I do not need him to start in on me regarding Tris. Not right now at least.

After signing in, and as we walk through the corridors I start to feel apprehensive about seeing Tris. Things were so intense that night we spent in my old apartment. I am starting to doubt that seeing her right now is the best thing for either of us.

"Do you know why she is having us meet her at the medical ward?" I ask.

"Um yeah, she has been playing Doctor with your boss, what is his name? Luke? He is still a patient here – so she hasn't left his side I guess." Zeke says casually.

My stomach drops, I hate this jealous feeling. I make it a point to not even look at Zeke. I have no doubt he is waiting to catch me feeling this way. I keep my eyes on our route and keep walking.

As we are walking down the hall Zeke stops to say hello to an older woman, she looks nice. She looks familiar to me, I just can't pinpoint where I have seen her before. She asks us if we have a few minutes to help her move some heavy boxes. She has been waiting all morning for an orderly to have some free time, and Zeke and I are happy to help.

Not mention I'll do just about anything to prolong having to see Tris and Luke.

She takes us through a couple of rooms, most of which look patient ready. Zeke asks me to take care of the boxes in the back room while he does the ones up front. As I begin working, I am shocked that Zeke has quickly injected me with something, and then locked the door behind me. Has he lost his mind!?

"Zeke! Zeke Pedrad! What is wrong with you? This isn't funny! Get me out of here right now!" I yell through the door.

Suddenly there is audio in the room I have been locked into. Zeke explains that he has injected me with the Fear Landscape Serum. The WHAT?! I am going to have to kill Zeke. He has lost his mind.

He is rambling on trying to explain that I *should* only have four fears, and it shouldn't be that bad for me. Then about how the serum works, and that he will be able to control when I can move on to the next fear. As I start to feel dizzy and the room feels like it's spinning, Zeke tells me it is starting, and to be brave.

o++o+ Four's Fear Landscape +o++o

I am in my own personal hell. It feels like I am trapped in a dream, yet I am unable to wake myself up. To Zeke's credit, he seems to be moving me quickly through each fear.

Fear 1: Fear of heights.

The simulation has me elevated above the ground. I am walking high across the city of Chicago on a tight-rope made of wire. I feel my stomach do flips as a terror rips through me. Suddenly I am falling with no end in sight.

Fear 2: Confinement.

Something solid hits my back, then the right and left sides of my body. The space is so narrow, I groan in agony. It gets tighter and tighter. I close my eyes and let the horror wash over me.

Fear 3: Killing of an innocent

Suddenly I'm holding a gun in my hand, pointed at a girl that is tied to a chair. She has tears streaming down her face, and she is silent. I intuitively know that I need to kill her. It is required of me. I point, the only way I pull the trigger is by closing my eyes.

It is when I get to my fourth fear that Zeke stops pulling me through quickly. He also had mentioned that the last fear is the worst. The biggest, strongest fear of all.

Fear 4: Tris

I am excitedly walking along a path, as Simulation-Four has regained all of his memories. I am crying with joy but also anxious to find Tris. To tell her the amazing news. We can be together now, as we are meant to be. I am hers and she is mine.

Suddenly I bump into a beautiful little girl, she has golden hair, and striking grey eyes. My heart skips a beat, this child looks exactly like my Tris. Can it be?

"Hello, my name is Tobias. What is your name?" I ask her.

She cocks her head to the side and smiles at me, "I'm Natalie."

I can only smile back at her. I always imagined that if we had a daughter, we would name her in honor of Tris's mom.

The little girl agrees to take me to meet her mommy.

We arrive to a beautiful beach, and in the distance I see a man and woman in a warm embrace, kissing sweetly. The little girl laughs.

"My mommy and daddy are always kissing! It is so funny. I will get mommy for you Tobias." Little Natalie runs towards the couple.

It is then that I see it is in fact Tris, and Luke. Natalie is their child. My heart feels as though someone is stomping on it.

Natalie runs into her father's arms as he joyfully swings her around. Tris watches them for a moment smiling. When she turns to me, her smile fades as she walks over slowly.

"What do you want Tobias?" she asks coldly.

I burst into tears and fall on my knees in front of her, it is ME. And she is my Tris. The last time I was myself – was two weeks after her death and now we are together. I wrap my arms around her waist and pull her close to me, burying my head in her stomach. I am overcome with great joy at being so close to her. I repeatedly tell Tris I love her, again and again.

She remains quiet.

When I look up to see her, I notice she is not even looking at me. She has a huge smile on her face and she is watching Luke and little Natalie play on the beach. Luke is carrying his daughter on his shoulders, she looks so content with her father.

Then Tris does turn back to me, unwrapping my arms from around her waist. She looks annoyed with me.

"Why would I care that you have your memories back? Luke is such a better man than you ever could be. He is handsome, an incredible lover, he comes from a good family, he is successful and takes care of me...and the most important thing Tobias..." Tris leans down to whisper in my ear, "I don't have to be afraid that he may snap and beat me or our children someday."

I recoil at her cruel words. She looks at me with pity.

"Luke and I are a family, we have a child...what makes you think you are good enough for me? You deserve to be ALONE," she says.

And without a goodbye Tris turns and walks toward her family.

I am left alone, loving her forever.

o++o+ Fear Landscape End +o++o

I am huddled on the floor of this room, shaking and trembling. I feel like I am going to be sick and lose my breakfast all over the floor.

Zeke walks in quietly leaving the door open. I can't even look at him right now.

That was awful. It left me feeling sick and empty on the inside. I am unable to calm down or control my breathing.

After what seems to be over an hour, I turn to Zeke who is now sitting on a chair in the room. "How could you do that to me? Why?" I mumble.

Zeke looks sad, but he answers, "I did it because you are like a brother to me, and it pains me to watch you throw away what you love most in the world. Here is your damn proof. If Tris really meant nothing to you – losing her forever would not be YOUR greatest fear Four!"

I scowl at him, I still can't believe he did this bullshit move. I get up and move away from him.

"You need to stay the hell away from me. I'm so sick of this, she is with someone else - just leave it alone Zeke! I don't want to see you, at least not for a while." I turn and walk quickly out of the room and down the corridor we had entered through.

On my way out of the medical ward I make one wrong turn. I am suddenly standing outside of Luke's hospital room. He is sound asleep and right at his bedside is Tris. She is sleeping peacefully with her head resting on the side of the bed. I can see he has one hand resting on her arm. They look happy, and my heart aches.

Tris.

I don't know what to do or feel. So I turn and keep walking away.

+o++o+o++o+

By the time I make it to my appointment with my Rehabilitation Team I have significantly calmed down. Well, I am no longer shaking and crying at least. That is an improvement.

Nita sees me and her smile fades the moment she sees how upset I am.

"Tobias... Are you okay?" she asks while rolling her wheelchair closer to me.

I breathe in and out. I have not felt this unhinged ever before. I am so sick over Tris and even my fight with Zeke. I feel like I am about to lose my mind. My heart is pounding.

"Tris," is all I manage to gasp.

"What about Tris? Is she okay? Did something happen to her?" Nita sounds concerned.

I lean over to help calm myself. I tell Nita everything – about the Fear Landscape Serum, about our time in Chicago. I even think I may have had some real memories while I was in my old apartment.

I painfully tell Nita that Tris is back with Luke Clark. But I don't care. I don't give a damn about him. I will not just hand Tris over to him without a fight.

Nita smiles and me and encourages me! She tells that I need to get a hold of myself and be calm, she knows I can win Tris back.

We begin our rehabilitation session. Nita brings over the Vitamin-syringe that I take almost every session. I close my eyes as I feel it enter my system. It calms me. It always does.

It always does

+o++o+

The rest of the session continues without incident. Nita is such a nice girl, I am happy when she invites me to have dinner this evening in the dining hall.

On my way to the cafeteria I see Zeke in the hallway, his eyes widening. I smile at him and wave. Zeke looks perplexed, what's his deal?

"Um, how are you Tobias?" Zeke asks cautiously.

I smile, and nod. "I am great, I just left my session. It went well. Nita asked me to dinner, can you join us?"

"Why would I want to have dinner with Nita?" Zeke asks incredulously. I frown at him. That was rude.

"Look Tobias, about our fight earlier... Can you ditch Nita? I think you and I have a lot to talk about. We should be alone to hash it out." Zeke is practically pleading with me.

"Come on Zeke, I just told you I committed to dinner with Nita - you are welcome to join us, but I am not going to bail on her. I'd love to spend time with you too." I assure him.

"So, you aren't mad at me any more?" he asks.

I keep a smile on my face, I am not really sure why Zeke would think I am mad at him? Maybe because he just won't give Nita a chance? I decide not to ask him to clarify, I just want to get along.

"Zeke, we're all good. Don't worry about it." I assure him.

"I mean, I am not happy you played that prank on me with that Fear Simulation - please don't ever do that to me again. But I also realize it is not real. I am not really afraid of any of those things. No harm done."

"Um ok. So what is your plan regarding Tris then? You have to accept now that she is it for you. Right?" he pressures me.

I sigh loudly, Tris...again. It never ends. "What about her Zeke? She is with Luke and she is happy. I wish people would stop trying to shove her down my throat! I am so over it."

Zeke shakes his head in disbelief, his eyes widening. Here we go- what now, I wonder.

We both turn and see Nita approaching us. I smile and wave to her.

"Zeke, are you in for dinner?" I ask one more time.

"No. Not tonight. I have something I need to do. I'll see you soon Tobias." Zeke says while quickly walking away.

I wave goodbye.

Nita and I sit down to enjoy our meal. She is such an awesome girl. I am lucky to have her as a friend.

+o++o+ Chapter End +o++o+


	42. Chapter 42: Some Harsh Words

Chapter 42: Some Harsh Words

*Tris POV*

I hold Luke's hand as the transport is in route back the Bureau. I am terrified he is going to die. I can't lose another person, not now, not when we are so close to getting home. Especially not when he would die because he was saving Tobias and I.

I tremble thinking about Tobias, I know I am here with Luke who is in critical condition, but I just wish he had agreed to come back with us. I need to know he is ok. I close my eyes tightly and try to calm my emotions, I can't let my anxiety over power me right now. I need to be strong. I need to believe that Tobias will be safe.

"Penny for your thoughts Tris." Luke whispers. He is suddenly lucid, having been unconscious most of the trip home.

I am startled for a moment, but then I smile at him. "You are awake! How are you feeling?" I ask him softly, gently touching his forehead with my fingertips.

He coughs, "That was not an answer to my question. You were thinking about Tobias, weren't you?" He looks at me sadly for a moment, and then a look of understanding comes over his face. "Is he here?"

"Yes, I was thinking about him, worrying is more like it. Tobias stayed back in Chicago, to help the team." I say, trying to smile and look positive.

"I know you are still in love with him. All this time, and I have never actually seen you both interact together. When I saw you both at Dauntless, I knew right away. You both love each other, and you probably always will." Luke finishes as he starts gasping and coughing at the same time.

"Luke?!" I exclamation, while looking frantically at the medic on board. The medic reminds Luke that he needs rest, reserve his strength.

Luke smiles at me, he looks calm. My heart starts racing, and the reason is that I know he is right. I will always deeply love Tobias. After our time together in Dauntless – I was reminded that he is someone worth fighting for. A memory passes, something I said to him, our last night together.

"It's what you deserve to hear. That you're whole, that you're worth loving, that you're the best person I have ever known."

I close my eyes and smile, deep down Tobias is still all of those things. I can't lose him, not to Nita, not to anyone. I need to be honest with Luke, and I need to do it now.

I clear my throat to begin, "Luke, I do love you. I do. But..."

"Tris. Stop. It's ok. It really is. I already knew in that hallway. I knew that you loved me too, just not in the romantic way. If my almost dying while saving your life was not going to earn a passionate kiss from you, there would never be anything I could do to make you love me in that way. I knew it the moment you leaned over and kissed me on the forehead."

Luke pauses and smiles at me. "I am actually ok with it. I'm just glad we can move forward and be friends. I do love you, from the moment I met you I imagined that my sister would be just like you. Strong, brave, selfless...I know she would have been. I hope you can forgive me...I was angry with you, and I did feel betrayed. But that did not justify the moments I was cruel to you. I am deeply sorry Tris. I hope can forgive me-"

And suddenly Luke's eyes roll back in his head and the machines start beeping. The medic literally shoves me back while yelling that Luke is coding. I am horrified, tears stream down my face as I step back so they can work.

They manage to stabilize him as we arrive to the bureau. He is taken directly into surgery. I follow as long as they will let me. And suddenly I am met by his assistant Catalina, she throws her arms around me.

"You sweet girl, thank God you are alive. We were all so worried. Come sit down, you have been through an ordeal." She says as she pulls me to a waiting room chair.

I am sick with worry about Luke.

Catalina tells me that her daughter is doctor in the emergency room in Providence, and she has been granted special permission to travel there so she can help watch her grandchildren. She has tears in her eyes as she asks me if I will please take care of Luke while he is so sick. She can't bear the thought of him not having anyone.

I immediately hug her, and I remind her that Luke is not alone. I am his friend and I love him. Of course I will stay with him.

Hours pass while Luke is in surgery, there will be no change for hours. That is when I asked Zeke to visit me. I updated him on the situation with Tobias and Luke. I choose not to go into any real details with Zeke about my time with Tobias at Dauntless, I know I need to hash things out with Tobias first. I trust Zeke with the cake, which should explain just how desperate I am to trust a Pedrad with Dauntless cake.

In that moment I think of Uriah, and how much I miss him. His contagious smile, his happy spirit. Zeke stands before me smiling. I do not dare remind him of Uri and what he has lost.

I also need to concentrate on Luke now.

+o+++o+

I slept at the hospital both nights there is a couch in Luke's room. Christina was kind enough to bring me some clothes and I was able to take a shower as well.

His surgery was successful and he drifts in and out consciousness throughout the night. Every time he wakes I am there, and Luke is grateful. I can say that sleeping in the same room as a patient is exhausting. I know the nurses have such a hard job, but they literally walked in to check on him every half hour or so, thus waking me up too.

I know the nurses have such a hard job, but they literally walked in to check on him every half hour or so, thus waking me up too

Luke sees how tired I look and tells me I can go home. I smile and say I am not ready yet. I sit on a chair next to his bed and we hold hands.

"Thank you for being an amazing friend Tris. I hope you know how much it means to me." Luke whispers.

Tears fill in my eyes, it finally hits me, the gravity of all we have suffered until this point. John's face flashes across my mind.

"Luke, we lost so many to the rebels. It was awful. I don't know how to tell you this, John didn't make it. He died saving me. I am so sorry. He wanted me to visit his wife, Kim." I say lightly, but the tears are streaming down my face, the guilt I feel is overwhelming.

"Tris, shhhhh. I knew already about John, we all did. Kimberly has already been notified. We are supporting her as best we can during this time." Luke pauses. "I've actually known Kimberly longer than I knew John. She is kind and incredible person. I was able to speak with her on the phone - - she mentioned that when you are ready, she would like to meet with you. She is desperate to know about his last days. She also understands you need some time to recuperate."

My lip trembles and I burst into tears. Luke's eyes widen and he immediately grabs my hand. It is like the floodgate I had desperately been holding closed bursts open and consumes me. I have never felt so weak in my life, this woman's husband died for me, and she is worried about my needs? I owe her husband everything.

I lay my head down on the side of Luke's bed and I sob. I can't even speak I am crying so hard. He used the hospital bed control to support himself into a sitting position just so that he can reach me and stroke my hair while comforting me. When I see what he had to do, in order to sit up. We both make eye contact and start laughing.

One thing is for sure. Luke Clark is an amazing friend, and he will always make me smile. I smile at him as I rest my head on my arms as I sit next to his bed, I hope he will find someone as amazing as he is one day to love him. He deserves someone incredible, someone kind.

I smile as I finally fall asleep, Luke holding my hand as I see him doze off as well.

+o+++o+

I wake up to someone gently rubbing my shoulder, I look up and see Zeke. I smile at him and give him a hug. He motions to sleeping Luke and puts his fingers to his lips and motions for me to join him in the hallway.

Once we are out of Luke's room, we hug again and Zeke hands me my backpack.

"The cake, you put it in my fridge correct? It's not in your stomach?" I tease. He just laughs, and tells me he will not dignify that comment with a response.

I ask him if he has heard anything about Tobias, I am worried he is still working in Chicago. I must look frantic, as Zeke immediately grabs my hands and assures me Tobias is safe and back at the bureau. I smile and release the breath I had been holding. I see something flash across Zeke's face that I can't pinpoint.

"So he is back? When did he get back?" I ask.

Zeke clears his throat, "Um, he got back yesterday."

I frown, Tobias and I had been through so much while in Chicago that I just assumed he would want to see me. God knows I have been desperate to see him.

"Oh," I mumble.

Zeke gives me a quick hug and tells me he has to run. I nod my head, lost in my own thoughts. Suddenly my stomach sinks in disappointment. Did I imagine what happened between us in Dauntless?

No. Impossible. I smile to myself, remembering that Tobias promised to come with me to visit Kim and give her a piece of cake. I need to do that soon, tonight even.

+o+++o+

As I am about to walk back into Luke's room, I hear someone call my name. It is Ms. Laura Grey. She looks so tired, as though the last week has added years to her life. She asks me if I will sit with her for a moment.

We discuss first how I am doing, how the Chicago trip went. Sadly, she tells me her younger sister died in the attack in Providence. I recognize the sadness I see in her face, of someone who just wants to fall apart – but she can't. At least not yet.

We discuss that the Rebel group is out of control and we are no closer to stopping them. She asks me how Luke is doing, that Leadership is desperate for him to be able to work again. Our defenses are weaker without him at the helm.

Then Laura Grey apologizes to me. She regrets putting me in danger, and that Luke had been right all along. She tells me that her sister had a daughter, who is just about my age- a girl that no longer has her mother. I bite my lip, an image of my own mom enters my mind. My beautiful mother, strong and brave.

And then she offers me something: freedom. Laura Grey tells me that she knows I have been through so much, first in Chicago, and then at the bureau. She wants to give me the choice to be free. Free of this hectic life.

She now sees that basically forcing a seventeen year old to work on high level, high visibility science team, while also being the poster child for the Chicago Experiment was a mistake. I listen quietly, as I am unsure where she is going with this.

I do not have to decide now – but she is willing to send me to Providence. Things are much more peaceful there. And she says I can think about what I want to do with my life. Maybe a teacher, an artist, a chef? We laugh for a moment as we rattle off random careers.

She basically promises me, if I want to walk away, she will make it happen for me. I thank her; I need time to think about this.

+o+++o+

Later that evening Luke is starting to feel much better. The doctors rave about what an amazing recovery he is having, words like strong, virile and extraordinary are tossed around. He just beams and looks very proud of himself. I try very hard not to laugh at him, and also the doctors that are basically kissing his butt.

After lunch, Luke lets me know that I am being asked to leave his hospital room, I am not permitted to sleep even one more night on the couch. I frown, but he tells me that it is the only way he knows that he will get me to leave, and start to take care of myself. I nod, he is probably right.

I ask him again about Kim, John's wife...widow I mean. We call her together from Luke's room. She and I make plans; I am going to visit her later this evening. She sounds very kind and warm. I also tell her that another man was with us...John's last moments. Kim says she would love to meet him as well.

Luke just smiles at me. He knows I am talking about Tobias.

When I say goodbye a couple of hours later, Luke and I both just smile. He tells me he will see me later, it is not goodbye. I agree.

+o+++o+

I called Tobias's apartment earlier, no answer so I left him a message. I explained about Kim, and that I wanted to take him up on his offer to come with me. I also tell him that I miss him and I want to see him.

I went home and showered. I didn't need a nap because I felt I had been sleeping nonstop for days. I cut a generous piece of cake for Kim and place it in Tupperware. I smile sadly thinking about John and I enjoying that last moment of peace in the Dauntless cafeteria.

I check my voicemail, still no reply from Tobias. I know I can't keep Kim waiting and then I realize that she actually lives in the same area as Tobias.

I decide to be bold and swing by his apartment on my way.

When I arrive to his door, I knock. I am really hoping he is home. I am starting to feel more and more anxious about seeing Kim. Having Tobias with me, will help so much. I think back to how calming he was when making me understand that what happened to John was a horrible injustice, but not one of my making.

I am mid-thought when he swings his front door open, startling me. I gasp and jump. I see his face, he actually frowns when he sees it is me.

I feel my stomach drop, the hairs on the back of my neck rising.

"Tris? What are you doing here?" he asks me, and I see him poke his head out into the hallway and look around. As though he is expecting someone.

I am so caught off guard by his tone and attitude that I stumble on my words. And then he raises his eyebrows at me.

I finally swallow and start over, "Tobias, um hi. How are you?"

"Fine. What do you need Tris?" he asks emotionlessly.

I feel my cheeks flush, "Well...I mean...I left you a voicemail message...not sure if you got it?"

Tobias just raises his eyebrows, not answering either way. I feel my cheeks get redder.

"Well, I am here now. I am going to visit Kim, and give her a piece of the Dauntless cake. Would you please come with me? It will help a lot. And she wants to meet you as well." I implore him.

"Ummm, now? This is kind of last minute Tris. And really, I don't think I want to go." Tobias says.

I imagine a look of horror and disappointment crosses my face as he is speaking. Is he kidding me? My mouth slightly hangs open.

"Tobias, is that the pizza delivery? I am starving!" I hear Nita call to him from inside his apartment.

I bite my lip, really hard. I look at him, and he looks at me – emotionless.

"Is there anything else Tris? I have company over...I don't want to be rude." He says in a matter of fact way.

"Oh, you don't to be rude to your guest?! But going back on your promise to me about visiting the pregnant-wife of a man that just died...that is not rude? What the hell is wrong with you Tobias?!" my voice raises with each word.

I see his eyes flash annoyance, he steps into the hallway blocking me from his door, not that I was going to charge in, and do what – hug Nita?

"Tris – this may be a shock to you, but I don't just sit around all day and night in the hopes that you may decide to drop by, you know – drop by and expect me to do something with you! So lose the attitude. I have also had a rough couple of days, you know – going to Chicago and saving your life – by the way, you should ask Luke Clark about that. He didn't even want to let me go to Chicago to save you. He felt you would be fine fending for yourself." Tobias says spitefully.

Now I know he is just being mean. I take a step further away from him. He is watching me to see what I will do or say.

I just frown, and then turn and walk away.

I don't want Tobias to see the tears that are streaming down my face.

I count to five, I allow myself five seconds of weakness to weep quietly

I count to five, I allow myself five seconds of weakness to weep quietly. One, two, three, four.

Five.

And then I wipe my tears and let it go. I need to be brave, and honor John. He was a good man, and I need to spend this time with his widow.

+o+++o+ Chapter End +o+++o+  
Author's Note:

I am excited to share that I have written another FourTris One-Shot. It will be posted in my current story Divergent FourTris One-Shots & Short Stories. 

The one-shot is titled: Peace Serum and a Favor

I am planning to post the stories this weekend, I hope you will love them as much as I do!

Have a great week, FourTrisHEA

++++++++o++++++++


	43. Chapter 43

Chapter 43: You Did This

o++o++o+ Author's Note +o++o++o

The conversation between Tobias and Tris towards the end of this chapter is directly tied to Chapter 9: Revelations. It may be helpful to reread that one before moving forward with Chapter 43. I will also provide a Recap below to save you the trouble of rereading.

Recap Chapter 9: Revelations - Tobias POV

This chapter occurs BEFORE Tris has been discovered to be alive. Tobias is going by Tobias Johnson and until this point he has had no past memories come up in any way. In this chapter Tobias has realized the gang (Zeke, Christina, Caleb and Cara) are keeping a SECRET from him. Finally it is Zeke that pushes the rest of them to tell Tobias the truth. Tobias is invited to meet with: The Gang, and he is surprised with Nita and Matthew are there as well. They all explain to Tobias what they did with the first explosion, the initial Memory Serum Release, and what each of their roles where. Tobias is shocked, even more so since he was involved. In that same chapter Tobias Johnson accepts what they have all told him, and he sees that they all forgave him and Nita for the first explosion, as both were instrumental in the memory serum release that prevented the war.

Before the meeting ends, Caleb asks to speak with Tobias regarding Tris. At this point in the story, again Tobias has no memories or feelings towards presumed dead Tris. Caleb is honest with Tobias about their past, how he betrayed Tris and their parents. He also passes along the message from Tris in case she were to die, "She didn't want to leave you."

It is then that Tobias learns that Tris could have remained safe if their agreed upon plan had been followed - - but she choose to save her brother. Tobias in Ch 9 had no feelings for Tris, so it doesn't impact him. This is also when Caleb sees that Tobias is "really gone". Tobias and Caleb do not get along. As the author, my goal of chapter 9 was for Memory-Challenged-Tobias to learn this, but at that point in the story, he didn't care that Tris put her brother ahead of her future with him. But he did learn about it, and filed it away.

o++o++o+ Author's Note End +o++o++o

Chapter 43: You Did This

*Tris POV*

I check on Luke immediately after my project's morning shift in the lab. He's looking much better than even just the day before. His face lights up when I walked into his hospital room. I put a big smile on face and walk over to give him a hug.

After a couple of minutes of pleasantries he stops and stares at me.

"Did everything go OK with Kimberly last night? You seem a little...I don't know, off. What's going on?" Luke says while closely examining me.

He is always calling me out for being perceptive, but I realize in that moment that he has always been able to read me like a book. It must be a great job-skill for him.

"Kim was absolutely lovely. She and her family, her mom and sister were with her when I got to her apartment, are wonderful people. Very kind and warm. No, nothing went wrong – in fact, under the circumstances, it went really well." I breathe, while explaining the visit to Luke.

I tell him about the cake, he raises his eyebrows expectantly at me, I then tell him that I spoke to his doctor and he can't eat cake right now. Luke scowls, until I tell him I already put his piece in my freezer so it won't spoil.

We talk about Kim and her family, and how I went over everything about John and our days in Chicago. What meals we ate, what the schedule had been, the visit to the school. I choke up recounting to Luke how Kim cried during that part and we needed to take a break. Luke looks very sad, we hold hands.

"It sounds like it was a very difficult situation. How did Tobias handle all of this? I'm glad he had offered to go with you, I am sure it meant a lot to Kim as well," Luke sighs, until he sees the look of contempt on my face.

"What Tris?" he presses.

I clear my throat, I don't even want to think about Tobias. Let alone discuss him with Luke. I know that Luke and I have decided to be friends, and I meant it...but talking about my love issues, it a little too much just yet.

"Tobias was unable to make it. He had a previous engagement." I say as calmly as possible.

Luke frowns.

I look away while thinking of a way to change the subject.

"Tris, I don't know what the deal is with you and Tobias. If I am honest, there is a part of me that doesn't want to know. But at the end of the day, I am your friend. So if you ever need someone to talk to, I am willing. I am not going to pressure you to talk to me about...him. OK?" he finishes.

"OK." I smile, then kissing him on the cheek. I don't want to talk about it. At least not yet.

Luke asks me to shut the door to his room so we can have some privacy.

"We should talk about the Rebel's attack, I have been feeling better and reviewing some of the analytical reports my team have been compiling. This is a highly organized group we are dealing with." Luke says.

I nod my head, I think back to the man that John had taken down when we were had the first confrontation in the hallway after leaving the Pit. They were after me.

I breathe in and tell Luke that I should be interviewed as I may know some specifics that could be of significance. Luke nods his head and asks if I am ready now. I agree.

Within half an hour two of his team members arrive with a recording device and a notebook to interview me. We agreed that I would go over everything in Luke's room so that he could participate as well.

I go over all of the details in order, where the attacks happened. How many men. What was said. Luke flinches when I verbalize how one man said it was "Leadership's orders" that I not only be raped, but that it would need to be taped.

His team members write furiously. And I I see them exchange a look when I mention the word rape.

"What? Please tell me. This is my life we are talking about here," I spit out.

Luke clears his throat, "They just completed the autopsy on Laura Grey's sister who was killed in Providence. There is evidence that she was sexually assaulted before her death. It appears these Rebels are using torture and degradation against Genetically Pure to send a message to the masses."

I nod my head, I am unable to speak.

After the interview is over, Luke asks me if I would like to move back into his hospital room so he can keep tabs on me. He will even have another bed brought in so I don't have to sleep on the couch again.

We just laugh.

I end up sitting with Luke while he plays a movie, it is not one I have ever seen so it is a great distraction. I see that he has fallen into a deep sleep before the movie even ends. I pause the movie and turn off the TV so Luke can rest. I know it is time for me to get going.

o+ooo+o

As I am quietly gathering my things, I see Nurse Gabriela walking by with her coat in her hand.

I run out after her and catch her. She smiles at me warmly and throws her arms around me. She tells me she was so worried when she heard I had been targeted again by the rebels while I was in Chicago.

It is wonderful to spend time with her, she makes me feel safe. Gabriela asked me how I am really doing. I put a fake smile on my face, and mumble that I am fine.

She pulls me into an empty hospital room so we can talk.

One moment, she smiled at me in a way that reminded of my own mom, and I felt like the floodgates crash open. I literally sit down and sob into my hands. I don't even know when, but at some point I feel Gabriela's arms around me as she strokes my hair.

I don't know how much time passes, and finally I just can't cry anymore. And then I tell her everything. I tell her that my heart is breaking again. I never imagined that being rejected by someone could hurt this badly. The worst part about my situation with Tobias, it is like he is two people. One moment I see the man I was able to fall in love with, a good and decent person. A person who cares about me.

I discuss personal details about our time at his old apartment in Dauntless. I know he is attracted to me. His actions were not of a callous man. He was kind, loving even. And now back at the bureau it is as if that person was just a figment of my imagination.

It is like he just doesn't seem to see me. Or it feels like my existence is an annoyance to him.

She listens to me talk about my past with Tobias. How he was my instructor. What we meant to each other. I even tell her about Nita, about how I feel myself taken back to what she did to him before the memory serum was mass released – she deceived him, she convinced him to lie to me and put a wedge in between us, and lastly she used him.

People suffered a great deal because of her, and now she is perfect Nita that can do no wrong in his eyes.

I get to sit back and watch her be his best friend. He told me while we were in Chicago that they have not taken that last step, but it doesn't mean it won't happen one day. It makes me want to scream and cry at the same time.

I also tell her that the stress of the Rebels are starting to wear on me. I can feel my anxiety rising. I feel like I'm losing control.

Gabriela stays with me and we talk for a long time, staying hours after her shift has ended. And once I am done talking and crying, she gives me a final hug and words of advice.

"You do you," she says. It takes me a couple of minutes to think about the meaning behind it.

She admits she does not know a lot about the Memory Serum Rehabilitation teams, upon coming from Providence she was immediately assigned to the medical ward. We talk about what MY life needs to be.

You Do You - - I need to just live my life, as I normally would, and be true to myself.

I quietly think about the offer Ms. Grey gave me yesterday, to put this place behind me and start new in Providence. A new simple, quiet life.

And as much as it pains me, he may not be a part of my life for the long run. And for the first time in a while – I start to picture my future without Tobias Eaton.

Or maybe I should say without Tobias Johnson.

o+ooo+o

I am emotionally exhausted as I walk towards the dining hall. I literally have been pushing my body all day and then my emotional discussion with Nurse Gabriela. I just want to grab a soup and salad and bring it home. At the last moment I get a large strawberry milkshake that I plan to save for my dessert.

I enter the checkout line, there are only a couple of people ahead of me. Suddenly Nita has appeared behind me in the line. God help me, not now, I think to myself.

"Hello Tris," she says sweetly, I can see the way her eyes light up at seeing me. Which can't possibly be a good thing. Dread settles in the pit of my stomach.

"Hello Nita," I say coldly and then turn around to face forward in the line. Today is not the day for me to be dealing with her.

"I am really glad we ran into each other, and finally alone without an audience or Tobias here," she says, I can hear the smugness in her voice. "He has really been dealing with so much added...pressure...since you were discovered alive."

"You mean since he discovered me and ran to save me?" I reply quickly. It is not like I sent him an email asking him to break me out of the medical ward.

"Yes, of course. He explained it all to me. I guess we can say, you knew about my place in his life from the very start. Tell me, where you awake that morning when Tobias left you in order to take me out for breakfast?" she asks smugly. I feel like I have been kicked in the stomach. The reminder of a shirtless Tobias flirting with Nita while I was stashed away in his room makes my blood boil. To this day I hate that he did that me.

"What does it matter Nita? Is there a point to this conversation? If there is – please get to it. You are boring me. Just like old times." I challenge her.

"Well, it is good to see you are still your old self. And how lucky for you – even as this community works towards Genetic Equality, you are placed on a pedestal. The ever important Beatrice Prior, Genetically Pure from Chicago. How sickening the way those project leads presented their work to you, in the hopes you would grace them with your presence. A regular dog and pony show. I personally think you would do best on the one that is primarily travel. The sooner you get out of Tobias's life – the better he will be." She calmly says to me.

I fight to control my anger, this little witch is pushing me too far. At the worst possible time.

And then she continues – "I actually pity you. I really do. To think you had this amazing love with such an incredible man...but he is gone now. And you need to accept it and move on. The sooner you do, the better it will be for everyone."

I feel my face burning. "Who the hell do you think you are to tell me what is best for Tobias? Is this because you are on his Rehabilitation Team? He doesn't belong to you Nita!" I say loudly.

"You should listen to your own advice, Tris. He actually no longer belongs to you. And I know he has told you this countless times. He confided everything to me. He had a lot to say about you last night after you left his apartment in such a huff. Really Tris, how manipulative of you to use the widow of a dead guard to try to force Tobias to spend time with you." She then smiles at me and nods her head as if in disbelief.

My blood runs cold.

"He looks at you and feels nothing. Well, I guess pity is actually something. He doesn't WANT you anymore. But you know this already, don't you?" Nita says, while she feigns a sad look towards me.

"I mean, woman to woman Tris... Please be honest with yourself. If he didn't make a move on you while sharing a bed in Chicago – it's because he just didn't want you. Even after you offered yourself up to him on a silver platter," she says while snickering at me.

I step back as though she has slapped me. Could Tobias have really told her everything that has happened between us in Chicago? Would he do that to me? More importantly would he twist the events of that night into something so ugly?

No, I refuse to believe that.

"I should thank you Nita. I had forgotten what a horrible person you could actually be, but now I see you clearly again. You are a liar, a deceiver, a user and above all else – you are a MURDERER! You vile woman – you have the audacity to get in my face about what... Tobias? My job at the bureau? You are the pathetic one Nita." My voice is rising now.

"Oh Tris. I don't blame you – your desperate attempts to seduce him. How pitiful." She says while laughing at me. "The pathetic 'I'm in shock' routine will only get you so far dear. Well you know that already, don't you." Nita then gives me a wretched smile.

I literally see red. I am shaking with rage as I step closer to her, and toss my food on the conveyer belt of the checkout line, bending over I place my hands on the sides of her wheel chair so that I can stare at her directly in the face.

"You can go straight to hell Nita!" I scream at her, while pointing my finger in her face.

"Hit a nerve did I? How does it feel to know that you even threw away with Luke Clark, for nothing? You are destined to be alone, Beatrice," she says quietly while looking calm.

I don't even think about it, I am so mad that I just react. I take my large milkshake and I fling the contents and then the empty cup right at Nita's face.

If it is possible to feel two different emotions at once, I do it then. I am instantly shocked that I got so mad as to literally throw a drink at Nita. And then another part of me is so satisfied at the horrified look on her face and the milkshake is pouring down her hair and face – priceless.

People around me gasp and I see that Nita is sitting there with her mouth hanging open. She then makes a terrified face and says "You have lost your mind, please don't hurt me!" as she attempts to move her wheelchair back.

Suddenly, I know why she switched over to damsel in distress mode.

"Tris! What the hell is wrong with you?!" Tobias yells while grabbing me by the wrist and forcefully yanking me away from Nita. He steps in front of her, as if to protect her. Protect her from me. He looks furious at me.

Tobias says nothing as he pulls me out of the cafeteria, away from the crowd that had gathered.

I feel my stomach turn at the cold look on his face. It is as if he doesn't even see me. He looks at me like I am garbage. As though I am disposable.

I attempt to yank my wrists out of his grip, he only tightens his hold.

"Get your hands off of me." I hiss at him.

"It would be my pleasure, but I can't risk you going back hurting Nita more than you already have." Tobias says coldly.

 

I attempt again to pull my wrist away from him, I am so done with this day. I want to get away from him and go home. His defending Nita is too much for me to listen to.

We both notice at the same time that a few different people in the main lobby have stopped to watch us. He loosens his grip for a moment and I quickly turn on my heels and walk away from him.

He follows me.

"If you are so worried about Nita you should go back to the cafeteria. Maybe you can help clean some milkshake off of her face and hair." I yell over my shoulder.

"Not so fast Tris," he says while grabbing me by the elbow and turning me around to look at him.

I frown at him again. What the hell could he possibly want now? Little did I know that Tobias was about to give me an earful.

"You are going to listen to me, Tris. It is my turn to talk now," Tobias says coldly to me. I flinch at his tone.

"For months, I have sat back and let you play the role of the victim. I am always the bad guy, everyone goes on and on about 'Poor Tris'." He pauses to compose himself, "I am tired of being the villain that is always hurting you."

"Here is the truth Tris." Tobias spits at me, his words razor sharp. "I am actually happy I don't remember you. Because from all I have gathered, you were nothing but a tremendous pain in the ass that made my life more difficult."

I recoil at his words, for a moment I feel as though the room is spinning. But is it not, instead I am standing straight and tall, and staring at him. Horrified as I listen to him say such hateful things.

I try to turn away from him, I have had enough. His hand grabs my shoulder and forces me to face him. His eyes are so dark, so angry. I tremble.

"You are going to hear me out. When you were presumed dead and after I lost my memories, Caleb decided to ease his conscience and retell me your message from the grave. I have been holding this in for a while now, but it is time you hear it. It is time you hear it from me."

I can sense that he is about to deliver an incredible verbal blow. So I straighten my shoulders and wait for it.

"You did this to 'us' Tris!" Tobias even uses his fingers to make quotation signs around the word us.

His voice now rising in anger, "We finally screwed and that still wasn't enough to get you to choose me the very next day."

The moment the word "screwed" leaves his mouth I feel a rage, something within me snaps. Tears spring into my eyes, but they don't fall. Heat races through my body, and I smack his face so hard my knuckles burn with the impact. He stares at me, one side of his face bright with blush red.

He grabs the wrist of the hand I used to slap him and pulls me close to him. For the first time I can ever remember, my stomach recoils at being so close to Tobias.

"I am not done. You are going to let me finish," he says, calmer now, no longer yelling. "I know and you know what happened that day. We all had a plan. And that damn plan didn't involve you putting your life in danger. The truth is, you didn't put me first. You didn't put us first. You picked your weak, traitorous brother over me."

I feel as though the room as spinning, my heart is aching. I had put this knowledge out of my mind for so long. But he is right. I didn't put Tobias first that day. My sweet Tobias, the love of my life. I didn't choose him. I risked us, and I have paid the price ever since.

He continues, "Tris! It was your choice to risk your life. You went against our plan, what we had agreed to, we would have succeeded, and all that was left was for us to be done with all the war, the death, the running – we were supposed to be together and happy."

I am crying now. I don't even know when the tears started, but I can't stop.

"Listen to me now, I am done feeling bad. I am done apologizing for what 'The Great Four' choose to do by using the memory serum." He finishes, this time releasing my wrist.

I can barely get the words out I am crying so hard, "You may be right. I made a mistake. But believe me when I say to you, I didn't think I would die, I didn't want to leave you! I loved you."

For a brief moment I see an emotion that looks like grief cross his face, but just as quickly it is gone again.

I then feel my anger bubble up from deep inside me. "I am glad we had the conversation Tobias. This is the day, this is the exact moment, which I am truly accepting that the man I loved is dead and gone. You are such an asshole, you are not worth my time!"

He frowns at me, saying nothing.

"I never thought this day would come, but I actually hate you. I despise you. You stay the hell away from me, and you can tell Nita to stay away from me as well. She can have you, what is left of you that is. By the way, that little witch is the one that came up to me and picked a fight today. You will notice where I was standing and where her wheelchair was - - I was in line until she got in behind me and trapped me."

Tobias sighs, he is calm when he says, "Tris, you need to let me go. You need to move on with your life."

He then walks away without giving me a second glance.

I am absolutely devastated as he leaves me standing alone in the bureau hallway. In that moment I realize what I need to do, I need to get away from him, and forget about him. For good.

o+oo+o Chapter End o+oo+o


	44. Chapter 44: Giving Up

Chapter 44: Giving Up

*Tris POV*

I am literally shaking as I stumble through the hallways of the Bureau as I rush to my apartment. It dawns on me that I did not even get to buy my dinner and I have no food at home since I've not gone shopping since my Chicago trip. Oh well, going to bed hungry as well as heartbroken should be a great combination.

I keep replaying Tobias's words in my mind as tears blur my vision.

"The truth is, you didn't put me first. You didn't put us first. You picked your weak, traitorous brother over me."

+o+

"Tris, you need to let me go. You need to move on with your life."

+o+

"We finally screwed and that still wasn't enough to get you to choose me the very next day."

Never in my life could I ever imagine that he would speak to me in such a hateful way. Even during our worst moments, and there were plenty, he never degraded me, never made me feel...cheap. Hearing him refer to our night together as 'screwing'...literally broke my heart. I will never forgive him. Ever.

I despise him, I hate him...and that alone makes me feel dizzy with anguish.

The saying comes to mind: The opposite of Love is not Hate. It is Indifference.

My God, I didn't know I could hurt as badly as he hurt me today. I flex my sore hand that I used to strike him, and then another emotion rolls over me. Guilt. I hate that I hit him, that I struck him as hard as I could.

"Tris!?" I hear Zeke's voice yell. I whip around and look for him.

Across the courtyard I see him and Gabriela walking together, each holding a disposable coffee cup. They are both staring at me with concerned looks on their faces.

I nod my head acknowledging them, and then I turn to keep walking towards my apartment. I just can't deal with anyone right now.

"Tris! What the hell is going on Tris? Wait up!" I hear Zeke yelling for me as I just keep walking.

Then is occurs to me, I have quite a few things to say to Zeke. No time like the present.

I whip around just as he and Gabriela have caught up to me, they both stop and stare at me. Their mouths hanging open. I can only imagine what I must look like right now. A crazed person no doubt.

Gabriela softly asks me what is wrong, if something has happened.

I burst into tears. Sobs wracking my body as I cover my face with my hands. I suddenly feel both of them pull me into a hug at the same time. They say nothing as they lead me home to my apartment.

Once we are settled, I give Zeke and Gabriela an overview of what happened with Nita in the cafeteria. Zeke looks furious, I know that his loathing for her is something that I will never be able to meet. She is the reason his little brother is gone. A beautiful soul lost too soon. I regret now the decision we made pulling her into our group when we released the memory serum.

We should have left that hateful witch in her prison to have her memory wiped clean.

After Zeke is done laughing about the strawberry milkshake to the face Nita got, I move on to the Tobias part of the story.

I close my eyes to calm myself before I continue.

"Zeke, I want to be very clear with you. I need to make sure that you understand the decision I have come to. You can choose for yourself if you are going to respect and honor my judgement. If you can't – that will force my hand, to examine what role you will have in my life." I take a deep breath to calm myself.

"After today – I am done with Tobias." I say with resolution.

Zeke's eyebrows crease, but he remains silent and nods for me to continue.

"The things he said to me tonight, in defense of Nita, were so vile and so hurtful that I will not repeat them. But I have finally accepted, my Tobias Eaton is gone. I don't want to hear any more bullshit about how he is still in there. Or how the new man is still loyal and good. Not one more word. Do you understand Zeke?" I examine him as I wait for his response.

"I understand Tris." Zeke says quietly. I see that he and Gabriela exchange a look.

"Second – I never want to see him again. I don't want to hear about him. So if I ever show up to dinner, and he is there, I will turn around and leave. I do not know how else to explain this. I will also be talking to Cara and the rest of our mutual friends."

I start crying again. I have to get this off my chest, I turn to Gabriela when I speak. "The worst part, what makes this so cruel. Is the way he has played with me, like it was some kind of a sick game? The way he would run hot and cold. The way he would make me feel like I mattered to him, like he saw me as someone special, I don't even understand why he would risk his life to save me in Chicago..." Memories of our time together flood my mind, I am again so overcome with sadness.

Memory: "You die. I die too."

"I don't understand. Maybe he is a really sick person. I don't think it is normal the way he is acting. And maybe I am not strong enough - - but I can't help him. It is killing me. I am on the verge of breaking down." I stop and bury my face in my hands and cry, my shoulders shaking.

"I can't. Not anymore. I just can't," I sob. Suddenly Zeke has lifted me up and is carrying me to my bedroom. Gabriela leading the way, she turns down the covers to my bed. They tuck me in.

Gabriela sits with me as I cry, occasionally rubbing my back, and soon my sobs subside. Zeke later returns with some soup he purchased from the cafeteria.

Zeke later returns with some soup he purchased from the cafeteria

We share a meal at the table and I feel better after eating.

After dinner is over it takes about twenty minutes of reassuring them that I am in fact ok, but they finally agree to leave.

Since it is so late at that point, after Gabriela calls her husband so he knows she is on her way, Zeke insists on walking her home as well.

After I shut the door behind them, it occurs to me – it seems like Zeke and Nurse Gabriela are pretty good friends.

Who knew?

o+oooo+o

My night of sleep is a combination of nightmares and erotic dreams, all featuring Tobias. It was a terrible night and I wake up feeling exhausted.

Exhausted but determined.

After my shower I look in the mirror. My scars are the physical reminder of what happened to me. I flinch when I look them, I hate my scars, I don't think I will ever be comfortable showing them to anyone. Not that it matters.

I close my eyes and breathe, remembering when Tobias was checking the injury on my back while I was laying on his old apartment bed. I was so worried he would see my gunshot scars. He was so attentive and concerned.

I sigh and continue getting ready. I think about the decision I made last night. I have been thinking about my life, I am not happy with how things are now, being at the bureau and knowing that I may run into Tobias at any turn. I imagine how I will feel years from now when he will ultimately move on. How would I feel seeing him build a life with someone else?

I know I can't stay and be near him. Likely seeing Tobias throughout our lives, I picture seeing him live his life with another woman, Nita or someone else completely. It would crush me. Marriage, children, a job...the thought makes my heart ache.

I also know that if I choose a life outside of Chicago or the bureau, then I will also be walking away from not only the pain of seeing him – but also the rest of my friends and Caleb. I doubt any of them would ever leave Chicago and the bureau.

I hate the position I find myself in, and logically I know I am choosing this change...but it still makes me angry.

It's another reason to resent him.

On my way to the lab I stop by Laura Grey's office; she is available to see me.

I accept her offer and I agree to move as soon as it can be arranged. Since my safety is still at risk, we will be keeping this move under wraps. Only those that need to know will be notified of my change in position and locations.

I will be set up in Providence with an apartment and for the time being I will be continuing my current project for uncured diseases from the smaller lab they have on site.

If only I had been able to care for Luke in that way. I sigh. I have to believe that Tobias or no Tobias, Luke and I were not meant to be. Not as lovers, at least. I hope our friendship can continue over the distance that will soon be between us. I know because of his position he will be advised shortly of my move. I need to speak with him soon.

I remember something Luke said to me when describing the pain over the loss of his sister.

"That is what you do – you have to pick yourself up and move forward."

That is exactly what I plan to do.

o+oooo+o

*Tobias POV*

It has been a long week. I just don't feel well, or like myself. As we still do not have a grip on the issue with the Rebels my department has been asked to work a lot of overtime.

I have not been able to make it to my regular rehabilitation sessions. Nita has been pestering me nonstop. I ran into her teammate Ben in the cafeteria when on I was on my lunch break earlier. I only had time to buy a sandwich and then run back to my desk to keep testing codes.

I was expecting Ben to be on my case about missing my rehabilitation session, Nita makes it sound like me missing a session or two will result in a huge setback.

When I start to apologize to Ben, he looks at me as though he is completely confused. Upon discussing further he made it sound like it was not a big deal if I missed a couple of sessions.

Why would Nita act like it was so bad for the research? Something is not adding up. I make the decision to avoid Nita for a couple of days.

Speaking of Nita...my mind goes to Tris. I feel a knot in the pit of my stomach.

I cringe when I think about how I spoke to her a couple of days ago. I don't know what came over me, I just know in that moment I was so angry with her and I wanted to hurt her. I wanted to push her away. I wanted to destroy her.

It worked.

I have seen no sign of her since our terrible fight.

The next day Zeke pulled me aside to tell me what an asshole he thinks I am.

That conversation ingrained in my mind.

"I guess I should congratulate you Tobias. You have finally pushed her so hard that she is done. She wants nothing to do with you. It's what you wanted all along. Well done, asshole." Zeke said bitterly. He walked away without even saying goodbye.

I was speechless... and I knew Zeke was right.

That awful fight was just that. The last.

Why do I feel so sad? Like I have lost something amazing that I will never be able to fix.

o+oooo+o

o+oooo+oo+oooo+o

o+oooo+o

o+o Tris - Dream 1 o+o

He is holding my hands gently above my head. With every movement our upper bodies slide against each other. His face buried in my neck and I am moaning his name. Encouraging him to keep going. He suddenly grabs my face so I am forced to look directly into his blue eyes. "I love you Beatrice," Tobias tells me. And I reach my release in that moment while crying out his name, his eyes burning into me.

o++o Tris - Dream 2 (Memory actually) o++o

I falter for a moment, it was not fear of us giving one another to each other fully; as I look over his perfect body my insecurities rage up, I shrink back. Pulling me towards him at the waist, he bends down kissing between his fingers and whispers "beautiful" against my stomach. I know he means it. I am his. And he is mine. I tell Tobias I love him. He jokes with a quirky "I know," as we move to the couch. I laugh, it is so us. I am ready. My hands caress his sides. I feel pleasure coursing through my body. I never dreamed that I could experience a moment so incredible, one I didn't know existed. It is because of him. Only him. I need him.

o+o++++o+o

*Tris POV*

I suddenly awake, alone in my bed. The dreams about Tobias and I are becoming more and more frequent. There are times I wake up feeling my physical needs fulfilled and other times I cry myself back to sleep in frustration. The one dream that is the memory of our actual night together is always the most painful for me, remembering what I once had.

I turn my head and look at the clock next to my bed. It is four-thirty am in the morning. I just know I will not be able to get back to sleep.

I then remember that I am leaving for Providence this afternoon. With the Rebel attacks they have drastically cut down travel between cities. I have a pass for my transport to Providence that needed to be approved and signed by Laura Grey.

My conversation with Luke went as well as could be expected. I didn't go into any ugly details about my argument with Tobias but I did tell him it was a decision that needed to be made and was long overdue. He nodded sadly but said he understood.

He made me promise to keep him posted, not only because of his position in security but as a concerned friend. He also made sure I had his family's contact information memorized and said that his parents were looking forward to meeting me as soon as I arrived to Providence. Although not the same as having my brother and friends, it helped put me at ease to start with at least some contacts.

Call it cowardly, but I have not discussed my leaving with Caleb or my friends. Caleb, Cara, Christina, and Zeke all have their own lives here. I didn't want to risk being talked out of my move.

I sigh and roll out of bed. I decide to go on a morning run. I take a quick shower to help me wake up. I throw on a tank top, running pants and grab a sweatshirt to carry as I walk through the halls.

I turn the corner to the atrium and I run smack into Tobias, actually causing him to spill the coffee he had in his hand all over the front of his shirt. I'm guessing he is heading home after his usual night shift.

We make eye contact both of us seem to be in shock. My eyes widen when I see the coffee that is all over his shirt. Before the apology escapes my lips I remember all the hateful things Tobias said to me the other day. I wonder how Nita rewarded him for defending her so gallantly.

I scowl and attempt to walk around him. I have nothing left to say to him. I meant what I said – I hate him and I want nothing to do with him.

I meant what I said – I hate him and I want nothing to do with him

I suddenly feel his hand on my arm, right below my elbow. Tobias harshly pulls me around to face him.

"Are you kidding me, you just knocked coffee all over me and I can't even verbalize a simple sorry!" Tobias scowls at me.

I glare at him and snap, "Who said I was sorry?"

I see how he puckers his lips, I can tell he is debating what insult to hurl at me next.

"Get your damn hands off me. Now!" I screech at him. I almost don't even recognize my voice.

I suddenly realize that a few people in the atrium have stopped what they doing and are openly staring at us as we make a scene.

Tobias is looking around as well, his back straightening. I know he is hating the attention.

"Damn it, I am not going to have this conversation with you on display for the morning commuters. Come with me." Tobias hisses and he grabs me by the hand and begins pulling me away from the curious stares.

Once we are in the hallway outside his door I realize where I am. What the hell am I doing here? Accommodating him so he can yell and insult me in the privacy of his own home?

To hell with that.

o+oooo+o

*Tobias POV*

"We have nothing to talk about Tobias!" Tris says as I unlock my door and pull her into my apartment. We are not going to have this conversation in the middle of a hallway.

I toss my empty coffee cup in the trash and pull off my sopping wet coffee stained shirt. Tris then laughs at me meanly. I can see that she thinks this is hysterical.

I glare at her.

"I'm leaving." She announces. "We have nothing to talk about. I hate you. I have completely given up on you as a person, so congratulations. You got what you wanted."

"Damn it Tris! You are infuriating." I yell.

"Are you deranged?" she snaps at me. I frown.

Tris points her finger and jabs me on my bare chest, "I am infuriating?! You are the definition of a split-personality, Mr. Hot and Mr. Cold."

My stomach does a flip at her words, I know she is right – I just can't explain why I do this. I do not do this to her on purpose. At least I don't think I do?

"Look Tobias, I am done. I want to forget that you, post memory serum Tobias, ever existed. I have completely given on up you." Tris pauses and steadies herself.

She steps closer to me, she is no longer yelling or hurling insults. "As far as I am concerned, the man I loved died when he was weak and pathetic and threw away who he was."

As soon as the words leave her mouth I feel as though I had been kicked in the stomach. I see the resolve in her face. She actually hates me, she is done. Done with me.

My Tris.

She has turned her back to me and she moves to walk out my front door.

As if on instinct I grab her by the arm and pull her back to face me. The moment I am holding her in front of me, I feel a burst of energy shoot up and down my body.

I see it in her eyes. Her lips part slightly and her breathing quickens. She then bites her lower lip as her eyes roam up and down my body, lingering on my bare chest and then stomach. My stomach tightens in response to her actions.

I know in that moment. Tris wants me, just as much as I want her.

I need her.

o+oooo+o Chapter End o+oooo+o


	45. Chapter 45: A One Time Thing

+o+++o+ +o+++o+ +o+++o+

Chapter Disclaimer: This chapter contains implied adult-intimate-situations and references to sex. If you are uncomfortable with this, please do not continue to read.

+o+++o+ +o+++o+ +o+++o+

Chapter 45: A One Time Thing

*Tris POV*

I am so sick of this jerk and his mood swings. The fact that he thinks he has the right to keep me here and touch me in any way right now is infuriating- almost as maddening as the way my own body is betraying me once again, by wanting him so badly.

I put my hands on his amazing chest and shove him as hard as I can, which ends up only pushing me back into the door of his apartment, "Get your hands off me. I am leaving!" I snarl at him.

"I can't stand you, and the worst part of this entire situation is the damn sex dreams won't stop! You are driving me crazy, I hate that I dream about you, in that way." I pause to catch my breath. "I detest you and logically I know it is not really your fault - - so maybe I am starting to hate myself too."

I pause to compose myself.

"I hate that I still want you." I softly admit, I think I am admitting it more to myself than even to Tobias.

Our eyes are locked, the room is silent. Tobias takes a step closer to me and slowly places both of his hands on the door I am leaning against, resting on either side of me. He slowly leans in closer to me. My body trembles in anticipation.

"I know what I want right now Tris, but I need you to say it before we go any further." He whispers in my ear and then slowly and gently open mouth kisses my jaw.

I whimper as my body reacts strongly to him. Our eyes meet again and I see the hungry look in his eyes. He is so close but not actually touching me.

I gently touch his chest and slowly let my fingers slide up his neck into the low curls on the back of his head. His breathing hitches and his Adam's apple bobs as he gulps.

I close my eyes for a moment, I need to decide quickly, the right decision. Can I do this? One last time before I leave?

"Tris," he moans in my other ear, this time gently pulling my earlobe into his mouth and gently nibbling it with his teeth.

Decision made.

I slowly slide both of my hands around his back and pull him close to me. His hands immediately go to my hips and close the distance between us. I gasp at the contact.

"Say it, Tris. Now," he commands while holding me close to him.

"Fine. I want you. We will do this one last time. It means nothing. And then we are DONE," I say firmly. He furrows his brows, and looks like he is about to speak.

I place my fingers over his lips. "This will only be our one time. I don't ever want to discuss it again. And I want you to promise me that you will never tell anyone about this!"

He frowns at me, he opens and closes his mouth a couple of times as he seems to be struggling on how to respond. I find myself getting annoyed with him.

He finally speaks, "Tris, I don't know – I don't want to hurt you. I don't think a casual romp is the right way for us...I mean I worry about you-"

My laughter interrupts him. "It's a little late for you to pretend that you give a crap about how I feel, or what is best for me. Let's not fool ourselves into thinking that you care about me in the least. Save it Tobias."

I see a pained look on his face as he starts to pull back from me. He opens his mouth to say something and I take it as my invitation.

I crash my lips to his and gently trace his lower lip with my tongue; his body immediately responds to me. He firmly presses his body against mine, pinning me against the door as I whimper with need.

Our kiss becomes desperate as our tongues begin exploring each other's mouths. My one hand is still buried in his hair, gently massaging his scalp, my other on his strong shoulder helping to hold me steady.

Both of his hands are gently on my neck while cradling my face. The feeling of him gently guiding my face as he deeply kisses me is starting to make me weak in the knees. Our bodies pressed closely together. The warm sensation of butterflies in my stomach is building.

I break the kiss and turn my head to catch a breath. His lips immediately move to kiss and gently suck on my neck.

The hand that was freed when his mouth took over moves down my side, past my hip and slowly goes behind my knee. He slowly guides my leg around him and pushes against me and the door with his body.

"Oh Tobias!" I cry out. Which causes him to gently bite the side of my neck. I whimper.

I push him away, and look at him. "Promise me," I demand.

He frowns and rests his forehead against mine. "I don't want to promise that this is a one-time thing or that it means nothing," he says quietly. His eyes seem to be pleading with me.

I frown and pause for a moment.

"I understand. I do," I say as I breathe in and out to calm myself, my thoughts racing. I detangle my leg from around him.

I am leaving for Providence in just a few hours; it is probably for the best. I think about my scars on my chest and stomach. At least this way I will not need to worry about hiding them from him.

I don't even look at him as I duck out of his grasp and I move around him. I lean over to grab my sweatshirt off the floor. Hoping he will move aside from the door so I can just leave and put this experience behind me.

I will never again allow myself to be hurt so badly by a man again, never allow someone to consume me the way Tobias Eaton did. Especially not intimately.

"Can you move? I want to leave," I say calmly. When I meet his eyes I am not expecting to see the look of hurt and shock staring back at me. I momentarily feel a pang of guilt, and then I remember all the times he has hurt me. Too many to count, actually.

He doesn't want to "screw"? His words. Fine.

"So this is going to go your way...or nothing at all?" he deadpans.

"Basically." I shrug my shoulders. "I can see the mood has passed, so please move."

He bites his lip. I can see the internal battle splashed across his face.

I cross my arms and tap my foot impatiently, I am getting more uncomfortable by the moment. I have some more packing to do before I go, and I start thinking over my to-do list to distract myself.

"Damn it Tris! Fine, this will go however you want." He grabs my sweatshirt and tosses it on the floor and then crashes his lips to mine. My arms go around his neck as I steady myself against his sudden embrace.

He pauses his assault on my lips for a moment. "I promise. One time and I will never tell anyone about this. OK?"

"Thank you," I mumble in between kisses. Suddenly, he picks me up, while I'm kissing his neck.

"I want you in my bed," he declares as he carries me to his room.

o+ooo+o

*Tobias POV*

Her kisses are intoxicating. I feel like I am about to burst from want and need. As I carry her into my bedroom I kick the door shut behind me. I can feel her smile against my lips, she liked that.

My lips are already deliciously sore from our kisses. I gently bite her lower lip and she moans appreciatively.

I stand Tris up at the front of the bed, I grab her face and thoroughly kiss her for a moment. I could kiss this girl for the rest of my life. No one has ever made me feel this way.

I gently slide my right hand down her neck and over the front of her tank top. She whimpers.

I move both my hands to the bottom of her tank top to pull it off. I feel her cringe, her hands immediately stop me.

"No. I want to leave my shirt on," she insists and moves my hands to her butt as she resumes kissing me passionately.

I pause our kiss to look in her eyes. I see her resolve. I nod in agreement.

She smiles and then gently kisses me before lightly biting my lower lip.

I moan at her assertiveness.

We are both panting from want and need.

I have a moment of doubt- is this really all she wants? One time together? I want to give her so much more. I want her in every way.

"Tris...wait...are you sure about this?" I say while leaning my forehead against hers.

"Yes," Tris says. "Don't ask me again. In fact – please do not talk to me at all. Let's both just feel this moment. I want it to be good for us both. I already know we work very well together...physically."

I flinch at her words. I feel a pang in my chest. It hurts me to think that this is only physical for her when I am feeling so much more.

She then says, "I promise – if I need to stop, I will tell you then."

She gently wraps her arms around my neck and I move my arms around her waist. We both stop and smile shyly at each other. It lasts for just a moment, but I know I see it in her face. She does love me. I know she does.

I gently peck her lips and she raises her eyebrows at me expectantly.

"What?" I say teasingly. I run the tip of my nose from her chin towards her ear, gently across her jaw. She giggles and pulls me closer to her

"Oh, nothing," she says as her hands slowly trace down my chest, even more slowly down my stomach, and her fingertip trace the top of my jeans.

I suddenly feel a knot in my stomach. It occurs to me that I have never done this before, well not really, as I don't remember my night with Tris, while she does remember. I also remember she dated Luke Clark, I would imagine that they.... Ugh. I suddenly am full of doubt. I try to push my feelings of inadequacy away.

She pulls back and is examining my face. I look away from her and try to distract myself, I start kissing her neck.

"Wait. I know I said no talking, but when you look at me like I killed your dog, I need to know what you're thinking. What's wrong?" she asks as she pulls away and is looking at me again.

"It's nothing, forget it," I mutter.

She sighs and pulls away from me, I instantly feel a loss. I pull her back to me so that we are at least hugging. I kiss her forehead.

"Please," Tris says as she puts her hand to my cheek.

Damn it. Here goes...

"It's pretty stupid. I was just thinking about how...well this will, in a way, be my first time. But you...well you..." I mutter.

A look of recognition crosses her face, and she smiles at me kindly.

"I can only imagine that Luke was experienced enough to make sure you..." I continue.

"Tobias! What?!" she looks mad.

Uh oh. She sure can switch gears quickly. She went from understanding to furious in seconds. I decide to shut my mouth and not make things worse.

"For your information, I have never had sex with Luke Clark! In fact, Luke and I have never even kissed on the lips. Not even one time. I can't say the same for you and Nita – as she slobbered all over your face on stage at the Gala," she spits at me.

As mad as she is, I can't help but smile at her. Wow, she has never even kissed Luke Clark. I am thrilled to hear this.

"Why the hell are you smiling?" she snaps.

I pull her into my arms and kiss her passionately. After her initial gasp she throws her arms around me and kisses me back.

"I am smiling because I am thrilled to hear you were never with Luke, and now I'm going to do as best as my inexperienced self can. I am very open to suggestions and tips from someone with more experience along the way," I tease her.

She laughs and kisses me as I gently lay her down on the bed and lay closely next to her.

"Tell me what you want Tris," I whisper in her ear.

"Oh Tobias. Oh...I want you." She whispers.

"Before we knew you were alive, Zeke told me what I had told him about our night together." I tell her quietly while she is close to me. She smiles, she seems revealed that at least I know about our past experiences together.

I give Tris the attention she deserves, and although not actually having sex yet. I know she appreciates the love that I show her. Her immense pleasure leaves her radiating warmth.

I finally get up on the bed and pull her up to lay next to me, feeling very proud of myself. She is so sexy and really hot.

Suddenly she is kissing my neck and her hand is sliding down my chest.

"I want to make you feel amazing too, is that ok?" she whispers.

I smile at her and nod.

She gently pushes me on my back as she kisses my neck, and then slowly down my chest. She shows me how much she loves me, words are not needed.

I realize I just want to hold her in my arms. I want to hold her and never let her go. My stomach is doing flip flops. This has to be more than lust.

I love her so much. I think I always have.

After she is done she kisses me gently on the cheek and lays down next to me. I immediately pull her close to lay in front of me as I kiss right behind her ear. Tris hums appreciatively.

"Tris...that was amazing. Thank you." I want to tell her that I love her. That I know now. And it is not because of the incredible pleasure she just gave me, I love her and I always have. I always will.

I lay on my side and gently begin caressing her over her tank top, I look at her face for permission that this is ok. She nods to encourage me. She just reminds me she wants to keep the tank top on.

Suddenly it dawns on me, it is not just that she is shy...she doesn't want me to see her gunshot wounds.

She leans up and kisses me on the lips, running her hands gently up and down my back.

I can't believe I didn't realize this until now. She must feel insecure, and what hurts even more is that she must not have enough trust in me to be comfortable with me seeing her scars. She doesn't trust me enough to see her completely.

I stop what we are doing, I hold her face in my hands so I can look deep into her eyes. She stops and stares back at me with love.

I kiss her lips gently and she smiles.

I am going to show her how much she means to me. I gently lean down and move the bottom of her tank top up slowly, her eyes are watching me. She smiles softly, as I place my hands on the sides of her stomach, finding one of the gunshot scars and I kiss it gently. She bites her lip and gently caresses my cheek. I then whisper the word "Beautiful." And I mean it.

The moment the word leaves my lips, Tris physically recoils and shoves me away from her. Tears instantly form in her eyes. I have no idea what I did wrong or how to fix it.

"You just can't help yourself. You have to ruin everything!" she cries as she jumps up from the bed.

My mouth is hanging open in shock, "Tris, please...I'm sorry. I just, I wanted to show you that I love you, and I don't care about your scars," I blurt out.

She actually scowls at me as she pauses from slipping her panties back on. "I can't believe you just ruined this for us. Actually, yes I can. So typical."

She is slipping on her sweats. I frown and begin pulling my jeans back on.

"Tris, I am sorry if I upset you or I pushed you too far. But please stay, let's talk about this. I know I am falling in love with you. Please, please don't push me away." I try to pull her close to me. But she shoves me away.

"This was a huge mistake. I am sorry we did this. Just forget about today. I plan to." She shouts at me. I hear the emotion in her voice. She is so upset, she is actually shaking. My heart aches for her.

"Please don't push me away," I whisper as I follow her through my apartment to the front door.

She looks at me one last time, tears streaming down her face. "It's too late. Goodbye, Tobias."

o+++o+ Chapter End o+ooo+o


	46. Chapter 46: Admissions & Goodbyes

Chapter 46: Admissions & Goodbyes

*Tobias POV*

The moment Tris slams my front door shut I feel my stomach drop. She left. I can't believe she actually left. I told her I am falling in love with her...and she left. Maybe she didn't hear me. It is possible she was so upset that she was too distracted to hear me?

I doubt it.

I think she was furious with me. I sit down on the floor of my apartment and lean back against my front door. I am not angry with her, I saw the hurt in her eyes. I am heartbroken.

She was in pain. In that moment, more than anything I wanted to hold her, to love her, to make her feel safe. But she looked at me like...like I was not enough. Even worse, as though I was the worst person on the planet.

We were fine, God...we were better than fine. We were amazing. The connection between us was so strong.

I shouldn't have pushed her about the tank top and her scars. I just wanted to show her how much she meant to me. I wanted her to know that I think she is perfect, exactly the way she is. All I said was the word 'beautiful'. I cringe, remembering I also pushed up her shirt and kissed her wound, after she specifically told me not to. I didn't respect her boundaries. This is my fault.

I did that without her consent. She told me she wanted to keep her shirt on and I pushed her too far. Damn it! I did this. This is my fault. I screwed this up. I hurt the one person who means more to me than anything. I am ashamed. Tears blur my eyes; I quickly blink them away.

I go over the moment in my mind. I moved slowly and I did look at her to wait for her reaction, I had interpreted the look on her face and in her eyes as an OK. I obviously got that wrong. Tris Prior is the last person on this earth I ever want to hurt, and now I have done just that.

I don't know what is wrong with me. What I do know – memories or no memories, I only truly feel alive and whole when I am with Tris.. She wakes me up. She pushes me. She makes me smile more than anyone else ever has, or ever could. She is who I need to be with. No matter what, I am not going to give up on her- on us.

I don't give a damn about Luke, or Nita, or research or whatever the hell else is out there. I love her and I am going to fight for her.

I hurry to take my shower. Having worked the night shift is starting to take its toll on me. Being on zero sleep, I need to wake up and get moving. I plug in my electric razor into the outlet near the mirror. Making sure to not miss a spot while I examine my face in the mirror, the doubt creeps in. I look at myself in the mirror as I slowly lean forward to examine my eyes.

Tris doesn't love me. I drop my razor in the sink. She said it herself the last time we fought. Or, I should say, the last time I treated her like shit, and she finally pushed back.

"As far as I am concerned, the man I loved died when he was weak and pathetic and threw away who he was."

I cringe remembering her words. She was so cold, so done.

No.

I won't accept that. Even if I am not Four/Tobias Eaton, I can still be a man worth loving.

I need to find her.

+o+ooo+o+

I run to Tris's apartment first, hoping to catch her there. I knock on the door for a few minutes. I realize it is very likely that she may be inside but refusing to talk to me.

I loudly try to project my voice into her apartment, "Tris! Please open the door. I need to talk to you, please. I love you. I know I have made so many mistakes - -"

Suddenly the door across the hall flings open. There is an entire family poking their head out and looking at me curiously. Actually the mom and kids look amused. The dad is scowling at me.

"Um hi." I say. The kids start giggling as I am the funniest thing they have ever seen. The mom smiles, she probably thought my declaration of love was sweet. The dad is still scowling.

"Do you need to be so loud? What are you doing?" the man finally says.

"Yeah. Sorry about that. I am desperate here. My girlfriend...wait, no. I don't know why I just said that. She is not my girlfriend. Well not yet. I hope she will be my girlfriend." I babble.

"Are you talking about Tris Prior?" the woman says, her eyes open wide.

"Yes, she lives right here." I point to the door across from them.

"One moment. Don't go anywhere," the husband says, closing the door on me. Before the door closes I hear the couple start arguing softly.

A few moments later the door opens again. The husband is frowning, the wife looks pleased with herself.

"We only know because we overheard the courier deliver her tickets yesterday, she had to sign for her package. We happened to be in the hallway. But clear as day – she mentioned the tickets she needed for her trip to Providence that is today," the wife spilled. I can see her husband rolling his eyes behind her. He mumbles something about sticking their noses in other people's business.

My mouth hangs open. I need to find her before she leaves on her trip. This needs to be resolved today. I thank them and run off. I need to get to the transport bay. I can only assume she is there. If she isn't then I can go look for her in the lab. Maybe she is getting her work files ready, I assume this is going to be a work trip.

+o+ooo+o+

I am running through the Atrium, which is very crowded. It is the early lunch commute. So many people in the halls, many sitting in different parts of the atrium enjoying their meals. There also seems to be some kind of career fair happening along the perimeter of the atrium, there are so many people.

For a moment an odd feeling comes over me, I feel like I have so many people crowded around me. I pause, and I realize that I am feeling claustrophobic. I hate this shit. I need to stop and control my breathing for a moment. I close my eyes.

In and out. In and out. In and out. I finally am able to release the air and the tension in my shoulders.

I open my eyes and see Nita standing in front of me, looking concerned. "Tobias! Are you ok?" she asks. Her eyes are wide. I imagine I must look ridiculous standing in the middle of the crowded Atrium while practicing my breathing exercises.

Then I notice she is standing in front of me. I look around; there is no wheelchair in sight. She notices my gaze and smiles at me.

"I haven't seen you in a couple of days- I have been wanting to tell you. I have been able to walk around without the chair! It is amazing Tobias. I am so happy!" she says cheerfully.

I smile at her and nod. Of course I am happy for her. Before I can open my mouth to congratulate her and then excuse myself, Nita speaks.

"Tobias, we need to get you into the lab. You are overdue for the data we need to gather for the trial. It is vital. We can get this over with quickly, let's go now," she prompts me.

For some reason the hair on the back of my neck stand up. I can't pinpoint it.

"Not now Nita, I need to go." I say as I start to back away from her.

Suddenly her hand is grabbing onto my wrist. She looks frantic for a moment. I pause to see what is wrong with her.

"I was hoping we could have this conversation somewhere more private, but I just can't wait any longer." Nita pauses. "I am in love with you, Tobias."

My brows furrow, as I am not sure what to say- or more accurately, I'm not sure of the best way to let her down. I know that even if Tris did not exist – I would still not have feelings for Nita. It is not going to happen, ever. "Look, Nita..." I start.

"Wait! Please, let me say this. For the longest time, I have loved you. But I felt I didn't deserve you because I was stuck in that damn chair. It was my hang up, not because of anything that you ever did or said. But now, I feel whole! This entire time I have been thinking about you Tobias- us, I have been thinking of us," she cries. "You have been my motivation for getting better- my motivation to be able to walk again."

My mouth hangs open. I genuinely feel so sad for her. I have to be honest with her and I need to do it now. I also need to get moving, I have got to find Tris before she leaves on her trip. I breathe in before starting.

"Nita... there is no easy way for me to say this. The truth is, I am just not in love with you, and I know I never will be. I don't see you in that way," I say softly. I am trying not to be cruel, but at this point with Nita and her antics, I know I need to be firm. I am not wavering on this subject. I know how I feel.

She frowns. "If you would just give us a chance....we could just try a date."

I shake my head. She is not getting it.

"Nita, I am in love with Tris Prior," I blurt out. A frown instantly on her face.

"What? Are you telling me you got your memories back!" she says loudly. A slight shrill to her voice.

"No, not at all. I am telling you that even without my memories...I love her. I have fallen in love with her. I can't explain it, but I just know that she is the one for me," I try to explain to her. It is not my intention to be cruel, but I feel like she needs to hear this.

While I am speaking, Nita is not meeting my eyes; instead, she is gazing off to the right of me. She is frowning and her eyes narrow. I instinctively start to turn my head to see what she is looking at when she suddenly gasps and lets out a strangled little cry, immediately pulling my attention back to her – I was not expecting a large scene in the middle of the Atrium. During a crowded career fair to boot. Fantastic.

Nita's eyes fill with tears, but she nods her head, as though she is accepting how I feel about her. I feel a pang in my chest. It is not my intention to be cruel to her. I pity her.

She asks me if she can have a hug. A goodbye-hug. I nod my head yes and she pulls me in with her arms. She is looking behind me and she suddenly whispers in my ear, "this is so sweet of you, Tobias."

Suddenly her lips are on mine and she is holding the back of my head with one hand while her other head goes straight to my butt and squeezes it. As my arms were already around her for the hug it takes me a moment to move my hands to her upper arms in order to push her away from me.

When I am finally able to detangle myself from her and am shocked to see that Nita is smiling at me triumphantly. A chill goes down my spine. Is she losing her damn mind?

She nods her head over my right shoulder, I turn to follow her gaze. Across the atrium I spot Tris, watching us intently. I immediately feel sick. She just saw us kissing, and probably Nita's hand on my butt.

She just saw us kissing, and probably Nita's hand on my butt

Tris looks horrified and angry at the same time. As our eyes meet, she just nods her head from side to side and frowns at me. I feel shame course through my body. Of course I know that I was not kissing Nita by choice, especially after the morning Tris and I just shared, but I doubt she realizes that. Things are suddenly so complicated. Tris readjusts her backpack and begins quickly walking away without a second glance toward me. I know she is headed to the transport bay. I need to get to her first.

Nita's laughter catches my attention, how have never seen what an awful person she is? Conversations with both Zeke and Tris flash through my mind. They have been warning me all along, and I didn't listen to them. I didn't listen to the people who love me the most.

As I turn to look at Nita, who is still laughing, a memory flashes through my mind.

+o+++o+ Flashback +o+++o+

I am laying down on a couch, the room around me is dark. I feel someone laying on top of me and slowly kissing my neck and soft hands are rubbing my chest. For moment I think it is Tris and my heart fills with love and great relief. And then I remember that she is dead and a chill goes through me. I instantly jump off while pushing the mystery woman off of me. I am now staring into Nita's face.

"Let me help you, Four. You can forget the pain. We can replace it with this," Nita seductively coos as her hand touches my knee and starts moving upward. I am disgusted and enraged that she is here, in this room that belongs to me and to Tris.

"Go to hell Nita, I will never want you," I snap.

Nita laughs at me, and starts pulling something out from behind her back, "Fine, then. We will do this the hard way."

+o+++o+ Flashback end +o+++o+

I gasp and push Nita away from me. She sees the recognition in my face and her smile falters.

"You stay the hell away from me!" I snap at her. She frowns but says nothing. I turn and run in the direction I saw Tris heading. I have got to get her to understand this mess. She and I belong together.

+o+ooo+o+

I chase Tris, and I make a huge scene as I do it. I am yelling for people to get out of my way. I am screaming that it is an emergency. Unless a small child or someone very elderly, I resort to just shoving people who don't move quickly enough. I need to get to Tris.

The look on her face when she saw me kissing Nita sends chills down my spine. I can only imagine after having me in her arms just hours ago, in my bed, what it would feel like to see me kissing another woman. Had the roles been reversed and I walked in on her kissing Luke Clark, I think I would have flown into a jealous rage.

I think back to her admission that she has never kissed him on the lips. I am so stupid, of course she cares about him, he was badly injured as we finally escaped Dauntless. I just assumed she kissed him passionately. I also assumed that they were going to make up as lovers. But maybe I had it all wrong? Maybe it was more of a friendly kiss. Right after, she did hug me and plead with me to return with them to the Bureau. I am glad I stayed as the team needed my help, especially as their numbers were low, but I should have given her more credit. I just assumed that she would want Luke over me.

I clear my head, I need to worry about the present. I need to find her.

I finally reach the security checkpoint. All around me, families and friends are saying goodbyes. You can only pass through the gate if you have a ticket and matching identification. I see Tris is towards the front of the line.

"Tris, wait!" I scream her name. I see her back stiffen and then she turns to look in my direction. She is scowling at me. She nods her head as if to dismiss me and then turns forward. Does she think I am just going to go away?

The people in line around her are eyeing me curiously. I apologize to them as I push my way forward. I am desperate at this point, so much that I tell people that I love the woman at the front of the line, and if she gets on that transport, I may lose her forever. People just smile and move out of my way.

As she hears me approaching she finally turns around. She just looks tired now, and maybe a little sad.

"Tris, please. You can't leave for this trip before we talk. What I have to say can't wait!" I am practically begging at this point.

She bites her lip and sighs. "I need you to stop doing this to me. Please, Tobias."

There are still a small handful of people standing in between us, everyone is silent and staring back and forth between us.

"I love you, Tris. Please. Don't push me away," I whisper.

There is a couple standing between us, they are holding hands and the look like they could be old enough to be our parents. The woman speaks up first. "Everyone, why don't we let the young woman step out of line so they can talk. And if she is going to still make the trip, we will let her move back to the front of the line?" People in line nod their heads in agreement. The husband adds, "Let's give this young man some privacy to make his case." He smiles at me warmly.

The woman encourages Tris to hear me out, that way she will never have regrets. Tris thinks for a moment and nods her head in agreement. She grabs her bag and walks past me without saying a word. I follow her.

The moment we have a little bit of privacy I pull Tris into my arms and hold her. My heart immediately races at the contact. I love her so much- the way she feels in my arms, the sweet smell that only belongs to her. I gently rub her arms and then hold her tighter to me.

I then realize that she is stiff as a board and seems to just be tolerating the contact. I blink back tears. I pull her away from me and cradle her face. She is biting her lower lip and frowning at me.

"Tris..." I plead, my voice thick with emotion.

She takes in a deep breath. "I am only standing here with you because you put me in a tough position in front of all of those people. I need you to stop this crap, Tobias. I have had enough. I told you, I am done with this."

"I love you, Tris," I whisper.

I feel her stiffen even more and she frowns. My heart aches. Does she not believe me or does she actually not care?

Then she smiles at me. And she nods her head. She gently wraps her arms around my neck. She leans towards me and I lean down – our foreheads meet as her eyes are looking at my lips. My pulse quickens at the contact.

My pulse quickens at the contact

"Oh, Tobias. You loved me a few minutes ago when I saw you kissing Nita, while she had her hand on your ass? Just like you loved me this morning when you enjoyed my lips all over you?" she says quietly, her voice emotionless.

I feel as though the wind has been knocked out of me. She still has her arms around me, holding me close, but there is nothing warm about the way she is holding me. She is making a point. I can only assume her point is to show me how fake someone can be. I assume, which is what she thinks I am.

She clears her throat and gently pulls away from me. Tears fill my eyes.

"On my life, Nita surprise kissed me. She had just told me that she loved me. I turned her down flat, she only wanted a hug goodbye. She kissed me! I swear!" I desperately try to explain.

Tris is listening to me, but I just see a coldness in her face. She hears me, but she just shrugs. "I don't even care about Nita, not any more. Don't get me wrong, when I saw you earlier, I was disgusted that you would do that so soon after we... Anyway, the bottom line is, there is no us. You are free to do whatever you want. I don't care. Not anymore."

"I don't believe you. I know that you love me." I state. "I know you love me, and you know it too. You are angry and hurt and I don't blame you. I take responsibility for my mistakes, and the first one being your tank top. I am sorry I pushed you physically, after you specifically told me your boundary." I start to get emotional. The guilt is eating at me.

Tris's brows furrow. I can tell she is thinking. I continue, "I betrayed you, and I'm sorry. I thought I was showing you love, not physically hurting you, or even assaulting you, by pushing you into something you didn't want to do. I will never forgive myself for that. Ever."

"Stop. Just stop. Tobias..." she looks pained for a moment. "You didn't do that to me, I don't believe you are capable of that. You did push up my tank top, and yes, I had told you not to earlier. BUT, I clearly remember that you looked at me and waited for my ok, and I gave it to you non-verbally. So, no, you didn't abuse me in anyway. I am not upset because you pushed up my shirt and then kissed my scar. I know I could have stopped you at any moment. So, let that go. I don't want you to carry that guilt. It isn't fair. Ok? Do you understand?" she asks firmly.

I let out a huge sigh of relief, and nod my head. But then then I don't know what the hell happened this morning. We were going to make love and then she was suddenly so upset and angry.

"Tobias, when you said the word 'beautiful' and kissed me... it was exactly what my Tobias had done with me the night we made love. It just brought me back to the fact that I just don't love you. I don't even really like you," she says.

Her words hit me like a punch to the gut. My heart is breaking. Tears start to fall down my cheeks, and I quickly wipe them away. Tris clears her throat, she seems uncomfortable. At least she doesn't seem to be enjoying this.

"I owe you an apology. I used you. I used you this morning because I wanted to have sex, and then never see you again. I'm not going on a work trip, Tobias. I am leaving for good. We will probably never see each other again, at least that's my hope," Tris whispers the last part.

What? What is she talking about? She is leaving? "I don't understand."

She looks up at me, and I desperately search her eyes for answers

She looks up at me, and I desperately search her eyes for answers.

"I accepted a new life in Providence. I am going to start over. I'm not even sure what I will end up doing. They have amazing schools, my options are endless," she breathes. She looks happy for a moment. I feel my heart breaking.

I desperately try again. "I can come with you. I would do that for you, Tris. I can find another job. We can both start over together." I search her face desperately.

It takes her a moment before she frowns. "You are making this really hard. Please, just listen to me. The most important part of my new life – will be getting away from you."

My mouth falls open and small cry escapes my lips. She means it, I see the resolve in her face, she is calm. As she told me earlier, she is done.

I take a step back from her, she wraps her arms around her chest.

"So this morning, in my apartment...in my bed..." I can't even finish my sentence.

Tris reminds me that she was honest and clear with what we were doing together. And she's right, I just didn't believe her. I chose not to believe her.

She was using me. I stupidly assumed she loved me. I'm such a fool.

"I need a new start, I want that. Please, try to understand. I just...I just don't ever want to see you again. I do hope you have a good life, Tobias. I really do. I just don't want to see it, or think about it." She whispers the last part.

I am rendered speechless. I never knew that someone would have the power to make me feel so bad.

She reaches out and squeezes my hand one time, I look down at our last physical connection.

"Tobias, you need to let me go. You need to move on with your life." She lets go of my hand and then turns and walks away.

I watch her leave, thinking about her words. And then I remember – it is almost exactly what I said to her earlier this week when we fought outside of the cafeteria.

As I watch her pass security, the guard scanning her ticket. I feel a surge of energy. I can't let this end like this. I run up to the front of the line, I beg the guard to let me through. I need to tell her I am sorry, and I if we can both just put the past behind us, there is still hope.

"Tris!" I scream her name. She turns back to look at me while frowning.

The guards immediately stop me, calling for backup. They tell me that there is no way I am getting to Providence without special permission. With the issues of the Rebels, travel needs to be approved for vital reasons and it not just granted for recreational purposes. When I look back to see her, she is gone. She just kept walking, taking my broken heart with her.

+o+++o+

After an hour of just standing there just watching all the people walk by, coming and going. I silently turn and begin walking home. I have been awake for well over twenty-four hours now, and it is starting to wear on me.

My mind is bombarded with memories of exchanges with Tris during the last several months. In the beginning I felt a burden, I was getting pressure from all sides. Everyone wanting me to just be with her. And then there were moments that I got to spend a little bit of time with her, especially if we were alone - - and she made me smile. She made me happy. I felt like myself then, too.

There are also the times she was in distress. Whether she was anxious or hurting, or when she was in actual physical danger... And during those situations... I feel like I was lifting myself out of a fog of sorts. Looking back now, I see it so clearly, I have been in love with her all along. Even if I didn't or couldn't admit it to myself, I loved her in all those moments. I would have put her ahead of anyone. Myself included. I would have died for that girl.

So the next logical question... In my worst moments, my cruelest moments, why did I treat her so poorly? I try to think back to some of these instances where I was such a monster to her.

The earliest one was the day after that awkward dinner where I saw Luke Clark for the first time. I just remember seeing her in the control room at my work. And I just...I could not stand the sight of her. At that point, I was no longer jealous of Luke. I can admit I felt jealous at dinner when he asked her out on a date right in front of the entire table. But no – the day of the first rebel attack. I felt so detached, and so angry at her. But I can't pinpoint why I was angry.

Then I think about Chicago. Our time there was amazing. Looking back now, I knew deep down I was in love with her. It was much more than just a physical attraction. But under those circumstances, I was just trying to keep her alive and safe. When we parted, I did feel sad because I assumed she was reuniting with Luke.

It is after getting back to Chicago that I just can't reconcile. I can't pinpoint it. Again, I just hated her. I couldn't even stand to be in the same room as her. I cringe when I remember how she sweetly came by apartment asking me to go with her to see John's wife. God, I was the one that had offered to go with her. It was my idea. But when she knocked on my door, I was actually annoyed it was her and not the pizza guy. Again – for the life of me, I don't know why I felt as strongly as I did. And so negative.

Finally, I think about our last fight. I was in the same fog from the night before. When I saw her screaming at Nita and getting physical, I just reacted. I didn't hurt Tris physically... but I may as well have. I was a complete jerk to her. The things I said to her. That was the moment she stopped loving me, I know it. She said it herself, she even slapped me across the face.

I cringe remembering our fight. I hurt her, I wanted to hurt her. I wanted her to feel bad. I wanted her to feel my pain. But why? I don't have an answer to that question.

The Fear Landscape and Zeke. I had completely forgotten all about that. I need to talk to Zeke and see if that is at all related to these memory lapses or changes in me. I am just so tired right now. I need to clear my mind and sleep.

I am finally home, I go straight to my room and lay in my bed. Tears fill my eyes as I allow myself to replay the moments with Tris earlier today. What the hell is wrong with me? Am I losing my mind? Maybe I am a sick person. Maybe Tris was smart to get the hell away from me.

+o+++o+ Chapter End +o+++o+


	47. Chapter 47: The Truth At Last

Chapter 47: The Truth At Last

+o++o+ Part 1: The Setup +o++o+

*Tris POV*

Just keep walking.

Just keep walking.

Just keep walking.

I make the mistake of looking back when I hear Tobias scream my name. It takes every tiny bit of strength I have left to turn away and keep walking further away from him. I board the transport and breathe a sigh of relief. I did it. I wasn't sure I would be able to follow through with it.

But here I am. Alone. Starting a new life. Without the man I love.

Of course I love him. I will always love that man, while there is still air in my lungs, I will love him. I just can't trust him. This is not a distrust of his intentions, or whether he will be faithful, or responsible.

I can't trust this man with my sanity. It is not healthy for me, I can no longer handle the highs and lows. One moment he can make me feel like the world revolves around me. He has shown me that he literally would die for me. The next moment he can make me feel like I am insignificant and a burden. The disdain he has shown me has shaken me to my core. Every time he has disappointed me, I have felt a small piece of me die. I began to feel my own self-worth crumble.

I find my seat and sit down. Luckily I have a window seat. After fastening my belt I close my eyes, lean against the window and go back to my thoughts.

I have to put myself first, no one is going to do it for me.

I know I can't depend on Tobias. He could change his mind and hate me tomorrow. The thought makes my heart hurt. I close my eyes and begin to weep, praying that one day the agony I feel will dull.

I don't know which is more painful to replay in my mind - the pleasure we brought each other this morning or his declarations of love.

After a few minutes of weeping, I feel a gentle tap on my shoulder. In my haste to sit down, I didn't even realize the couple from the line is sitting next to me. The husband smiles at me kindly and offers me his handkerchief. It is such a sweet gesture. My eyes water with tears and I begin crying again. They smile at me kindly and just allow me to weep.

I fall asleep while crying, only to wake up at nearly the end of the trip. I look over and see the wife resting her head on her husband's shoulder. They look calm and comfortable, and I am happy for them. They are lucky.

I sigh and sit back in my seat. My neck hurts from having fallen asleep while leaning on the window of the transport.

I mentally prepare myself to start my new life. Thankfully, Luke got me in contact with his parents before I left. He needed to reassure them a few times that I am really just a dear friend, and there is nothing romantic between us- that I am not going to arrive and surprise them wearing his engagement ring. Luke admitted that I am the only girl 'friend' he has ever brought home.

Tomorrow I will be enjoying dinner with Luke's parents and Kim's parents. Her mom recently returned to Providence; I had only met her at the bureau because she was there to help Kim after John's death. Luke mentioned that both couples have been long time friends. It will be nice to enjoy a meal with people, as I literally don't know another soul here and I have a week before I need to start working in the lab.

To new beginnings.

+o+++o+

*Tobias POV*

I am lost in my thoughts as I walk through the bureau on the way to Zeke's apartment. I was only able to take a short nap until my nerves got the best of me. I need to talk to someone about what happened with Tris. I really hope he is home.

When I arrive I take a deep breath before knocking. I'm not sure why I am so nervous. It's just Zeke. Yeah, just Zeke; it's the Tris-topic that has me on edge.

Zeke opens the door quickly. He looks surprised to see me, but immediately invites me in. I nod and thank him.

Zeke frowns when he sees my face, "What's going on, man?"

"I don't even know where to begin. Things have gotten completely screwed up. I don't know what to do," I spit out, while Zeke pulls two beers out of the fridge. "I'm talking about things with me and Tris."

"Huh, I didn't realize there was a you and Tris? In fact, you've been telling anyone who will listen that there will never be anything between you and Tris." I cringe. He's right. I have been such an asshole to everyone who tried to push us together.

"Well?" Zeke asks while handing me my drink.

"Well what?" I deflect while frowning, suddenly feeling defensive about the subject.

Zeke just laughs and takes another swig from his beer. He sits on the couch and just raises his eyebrows. Damn it. He is not going to make this easy on me.

"Fine. My life has gone to shit, and I will start by saying you were right, and I should have just listened to you months ago, OK?!" I snap. Zeke just raises his eyebrows again.

Zeke grunts and starts in on me. "As I told you the other day, I ran into Tris a couple of nights ago. She was crying hysterically. But I'm guessing you already know what she was so upset about." I frown as Zeke continues. "She said that you treated her so badly, that she could not even repeat the things you had said to her. What the hell is the matter with you, dude? Even if you don't want to be with her, why do you have to be so damn mean to her?" Zeke's voice rises at the end, and he looks mad.

"I don't know what is wrong with me. I have been thinking about this all morning. I just...one moment I am crazy about her, and then...it is like a switch is thrown, and I don't even feel like myself." I sit down and put my head in my hands for a moment, trying to process my thoughts. "I figured out that Tris was going to be a target while she was on her Chicago trip. Suddenly I felt like...like my only reason for being alive was to get to her and keep her safe."

"OK. So you did save her in Chicago...and you spent time with her, how did that go?"

I smile remembering. "Some things were hard, you know the whole Rebels out to kill her issue. But when we were finally safe in my old apartment... it was amazing, we got along really well. We agreed to try to be friends. I mean - well we didn't mean to kiss...but, well...at some point during the night I was having this intense dream of just holding and kissing Tris. And when we both woke up that was exactly what we were doing." My cheeks flush at the memory. I leave out the part where she was sitting on my lap and we were turning each other on.

"That sounds really hot. So what happened when you left Chicago, what happened between that trip and you guys having that terrible fight?" Zeke pushes me.

I tell him I don't know. I just remember being back and not able to stand her, feeling hostile towards her. I admit to him how I blew her off about visiting John's widow.

Zeke interrupts me, "Four. That doesn't even sound like something you would do. Not showing your respects to the widow of a fallen soldier? It's not even that I'm disappointed in you, I just don't even recognize you. What were you doing that was so important that night?"

Nita. I forgot all about her. Ugh.

I fill Zeke in on Nita and the scene at the atrium. His eyes narrow. He asks me if I am ready to admit that something is not right with her. I do see it now, but I don't know what it is.

"So how are you and Tris now?" Zeke asks. I feel my heart ache in my chest. I physically shudder remembering that she is gone, she left.

I tell Zeke about this morning. I don't give him too many details about what Tris and I did in my bedroom...but mostly about how she had already been planning on relocating to Providence. Zeke is shocked, he had no idea she was leaving us all behind.

"So, what now, Tobias? Are you just done? Are you planning to forget her?" Zeke asks me as I am walking out. My night shift starts shortly and I made plans a week ago to have a quick dinner before work with my co-worker Josh and his wife Amy.

I smile at Zeke, "Hell no. I'm not giving up on her. I just haven't figured out how I am going to get her back yet."

He smiles and hugs me, "That's the smartest thing I have heard you say in a really long time. Let me know how I can help."

+o+++o+

Dinner with Josh and Amy went well. We ended up talking about Tris a lot. Amy was full of ideas on great romantic gestures I could try. I smile and listen, but my gut is telling me that no gesture, no matter how fancy or romantic, will convince Tris to give us another chance. I have to prove to her that I love her, and I am willing to do whatever it takes to win her trust back.

There is a little nagging voice in the back of my head, asking how I can promise her something that I don't understand myself? I want to believe I won't turn on her again. Sadly, I know I can't rule it out for sure since I don't know why it happened in the first place.

I sigh and turn my attention back to my work task. This shift has been going slowly but it is almost over. Thinking about Tris has not been helping.

As Josh and I clock out and leave the main hallway, I'm surprised to see Zeke leaning against a pillar waiting for us. Josh waives hello, he doesn't seem that surprised. Zeke nods at Josh and a smile plays out on Josh's face.

"What's going on guys?" I ask curiously.

"Come with us. We have something to explain to you. Nurse Gabriela is waiting for us in the Leadership Medical Ward." Zeke says, as he turns and leads the way.

+o+++o+

Zeke leads me back through the medical ward. I remember that this path goes to the same back office where he forced my Fear Landscape on me. "Zeke, if you make me do that damn Fear-Torment again, I am going to lose my-"

"Zeke, if you make me do that damn Fear-Torment again, I am going to lose my-"

He chuckles and assures me that is not going to happen. I glare at him remembering the agony I went through.

I am surprised to see Caleb sitting with Gabriela pouring over files and photographs. Caleb tenses when he sees me, but then forces a smile.

"Tobias," he says.

"Caleb. Guys, what is this about?" I ask.

"Let's sit down and talk." Gabriela says, motioning to a small conference table.

They explain everything to me.

It started with Zeke noticing mood swings that didn't add up; changes in my attitude from one day to the next. The first time he saw a drastic change was the day after that dinner with Tris. He admitted spying on Tris and I while we were getting our food- how happy we both looked. He also noticed how jealous I was about Luke Clark. And then the next time he saw me I was cold and indifferent towards her.

Separately, Tris was confiding to Gabriela about my bizarre behavior. Tris was so emotionally invested that she couldn't see how conflicting my actions were. Gabriela picked up on the odd behavior but felt Tris was already so upset, she didn't want to add to her sadness over the situation.

One day Zeke and Gabriela ran into each other, the topic of Tris and I came up, and from that point they had been in contact. Zeke pulled in Josh because he had the most access to me as my coworker that usually works the same shifts. They have secretly been analyzing me, my behavior as it related to Tris. Josh was able to pull my badge report for the times in question. Every time they noticed a change, it directly coincided with me entering the Lab where my Rehabilitation Team meets.

So their suspicion was that someone on the team, or the entire team, has been doing something to me that is affecting the way I think and act.

Gabriela admits that through her clearance level as a member of Dr. Grey's medical team, she was able to discreetly pull my medical files and all lab results. I do have frequent blood draws as part of the data gathering for the trial I am participating in.

It is well known that the bureau is providing those affected by the Memory Serum with vitamin shots; Josh admits he and his wife each get their shots on a consistent basis. They also submitted their blood work as a comparison.

Gabriela was able to pinpoint an anomaly in my blood stream that was different then both Josh and Amy's. That is when the group pulled Caleb in.

We nod at each other. I haven't really spoken with him directly since that night that our group revealed we were the ones to set off the serum, which I am guessing Nurse Gabriela does not know.

After many hours of research and testing, Caleb has reverse engineered a secondary memory serum, and it has consistently been found in my bloodstream. Of course Caleb has not tested it on anyone, but he has been able to run comparisons against the original. It does differ, which leads him to believe that it is a serum that is concentrates on perceived emotions while also keeping memories away that had already been lost by the original serum.

Caleb has been working on an inoculation against it.

"So that brings us to today. The reason we ran you through your Fear Landscape is that we wanted to see if you memories were really gone. Tobias, we fully believe that your memories are still present but there is something repressing them. We talked about this before. You have the ability to resist serums- the attack on Abnegation, for example. So why not the memory serum?" Zeke finishes.

My pulse quickens. Could this be true? Could I get my memories back? The thought both scares and excites me at the same time.

"So what's next?" I ask the group.

"The plan it to get you inoculated, then send you in. We need to determine who exactly is responsible for this," Zeke says.

I nod in agreement.

I want to find out exactly what happened to me, and why. It is time.

The sooner I get this resolved, the sooner I can be with Tris.

+o+++o+

The following morning we invite Cara and Christina to meet us in the Leadership Medical Ward, we explain everything thus far. Cara looks thrilled and throws her arms around Caleb, she is very impressed with the work he has done already. She offers to help anywhere she can. Caleb turns an impressive shade of red, but I notice he gives her tush a little squeeze when he thinks no one is looking. They're cute, it's nice to see them happy. It dawns on me, if Tris and I get together, Caleb could be my family one day.

Christina looks apprehensive towards me, but agrees to help us. We have not gotten along well these months, to say the least. I know she has been dead set on Tris getting together with Luke Clark. She is not really my favorite person, her personality clashes with mine - but I will also respect that she is Tris's best friend and understand that she wants what is best for her. I'm willing to make an effort if she is.

Cara spends hours reviewing Caleb's calculations and final production of what they believe will be an inoculation against the specific drug they have repeatedly found in my system.

We have a strong suspension that Nita is the mastermind behind this so we are leaving it up to Christina to antagonize Nita, thus motivating her to act out and attempt to manipulate me.

I call to schedule an urgent session with my Rehabilitation Team. I tell them I am very upset that Tris has moved to Providence and I am having trouble reconciling my new life with my old one.

++o++ Executing the Plan ++o++

I am inoculated and I feel the same after; I think Caleb and Cara were a little nervous to see my reaction to the drug. They look relieved when I don't die in front of them. Nurse Gabriela checks my vitals and clears me.

Early that afternoon Zeke and Christina find Nita in the cafeteria. She is walking and no longer needs her wheelchair. They walk near her but act as though they don't see her.

They talk loudly about Tris moving to Providence and how upset I am. Zeke makes it a point to comment that he thinks it is possible I am getting my memories back, that it's a feeling that he has. Christina comments that she knows Tris would take me back in two seconds flat if that were to happen. Zeke goes to get a table while Christina stays behind to fill the drinks...and to have a conversation with Nita.

From where we're sitting we can see Christina and Nita have words with one another. Nita looks furious when she storms out without even buying her food, and Christina walks back to us laughing.

"That was actually fun. Even if this doesn't work out, at least I got to argue with Nita. Man, she really thinks that you belong to her, Tobias," Christina chuckles. I scowl at her; I don't find this remotely funny.

Josh meets up with us before my appointment; he and I were able to sneak into Nita's dedicated lab and plant video and audio surveillance in the middle of the night. Josh ensured that the feed is recording onto one of the servers that our team manages. He will be monitoring everything live from his work station.

As I walk to the lab I think about how many times I have met with my rehabilitation team, counting on them to help me. To support me, to do the right thing.

I enter and notice that the lab is empty. I frown and look around. Suddenly Nita walks in, she frowns upon seeing me.

"Hey, Nita," I say, watching her.

"Tobias. I was surprised when I heard you were on the schedule for today. I have been hounding you to come into the lab for over a week. And now, here you are," she says coldly.

I straighten my back, it looks like I will need to sell this. "Look Nita, if we can't work together and move forward please just say so now. I'm sure I can be assigned to a different team."

She backs down right away and assures me that we can make it work.

"Where is the rest of the team?" I ask while looking around and taking off my coat.

"They will be here soon, let's get started. We squeezed you in so we are in a time crunch. Let's get started with the vitamin shot." Nita says calmly, as though she is bored even.

I take a deep breath to calm myself. This is the riskiest part of the plan, if the serum she has been giving me does alter me, I am not sure exactly how I should act. I do not want to alert Nita that something is wrong. I'm hoping that acting emotionless will work.

I get the shot, Nita seems to be watching me. I remain straight faced and she smiles. Suddenly her demeanor changes, she loses the mask of kindness and caring she has been sporting all these months. She commands me to sit in the memory projection chair.

She then begins an audio tape that has some visual images. There are so many quick flashes, words and phrases typed out, flashing lights, images of Tris making faces that reflect unhappiness. There are even images that show Tris in a warm embrace with Luke Clark and even of her getting a hug from Zeke the night we revealed she was alive to the bureau. An audio overlay plays simultaneously- phrases repeated again and again, messages such as "Tris is selfish" and "Tris will never love you."

The main theme is what a terrible person Tris is, and how unhappy she has made me. Repeating messages that she is insignificant and a burden.

At the end of the loop the message changes from concentrating on how negative Tris to instead concentrating on what I should do to be happy. Images flash across the screen- me walking away from Tris, me scowling at Tris. I recognize many of the images of our time at the bureau before we released the memory serum.

I recognize many of the images of our time at the bureau before we released the memory serum

As I lay there silently Nita picks up her cell phone and makes a call. I can only hear her end of the conversation.

+0+

Nita's phone call:

Nita: Yes. It is done. Tobias Eaton has been neutralized. He will not be going to Providence to find Tris Prior.

(Silence)

Nita: I understand. Good, I'm glad we're track. Yes, our attack on Chicago was not as successful as we had hoped but I am confident our next set of attacks will meet the goals.

(Silence)

Nita: No, the rest of my Rehabilitation team has no idea what's happening, they are completely clueless. I just sent them on an early dinner break. When they return I will take Tobias through his regular session along with the team. It will be important to keep up appearances.

(Silence)

Nita: Excellent news. Please send me word once complete. I want to hear every detail.

(Silence)

Nita: Goodbye.

+o+

Suddenly I feel her lips on mine. It takes every ounce of strength I have not to shove her off of me. She is a wretched person, and I hate that she was able to manipulate me for so long.

"Oh, Tobias, I could have made you so happy. But you keep gravitating back to that Genetically Pure Princess, just like everyone else," Nita whispers.

At the end of the projection and after her call she repeats the phrase, "You will not remember this video or audio." Three times.

Thankfully, I remember every word and action. My mind is reeling, Nita is associated with the New Rebels group! Who was she speaking to on the phone?

"Wake up, Tobias." I open my eyes and stare ahead at her command. Suddenly the door to the lab bursts open and three bureau guards enter.

"What is the meaning of this?!" Nita yells.

"Hands up Nita, you are under arrest! For suspicion as being a member of the Rebel Group." One of the guards says.

Suddenly Nita pulls out a gun from her back, it had been covered by her lab coat. Before she can pull the trigger I jump into action. I force the gun out of her hand and twist both arms behind her back.

She looks absolutely stunned, "Tobias? What are you doing? It's me! Please - I need your help."

"You have 'helped' me enough to last a lifetime Nita! Your crazy games are over. This ends now," I hiss at her.

"No! This is impossible...how? You are supposed to be open to my influence at this point in the process."

Suddenly Zeke and Christina bust into the room as well. Zeke storms over to Nita, "It's over, you witch. You are going to rot in a jail this time. No one will get you out."

"Josh has everything on film and he notified security as soon as Nita incriminated herself!" Christina breaths happily.

Nita scowls at them. The guards walk over and pull the syringe that she had placed back into her pocket after injecting me. "Nurse Gabriela asked us to log this into evidence, it will directly tie her to the memory manipulation of Mr. Tobias Johnson."

After the guards grab Nita I walk back over to her. I am so mad I can barely see straight. "Nita, please. Your game is over. I need answers. What the hell have you been doing to me?!"

She glares at me.

"I will never forgive for what you have done to me, and all of the pain you have caused Tris. You should be ashamed of yourself. I hate you," I coldly say.

Nita begins laughing at me. A chill goes down my spine. She looks too happy for someone that is about to be shown to a jail cell.

"Oh my sweet Four. I had such aspirations for you, for us. So many things I wanted to do...with you," Nita says seductively. Even the guards holding her look uncomfortable and share a look between them. My cheeks flush, this girl has no shame.

She sees how uncomfortable the room has gotten.

She smiles again and leans closer to me. I stand very still as she whispers, "Don't worry, Four. Even though you don't remember the first time... soon enough you will get to experience Tris's death all over again. My gift to you."

"No." I mumble. I feel sick, the rage I feel makes me see red. I lunge and grab wrap my hands around Nita's throat. Zeke pulls me off of her just in time. I wanted to kill her in that moment.

Nita falls to the ground, gasping for air. She rubs her throat, which is red with my fingerprints.

Once she catches her breath and sits up she smiles at me. "Wow Tobias, I didn't know you had that in you. Let me assure you, there is nothing you can do to save Tris. She's probably enjoying being loved at this very moment, but don't worry - it should be filmed, so you'll have video of her to comfort you after she is gone." She laughs.

I can guess "loved" is code for sexual assault. Those bastards. I remember the ones in Dauntless saying that is was Rebel Leadership's orders that her assault be recorded.

Is Nita their Leader?! I will kill her.

"You witch, you are crazy,"I spit at her.

"My only regret is that I won't be able to enjoy watching all of you mourn for her," Nita says as she suddenly injects herself, and she abruptly collapses to the floor.

"No!" I scream as I lunge to knock the syringe out of her hand.

We need to find out how Tris is in danger. I have to save her. I refuse to believe that is too late. I love her, I can't lose her. Not now. I feel the room spinning and I feel my heart pounding in my chest.

I am overcome with absolute terror. Tris is in danger and I am not there to help her. My Tris, she needs me and I am not there.

Suddenly I feel a sharp pain in my head, I fall to the floor.

+o+++o+

When I wake up, I am laying on the ground with multiple people hovering over me. All in my personal space, I do not like being crowded.

Then it hits me. I remember EVERYTHING.

Tris. I need Tris.

++o++ Part 2: What Have I Done? ++o++

"There are moments when I wish I could roll back the clock and take all the sadness away, but I have the feeling that if I did, the joy would be gone as well."  
― Nicholas Sparks, A Walk to Remember

"― Nicholas Sparks, A Walk to Remember

*Tobias POV*

It's Tris. It has always been because of Tris.

She is my catalyst, she always has been.

I was able to break out of Jeanine's simulation because of Tris. Our love for each other was able to break me free. I remember a sob escaping my lips and I had to kiss her again, my tears threatening to fall and I didn't care. She leaned against me as I supported her weight against me. She asked me how I had broken free.

"I don't know. I just heard your voice," was all I could say in explanation.

+o++++++o+

During the months between Nita having given me the memory serum and the day I discovered that Tris was alive, I can't recall one time that my old memories had come to the surface.

Now that I am aware of what was really happening, I realize that it was when Tris needed me the most that I would fight to be freed from the prison of the memory serum. Even when I didn't recognize it, it has always been there. 'It' being my adoration of Tris Prior. She is the love of my life, I will never love anyone the way that I love her.

Tris needs me now, more than ever. She is in terrible danger, I pray we are not too late.

Every moment of my first eighteen years comes flooding back to me. My childhood, Evelyn and her fake death, my twisted relationship with Marcus, my Dauntless Initiation, and then the most important thing of all. Tris. My beautiful and strong Tris. All the obstacles we overcame...together.

Then the realization of how I have treated her hits me.

Tears fill my eyes, what have I done to her? What in the hell have I done!? I have been a monster to the woman I love- the only person who has ever really loved me unconditionally. My brain replays our worst moments over the last few months, and she has finally given up on me. Does she even love me anymore?

Would I still love Tris if she had been the one to lose her memories of me? Could I ever forgive her if she made the poor choices I have made?

For a moment I allow myself to imagine our roles reversed. I try to imagine looking at her, adoring her the way that I do, while she were to treat me like I was nothing. I imagine knowing that the love we share is extraordinary, but she was unwilling to even try fixing us. I think about the kisses and embraces we have shared, the way our bodies knew that we belonged together in every way...yet she were to deny us. How I would have felt when she insisted those moments were all a mistake? How would I feel if she were to put another man- a Nita-equivalent- ahead of me again and again? I was so careless with her from the moment I got her back, flirting with Nita shirtless and not bothering to care for her basic needs after breaking her out of a hospital. I was so callous with her feelings.

I hate myself. These thoughts makes my throat feel tight and I control the urge to punish myself. To hurt myself. To make myself feel the terrible pain I know I deserve.

My head is still pounding; I sit up and lean my head into my hands. A wave of nausea hits me.

Suddenly I feel a hot flush on my chest, and as though the room is spinning.

"Oh God, I am going to be sick!" Suddenly someone hands me a trash bin. My shoulders shake as I heave into the bin.

I suddenly hear Nita's voice, "What is going on? Where am I? Why is this man so sick?!"

I turn to her and my eyes narrow.

"You horrible bitch! YOU did this to me! I remember everything now!" I scream at her.

Her eyes widen in genuine fear. She looks completely clueless as to who I even am. The guards have handcuffed her by now. Damn it, she did it. She took the memory serum.

Nurse Gabriela and Dr. Grey walk in, and they ask to have Nita taken to the medical wing of the bureau jail. They want to perform tests immediately to make sure that she has in fact taken the serum and analyze what the impact is.

+o++o+ Flashback +o++o+

I am laying down on the couch where Tris and I had made love the night before we released the serum. The room around me is dark and I am halfway way in between sleep and being awake.

I feel her gently move to lay on top of me and slowly kissing my neck and soft hands are rubbing my chest. For moment I believe it is Tris and my heart fills with love and great relief. The only woman I have ever loved. The only woman I have ever wanted to hold to kiss. To love.

Then I remember that Tris is dead and a chill goes through me. I instantly jump up while pushing the mystery woman off of me. I am now staring into Nita's face. A terrible anger grabs my soul, she has tarnished me. Before her advances I had only belonged to Tris, every kiss, every caress of my body.

"Let me help you, Four. You can forget the pain. We can replace it with this," Nita seductively coos as her hand touches my knee and starts moving upward. I am disgusted and enraged that she is here, in this room that belongs to me and to Tris.

I have to control myself from grabbing her and shaking her like a rag doll.

"Go to hell Nita, I will never want you," I snap.

Nita laughs at me, and starts pulling something out from behind her back, "Fine, then. We will do this the hard way."

Before I can react she has injected me with something. I immediately feel dizzy. "What the hell have you done to me, Nita?" I mumble.

Nita just smiles and gently runs her fingers along my jaw. "Don't worry Tobias, I will take good care of you. We will have a fresh start."

Suddenly everything goes black.

+o++o+ Flashback End +o++o+

I see Zeke next to me and he puts his hand on my shoulder to comfort me. "Zeke! Nita... it was her all along. She was the one to initially inject me with the memory serum. It wasn't my choice. The whole damn nightmare started because of her! Because I wouldn't have sex with her the night before I was leaving the bureau! I am going to kill her."

Zeke's eyes widen, he shakes his head from side to side. I hear a gasp, and turn to see Christina is covering her mouth in shock. At this point I don't care about my past battles with Christina, or her quest for Tris to move on with Luke. We all need to work together.

I jump up from the floor. I need to get to Tris, I need to save her and then tell her that I am back, I am still here. I am still hers to love, or to toss away. The choice will be hers.

Again I remember how I have hurt her, my love. Images of her face, the sadness in her eyes when we would fight. No, that is not accurate. We never fought. I was cruel and possibly even verbally abusive at times. Her eyes reflected the devastation I inflicted. For the rest of my life, I will never forgive myself for what I have done to her. I will never forgive myself for the pain I have made her feel.

I spent my entire life being torn down by those who were supposed to love and protect me the most. My father's excuse to justify his abuse was his intention to make me a better man. In reality he was using his methods of physical and psychological abuse to break me down as a person. My own mother abandoned me. She saved herself, and her actions proved that I was not worth the risk or effort to save me as well.

A memory of the promise I made to Tris long ago runs through my mind. I told her that I would be her family now. Then Tris told me that she loved me. We knew in that moment that I was promising her forever, and I meant it.

I bite back tears and swallow the large lump in my throat thinking about how I, as her family, was supposed to love and protect her the most

I bite back tears and swallow the large lump in my throat thinking about how I, as her family, was supposed to love and protect her the most. The memory of her pain as she struggled with Caleb's betrayal. I hated him so much, especially how much he hurt her, how weak and pathetic he was to do that to his own family. Now I'm no better than he is, I am disgusted with myself. I bite my lip and tears fill my eyes. I love her. I can't lose her to death. Not again.

She may never forgive me. She may never be able to really trust me again. But if it is the last thing I do while on this earth...I will save her and make sure she is safe. Tris Prior will have the chance to live the life she deserves.

I know what I need to do for Tris now. I turn to everyone in the room. "I need to see Luke Clark immediately."

+o++o+ Chapter End +o++o+


	48. Chapter 48: She Is Worth It To Me

Chapter 48: She Is Worth It To Me

*Tobias POV*

I walk briskly to the Leadership Medical Ward, where Luke Clark has agreed to meet with me in his hospital room. I feel a little anxious; although I have technically interacted with him on numerous occasions, I have never met him as myself. I am now me again, I am whole. For me, this is really the first time I am actually meeting him. Although I only know bits and pieces, I am not blind – I know that there is some kind of relationship between this man and Tris. I am not blaming either of them, I know I was awful to her and basically gift-wrapped her and handed her over. But that time is over. I know that I will fight for Tris no matter what or who is in my way.

I have never considered myself a jealous person when it came to love. Probably because the only woman I have ever loved is Tris, and there is something to be said for loving someone so much that it consumes every part of your mind and body. It almost gives you this sense of security that the person that you love so much, must also feel the same way in return. I have never doubted her romantic loyalty to me, as my devotion to her could never be tested.

A memory filters in:

"Don't for a second think that I am interested in anyone but you."

I now find myself in a grey area, because my actions- although out of my control, still me nonetheless – have hurt her terribly. I have said things to her that were appalling. I have made her feel as though she was nothing. While at the same time, from what I have gathered, Luke Clark has always been there for her during the times that I failed her. I bite back tears remembering their loving embrace in the lobby the night of the Awards Gala, and his declaration of love for Tris when we were at Dauntless. This man genuinely loves her. She knows it, he knows it, and now I know it.

My mind is still reeling with the new information my brain is processing. I feel I have been trapped in a box of darkness and I am just now opening my eyes and was quickly presented a bad movie of my life over the last few months. The hardest part is reconciling myself as just being impacted by the memory serum, and then the experiences I had when Nita brainwashed me with her poison and video tools. I still can't believe that vile woman managed to inject herself with the serum. I would have enjoyed nothing more than dedicating my life to her slow, painful destruction. I need to forget about Nita and focus on the issue at hand. We all need to work together to make sure Tris is safe.

As I arrive to Luke's room I am quickly ushered in. There is a setup of monitors and numerous members of his team in the room, hard at work. The moment Luke sees me, he calls for everyone's attention and asks them to give us a few minutes alone. As they file out, my direct supervisor, Troy, pauses to say hello, and we shake hands. He already knows about the reversal of the memory serum and tells me it is nice to officially meet me.

He already knows about the reversal of the memory serum and tells me it is nice to officially meet me

As the last man walks out, he closes the door behind him. I stand tall and face Luke, who is eyeing me head to toe. I control my body to keep from fidgeting. It is still unnerving for me to feel like I am being studied.

"Welcome Tobias, or should I call you Four now?" Luke asks while motioning for a chair that is closer to his hospital bed.

"Hello, Luke. Yes, please call me Four. I'm assuming you've been brought up to speed on my situation with Nita and the memory manipulations?" I ask while taking the chair he offered. As Luke is sitting up in a hospital bed, I decide that I do not want to be standing over him for this conversation.

"Yes, I have. That's why I asked my staff to give you and I few moments to speak privately. I'm sure we both would prefer to discuss the subject of Tris without an audience," Luke states.

Well, he is not one to beat around the bush. We stare at each other in silence for a few moments, and then I speak first. "Luke, whatever may have happened between you and Tris these last months... I can't say I'm happy about it, but I understand that it was my actions that drove a wedge between Tris and me." I pause to calm myself. "I also want to be upfront with you. I love Tris Prior. She is the only person who matters to me. I deeply regret my actions these past months. I will never stop fighting to win her back. Ever."

Luke raises his eyebrows at me, he looks very confident as he then smiles at me.

I feel my cheeks flush with anger, "Is this funny to you? Are you so confident that I won't be able to win her back?!"

Luke chuckles at me, and then starts coughing with laughter, I assume as a result from his injuries. I reward him with a scowl. This guy is being such a jerk right now.

"Oh Tobias...excuse me, I mean Four." Luke smiles at me. "I am really glad to hear you say that you still love Tris, because you have dug yourself into a hole that I don't even think I would be able to pull myself out of. And I can be pretty persistent and charming."

I must look as confused as I feel. For a moment I think that Luke Clark is looking forward to the challenge of fighting over Tris. My pulse quickens, instantly recalling my greatest fear in the Fear Landscape Zeke recently put me through.

Fear Landscape Tris: "Why would I care that you have your memories back? Luke is such a better man than you ever could be. He is handsome, an incredible lover, he comes from a good family, he is successful and takes care of me...and the most important thing Tobias..." Fear Landscape Tris leans down to whisper in my ear, "I don't have to be afraid that he may snap and beat me or our children someday."

Luke has a lot to offer Tris, not to mention a clean slate. Versus, I have a lifetime of baggage and now months of bad history to overcome.

Stop. Stop. I tell myself. I need to push past this fear, and believe in us. I need to believe in Tris. We belong together.

"As much as I would love to continue to torment you, unfortunately, we don't have the time. Four, I am not your romantic rival when it comes to Tris. Not from a lack of effort on my part, but it never worked out between us. I am quite relieved that it didn't, at the moment, as it would have been a terrible fight to try to beat you, the real you that is." Luke smiles at me.

I furrow my brows at him, I think back to Tris assuring me that they have never kissed on the lips, but I am also not blind. I know this man loves her. "So you're not in love with her? I heard you in the Dauntless hallway..."

"Four, I do love Tris...but I am not in love with her. She has become an amazing friend. Maybe in a different life she and I could have been amazing together, but she...she still loves you. And these last months you were able to give her just enough to keep reeling her back in." Luke frowns at me as I feel my shoulders pull with tension. He is right, I have been so hot and cold with her. But I am guessing it was the moments I could not resist her pull over me that showed her, even if just subconsciously – that she should not give up completely.

"And what about her, does she love you? Do you know?" I ask quietly, realizing I am afraid to hear Luke's take on it.

He sighs, and shakes his head. "If she loved me, Four, we would probably be having a completely different conversation right now. But no, she has never been in love with me. For full disclosure..." he clears his throat, "We had agreed to try to date, and then I coincidently was notified of her involvement in the memory serum release the very same day. Now, I can only assume that was Nita. If anything, Nita did you a huge favor."

We both laugh, that stupid woman. I guess I owe her timing in this one instance.

As Luke calls for his team to re-enter his room, he turns to me one last time. "I know it wasn't entirely your fault, but you have hurt Tris tremendously. I hope that moving forward you will treat her well, the way someone as amazing as Tris deserves to be treated." I nod my head. The regret I feel is insurmountable, but not something I feel inclined to discuss with Luke.

+o+++o+

I notice that Zeke and my coworker Josh enter the room as well. It was Josh that had the foresight to immediately notify the Bureau Security Team of Nita's schemes and her involvement with the New Rebel Group as soon she revealed herself while on that call. As Josh walks further into the room I approach him at the same time.

"Josh, I don't know how to thank you. You have really become a true friend to me. I hope that will continue," I say. Although I have all the memories of my past, I know that Josh and his wife Amy are people I still want to keep close.

He smiles and give me a hug. I freeze, as I am again not completely comfortable with the physical contact. Josh notices right away and releases his grip. I smile at him and we both laugh. I will be different now, but I hope that the real me is someone that they will still want to be friends with.

Luke calls everyone to attention, he informs us that Tris has been located in Providence and is safe. She was already scheduled to have dinner at his parents' home, along with the parents of John's widow, Kimberly. I wince hearing her name, now reminded of how I blew off such an important conversation with this poor woman that had just lost her husband, not to mention being a support system for Tris as I had promised her I would...so I could eat pizza and watch a movie with Nita? It's disgusting the choices Nita was able to lead me to make. I am revolted with myself.

Luke informs us that as soon as Josh notified Security of the immediate threat to Tris that guards in Providence were able to intercept her at her new apartment and would escort her to his family home. As his father holds a position on the Providence Counsel their home was already under security watch during this troubling time. Tris will be safe there. I sigh with relief. Tris is safe, that is the most important thing for now.

With the pending Rebel threat the three leadership teams of Chicago, The Bureau and Providence agree to an immediate lockdown of transport between the three locations. Each city has security in place to keep order. I look at Luke and he shrugs his shoulder. He promises me that as soon the transport freeze is lifted he will make sure that Tris and I are reunited. Before I go, Luke agrees to my request that I Tris hears about my memories returning directly from me.

+o+++o+

As Zeke, Josh and I leave the hospital room, I walk with purpose as they trail closely behind me. There is no way in hell I am going to wait a moment longer than necessary to be reunited with Tris.

"Follow me, I know just who to ask for help. I am going to Providence, and now." I say.

Zeke just smiles. Josh looks confused, but to his credit he keeps up with us.

+o+++o+

+o+++o+

As I enter the lab that Tris was working for I quickly scan the floor for Matthew. I know he will be able to help us secure transport. Thankfully he is deeply enthralled in his project and is still working at this late hour. He does not even notice us until I am standing right behind him and call his name.

"Tobias! Um, hi. Good to see you guys....what's up?" Matthew says as he eyes the three of us. I immediately notice he looks guilty, I see the signs. He averts his eyes, his hand trembles momentarily before he places them on his knees. I remember his regular pitch when speaking, right now he sounds startled, and nervous. I hear it in his voice. My mind quickly calculates the possibility – could he have been in on this batshit crazy plan with Nita?!

I am going to find out.

"When did you learn that Tris was moving to Providence, Matthew?" I ask, I make sure to keep the emotion out of my voice.

I notice that his mouth falls open, but he does look at me when he answers. "I only knew about it because I work with her on this team. We were all told that it was confidential information and for her safety we could not discuss it with anyone. So I didn't."

I study him while he speaks, his reasoning makes sense and is in line with that Luke had told us. "When was the last time you spoke with her?" I continue.

Matthew sighs, "I worked with her earlier today via teleconference while she is in Providence. I should say myself and a couple of other team members. Tris is going to wrap up her involvement in this research project over the next couple of weeks, she will be starting a new life in Providence. It is my understanding that...well that she needed a...new start."

My back straightens, I wonder how much Matthew knows about Tris and I. I recall the night of the Awards Gala and the pass he made at Tris. Granted, he had a few drinks to loosen his tongue, but I recognized his interest in her from a mile away. I wonder when Matthew's feelings for her changed. I think back to our time at the bureau before her 'death' – I never felt a vibe of romantic interest on his part for Tris. Or maybe I was too busy being self-absorbed with my genetic inferiority to notice.

"Um, Tobias...I am not sure what this is all about..." Matthew starts.

"Actually – please call me Four

"Actually – please call me Four. You should know I have gotten all of my memories back." I watch his expression closely.

Matthew's eyes widen. He genuinely looks shocked. "What? That is incredible – you are literally the first person that has been able to come back from the memory serum! Congratulations...but..." he lowers his voice and whispers to me, "What if you are not the last...all the people that we wiped to avoid the war."

That's when I know, Matthew was not part of the plan with Nita. He genuinely looks terrified at the thought of us getting caught for the original serum release. I believe he was not involved in Nita's plan.

"It is a really long story, but as you know I have always been able to break out of serums. It was actually Nita's manipulation that kept me under as long as I was. All because of her sick obsession with me romantically, and her even sicker obsession with Tris as an opponent." I seethe, just thinking about Nita makes me instantly angry.

"Oh God..." Matthew mumbles, it is alarming how quickly he pales.

"Dude, what is it? Are you ok?" Zeke asks, he must notice the drastic change in Matthew as well.

"Yeah, I am fine. I just feel like a complete jerk. Four...I feel like I owe you an apology. God...shortly after Tris was found to be alive... I was able to secretly overhear a conversation between her and Nita. I saw a side of Nita...she was like a different person. She was nasty, cold and very mean to Tris. A much different image than what she would normally project...um, especially in front of you Four. Well, you as Tobias Johnson." Matthew breaths in and out to calm himself. "I thought about approaching you that day, and then... I just figured you didn't remember Tris and I really felt like things were over for you both. So I kept my mouth shut."

I bite my lip to keep from scoffing, I am waiting to see if Matthew will man up and finish telling me the actual reason.

"The truth is... I started having feelings for Tris. Please don't punch me in the face or anything!" he says carefully.

Zeke and Josh look back and forth between us, as if waiting to see what I will do. I roll my eyes.

When he sees I am not going to pummel him, Matthew's shoulders relax and he continues. "I never for a moment thought that Nita was actually doing anything to you Four. I just assumed that she was interested in you and wanted to intimidate Tris."

My mind is reeling, so Tris was putting up with bullshit from me and Nita for months. I hate what I put her through, she didn't deserve any of this. Damn it, I need to see her. And I need to see her now.

"Matthew, we came here because I need your help. They have placed a lock down on travel between locations. You know the bureau inside out, there must be some kind of emergency transport that is in place between cities, even for medical or research purposes. I need to get to Tris now. I can't wait. Please." I feel my desperation rising.

Matthew smiles at me, "Of course. Getting you to Tris is the least I can do. I'm sorry. And by the way, it took me about two minutes to realize that Tris was still in love with you, memories or not. I know she belongs with you. I do wish you both well, I hope you know that."

I nod my head. Zeke smiles, and Josh looks relieved that a physical altercation was avoided.

As Matthew works out the details with Zeke, Josh leans over to tell me that he is going to have to get used to 'intimidating Four' – but that it is impressive. I smile at him and laugh. He hasn't seen anything yet.

+o+++o+

+o+++o+

Less than hour later Zeke and I are sitting in the cargo hold of a transport carrying medical supplies. Matthew was able to get us situated as soon as possible, but only with two spots as Zeke and I will officially be traveling as guards to protect the supplies that are desperately needed by the Providence emergency room. Josh needed to return home to his wife. Christina offered to stay back and get Cara and Caleb up to speed, as they were not even aware that Tris secretly had packed up and moved. My hope is to convince Tris to return to the Bureau with me, and then we can hopefully make decisions together about our future.

So it is just Zeke and I .... Sitting on an uncomfortable transport floor. I look over to my best friend, he really is like a brother to me. It dawns on me, he never gave up on me. Were there moments when he was frustrated and furious with me? Absolutely. Gave up, not for a moment.

I lean my head back and rest it against the wall of the transport, I close my eyes for a moment and I think about Uriah. I miss that guy, I miss seeing him with Zeke most of all. I feel a pang in my heart. I know logically my involvement was an accident, a poor decision on my part to trust Nita. To trust her, over Tris's instincts. Nonetheless, Uriah is gone forever.

I look over at Zeke who just smiles at me. He looks so happy. In that moment I realize what an amazing man Zeke Pedrad is. He is strong, loyal and kind. He has been able to fully forgive me, and stick to it. I would not be here if it wasn't for him. Well, him, and a wonderful nurse that Tris had befriended. I can't wait to make it back to the bureau and spend some time with Gabriela. Hopefully I can show her I am not a complete asshole.

"What on earth are you thinking about with that goofy smile on your face Four? Are you fantasizing about your romantic reunion with Tris?" he says while wiggling his eyebrows at me.

I scowl at him. What an idiot he can be.

"Um, no. And if I was – why would I talk to you about it?" I cough.

Zeke then asks me if I would like any last minute love making tips. I am seriously considering gagging him for the remainder of this trip. I don't know how much more I can take. I feel my cheeks flush, and he responds by hysterically laughing at me. Some things never change.

The joker then tosses me some condoms to put in my wallet...just in case. God I want to dig a hole and crawl in it. But since you never know, I do accept them. Better safe than sorry later. Zeke assures me he only picked them up for me, they were not his...blah blah. I know he would never step out on Shauna. I also know...he is eager to get home to his family. I see now, that Zeke has sacrificed so much time away from Chicago, as has my dear friend Shauna by allowing him, in order to help me get my life back. I will be forever grateful.

I clear my throat nervously, I need to talk to someone about my doubts. There is no one better than Zeke.

"I am really scared. I don't know if she will be able to get past the things I have done and said to her." I frown, leaning my head back looking at the ceiling of the transport. "Nor would I blame her. I honestly can't say I would be shocked if she is done with me."

When a few moments pass and Zeke is still silent, I then look towards him. He is carefully looking at his shoes while biting his lip. My pulse quickens as anxiety sets in. If Zeke is concerned, that means things are grim.

I slowly release the air from my lungs, and close my eyes for a moment.

"Four, man... What the hell happened between the two of you, the night Nita got the milkshake to the face?" Zeke prompts. I immediately feel a tightening in my throat. It is always going to go back to that fight. That damn awful fight.

I love Zeke, but I can't. I can't go back there. I know I will need to with Tris, if she will hear me out. But I am too ashamed to tell him how I treated her. I will forever hate myself. I am afraid my closest friend will hate me too.

I can't lose the woman I love and my best friend on the same day.

"It was bad. And I am ashamed, and I regret it. I don't want to say more," I confess.

Zeke nods his head in understanding.

"For your sake, I really hope she can get past it. I'll be here – no matter what." He promises me.

"No matter what Zeke, I will never stop loving her. For as long as I live. I just pray I don't have to love her from afar." I add.

Zeke smiles at me sadly.

"I will fight for her, she is worth it to me." I swear it.

+o+++o+

+o+++o+

*Tris POV*

My time in Providence has been quiet. The Clarks needed to push dinner back one day, which was fine. It gave me another day to compose myself from the heartache I am feeling. I just need to remind myself that I am also dining with Kim's parents and they are helping their daughter deal with a loss that is much greater than mine.

My heart flutters painfully when I remember that John's child no longer has a father.

All because of the New Rebels group. A group that has the opposite obsession with Genetic Purity than the war we were able to suspend. Instead of protecting the Genetically Damaged, it appears that now it is the Genetically Pure that are at risk. When will this end? I keep going back to the thought that it is a simple blood test that we are allowing to define us, is causing so much anguish.

When will this end? I keep going back to the thought that it is a simple blood test that we are allowing to define us, is causing so much anguish

My new apartment is much more modest than the large home I had been given in the bureau. I am enjoying my time setting up the smaller space, I am able to make it feel more like home. It has one open space for the kitchen, a couch and a small dining area, one bedroom, and then a small den I will be able to use as my office.

I have worked a couple of hours during the day with my old team via teleconference. The end is in sight for this job, but it also makes the day go by faster so I will miss it. It is nice being able to still be able to keep in touch with my old coworkers; they have been sworn to secrecy that I am in Providence. For anyone that asks, they are to tell people I have the flu and I have been able to work from home, implying my apartment at the bureau.

I work very hard at keeping my mind from wandering to thoughts of Tobias. I am still struggling, I am still fighting to reconcile the way he treated me the night of our fight and then his declarations of love the last time I saw him. Then I remember, he also made me feel cherished while we were in Chicago. Only to make the sting of his later betrayal hurt even more.

Damn that man. He has hurt me so badly, I don't know if I will ever be able to trust in someone again. Or even trust in myself. I now doubt my ability to judge character, my willingness to forgive, to love, to trust. I have been hurt so badly, I am scared.

Suddenly there is a loud knock at my door. I quickly wipe away the tears that had fallen down my cheeks as I hurry to see who is there.

Opening the door I recognize the guards that I met with upon first arriving to Providence. They inform me that there has been a direct threat made against me and they want to move me quickly to the home of Luke's parents. I nod my head and invite them in while I get ready. I get an overnight bag just in case I will not be able to return home tonight.

My mind is racing, I can't believe this crap has followed me to Providence, I have not even been here a full week.

I lock the door behind me and follow the guards down my hallway. As we walk towards the elevator and wait, it becomes apparent the elevator is not functioning. The lights on the display panel are blinking. We immediately exchange glances and they change our route to the stairwell. Upon entering the guards make the decision to walk in the opposite direction then would be expected. We begin to climb up the stairs verses towards the main level.

Suddenly we hear a loud door slam coming from above. As if someone has entered the stairwell. One guard stays with me while the other walks ahead to investigate. There is suddenly silence. The guard that is with me motions for me to remain quiet and calm, I nod my head in understanding.

He pulls out his weapon and begins to climb the stairs silently.

It is then that I am quickly grabbed from behind and gagged before being carried off

It is then that I am quickly grabbed from behind and gagged before being carried off. It happens so quickly and then then I see nothing but darkness as though something has been placed over my face.

I suddenly hear a voice that makes my blood run cold. How can this be?! My worst nightmare is coming true.

"Hello, Tris."

+o+++o+ Chapter End +o+++o+

 


	49. Chapter 49: The New Rebels Group

Chapter 49: The New Rebels Group

*Tobias POV*

As the transport is in route to Providence I go over the instructions Matthew's contact gave us as we prepared to take over this mission. He felt confident that our IDs would not be checked, we just need to finish our assignment of getting the medical supplies to the hospital's emergency room. After that we should be free to search out Tris.

With the current Rebel Group activity there has been a sudden shortage of medical supplies, as Providence had been experiencing years of peace and didn't need a large reserve. The shipment that was sent to Providence earlier this week was hijacked; the supplies were originally sent with no security so they lost everything. Their hospital is in dire need.

Zeke told me he needed to take a short nap, he is tired. I know he has been working hard these last couple of days trying to get everything in order so we could set up Nita. I smile and promise him I will stay awake, he should take as long as he needs.

During the silence of the trip I keep going over different scenarios in my head of how my conversation with Tris may go down. Do I just blurt out that my memories are back? Should I first tell her about Nita and her mind control manipulations? I could just walk up, look in her eyes, and then kiss her. Kiss her the way that I always had. Would she recognize the real me then?

She would probably punch me in the face, she is pretty upset with me. That is probably not the best idea. My palms start sweating, my nerves are starting to rear their ugly head. I know I promised myself I would respect Tris's wishes. I am terrified that she will never be able to get past the way I have treated her.

It has just been a few hours since I got my memories back, although I can remember everything that has happened the last few months. I think about Tris. I still have not had time to process everything.

Tris is ALIVE. I close my eyes, remembering that day in the bureau morgue, the combination of pain and dullness I felt the moment I accepted she was actually dead. Her body lying on a table in the morgue, I wanted to believe she was just sleeping. I wanted to believe she would wake and kiss me.

And then I touched her.

That is when I knew she was dead. I could not believe it until that moment. Her body was cold, stiff...unyielding.

I tried, I feel like I really tried. I remember squeezing her hand, so tightly. Her cold hand. I wanted to believe that if I tried hard enough life would return to her and that she would flush with color and wake up. It didn't happen.

I think back to how I desperately needed more from Tris. One more of anything. I was frantic.

Damn it, why couldn't I tell that she was in fact still there?! If only I could have been smarter, demanded more tests, or even just stayed with her.

Could we have avoided all of this pain?

And now here I am, worried about the future. All these months, my girl has been right in front of me. Wanting me. Needing me. Crying for me. All the while I was not there for her, and even worse, the times I treated her poorly. I swallow through the large lump in my throat. I pray she can forgive me, I love her. I want to love her for the rest of my life. We can have that now.

The pilot announces that we will be landing in thirty minutes. I look over to Zeke, and he is rechecking his weapon. It reminds me of our days at Dauntless, which feels like a lifetime ago now. I checked my weapon two times already during the trip. I am hoping for no issues with this mission, I am anxious to talk to Tris.

"You ready to do this?" Zeke asks me.

I smile at him, "You know it. We just need to get through the mission, and then I will ask to speak to Luke. Once he knows we're actually here, there's no reason for him to not tell us how to get to his family home where Tris should be. Plus, since there is a new threat against her, the sooner we're with her, the better."

"So you don't think Mr. Control Freak is going to be pissed you didn't do what he asked and sit in the bureau?" he laughs at me.

I roll my eyes, like I give two shits what Luke wants. The last time he wanted me to sit and wait, Tris almost died at Dauntless.

"He'll just have to get over it," I say gruffly.

Zeke laughs while standing up to stretch his legs. I look around the cargo hold. There are a lot of supplies here. There will be a team of medical staff meeting us at the transport bay in order to move the items. We will be their escort. As we replaced two other guards for this mission that are stationed at the bureau, Zeke and I will also be staying in the training barracks for the night. We got our housing assignment before leaving the bureau. I am hoping that I will be able to see Tris tonight, but if not, early tomorrow morning. Or I can just camp outside her door and stalk her.

I need to see her.

+o+++o+

Unloading cargo hold takes a long time. Some of the pallets are loaded with very fragile supplies that need to be moved slowly. Zeke and I walk the perimeter around the working area, everything looks clear. We are ready in case anything does come up. I would love nothing more than to get my hands on one of the Rebel group's members and start the process of interrogation, especially since Tris is one of their top targets.

Once we finally get the OK to begin the process of moving all of the supplies to the secure hospital area I begin feeling excited. One step closer to completing this assignment and being freed up.

As we get close to the hospital I make eye contact with Zeke. This has been unusually quiet. The hairs on the back of my neck rise. I feel like something is wrong.

I remind myself that the Rebel group was successful in stealing supplies earlier this week, so it is quite possible they don't need what we are currently protecting. I can't put my finger on it, but I feel like something bad is happening.

In that moment I need to see Tris more than ever. I need to be with her, even if she is mad and hates me. Fine. I still need to make sure she is safe.

We get to the hospital and watch as the last item is entered and the door secured. We did it, and now we are done. We are thanked for our efforts and just as I am about to ask to put in a call to speak with Luke Clark we see two guards running down the hall.

"You two! Come on, there's a huge issue. Two of our guys have been taken down and the person they were escorting is missing. Guard Rothe is dead, and guard Smith is in critical condition. We are regrouping in meeting room C to assess the situation. All hands on deck! They are about to sound the alarm for civilians to get to a secure location," they yell as they run past us.

My heart is pounding in my chest. I then see across the way that there is one guard in a side room of the emergency room, frantically being worked on. Could that be guard Smith? I start to walk over.

"What the hell are you doing, Four?" Zeke hisses. I motion for him to just give me a minute.

As I approach the injured guard, I notice that a man in a suit has entered from the side door. He walks confidently towards the work station. At first I wonder if he is a doctor, he seems to be there with such purpose, such authority. And then I see him pull his gun out of his inside coat and aim it right at the injured guard. A nurse sees him and screams loudly which alerts the other medical personnel that were working on the guard.

I don't hesitate. In a moment I have struck him from behind and disarmed him. He is not strong at all, and does not give me much of a fight. I pull one of the twist bands my outfit carries and securely tie him up. Zeke has joined me at this point and picked up his weapon and disarmed it.

I ask Zeke to hold him and make sure he doesn't go anywhere. Zeke tells me he is going to start the process of getting us an escort to an interrogation room.

The doctors and nurses thank me, but remind me they need to keep working on Guard Smith or they may lose him. He is alert and looks to be in bad shape.

"Please, I need just a minute to talk to him. There has to be a reason the Rebels risked sending someone to kill him in the middle of the Emergency Room." I plead.

The doctor nods his head and tells me to make it fast. I quickly slide in between the nurse and the machines and I ask Guard Smith what happened.

He is coughing, but he confirms my greatest fear. He and Rothe were escorting Tris from her apartment to the home of the Clarks. But they were ambushed in the stairwell. He said that Rothe took the lead on investigating a noise, and was murdered instantly. When he found him, he saw that his throat had been brutally slashed.

"I knew something was wrong, and so did Ms. Prior. I motioned for her to stay behind me, she was very calm and agreed. As soon as I got a few stairs away from her I was shot from behind. The Rebels must have been above and below us on the stairwell, we never had a chance. As I fell to the ground I rolled to look back at her. She was already being carried off with a bag over her head. And then everything for me went black." Guard Smith looks pained.

I feel as though the room is spinning. Tris.

The New Rebels have Tris.

+o+++o+

+o+++o+ +o+++o+

+o+++o+

*Tris POV*

"Hello, Tris," he says in the cold, monotone voice that I will never be able to forget.

David.

David is part of the New Rebel Group. David who is now standing in front of me, sneering at me.

My mind is racing. All this time, we were told that David was not well. That the memory serum had a terrible effect on him.

Yet here he is, looking stronger and more confident than ever. How can this be?

"You know Tris, I have to admit that watching that nauseating tribute the new leadership of my bureau presented for me at this year's Gala, was made even more special with you front and center, delivering the message. I knew, even then, that we would meet again. That we would have this face to face meeting." David smiles at me coldly. "I have been waiting for you, my dear."

I am standing, but my wrists and ankles are bound together

I am standing, but my wrists and ankles are bound together. I being held up by a man, standing to my side. As David takes a step closer to me I find myself shrinking back, I don't even care that I am pressing my body into the stranger on my right side. I just need to get away from David.

The guard I was leaning into nudges me away from him so that I am standing tall again. David now stands only inches away from me, studying me, looking me over from top to bottom.

I gasp when I feel his cold fingers brush against my stomach right above the waist of my pants.

He actually rolls his eyes at me, "Relax Tris. I can assure you that I am not remotely interested in you romantically...or physically. It was only your mother that made me feel those things."

I feel myself recoil as he mentions my mom, God how she would hate this. Hate him. Doesn't he see that? Has he always been a monster? Or did the lack of her love and affection make him this way?

I don't dare ask.

Suddenly David is pulling up the front of my shirt.

"Please stop. Stop now!" I plead. I hate showing anyone my scars. And I hate David even more.

"Quiet! I need to see my handiwork, young lady. I am rather disappointed you actually survived. But I guess everything happens for a reason, because you are here with me now," David says as he confidently raises up my shirt and then the camisole under it, I feel his fingers gently touch the lower scar on my stomach.

I close my eyes and pretend I am somewhere else. I pretend this is not happening.

I remember laying in Tobias's arms, his lips gently kissing the same scar, the word "Beautiful" leaving his lips.

He shattered me in that moment, without meaning to. How was Tobias to know that he said and did the same exact thing that my Tobias did to me the night we made love for the first time? That moment snapped me back to reality – the physical enjoyment and pleasure I was allowing myself to experience by hooking up with him casually, only made me feel miserable, when I realized how dismal it was compared to the incredible love and passion that is between two people that really love each other. And it was not enough. So I ran.

I wish I could run right now.

I hold my breath as David finishes his examination of me. Of his handiwork, as he just called it. I hate this man still. Once he is done, he instructs the guards to secure me to a chair. He wants to make sure I don't get free, he is not taking any chances with me. I can't get over how strong he looks. How well he is walking.

"Oh, Tris. It's funny how things work out. You see, Ms. Juanita was so desperate to get in Four's pants, that she kept demanding that you be eliminated as soon as possible. I wanted to take my time, get to see you, spend some quality time together. But in the end, look how things worked out for me," David smiles. "Here we are!"

My blood runs cold. Juanita. Nita. That miserable little witch is part of the New Rebels Group?!

"Oh Tris, you look so hurt and confused. Let me explain everything to you. These will be your last moments on earth, for real this time. I want to make sure all of your questions are answered. Get comfortable, dear," he says as he paces the room. He reminds me of the weeks when I first met him, the air of confidence and decisiveness that he gave off as bureau Director.

David proceeds to tell me how he had been one of the only people originally inoculated against the memory serum, but that he had gotten lazy and the inoculation he used was not the most recent version. Therefore, for the first few days he had indeed lost his memory.

What the leaders around him didn't know, as they would converse freely in front of him, was that he was quickly remembering everything. David was able to hear the terrible things his peers had to say about him, all of the criticism of his work, his obsession with being Genetically Pure. It was then that David knew he would have to keep pretending he was only the shell of the man he had been before losing his memories.

It was soon thereafter that David and Nita crossed paths. They were connected through the paralysis project team they had both been assigned to. Nita had seen the recognition in David's face but she kept the knowledge to herself.

Soon Nita and David put their past differences behind them and became allies. They were in it together from the start, their goal being destruction of the bureau leadership and the Genetically Pure.

I asked David how he could switch sides so drastically. David told me he felt insulted.

"Imagine, Tris. I had dedicated my entire life, my happiness, even your mother, who was my great love, all for this project. For my life's work. And what did they do? They flushed it all down the toilet and made is sounds as though I were some kind of idiot that had wasted time and resources!" David's face getting red, I see the fury in his eyes. "I hate the leadership, I hate the Chicago experiment and I especially hate you, Tris. You are the true reminder to me of my Natalie. She left me and she moved on so easily. She moved on from me like I was nothing. And here you stand, the child of Andrew and Natalie Prior."

"I almost feel sorry for you, Tris. Almost." David smiles sadly at me. "I don't think you can imagine the shock that both Juanita and I felt when I overheard you were still alive. That's one of the benefits of people talking freely in front of a dummy. When I told Juanita, she knew she had a small window with Four. Of course we knew that there would always be a chance you could wake, and that then you would be released back to your family and friends."

My blood runs cold, I can almost feel David's excitement, his eyes gleaming as he prepares to spill his most precious secrets.

"I tried to talk her out of it, but she was dead set on getting Four." David rolls his eyes for effect. He seems to be enjoying himself. "I don't know what you two girls see in that boy. Not only is he damaged in the literal DNA sense...but he was physically abused his entire childhood. He will always be broken."

At hearing such awful things about Tobias I am suddenly filled with rage. "Shut up David! Tobias is ten times the man you will ever be!" I hiss at him, angry tears filling my eyes.

David scoffs at me and continues. "As I was saying, Juanita knew it would just be a matter of time before Dr. Grey would release you, so she went to Four and offered herself to him in comfort. I guess that did not work out so well for her. But she is resourceful, she had her Plan B ready."

He leans in closer to me, and I wait for it. "You see, it was Juanita that gave Four the memory Serum. He didn't want to toss his life away, even for you."

Tears stream down my face. She did this to him. To us. That girl is a monster, and now she has probably won. I am going to die in Providence with David while Tobias Johnson and Nita continue to bond, watch movies and eat pizza on his couch. Oh, and let's not forget, they have make out sessions in the middle of the atrium.

David seems pleased with my response. He looks so genuinely happy witnessing my devastation. I try to calm myself; there is no point crying about Tobias now. The only hope I have is that Nita does in fact love him. Maybe she won't hurt him then. I just want him to be ok. Even if I never see him again...I do love him. I will always love him.

Suddenly I notice that cameras are being set up and they are pointed to a bed that a metal bed frame. A chill runs through my body as I remember the words of the Rebel that attacked me while I was at Dauntless.

"You little whore! I am going to have fun making an example out of you when we film your rape in order to show it to the world. Leadership's orders!"

I gasp. So it was Nita and David that not only want me dead, but want me to be sexually assaulted and humiliated? Monsters!

"David! You said you weren't interested in me! And now you are going to rape me...on camera?!" I cry, horrified at the thought.

"Silly girl. No thank you, Tris. I will actually be leaving the room, but I have a couple- or I should say a few- Rebels that are very willing to be with you. It is all part of the message to the masses; it really has nothing to do with you, per say. We want to degrade you as much as possible- you especially, Tris, as you're the image of Genetic Purity for the Chicago Experiment."

"Just sit back and relax Tris. They will be here shortly. This will all be over for you soon," David says evenly.

+o+++o+

*Tobias POV*

It has been a whirlwind. Zeke and I escorted the Rebel that I had stopped from killing Guard Smith to the main security offices in Providence. At the same time I ask them to contact Luke Clark to let him know that both Zeke and I are here. And, of course, to notify him that Tris has been captured.

Luke was not pleased that we went against his orders, but he also understood. Not to mention, had it not been me for, one more of the Providence guards would be dead and we might not have this Rebel in our hands.

We strategize a plan. The emergency room was practically empty at the time of the attack. We brief everyone present and release a fake news story that both guards involved in the Rebel attack this evening died, also reporting that we have no leads at this time.

We don't want the Rebel group to know that we have one of their men in custody and he could potentially talk.

Zeke and I wait patiently in the observation room as they interrogate the Rebel. I am itching because it is going so slow. I make eye contact with Zeke. One of his specialties while in Dauntless was interrogation, and getting people to talk by any means. Most very painful means.

Every minute we waste is a moment that Tris could be suffering. I can't wait any longer. I look at Zeke urgently, and he knows what I am asking by just looking at my face. He nods his head in agreement.

We convince the lead officer to give Zeke just ten minutes to try it his way. We ask them to send in their most calm interrogator that does not have a weak stomach.

Here we go.

+o+++o+

It takes less than three minutes for the Rebel to crack under the persuasion Zeke offers. It was brutal, but efficient. It's over now.

This Rebel spills all of it.

He tells us that Nita and David are the leaders. How they met up again. David regaining his memories.

The Rebel explains that Tris was a target because she is the GP face of Chicago experiment; the Greys targeted because David felt slighted that everyone raved how much better they did his job.

And finally he actually gives up locations, numbers, and leaders that are located in Chicago, the Bureau and finally Providence.

He tells us two locations where David should be, and that Tris is most likely with him. My blood runs cold. If they so much as looked at her funny – I will end them.

With the information gathered, it is decided that we need to strike at all the Rebels simultaneously; if not they will scatter and possibly regroup. I stress to Luke that every second we use to plan is time that Tris is losing. Luke reminds me he cares about her too, but we need to do this the right way.

Coordinated attacks are organized and we finally move out. We determine that there are two different locations that are most likely to hold Tris.

"Zeke, I'm scared for her. I need to know that she has the best chance, and there is no one I trust like I do you. I want to split up. I would hate for both of us to go to the wrong location," I say

Zeke nods his head, "I am here for you and for Tris, Four. You tell me which team you want to join and I will take the other."

I look at all the locations and I follow my gut. I pray that I am able to find Tris, and if not me – that Zeke's unit will find her first.

We move out.

+o+++o+

+o+++o+ +o+++o+

+o+++o+

*Tris POV*

The waiting is agony. I keep looking at the bed and cameras. What kind of monsters would want to do this to me, and on film? I shudder.

I close my eyes and try to think about my life. My mom, dad, Caleb...friends like Christina, Uriah, Will, Cara, Zeke...and of course Tobias. I smile and think about initiation. The first time I saw him after I fell in the net. Sitting next to him in the cafeteria that first night. Learning to throw knives. I think about climbing the ferris wheel, learning that he was afraid of heights. All of those moments, before I knew he was meant for me, and I for him.

My thoughts are interrupted as I am being untied from the chair. They leave my wrists bound, but untie my ankles. An older man, who will not even make eye contact with me, is dragging me toward the bed. There is no way I am going down without a fight.

I kick him in the knee and then make a fist with my two bound hands and swing in an upward direction to clock him in the jaw. I make a run for the door and I fling it open.

Only to stare directly into David's face.

Suddenly I am punched so hard in the face that I fall backwards, only to be dragged further back into the room. I try to roll over but feel a solid kick to my thigh. I yelp in pain.

I roll onto my stomach and look up. David is staring down at me with a cold expression on his face. He motions for the men in the room to pick me up. They drag me kicking and screaming toward the bed.

They drag me kicking and screaming toward the bed

It takes three men to hold me down. They finally secure my wrists above my head and I am tied to the metal bed frame. I can't believe I am in this position, I can't believe these cowards are going to rape me and tape it, while David does what – watches?

David is interrupted by a phone call, I can see immediately that he looks stressed. He scowls and screams, "Damn it!" He then commands the rebels to untie me. One complains that he wanted to have his turn with me first. Disgusting pig.

David orders him to untie me again, the man again complains.

Suddenly David shoots him in the head, then asks the other rebels if any of them want to argue with him. I am quickly untied from the bed.

It all happens so quickly. The front door bangs open and armed Providence guards rush in. Suddenly the rebels in the room are shooting back. It is then that I see Tobias! He is fighting the rebels.

Suddenly David has a gun pointed in my ribs and he is pushing me to leave out the back way

Suddenly David has a gun pointed in my ribs and he is pushing me to leave out the back way.

"Tobias! Help me!" I scream before David slaps my face with the hand that is holding the gun. I suddenly feel dizzy, but his reminder that he will kill me keeps me stumbling forward as he wants.

He drags me out the back door into a dark hallway. I hear numerous gunshots coming from back inside the room. I close my eyes, praying that Tobias is ok.

Two of David's goons trail behind us, guarding our back. Suddenly Tobias has followed them in and within moments he disarms both of the Rebels and completely neutralizes them. I will give credit where it is do, Tobias is an incredible fighter.

"It is over David. Let Tris go, now!" Tobias says, now standing in the hallway as well. I notice instantly that Tobias no longer has his weapon.

David quickly turns so that he is holding me in front of him, with his gun pressed to my temple. All I can do is stare at Tobias, I am afraid that one wrong move will set David off.

"It will never be over, Four. So nice to see you again, by the way. Not another step or I blow her head off. Don't test me!" David screams.

Then David starts laughing. Tobias and I both freeze, unsure of what is setting this lunatic off now.

"Are you so stupid that you ran after us, even though you are unarmed? Answer me Four!"

Tobias straightens his back, "I just needed to make sure she is ok. Please David. Just let her go. This is not what Natalie would have wanted from you. Tris is her daughter, she would hate this."

"Shut your mouth! I no longer care what Natalie would have wanted. Damn that woman, she ruined me. She chose Andrew over me, and she left me here...to rot alone. Four, I promise you – Tris will die, and it will be terrible." I can feel David shaking with rage as he jostles the gun against my temple.

"But first, I want her to see something. This girl loves you. And now, because you were so stupid, she will get to watch you die first." I feel the blood drain from my face, and I watch as if in slow motion as David moves the gun from my temple and points forward aiming for Tobias's chest.

"So much for true love," David mutters and begins to pull the trigger.

I turn away from Tobias, and I quickly knock my body into David's sending us both crashing to the ground. I hear his weapon discharge.

A moment later I am rolled off of David, and I hear his gun being kicked across the floor away from us both.

"Tris! Are you shot?!" I head Tobias frantically say as his hands check me over for a gunshot wound.

"Not this time." I smile at him. He looks stunned for a moment and then smiles back at me.

Before Tobias can pull me up to my feet I feel a sharp pain from my arm, I scream in agony. David had a knife on him and he managed to cut my arm through my shirt.

Suddenly Tobias grabs him away from me and drags David across the room.

"You son of a bitch! It's over, I will never let you hurt Tris again!" Tobias screams while holding David in front of him and shaking him. And that is when I see it. David pulls out a small pistol from his coat pocket and aims for Tobias's head.

"Tobias, gun!" I scream and then I hear the gun shoot.

David drops to the floor and Tobias is covered in blood. The guard steps out from the main room, he took David down just in time.

It's over. David is dead.

I stand up on wobbly feet, and look at Tobias. He looks at me, his expression unreadable.

"Tris," he says, his eyes filled with emotions.

I am speechless.

+o++o+ Chapter End +o++o+

+o++o+ +o++o+ +o++o+


	50. Chapter 50: Forgiveness & Trust

Chapter 50: Forgiveness & Trust  
++o+++++++o++ ++o+++++++o++ ++o+++++++o++  
++o+++++++o++ ++o+++++++o++ ++o+++++++o++  
+o++o+ Last Scene of CH 49 +o++o+

"Tobias gun!" I scream and then I hear the gun shoot.

David drops to the floor and Tobias is covered in blood. The guard steps out from the main room, he took David down just in time.

It is over. David is dead.

I stand up on wobbly feet, and look at Tobias. He looks at me, his expression is unreadable.

"Tris." He says, his eyes filled with emotions.

I am speechless.

+o+++o+ End of CH 49 +o++o+

++o+++++++o++ ++o+++++++o++ ++o+++++++o++  
++o+++++++o++ ++o+++++++o++ ++o+++++++o++

 

Chapter 50: Forgiveness & Trust

*Tris POV*

We stand there, both of us looking at each other and then looking down at David's dead body. The monster is finally dead. Suddenly there is a Providence Guard standing in front of me, asking me to confirm who I am, and if I have any injuries.

"I am Tris Prior, and I'm ok. I'm ok." I say, starting to feel a little dizzy. I was so close....so close to being raped and killed, so close to watching Tobias die in front of me, so close... So close.

I snap back to reality when I hear his voice from across the room, "Tris!" I then hear the tone of his voice shift, sounding irritated, "Excuse me – I said I was fine. Let go of my arm. I need to check on her and make sure she's ok. Seriously, move out of my way. I'll get cleaned up later." I look to see two guards attempting to calm Tobias down and even offer him a towel to clean David's blood off of his arms and face. I assume all David's blood...

I side step the guard by me and run over to meet Tobias halfway, "Tobias, are you hurt?! Is any of that your blood!" I ask frantically.

I think he may be in shock, the expression on his face is completely unreadable to me. My eyebrows furrow as I study him for a clue. I also notice in disgust that while it's all David's, there's more than just blood splattered all over Tobias. He was standing so close when David took a bullet to his head.

Suddenly Tobias slowly reaches out for my hands and pulls them up, I then remember that my hands are still bound in front of me. I had actually forgotten. He takes a moment to pause, as he breathes in and out, while touching my hands for the first time. I watch as he slowly runs his thumb across the back of my hand, beginning at my wrist and then towards my fingers. It is as if he is checking to make sure I am still alive.

One of the guards standing near us clears his throat. Tobias looks over for a moment and then takes a knife from his pocket. He cuts my hand ties, I then stretch both of my hands when they are no longer painfully bound. I don't even know what he is doing here, but I am so grateful to him.

I slip my hand to his, and I say "Thank you Tobias." We stare at each other. I am so conflicted. But I also remember, he saved me in Dauntless too. He told me, "You die, I die too." He took care of me when I needed him the most.

And then he treated me like I was nothing the next time I saw him. He broke his promise of visiting John's widow, as pizza with Nita on his couch was more appealing.

No. I am not going down that road again. Especially not now. Now that it appears we have a handle on the New Rebels Group. Finally, a peaceful existence is around the corner for me. And I am taking it. I need this.

I smile at him in thanks, and then I drop his hands and step away from him. Instantly a sadness flashes across his eyes. I fight hard to keep my face neutral.

It is then time to move, we are all regrouping at the Providence Security Offices. Tobias and I walk side by side. I am careful not to touch him.

+o++o+

Once we arrive we are ushered to different interrogation rooms. We each have a different investigator that needs to take our statement. As I spent more time with David and a few of the rebels my recap of events takes hours. I am so tired.

It was comforting to speak with Luke via telecom. He offers to let me spend the night at his family's home as they are still expecting me. I thank him, but now that things are safe I just want to go home and rest there.

As I step out of the small interrogation room I had just spent the last two hours in, I am so relieved to be able to stretch my arms and legs. I can barely contain the yawn that threatens to escape. I just want to go home and rest. It dawns on me that I have already fallen in love with my little place in Providence.

The first two faces I see when I am in the large conference area is Tobias and Zeke. A huge breath of air leaves me- I am so relieved to see them both alive and well. Both jump up and approach me. Zeke has a huge beaming smile on his face.

Tobias smiles, but he still seems a little off, as though he is nervous. Our parting at the bureau was not exactly pleasant. I chalk it up to that.

"Tris!" Zeke loudly exclaims as he runs over first and throws his arms around me, picking me up off the ground for a moment. I laugh at him. I can't even believe he is here. When he puts me down, he takes a step back and I see him turn to Tobias. Zeke's back is to me so I can't see what his expression is.

"It's so good to see both of you guys, I'm really glad you're here. And that you both are safe." My voice trails off as Tobias cautiously steps closer to me and he gently pulls me into his arms. I close my eyes at the familiarity of his embrace, but I also hold back, remembering who he is and the promise I made to myself.

He gently kisses my forehead for a decent amount of time, then rests his chin on the top of my head, tucking me safely in his arms

He gently kisses my forehead for a decent amount of time, then rests his chin on the top of my head, tucking me safely in his arms. I feel him breathe in and out slowly as he gently rubs my arms and side. As much as I would like to stay with him forever, I know that is not in the cards for me.

I wrap my arms around his waist and give him one squeeze before I pull back from him. I can't even look him in the face, I am afraid I will just change my mind. Now is not the time to be weak.

"I want to thank both of you for coming here, I can't tell you how much it means to me." I say while looking at both Zeke and Tobias. Again, I feel the tension in the room.

"Um, where are you guys staying? I am about to head home... Do you need me to ask the director here if they have accommodations for you both?" I want to be helpful, while also making it clear that they are not staying with me at my apartment. No way.

Zeke actually smirks at me, "Oh, don't worry. Tobias and I have already been set up with a place to crash. But of course we will walk you directly back to your apartment Tris. I also insist that we do a sweep to make sure the Rebels didn't set a booby trap for you or there isn't one of them hiding under your bed."

We all share a small laugh, I nod my head in thanks. I would feel better having them walk me home.

As we walk through the halls of Providence we make small talk. Zeke tells me that Christina is waiting for my phone call. I cringe. I can only imagine how upset both Christina and Caleb must be over me leaving without an explanation or even a goodbye. I just nod my head. Zeke smiles at me sympathetically.

When Zeke takes a few steps ahead of us it is just Tobias and I walking side by side, we pass a woman in the hallway that is pushing a double stroller. She smiles warmly at us and steps aside and waits for us to pass. It is then that Tobias gently slips his hand into mine, intertwining our fingers. He gently guides me closer to him so we can pass them.

He doesn't let go of my hand as we continue to walk. Hand in hand we walk toward my apartment. He runs one of his fingertips down my palm, and I shiver as my cheeks flush warmly. No. This is not right. This is not going to happen.

I pull my hand away from and force a cough, using my hand to cover my mouth. I then slip both of my hands into my pockets while we continue to walk. I don't look in his direction to see his reaction. I do look forward and see that Zeke watched the entire exchange. He just turns around and asks me if the next hallway intersection will be a left or a right.

When we arrive to my door, Zeke immediately speaks up. "Look, the two of you need to talk...alone. So I'm going to head back to the dorms. He will clear your apartment and then...well whatever you guys do...anyways...goodnight, Tris."

Zeke gives me a brief hug, and then one to Tobias. He waves as he walks off.

I consider just sending Tobias away, but no, I scold myself. I need to be an adult and have a conversation with him. If things need to be said one more time, I can do that.

"Come in. We should clear the apartment, just in case." I say nervously.

"Of course." He says as he draws his gun and walks through the apartment. I feel a small rush when he enters my bedroom, where my bed is. No. Stop it, Tris. Stop.

When he is done, and enters the living room where I am standing and waiting for him. I see a strange expression on his face, best to be described as a mixture of nervousness and as though I have his complete attention. I feel as though he is studying my every move, breath, and step. It is a little unnerving to be honest. I know it is time for me to begin.

I need to be firm. This will be the third time we are having this conversation, so I am also beginning to lose patience. To find the strength to do this, I think back to moments that he has treated me abhorrently over the last months. He needs to leave my life, and never come back.

"I want to thank you again for saving me, but nothing has changed for me. I ask that you respect my wishes. Please go back to the bureau, as soon as possible. I don't want to see you again." I keep my voice even and force myself to look him in the eyes. I don't want there to be any question in his mind about how serious I am.

He face reddens and I see how his mouth falls open, as though he is trying to form the right words. What he doesn't realize is that I am so done, there is nothing he could say to me now. I want him out of my life.

"Tris, please. You have to hear me out. I love-" he starts, I feel like I am listening to a record play. We just discussed this days ago at the transport bay. I start to get really frustrated.

"You know what Tobias?! No! I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear another damn word come out of your mouth." I am suddenly seeing red as I remember all the times he pushed me away, he dismissed me, he made me feel like I was nothing. Oh, and let's not forget the time he made me feel cheap.

"Why is it when YOU dismiss me, which you have done countless times, I was expected to scurry off and leave you alone? What part of I am done, and I never want to see your face again – is hard for you to comprehend!?" I take a breath, and steady myself. I am going to explain this to him once more. And then if needed, I will call the guards and have him removed from my home. I know Luke will have my back.

"Tobias, you just have no idea, no concept what you did to me. You broke me. And maybe that sounds dramatic to you. But you did. You made me feel like I was losing my mind. Like I was imagining things that weren't real. You kept pulling me in, here and there. Making me feel like I could TRUST you, and then BAM! You treated me like I was garbage. Don't you see – I can't trust you, I now feel like I can't trust anyone else, I don't even feel like I can trust MYSELF."

I realize tears are streaming down my face, "And that is the worst feeling of all. I doubt myself now. No more, please. Do you have any idea how desperate I had to have been to literally run away from my life? I was trapped in a coma or three months, and then I finally get my brother, my friends back...but I was so desperate to be away from you, that I walked away from them."

Tears run down his face as he runs his hands through his hair. He looks so pained. One word escapes his lips in a sob, "Tris..."

"Enough! I want you to go away. Now. Go!" I say firmly as I walk to my door and open it for him, I won't even look at him.

He moves to leave, and before he walks through the door he pauses to look at me one last time. "Tris, I will always love you. I hope you..."

"Get the hell out. That means nothing to me anymore." I say coldly, I will not even look at him. I slam the door behind him and wrap my arms around myself.

I count to five, I allow myself five seconds of weakness to mourn what I once had with Tobias Eaton. One, two, three, four.

Five.

And then I wipe my tears and let it go. I need to be brave.

This will pass. This will pass. This will pass.

++o+++++++o++

++o+++++++o++ ++o+++++++o++

++o+++++++o++

*Tobias POV*

The moment her door slams behind me, I bend over while placing my hands on my knees. I breathe deeply to calm myself. The last words I will ever hear from Tris Prior will be, 'Get the hell out. That means nothing to me anymore.' In response to me telling her that I will always love her. My heart is breaking.

Seeing her again, while having all of my memories, was absolutely the most amazing feeling. Just being able to see her, smell her, hold her momentarily...I almost needed all of that to believe that she is real, she is whole. She is indeed alive.

I stand up, I need to leave here. I stumble towards the dormitory and as I turn the first corner I almost trip over Zeke who is sitting in an empty hallway with his legs laying out in front of him.

"Zeke! I almost fell, what are you doing?" I mutter.

He sees me, rolls his eyes and stands up while wiping off his pants. "I, my friend, am sitting somewhat outside of Tris's apartment just in case the two of you idiots could not work things out. And here you are, way too early to have had any type of meaningful conversation. Am I right?"

I frown, I am guessing my eyes are still red from crying just minutes earlier while in her apartment. "Zeke, she despises me. The worst part is, I don't blame her! Just leave it alone. I need to respect her wishes." I gulp the lump that is in my throat. "It kills me, but I can see that my presence unnerves her, upsets her...I'm no good for her. Not anymore."

I feel a sharp pain in my chest, and my breath feels shallow, as though I can't get enough air into my lungs. "I need to get out of here."

"Are you serious?" Zeke asks. "So you told her all of it, and she still didn't want to talk to you?!"

I try to walk in the opposite direction of Tris's apartment, but Zeke blocks the way. I sigh, I know he wants an answer from me. I sheepishly nod my head in a no.

Zeke's eyes widen and he shakes his head incredulously.

He steps around and storms towards Tris's apartment. What the hell is he doing? I run after him. It takes him just moments to arrive to her door and before I can stop him he bangs loudly on the door. It actually shakes he is pounding so hard.

"Zeke! What the hell man?" I hiss at him. And suddenly the apartment door flings open, with Tris standing there with a knife in her hand.

"What on earth!" she snaps, while lowering the knife. "It is now the middle of the night, please just go to the dorms. I have had enough for one day- for a lifetime, actually."

Zeke literally grabs me and pushes us into her apartment. She looks furious. Zeke shoves me towards her couch and instructs me to take a seat. I don't argue with him, I have never seen him like this. He turns to Tris, she is spitting mad.

"Zeke, did you forget about our conversation back at the bureau? I told you, and I was very clear...if you can't respect that I want nothing to do with Tobias, then I will be cutting you out of my life as well. I want both of you to leave." Tris opens the door, her voice getting louder with each word. She is livid.

"Tris, I love you like a sister. Actually, more like a sister-in-law." He smiles at us both. Tris rolls her eyes. "But you are stubborn as hell, and I see you're digging your heels in. And I don't even blame you. This asshole has put you through the wringer," he says while nodding his head at me when the word asshole leaves his mouth. This is going really well for me.

She finally asks, "What the hell do you want from me, Zeke?"

Zeke gently leads Tris towards the ottoman that is right next to the couch where I am sitting. "I want you to sit right over here, and just listen to the very important things that Four has to say to you. And once you listen to him, if you still want to throw him out, fine. That is obviously your choice. Can you do that?"

Tris is now sitting across from me, we are facing each other, our knees just inches apart. She looks at me once before turning to Zeke and nodding her head in agreement. Zeke smiles, and quickly exits. He wishes me luck as he shuts the door behind. I nod my head gratefully. Even if she can't forgive me, I want her to know the truth, all of it.

Tris looks away. I think she's still angry with me because of the intrusion Zeke forced upon her. I guess I don't really blame her. There is still a part of me that enjoys gazing at her, being able to watch her just be alive in front of me is an incredible feeling. I find myself studying her, watching the way she fidgets, the way she is rubbing her hands on the knees of her pants, the way that she keeps nervously chewing on her lower lip. I want to commit all of this to my memory, in case this is the last time she will want to see me.

I whisper, "To be honest, I'm nervous. But you deserve to know the truth, and understand, Tris."

It is only then that she stares at me. Her eyes so stern, so insistent. Beautiful. I remember the moment I first met her and pulled her down from the net. She was brave then, and she is brave now. I clear my throat nervously, rubbing the back of my neck.

"I should start by telling you, Tris, it's me. I have all of my memories, I..."

"Stop it. Enough. This is just cruel. Why are you doing this to me?" Tris cries as she moves to crawl away from me.

Without thinking it through I grab her hands in and hold them in mine. "Please, let me finish. It is me Tris. It's Four, but Tobias to you." Tears fill her eyes, and she is now looking at me intently.

"I remember everything. I got all of my memories back earlier today while I was still at the bureau, well I guess technically yesterday as it is now 1am, but it is a long story on how. First I need to prove to you, I am who I say I am. There are things I never told anyone, and maybe if you didn't as well... I can tell you things that were just between us." I whisper.

My heart speeds up when I feel Tris run her thumb gently along the inside of my palm, as if to encourage me to continue.

"During initiation- the knife throwing exercise- you were so mad after I cut your ear. We were alone in the training room. You called me sadistic. I told you, 'If I wanted to hurt you, don't you think I would have already?' I was so mad that I slammed the point of the knife so hard into the table that it got stuck, handle toward the ceiling," I tell her.

Tris smiles at me, which encourages me to continue. She then places her hand on my right cheek, gently stroking my face. I know what I need to tell her next.

"The last words I ever said to you, before I left for Chicago: 'I love you, too. I'll see you soon.' I kissed you one last time, it was softly. I will always remember that. And then I left you standing in the atrium of the bureau. I remember there was a ray of sun shining on you. That was the last time I saw you alive...until today with David." I stare into her eyes, willing her to believe me. I can feel the tears glistening in my eyes.

A sob escapes her lips, and she throws her arms around me and buries her face into my neck. I feel her tears tickle my neck and roll into my shirt collar. I hold her close to me, pulling her to sit next to me on the couch. I am gently rubbing her back, her sides. I stroke her hair. I just want to touch her, she is so warm, so full of life. I prayed for this moment, and now it is actually happening.

"Tobias, is it really you? All of you? I mean...how is this even possible?" she cries. I notice that her eyes keep lowering to my lips. I control myself from ravishing her, I know we have a lot to talk about.

"It's me Tris. Do you believe me? I can keep going, or you can ask me questions? I need you to know that I am whole. And then, I need you to know that I love you. I will never love anyone the way that I love you. And the way I treated you...it kills me. I am sorry, there will never be enough that I can do or say to show you how much I regret treating you so poorly." I slip down to the the floor next to the couch where we had been sitting. I am kneeling in front of her, her legs on either side of me, I lean down and place my head in her lap and I beg for her forgiveness.

"Stop, Tobias. Please, look at me." She whispers. I sit up and face her, her eyes directly ahead of me. We're on the same plane in this position.

Before she can continue, there is a part of me that fears she will still send me away. That I am too little, too late. I have to explain it all to her.

"There is more," I say firmly. Tris nods her head to encourage me to go on.

I take in a deep breath. "This was because of Nita." I immediately feel her stiffen. "Tris, wait, please let me explain."

She nods her head, and then she tells me what David had told her. That is was Nita that had tried to seduce me, and when that failed, she was the one to give me the serum.

"So I guess, you weren't so broken hearted after all..." Tris forces a smile. I feel a pang in my chest, like I have somehow hurt her, again.

I grab her face in my hands and I make her look at me. "I wanted to die without you, Tris. You were the only person that mattered to me, the only person that ever made me feel loved, the only one I wanted a future with. I was so close to taking the serum myself, but Christina convinced me that just disappearing is something YOU would have hated. I only stayed because of you. Because I loved you so much, I wanted to suffer through it. Please tell me you understand. I love you, Tris. I loved you then, and I love you now."

A sob escapes her lips and she leans in to kiss me. As much as it kills me, I ask her if we can wait to be physical until with have both talked about everything that needs to be said. Tris smiles at me and nods. "I don't want to go too fast," I whisper in her ear. She laughs and I give her waist a squeeze as I gently kiss her cheek.

"As you know, these past months I have been acting erratically. It turns out that Nita was using her position on my rehabilitation team to continue controlling me by using a different serum. Everyone impacted by the memory serum gets a vitamin injection via their rehabilitation team, my friends Josh and Amy get theirs as well. All this time, when I would get so close to breaking out of the memory serum, instead of the regular vitamins, she'd inject me with a special serum that targeted only my original memories and then she would use a form of brainwashing to turn me against you." I pause as Tris gasps. She sounds so upset.

"It is my understanding that my love for you was what kept pulling me out of the memory-fog I was trapped in. Anytime you needed me, or you were in danger, or when we got really close, that is when my memories would fight to come back. I didn't realize it then, but even our night in my old apartment – I had a dream about the time I first showed you my tattoo. What I didn't accept was that it was an actual memory! If it weren't for Nita's crazy schemes, I would have returned to you sooner. I'm sorry for that, I hate that girl. She is the embodiment of evil," I say, furious that Nita was able to get away with all she did.

"Tris, I know this sounds crazy, but it was actually Zeke and your friend, Nurse Gabriela, that figured it out. And believe it or not, it was Caleb that created the inoculation. And he helped me fight off the last manipulation that Nita performed, and we caught her red handed! It's over, Tris. She is done," I finish.

Tris looks hopeful. "Was it the serum Caleb made that brought back all of your memories then?"

Tears fill my eyes. "No, Tris. It was because of you. As Nita was apprehended, she told me that you would be raped and killed and that I would be too late. She said that I shouldn't feel bad about my missing memories, that I was going to be able to experience your death all over again and that this time, it would be real. That moment killed me, the pain of losing you washed over me. It was overwhelming."

A sob escapes my lips and I put my hand over my eyes to wipe the tears away, Tris looks horrified.

"My fear of losing you- of knowing that you would suffer- was so strong that all of my memories completely broke through. It's over. It's really over. " I smile at her.

We both smile and now I am ready. I cradle her face in my hands and lick my lower lip in anticipation of devouring her mouth. As I lean in, Tris places her fingertips on my mouth, essentially pausing me. I smile softly and gently kiss her fingertips, which she then traces across my lower lip.

"Tobias, there is one more important thing we need to talk about. Well, since you brought up Caleb...." She looks sad, nervous even.

I nod my head to encourage her.

"Even though you didn't have your memories, and now my understanding is that Nita would use some form of brainwashing in order to turn you against me... At some level, the things you said - - about my not choosing you, that I didn't put us first. That even though it was the day after we...um, made love...I still didn't pick you...." Tris can barely get the words out while she begins weeping, her shoulders are now shaking.

I feel a rock in my stomach. I suddenly feel a little flushed and clammy. The truth is, I was hurt, and if I am honest, I am now still. I close my eyes to think before I speak.

"Tobias? Please talk to me," Tris whispers, tears rolling down her cheeks. Her fingers gently caress my jaw.

"Tris. First off, even though I was hurt and upset. I would never speak to you, or deliver that message to you in such a demeaning way. I still feel sick when I think about how I called the night we made love, 'screwing'. Our night together was literally the most amazing moment of my existence. I hope you know that is how I really feel." After I get the words out, I can't take it any longer.

I pull her closer to me, wrapping my arms around her waist. Tris looks at me, and I kiss her fervently on the lips. She gasps in surprise and then leans into my kiss. At first our lips just press together, as close as possible. I know she can feel the pressure of my kiss, I am desperate for her. After a moment I turn my head and gently trace my tongue along her lower lip, she smiles and her lips part. Our mouths begin a dance we both know well. She whimpers and I let out a groan. Her kisses are intoxicating.

"I love you," I whisper as I pull away

"I love you," I whisper as I pull away. She smiles at me and nods for me to continue.

"Look. Do I wish you would have stuck to the plan we agreed to? Yes. OK? My answer is yes. But having thought I lost you, actually grieving you... I didn't have the energy to be mad or hate you. I was too busy trying to survive your loss. Secondly, looking back at the plan...it was idiotic on my part to believe that you would let Caleb die. It is just not who you are. And I accept and love you exactly as you are, and are meant to be. Does that make sense?" I ask her.

Tris has tears in her eyes, she leans closer and places her forehead to rest on mine. "I just need to tell you, I truly believed that I would live. In that moment, I didn't see it as picking Caleb over our future together. I love you, and I will always pick you. But the most important thing, Tobias, I am so sorry."

We stay like that for a few moments, forehead to forehead. The sound of her breathing is calming.

"Do you forgive me?" we both ask of the other at the same time. We both laugh at the irony.

"I love you Beatrice Prior, and yes, I forgive you for going against our plan and putting yourself in danger. And I want you to know, I am so thankful to have you here, in my arms. Alive and whole," I say firmly as I pull back to stare into her eyes.

She smiles at me and leans her forehead against mine. "Tobias Eaton- not Johnson- I love you and I forgive you for everything. I trust you and I want us to move forward."

We both smile and then kiss gently. At first our kisses are short and sweet, with small smiles in between. We take turns leading kisses, both showing the other person how much love and affection we feel for the other. Our mouths explore each other as though the first time.

We talk for a long time, into the early morning hours. We laugh, we cry, we kiss, and most importantly, we make promises to each other.

Tris and I agree to go slow. We know that we love each other, and that we belong together.

As part of going slow, we will actually date, and enjoy getting to know each other again. And most importantly, we will build our trust again. We recognize that is something we both need to work on. We also agree to slow down the physical aspects of our relationship, just for a while. Tris laughs at the frown on my face, and tells me not to sulk. I tell her I will try. I am not thrilled, but logically I know it is a good decision. Thankfully, I am used to taking very cold showers. She tells me I need to keep my shirt on in her presence if this is going to work.

That night we fall asleep on her couch. She has a blanket we drape over our bodies as we lay tangled and close together.

As she is about to fall asleep, I stroke her hair and kiss her temple, "Tris? I have one very important question."

She hums to encourage my question, her eyes already closed as she fights to stay awake.

I kiss her lips tenderly, "The night we made love at the bureau, how did you know that empty room that conveniently had a couch even existed? I need to know. It has been bugging me for a long time."

She giggles while keeping her eyes closed, "Goodnight, Tobias. A girl has to have some secrets. I love you."

I kiss her lips once more, "Sleep Tris, I am here. I love you, too."

I stay awake long after Tris has fallen asleep, just enjoying holding her in my arms and watching her dream.

I am so in love with Tris Prior. One day, I hope she will agree to become my wife.

+o+o+ Story End +o+o+


	51. Epilogue: Our New Normal

Epilogue: Our New Normal  
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Author's Note:

As always thank you for reading! This is my last part to the Tobias and Tris love story. Thank you to those of you that comment, it always makes me smile.

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Chapter Disclaimer: This chapter contains implied adult-intimate-situations and references to sex. If you are uncomfortable with this, please do not continue to read.

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Epilogue: Our New Normal

Part I: Time Lapse ~ Two Months

*Tris POV*

As class wraps up I quickly place my tablet and notes in my backpack. I smile at my professor as I run out of the lecture hall. I only have fifteen minutes to make it to my internship that is a few buildings over. It is only my second week and I don't want to be late. I started a six month internship at the Providence Child Advocacy Center, my goal being to contribute while also using this time to decide which area I want my career to concentrate on.

I am working towards a degree in Child Advocacy and Policy at the local university. Laura Grey has followed through on her promise to me; I was able to step away from the Genetic Research Project and follow my own passion. It took some soul searching, but this is what I decided I want to do with my life: helping children who don't have a voice, and stepping in where I can to protect them.

A child advocate may work in a number of different capacities for many types of organizations. I am leaning towards dealing with neglect and abuse. I felt nervous broaching the subject with Tobias. I knew he would support me in any choice I made, but I also knew this career would hit close to home for him.

He was wonderful. He actually got tears in his eyes and kissed me before saying a single word. He then told me I was amazing, and that every day that passes he falls more and more in love with me. We ended up kissing for hours that evening, skipping dinner altogether.

It has been two months since Tobias and I found our way back to each other again. Tobias asked Luke if he could transfer to Providence permanently, telling him that we wanted to start our lives here. Luke made it happen quickly; Tobias has a permanent position with the Providence Security Team, starting in surveillance but quickly was promoted to information technology analysis and coding.

In the spirit of taking it slow, Tobias got his own apartment in Providence. It helps that we each have our own space and we make it a point to not be together at all times. Especially nights, well, at least not every night. There are some times we will end up sleeping over one another's apartment, but it is more of a special occasion than an everyday thing.

We have not been intimate, and we attempt to keep our physical affection to mainly kissing. Tobias likes to mention that he often has to take cold showers. I just smile and remind him I like a clean boyfriend.

After my work day I rush home to prepare dinner. It is Friday night and it is finally my turn to plan a date night. It's like pulling teeth getting Tobias to give me a turn. He loves to spoil me, and I have stiff competition when trying to come up with something creative and romantic.

Thirty minutes later there is a knock at my door, as I am pulling the chicken out of the oven, and I call for Tobias to come in. I hear him use his key to let himself into my apartment. In record speed he is standing behind me, his arms slowly wrapping around my waist and kissing my neck. I feel the butterflies in my stomach do somersaults. I lean back against him and reach my arm up and behind me to slide my fingers into his hair.

"I missed you so much today," he whispers into my ear. My lips instantly form a huge smile. I turn around and look into his eyes, I could stare at them all day and night.

"I missed you too. I'm glad you are here. I hope you're hungry," I giggle.

Tobias leans in and kisses me passionately, pausing to gently bite my lower lip. "I am always hungry for you, Tris." A small moan escapes my lips.

After a moment I push him away playfully and hand him the plates and silverware so he can set the table. "We are not going to burn dinner again! Table, go, please!" He just chuckles as he walks away. I pause to watch him retreat, he is beautiful. In every way. I need to pull the roasted vegetables out of the oven next.

Dinner is delicious, according to Tobias. We laugh and talk about our day. He is always interested to hear about my classes, and now my internship. He tells me he is proud of me, and he wishes more people were like me. I just blush. I am still getting used to accepting compliments from him. I have no reason to doubt him, my doubt comes from within. It is something I am working on.

Although challenging, we still are working through the past. Our hurts, our shortcomings, our words that were not always kind, deceptions – even things that happened before the memory serum release. I have learned that although difficult to talk these things through, I feel better afterward and even safer in our relationship. I am learning to be honest with him, and I trust he is learning the same thing with me.

Even with knowing that he was being controlled by Nita with a serum and then essentially brainwashing tactics, we both carry hurts from that time that spill into our present. Tobias can remember the ways he had hurt me, he remembers the way he would be wonderful one moment and then cruel the next. I love him, and I have forgiven him. He is still working on forgiving himself. It is important for our future that he does. Although I logically understand what happened, Caleb and Cara went to great lengths to explain it to me (I think they feared I would not forgive Tobias), I still carry the fear of the future. Early in our new relationship... I found myself approaching Tobias after a separation, whether a work day or even a couple of days when our schedules were hectic, and I realized that I would brace myself for the possibility that my Tobias would be gone again. He sensed my unease but I didn't want to hurt him so I kept it inside. We are still learning, that by keeping secrets from each other - that is what causes the biggest hurt of all.

I was honest with him, and it did pain him. But we worked through it. Tobias came up with a code word (if via phone) or sign that he was still...him. The code word was cake. And anytime we would first see each other he would discreetly tug on his right ear. It became this cute, but private joke between us. We were able to take a scary and sad situation and turn it around. We took away its power over us.

He is my best friend, as well as my love.

I am starting picture forever with him.

"Tris?" Tobias repeats. I smile sheepishly at him, I was zoned out. "You told me to pack a light coat for the second part of our date, where are we going?"

"It's a surprise, let's go," I smile.

We talk about Caleb and our friends. A lot has changed in the last two months. Shortly after we left the bureau, both Zeke and Christina returned to Chicago. Zeke was so happy to reunite with Shauna and they both visited us in Providence just last weekend. I never knew Zeke was such a little gossip! Tobias just rolled his eyes and didn't say a word. Shauna and I always laughed and encouraged him to keep talking.

I'm going to have to have some words with Christina for keeping me in the dark. I know she still sees me as a prude- especially when I told her that not only are Tobias and I not going to live together, but we also have slowed down the physical aspect of our relationship. She was horrified, as was poor Zeke. During Zeke's visit I overheard him lecturing Tobias on how we could still do other things even though we are not having sex. I cleared my throat before entering the room. Zeke smiled at me sweetly while Tobias was a bright shade of red and was staring at his feet.

Back to Christina, she had mentioned to me that she was really enjoying Chicago and her new position training future Dauntless initiates; her initiates can be any age now as anyone can apply. What she neglected to tell me is that she has been caught on two separate occasions having hot sex in the training room after hours. A different guy each time! Shauna and Zeke thought this was a hilarious story, and made sure to tell us that Christina was fine and completely comfortable with it. Neither guy was one of her students, so she wasn't in any kind of trouble. Tobias, who still doesn't care for her, to his credit kept his mouth shut. But I can recognize his 'disgusted' face a mile away. I was absolutely flabbergasted, but I did make a mental note to ask Christina for the juicy details later.

Caleb and Cara are still dating and happy working at the bureau. I know for a little while there was some drama with Matthew. After he gave up on me, he thought Cara would be open to dating him. He didn't realize that she and Caleb were pretty serious. I think that blew over pretty quickly.

During Zeke and Shauna's visit, I had some gossip to share as well. Tobias smiled at me and held my hand while I told them that through her grief as a widow, Kimberly had reconnected with Luke Clark after many years of friendship, and they had started to date. As Kimberly has a baby on the way, and they have known each other as close friends their entire lives...things got serious quickly. It was nice to see them in person for brunch when they came out to discuss their relationship in person with both sets of parents. I know that John had no living family, but that both Kimberly and Luke are committed his child knowing what a hero he was.

It is funny how things worked out, I never imagined I would see Tobias and Luke sitting at the same table genuinely enjoying a meal together. Luke pulled me aside to tell me how very happy he was, granted he mainly knows Tobias through their professional relationship. Luke told me he approved, and if I had been his actual sister he would give Tobias his blessing. It meant a lot to me.

Tobias and I walk hand in hand to our date, I got us tickets to tour the botanical gardens. I read that they have set up a light show and music to enjoy as we walk the exhibits. It was a wonderful evening, and very romantic.

Tobias is always so grateful when I plan our dates. I love that about him. I had never noticed before that it is almost like it is still a surprise to him when someone does something nice for him. I hope to show him that he will always be able to count on me.

"What are you thinking about right now, Tris." He whispers in my ear as we are on the elevator returning to my apartment.

I blush deeply, he raises his eyebrows, I am sure even more curious now. I sigh and lean closer to him, "I was thinking...that I want to make you happy, take care of you, love you...and that you can always count on me. I hope you know that."

He gulps, his adam's apple bobbing, his face suddenly serious. Before the elevator even opens, he suddenly scoops me up in his arms, as though I weigh nothing. The memory of our time in amity and that stupid serum enters my mind. Now I can look back and laugh. His eyes don't leave me as he swiftly carries me to my apartment, once there he quickly stands me up and presses his body against mine on the wall next to my door. He manages to kiss my lips while simultaneously unlocking the door with his key. I whimper, suddenly feeling weak in the knees.

"Tris, can I come in?" he asks softly.

"Yes," I smile while kissing him lovingly.

As he pulls me into my apartment and locks the door behind us, he stops and smiles at me. "Tris, after I take a very cold shower, may I spend the night in your bed and kiss you passionately until one of us falls asleep?"

I gently touch my thumb to his lower lip, "Yes, Tobias. Yes."

I love him, and he is mine. Just as I am his.

"As long as you sleep with a shirt on," I remind him. He laughs wholeheartedly and kisses me again.

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Part II: Time Lapse ~ Four More Months

*Tobias POV*

I step off the transport and look for Josh and Amy. I see them immediately and wave. My department has a mandatory two day training at the Bureau so here I am. I had really wanted Tris to make the trip with me but she is working on an important abuse case and the child's hearing had been scheduled for tomorrow morning. Her internship team is working around the clock today for final preparations. These will be the first nights we are not sleeping in the same city since I initially followed her to Providence. I don't like it one bit.

Although work was willing to pay for my hotel, Josh and Amy insisted that both myself and Zeke should crash at their apartment for both nights. As soon as we determined that Tris could not make the trip, I asked Zeke if he wanted to make a small reunion of my trip. Zeke was thrilled. I was so relieved he accepted, while we are at the Bureau there is a special project I need his help with.

When Tris and I had decided that we wanted to take things slow, and date, a big part of that was also choosing to be on our own, away from family and friends. Caleb was fine with staying at the Bureau- he has never been one to want to have Tris too close. Evelyn is honoring our original agreement that she needs to stay away from any of the major cities for a two year period.

A few weeks ago I did send word to her, letting her know all that had happened with Nita, the memory serums, and of course Tris being alive. My letter to Evelyn explained that Tris and I were madly in love and working to build a new relationship. I was honest with her- I confided that my hope is that Tris and I will be together forever. Evelyn wrote back almost immediately to tell me she was happy for me, and she also asked me to pass a message along to Tris. She wrote:

"Dearest Beatrice,

After witnessing my son suffer your loss, learning of your return has done nothing short of warm my heart. I know that he adores you, please be good to him. He deserves the best, and you have always been the only person to give that to him. One day, I hope you can forgive the petty and cruel things I said to you in the past. I deeply regret those moments between us. I hope we can move forward one day.

Warmest regards, Evelyn"

I think back to when Tris read the note.

+o+ Memory +o+

After reading Evelyn's note, Tris asked me to give her a moment and she walked out of the room while trying to discreetly wipe her tears away. I could immediately sense how upset she was, they were not tears of sadness. After fifteen minutes she returned and asked me if we could just call it a night, and that she wanted some time alone. I felt dread, I knew that my mother's message had an impactful meaning, and I began to imagine the worst. I knew of the tension between them back in Chicago, but I felt like there was something specific that neither woman had ever shared with me.

"Tris, if you need me to leave and give you space...I will. But I am asking you, please don't shut me out. Whatever this note means, whatever specific thing is upsetting you, I want to know. We are a team, I love you, I don't want there to be secrets between us," I urged her.

She closed her eyes. I could just see that she was thinking about what to do. She then smiled at me, and walked over and kissed me slowly. My heart raced, but with fear that time. I began to coach myself, if Tris needs space and asks for it, I needed to honor that. It was part of strengthening our relationship. My instinct had been to push her, to push her into giving me what I needed. I wanted information, I wanted to know exactly what this was about.

I decided I wouldn't do that. I needed to respect her, and trust her. I kissed her cheek, I told her I loved her and that I hoped I would see her the next day. As I got up and grabbed my coat and keys she suddenly started crying. I froze. I was unsure of what to do, did she still want me to leave?

Thankfully Tris ran over to me and jumped in my arms. I dropped my things on the floor and hugged her so tightly that her feet left the floor. "Can we sit down on the couch? I want to tell you why I got so upset..." she had whispered. I sat on the couch and pulled her into my lap, I gently rubbed her back to encourage her to continue.

"When we were in Chicago, obviously you know that your mom and I did not get along. There was a time- and it hurt me a lot- Evelyn told me that she was your family, that she would be permanent in your life. And then she told me that I was only temporary."

The moment the words left Tris's mouth I felt a fire in me. How dare Evelyn have opened her mouth and said that to the woman I loved? The woman I adored more than anything. Especially a mother who had abandoned her own child when he was just a little boy! A scowl on my face, I clenched my fists to help control my anger. I said nothing, afraid to speak as I feel my anger building.

"Tobias, wait! Please listen to me. I need to explain myself to you. What upsets me now...is not what your mother said. I mean, yeah, it was damn rude. But there are two things that are upsetting me. The first, is that I have to accept, even when we were in Chicago before ever going to the bureau...I was not comfortable enough in my own skin to be honest with you. To tell you what your mother had said to me. I regret that. I look back and regret so many of the secrets that were between us." Tris paused to breathe, looking for my reaction.

I felt the tension leaving my body. I did understand what she was saying. Tris was right, I also look back on that time and wish I had handled many things differently. I smiled and rubbed my nose across hers. That always made her smile. "And second?" I encouraged her to finish.

Tris smiled sadly, "After my coma, things between us were so bad. It felt like a hopeless situation. I just remembered your mother's words, and I felt like she had been right all along. That I was never enough, or never really important to you. That I really was just temporary in your life."

I grabbed her by the shoulders and kissed her fiercely, I was determined to kiss her so passionately that she would never be able to doubt how crazy that thought was. My mother could not have been more mistaken- shame on her for saying something so cruel and ridiculous. "Tris...I love you. Just as I loved you then. Please tell me you know how much I adore you!"

Tris slid her arms around my neck and she looked deep into my eyes. "Tobias, I love you. And I trust you. I trust us. I want you to know, I am so glad we talked about this. Evelyn's note was very gracious, kind even. I do want to try with her, when the time comes. But more importantly...as hard as this was for me to talk about, I am so glad we did. I feel better, I feel like we are stronger without this between us."

I nodded and then pulled her close for another kiss, it started slow and sensual. We gently caressed each other's arms and backs while our lips moved together slowly. I was so overwhelmed by my love for her.

It was when Tris whimpered and moved her face to look up, effectively offering me her neck, that I started to feel an incredible rush. I loved her so much, I needed more of her. I laid her down on the couch and gently pushed my body weight on her. She looked in my eyes and she slowly wrapped her legs around my waist. We begin passionately kissing again and suddenly Tris was panting with need, and I was about to ask her to make love.

"Tobias, shoot. I want you so badly, but not like this. Not after a heavy discussion regarding your mother. Please...we need to stop now," she groaned, while we were both in the mood to move forward physically.

I sighed, knowing she was right, I sat up while pulling her up with me. We both smiled and tried to calm our breathing.

Tris laughed, but declined when I invited her to take a cold shower with me.

+o+ Memory End +o+

That was the day we talked about Evelyn. I really hope that Tris and I are still not taking things slow by the time Evelyn returns from her two year hiatus. Unlikely, since I hope to be married to Tris before then.

The special project I have in mind with Zeke, I am going to buy Tris's engagement ring while I am in the Bureau. I have been saving up for a while and I want to find the perfect ring. I let Josh and Amy know ahead of time, and they suggested a couple of reputable jewelry stores at the bureau.

I meet Zeke for an early dinner after my first day of training. He is waiting for me at the restaurant.

"I feel like this is an actual date, Four. Reservations and everything. Anything you want to tell me?" Zeke jokes when he sees me.

I laugh at him, "Yeah, well don't get too excited. We have to hurry and eat. I need your help with something after dinner and I didn't want to risk the stores closing before we made it over."

Zeke scowls, "I hope you didn't invite me to hang out in the bureau so we can go shopping. You should have called Christina if that's what you have in mind. Although I will say, her, um, 'social calendar' is quite full these days. That girl is on a tear!"

I roll my eyes, "Zeke, Christina's promiscuity is of no interest to me. Please, spare me the details."

"It should be, my friend, as she is Tris's best friend – this is the girl that is going to influence and share 'relationship' details with your woman. Which will impact you...one day...when you grow a pair and get that ball rolling again." Zeke laughs at his own joke.

"Yeah, just what I want. My girlfriend to hear specifics of Christina's last three-way, that was her and two dudes. No thank you!" I mutter.

Zeke laughs hysterically, he is really finding this amusing.

After dinner I drag Zeke along. When we arrive to the jewelry store he immediately gets serious. He smiles at me. "Is this what I think it is? Are you going to look at rings for Tris?"

I smile back and nod. "Thank you for being here Zeke, I am very excited to pick out a ring for Tris. I'm also sick with worry that I'll mess this up, and pick out something she will hate. I just want to make sure it's perfect."

"First, let me start by explaining to you that you are about to make my life extremely difficult. Once Shauna finds out that you popped the question to Tris...she will light a fire under my ass. So thank you for that!" he teases.

"But second, I can't tell you how happy I am for you. I know that you and Tris have been through so much, but I also know that you both belong together. And you guys are going to be really happy," Zeke finishes. I smile at him, I am actually speechless.

As Zeke and I look at rings and talk, he does ask me why I am thinking about marriage so soon. I tell him that even though I left Abnegation, there is still a part of me that yearns to have the security and promise that marriage means to me. I want to give Tris what I desperately want from her. I want her to be my wife, and I have wanted that for a while now. I just hope she wants it too.

I admit I am nervous. But I love her, and even if she's not ready- I want her to know that I am. I am willing to wait for her.

I am shocked at how quickly I pick out Tris's ring. The moment I saw it, I knew it was the one. It is simple, yet elegant, a vintage look. A while gold band with side small accent diamonds, and then a cushion-shaped diamond in the middle. It's not the largest diamond, or showy by any means. But I can picture Tris wearing it every day, for the rest of her life.

But I can picture Tris wearing it every day, for the rest of her life

Zeke actually gets choked up as I am paying for the ring. I smile at him and try to control my laughter.

"I'm not crying tears of joy for you, Four. I'm crying in anticipation of what Shauna is going to do to me when she finds out. I hope you're proud of yourself!" Zeke covers.

I just smile and tell him to start saving for Shauna's ring. He shoves me for that comment.

Training goes as expected, and when we have dinner with Josh and Amy the next day, the main topic of discussion is what grand, romantic gesture I should plan to ask Tris. I listen as the three of them brainstorm ideas. The truth is, I don't know how I am going to ask Tris. I keep drawing a blank on what will be right for us. I do get a great laugh at some of their ideas; one involved taking Tris on a pony ride. Yeah, she would just love that.

There is one last thing that Zeke and I need to do while at the Bureau. We save it for our last day, it was something I promised Tris I would handle. We need to check on Nita.

Because of her physical assault on me regarding the initial memory serum, and then her abuse of power as part of my Rehabilitation Team, and worse – her role as leader of the Rebel Group- Nita has been sentenced to death. Her court appointed lawyer tried to spin her memory loss, after she injected herself, as a reason to avoid execution, but it was Laura Grey who rallied hard against that. I imagine that the brutal loss of Ms. Grey's sister during the Rebel attack was a huge motivation.

Today Zeke and I are being allowed to check on Nita in her current jail cell. We both requested that we did not want to interact with her, we just wanted to see with our own eyes that she was safely behind bars. I need to be sure that she is locked away and unable to hurt Tris and I ever again.

Luke Clark meets us, he wanted to personally escort us. As we walk towards the bureau jail, I congratulate him on his recent marriage. It was a very private wedding, with just his and Kimberly's parents. Tris and I sent a wedding gift and a baby gift. Their daughter is due to be born any day now. Luke thanks me, and he makes it a point to tell me a few times how wonderful marriage is, and he has never been happier. I smile at him, if only he knew about the ring that is burning hole in my pocket.

As we approach Nita's cell window, I feel a mixture of disdain and pity. I know she was an awful human being, but there is a little part of me that pities her – maybe it is because of her romantic obsession with me. But overall, what I would never be able to look past is the hurt she caused Tris. I still shiver when I think about how close I came to losing the woman I love, again. Maybe I am not as Abnegation as I had hoped, but I am relieved Nita will be paying for all of her crimes with her life.

A world without Nita and David is one I want to live in- for Tris, for me, even for our future children. We will be safer for it, and that is what matters to me.

Luke assures me he will be personally making sure there are no issues with Nita's plan of execution. I thank him and leave, ready to put her behind me.

Before I leave for home, I have one last meal with Caleb and Cara. They seem really happy and I would even go as far as to call Caleb...pleasant. He tells me that he is really happy that things worked out with Beatrice and I.

Once I am on the transport to head home to Tris, I can finally relax. Not seeing her for almost three full days has made me sure that I never want to be apart from her. I close my eyes and fall asleep for the journey.

+o+++o+

Tris and I had agreed to meet at my apartment, as I would head straight home. I was walking through the transport terminal when I suddenly felt her familiar arms wrap around my waist from behind. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the warmth of her body pressed against my back. I gently tug on my earlobe and she rewards me with a sweet kiss on my back where her lips reach.

"Tris," I whisper, suddenly there is a knot in my throat. I turn around and look at her, her eyes already glistening with unshed tears.

"I missed you," we both say at the same time while touching our noses together

"I missed you," we both say at the same time while touching our noses together. I suddenly can't wait any longer, I pull her to me and kiss her lips with all the passion I can pour into her. I love her, and I missed her so much. In that moment I know I don't ever want to be separated from her again.

"I know we agreed to meet at your apartment later tonight...but I was desperate to see you. I love you, Tobias," she tells me adoringly.

I pull her to the side of the terminal and kiss her thoroughly. I need to keep reminding myself we are in a public place, so it helps to keep me in check. Finally, when we have had enough we find the strength to pull apart in order to make it home.

I tell her all about my trip, minus the ring part, and she listens thoughtfully when I tell her about Nita. She thanks me for being brave enough to handle that for her. She wants to put that time in our life behind us, and move forward. I kiss her forehead and agree with her.

I was relieved to hear that the child abuse case her internship team was working on went well. Although a very sad situation, the outcome was what her team had been hoping for. I know that Tris is learning to fight hard for the children, while also helping to ensure the best possible outcome. She is an amazing advocate, full of passion and drive. I am in awe of her- this same girl that made it through a war is still working to make the world a better place.

As we arrive to my apartment I start to sense that Tris is nervous. I tickle her and tell her she needs to tell me what is on her mind. She frowns and assures me it's nothing, pushing my hands away from her sides- her most ticklish spot. We have a small dinner, neither one of us very hungry. She offers to clean up so I can unpack and sort my laundry. I quickly hide her special ring box in my dresser, I am excited for my plan.

+o+++o+

After showering I change into my sweatpants and a t-shirt. I am towel drying my hair when I exit the bathroom and join Tris in the living room. I almost trip when I see that she is waiting for me in the middle of my living room wearing a beautiful, short silk nightgown. Her hair is loose down her back and she is smiling at me shyly.

"Hi," she whispers and holds out her hand to me.

My heart starts beating furiously, I smile and step closer to her so I can hold her hand. "Hey."

Now that I am closer to her I notice the small blush that touches her cheeks, she looks so beautiful. Tris guides me to sit on the couch. I notice the lights in my living room are dimmed.

"Tobias, I love you. And I know we agreed to go slow. I just...well I just was hoping you would want to go a little faster," she pauses, "because I want to." She bites her lower lip and smiles at me.

I lean forward and wrap my arms around her to pull her to stand closer to me, I gently kiss her stomach over her nightgown. The material is so thin and soft, I can feel every curve. Tris gently runs her fingers through my hair.

"I love you, Tris. I would like nothing more than to show you...by going a little faster," I say as I slowly move my hands to rest on her hips before giving her a gently squeeze.

I lean back on the couch and slowly guide her to sit with me. Our kisses start out slowly, I love the feel of our tongues exploring each other's mouths.

I hug her to me, so we are face to face. "I love you, I want to make love to you, please – if you are ready." She smiles at me lovingly and nods her head yes. She went on the birth control shot when we started dating, just as a precaution. I start to stand up so we can go to the bedroom.

"Wait," she says. She looks sheepish, "Can we start on the couch?"

As I nod eagerly and lean back, I remind her that couches will always have a special place in my heart. She giggles and kisses me sweetly.

We show each other how much we love each other, after I pull her into my arms as she collapses into me. After our breathing slows I slowly pick her up and carry her to the bedroom. We slip under the sheets and hold each other, we kiss, we giggle, and we make love again that night before falling asleep.

I wake up very early that morning and set up the surprise I have for Tris. Once I am done, I lay next to her and patiently wait for my love to wake up.

+o+++o+

*Tris POV*

Before I even open my eyes this morning I smile to myself remembering the night that Tobias and I shared. I have never felt as loved as I did being in his arms last night. I know now more than ever that going slow and building our relationship up was the right thing to do. I sigh and snuggle closer to him, he gently kisses my forehead. I open my eyes and smile at him. He looks so very happy, I am guessing he is equally as pleased as I am.

Tobias takes my left hand and brings it to his lips for a kiss. He smiles at me and wiggles his eyebrows. I then notice that he has slipped a ring box into my hand. My eyes widen, and I look at him and sit up, while holding the sheets to my chest.

"I think you should open it, there is something unexpected inside," he tells me.

With trembling fingers I open the ring box and there is a small spool of thread. I laugh, still unsure what is happening. Tobias kisses me gently and then ties the end of thread around my ring finger. "This signifies the ties that are not meant to be broken."

I smile at him, my eyes glistening with tears. I love him so much. He does not break off the string from my ring of string, instead he begins to gently pull string away from my hand towards him, his fingers wrapped around the spool. For a moment I guess that he will tie the other end to his ring finger as a gesture of our bond. I smile at him encouragingly.

Tobias breathes in and out slowly, I can see how nervous he is. "Beatrice Prior, you are the love of my life. You are my lover, you are my best friend, you are my greatest champion, you are my everything. I want to love you and cherish you for the rest of our lives. I want us to create a family of our own. Will you marry me?"

Tears of happiness spill down my cheeks, "Tobias, yes. A thousand times yes!" I smile at my string ring, I love it. All that matters is our life together. I don't care about material things.

It is then that Tobias allows the string of thread to pull up, then reveal a beautiful diamond ring at the top. The ring had been hidden in his hand all along. He lets the ring slide down the thread and then onto my ring finger. I gasp at the gesture, he has truly shocked me.

I gasp at the gesture, he has truly shocked me

I see that he has tears in his eyes as well. Once Tobias helps me place the ring is on my finger I begin to cry and lean into his arms, we kiss sweetly. We stay in bed for hours, laughing, talking about our wedding, our hopes and dreams of a family.

I know neither of us is a perfect person.

But this is perfect, perfect for us.

+o+++o+ Epilogue End +o+++o+

**Author's Note:**

> PART I: WHAT HAPPENED TO FOUR
> 
> Disremembered begins immediately after Chapter 56 of the book Allegiant, written by Author Veronica Roth. In this alternative universe – the Epilogue at the end of Allegiant does not happen.
> 
> Chapter 1 will begin immediately after Four and Christina leave Abnegation. Four had taken a vile of the memory serum in order to remove his memories, along with the pain of losing Tris. Christina was successful in convincing him that he should not take it, and be the man that Tris made him.
> 
> Thank you for reading!
> 
> DISCLAIMER: This story contains implied/references to adult-intimate-situations, minor foul language, and mild violence.


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